You Are Everything
by WanderingChild-InWinter
Summary: Starkiller succeeds in destroying the resistance base. Rey is a prisoner whose Force abilities have only just been discovered. The Supreme Leader orders a marriage between her, and his apprentice, Kylo Ren, as he foresees a band of force sensitive warriors bred from them. But Kylo Ren is not the monster she thought he'd be, and she is not the burden he'd thought her to be.
1. Chapter 1

AN: _**Hello Readers! This is a story that explores the old "Arranged Marriage" Au. I sincerely hope you enjoy it! Happy Star Wars Day everyone!**_

They dress her in black.

She remembers hearing old stories where people would wear black to commemorate death, to grieve.

So it is fitting.

She'd watched them fire the weapon, seen the distant explosion and felt the deaths of hundreds of people ripple through the force that had only so recently awakened inside of her. The Resistance had known the attack was coming, so Rey clings to the hope that some of them had managed to escape. But she had to accept now that no one was coming for her. Not that she'd had much hope for that to begin with. She wouldn't have risked so many lives for the sake of one.

She thought that they would kill her too, once they realized there was no getting the map from her mind. She had thought that was her fate when the droids came into her cell. But they hadn't tortured her. They'd cleaned her, and to her embarrassment, conducted an extremely invasive medical exam. Or at least, she assumed that was what they were doing, she'd never had an exam before. They'd given her a black dress to wear, simple and soft, long sleeves and a high neckline, falling to her knees.

If they were going to execute her, they certainly intended to make it a spectacle then. But what she had assumed was her imminent death was not nearly as troubling as what she felt from him. From Kylo Ren- from the monster with a handsome face that he hid behind a mask. She recognized that it was him; she knew what it felt like inside of his head, and now he never fully left her. It had been the night before that she'd struggled to sleep that she'd felt the strangest range of emotions from him.

Confusion, doubt, anger, disbelief, and acceptance. But always some pain. Horrible pain that came from inside and outside. Someone was hurting him, but not as much as his spirit was hurting. She felt pity for him, followed by disgust at herself. That man was a monster, he didn't deserve her pity.

She's led to a large room at the heart of the base, she looks at the people in the room. A stiff, stately looking red headed man. A trooper in chrome instead of black and white. A nervous looking man in a uniform. And Kylo Ren, his mask held at his side. THey're all staring at her, she realizes.

"So. Is this where I'm to die?" She asks, and the redheaded man lets out a short laugh before he punches something into a control panel and a large hologram appears. Rey gasps at the sheer size of the image, and her face forms a grimace as she sees the puckered, scar riddled flesh of the creature in the holo.

"So...this is the girl Kylo Ren has told me so much about…" Her eyes turn briefly to the man in black who has taken a knee before the holo. The others in the room have too. She's the only one who is still standing. Well, she won't change that. "Yes...hm, Kylo's thoughts led me to believe you'd be something better to look at...an incomparable beauty, though I see nothing special on the outside...but I suppose that is in the eye of the beholder." Rey feels her face heat up, and embarrassment radiates from the black clad figure before her.

"Sorry to disappoint." SHe mutters, and the creature laughs.

"But I do see something else- something beneath the skin...yes, power! Untrained, raw power!" The creature speaks with an edge of lust that disgusts her. "I have seen this power only once before...in my apprentice. Yes, powerful light rising to meet powerful darkness. You could be broken, made to serve the darkness…" Ice cold fear pools in her stomach.

"I will never serve the darkness. I will never serve you!" She spits, and he has the audacity to laugh.

"I sensed that before you spoke it…"

"Then kill me and be done with it." She hisses.

"Kill you?" He makes a tutting sound with his tongue. "No, my dear...that would be...a waste. Such power...and in a human female...I had not thought we'd encounter that. Tell me, General Hux, have the droids sent the results of the medical probes?"

"Yes, Supreme leader." The redheaded man- Hux- says as he pulls up a holopad. "The girls reproductive system appears to be in working order. It would appear that within days she will be in prime state for conception...She's even a virgin." Rey's face turns red with embarrassment and then with rage.

"Wonderful! Yes...I can see it now...an army of powerful force sensitives raised from birth to serve the darkness…" The hologram grins and pulls her forward with that mysterious force. She grits her teeth. "And what better vessel for the army of darkness than this being of pure light?"

"I will never submit to you!" She says through gritted teeth.

"As if you could refuse this, child...Your friends are dead...there is nowhere else for you to go...Refusing would mean death to you."

She'd never been overly afraid of death. Growing up on Jakku, she'd expected it almost daily. But now, she'd discovered how much more there was to the galaxy, how many people were out there longing for hope. For freedom. Hope she might be able to give them. She knew from the legends that force users brought hope or destruction. Left alive, she could be that hope. She could continue the fight that the Resistance had begun. She looks at the hologram again, and disgust pools in her stomach. How could she accept if it meant being used by this creature...he's hideous, and old, scarred and ruined. She almost vomits just thinking of it. And he laughs again. Maker, she hated that sound.

"I sense fear from her. And disgust. Come now my dear child, is my apprentice really so horrible to look at?" He asks, and Rey feels herself stiffen in surprise. "I see, the girl had mistaken our intentions. A human female holds no appeal to me- but a human female with great force potential means the potential for mighty offspring from my first knight...Yes, heirs of the Skywalker bloodline by you would be strong…" She feels an invisible hand wrap around her throat, lifting her from the ground and closing tightly around it, cutting off her air supply. "Of course...We hardly need your consent. Just as easy to drug you and breed you."

"Supreme Leader, that's not necessary!" She recognizes Kylo Ren's voice behind her. He's angry. Not at her, no...he's...disgusted? Suddenly he's been dragged to her side, and she sees the set of his jaw. Yes, he's furious, but the fury is directed at the hologram in front of them. Suddenly, the pressure on her throat is gone, and the hologram raises a skin and bones hand to his face.

"I suspect you are correct, Kylo Ren. After all, it would be much easier to keep her if she were willing...and come to think of it, I have no real desire for an army of bastards. Mitka, have you got the paperwork?" The nervous looking man nods and stammers out an affirmation. "Excellent- I'd much rather have the heirs to darkness legally bearing the Skywalker name." Rey's brow furrows. Skywalker? Why did he keep saying that name? The only Skywalker she'd ever heard of was the Jedi Luke Skywalker, and this dark, mysterious man at her side was not him. "You wonder about the man beside you- do not worry dear child. I'm sure your future husband will have all the time in the world to explain his story to you."

"Husband?" She scoffs.

"Of course, My dear. Unless you'd prefer death?" Rey turns and looks at the man at her side. He meets her eyes, and she's struck by how deep his seem to be. So brown they're almost black. He's silently pleading with her, she feels it. Somehow, something inside of him has been linked to her- he cannot stand the idea of her death. He is afraid for her- he is protective of her. She almost scoffs, considering the fact that he had been the one to capture her and torture her to begin with. But his eyes do not lie to her.

" _Please."_ She gasps, hearing his voice in her head as clearly as if he had spoken to her aloud.

"I take your silence as your consent." Snoke says, and she nods mechanically. Kylo Ren's relief is almost tangible. "Very good. General, proceed with the ceremony."

She'd never had romantic notions of a wedding, not like other girls she'd met. She'd never even really wanted to get married. She assumed that if she ever found someone that she wanted to spend her life with, they'd simply do the Jakku thing and live together until they died or fell out of love. So it shouldn't have hurt her to hear a man who didn't love her vow his loyalty and love to her. It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. The words stick in her throat as she repeats them, each one like a blaster bolt to her heart.

She forces herself to remember that she's doing this because she has to live to fight another day. She doesn't know how she knows it, but she senses that Finn still lives. Han and Chewy too. And they were not the only ones. If she felt out far enough, she could feel life forms near to the destroyed Rebel base. Yes, there were survivors.

She had to live to fight for them, beside them. To learn to manipulate this force to her advantage to help them. Perhaps to find Luke Skywalker and train under him. She had to stay alive to accomplish any of that.

If that meant being the wife of Kylo Ren, she could bear that.

If it meant having a child for him, she could do that. This Supreme Leader wanted children to be trained in the darkness, she could have those children...but she would never let them be taken by the darkness, by anyone. She would love them, infuse them with the light.

Even if she did not love the man that would father these children, she would have what she had so long craved. A family.

These thoughts spur her on, and give her the strength to bind her life to his. He has a look of resignation and sorrow in his eyes as he leans forward and places a chaste kiss on her lips. It's not her first kiss- she'd kissed a few of the other human scavengers on Jakku, trying to fight off loneliness, but had never gone farther than that. It had never seemed right, no matter how the kisses had staved off her loneliness for a time.

But the moment his lips press against hers, she feels something she's never felt before, something that scares her and thrills her.

Home.

Something inside of her cries out that she's home. She looks into the eyes of this man, this monster- her husband, she supposes, and she feels a traitorous sense of warm contentment. She breaks apart from him, and sees the same emotions echoed in his eyes. For just a moment, a single, solitary, beautiful moment, she can pretend that this is a man she has chosen for herself. That she chose him because they were wildly in love with each other, and could not bear to live apart. That he loved her, wanted her, needed her to survive.

But the Supreme Leader's slow, amused applause shakes that fantasy away and she is left with nothing but emptiness.


	2. Chapter 2

AN _ **Two chapters since today is Star Wars Day, and it is my custom with a new story to post a few chapters! Thanks for reading!**_

The droids take her through the base, but not back to her cell. They escort her instead to a bland, dark set of rooms. Her husband's rooms, she realizes. Everything in the room is dark metal, and black fabric. Like the mask he wears to hide his face. The droids leave her alone, and her fingers twist in the fabric of her skirt anxiously. Her eyes are drawn to the bed that's against one of the walls- a larger bed than she's ever seen before, with sparse pillows and black bedding. Her pulse quickens when she remembers the reason that she is in this room. To conceive a child. Well- there was no reason to delay the inevitable. She pulls the black dress over her head, leaving herself in her breast bindings and underwear, and she sits on the center of the bed, knees drawn up to her chest.

She finds herself wishing she had some sort of experience with this, but she's a complete novice. And she cannot even lie about it, thanks to the droid's discovery of her virginity. Not that she could have lied to him either way. With his superior skills with the force, she was sure that he would be able to see that she was lying to him, regardless of the topic she lied about. She senses his presence before he enters the room, and her confidence fades. He enters the room, and seems almost surprised to see her there- or perhaps he is only surprised to find her in such a state of undress. He composes himself quickly.

"Would you like something to eat?" He asks, and she shakes her head.

"I want this over with." She blurts out, and he looks at her with sad eyes. He glances away, and she lays back on the bed, and hooks her fingers into the top of her underwear, ready to drag them off, but she finds herself frozen as she had in Takodana.

"You don't have to do that." He says firmly. She watches as he sets his mask down, and pulls off his surcoat.

"What? Did you want to?" She asks, her cheeks flushing.

"No- I meant…" He runs a hand through his long dark hair. "We don't have to do this. We may have to sleep alongside each other, but we do not have to do anything else." she frowns, still unable to move her limbs.

"Yes, and how long would it be before your precious Master discovered this, or grew impatient to see me fall pregnant and had a droid examine me again only to discover that I'm still a virgin?" She scoffs. He frowns, and she takes the moment to push into his mind and she sees glimpses of a conversation he'd had earlier with his leader- she even picks up a name. Snoke. "So you're only the first choice...if you fail to impregnate me, I'll be passed on to another Knight, less force sensitive than you, but still capable of siring desirable offspring. So it's not a choice of whether or not I am treated like a breeder, only of who I am forced to breed with."

"Perhaps." His voice is stiff, but then he shakes his head. "But you are my wife, now. Regardless of the circumstances that this came to be, you are mine. I am a possessive man. I won't let anyone else touch you."

"But you will not touch me either?" She asks, arching a brow at him.

"Not against your will." He shakes his head.

"I've already given you my permission." She says through gritted teeth. "What? I know I am not much to look at, but am I so undesirable to you? You're a man, you must have urges and needs, that's what I've always been told. Am I so repulsive that you'd rather tend to them with your hand?" She knows she's blushing. She feels the force hold on her limbs loosen and she sits up again.

"Why would you think so little of yourself?" He asks, eyeing her curiously.

"I know that I am not beautiful. You heard your Supreme Leader."

"And you heard what he said he saw in my head." He snaps at her, and she casts her eyes down as she remembers it.

"So you do think I'm…" She bites her lip.

"Beautiful? Yes. Incredibly. It's not only your light...you have the most extraordinary features...your eyes are so…" He struggles to find the words he needs to describe them. Instead he sends her his thoughts through the invisible thread that connects them. She gasps when she sees herself the way that he sees her. She draws out feelings of affection and tenderness in him that he had thought long dead.

"So the monster has a heart?" She asks, and his face flushes with anger. "Sorry. Provoking you isn't the best way to begin this, is it?" She moves her hands swiftly and pulls off her breast band before he can stop her. She has the satisfaction of seeing the knob in his throat rise and fall and his eyes seem to darken.

"Cover yourself." He commands, turning his back on her.

"No." She rids herself of her only remaining clothing instead. Fully unclothed, she rises from the bed and comes up behind him, resting her hand on his back between his shoulder blades. "If I am to be nothing but a means to an end here, a womb and nothing else...well, I would choose you over the others. I've seen in your mind- you have no desire to hurt me. I know you will be...considerate, at least." He turns on her suddenly, one of his still leather clad hands coming up to her cheek. She gasps as his eyes bore into hers, never wavering from her face to her body. His eyes just bore into hers, so deep and dark, mesmerizing.

"If I have you, I will not let you go. I heard your thoughts- to have a child to buy yourself to time and eventually escape. I will not let you go." He says firmly, his fingers pressing her cheek. "You will be mine."

"I belong to no one." She huffs, but her breath is trembling.

"We'll see." He smirks, and suddenly his lips are on hers. Kissing she knew how to do. She could hold her own. It's only when his leather clad hands ensnare her bare waist that she begins to feel out of her depth. "You're innocent. You're nervous."

"No I'm not." She defends herself too quickly. "I think this would work better if you took your damned gloves off. And your shirt." She insists, and he pulls off the gloves slowly, and then his shirt. She's seen plenty of men unclothed in her time. She lived in a desert where modesty was never a concern. The only washing area on Jakku was public-she'd seen plenty of men more unclothed than this. But there's something about his broad chest, riddled with muscles and scars that sends a pulse of something unfamiliar and warm through her body. She backs away, and starts to move to the bed, but he catches her in his arms, and pulls her body flush against his- she cannot keep from gasping, just as he does nothing to stop the groan of pleasure that bursts through his lips.

Yes, she sees through the bond that it has been a very long time since he has had a woman. And he had never before had a woman he'd cared for, any woman who mattered. She was his wife, and thus she mattered to him- her pleasure mattered to him. And then there was the thread that bound them, mysterious in it's origin, but constant and strong. She senses his need to pleasure her, a strange primal masculine desire in him to have his name fall breathily from her lips. She can sense his nervousness, though it is nowhere near as great as her own.

"I know this is not what you want. I can feel it- yes, you are willing, but you are not wanting. But I will show you pleasure, Rey. I can make you forget…" he whispers into her hair. She couldn't understand the feelings he was awakening in her, but they were powerful, primal. She...she couldn't deny the pull to him. That she liked what he was doing. His bare hands are warm and gentle on her skin, sparking electricity all though her body.

Well, two could play at that game. She bites into his shoulder, and sucks the spot gently, relishing in his shock and his pleasure. His large, powerful hands scoop her up then, and carry her to the bed. He lays her down, and she stares up at him with her expressive green eyes. He sets his knees on the bed, towering above her, and his mouth descends on hers, a bruising kiss that fills her with an ache she's never known, stoking the fire he lit with a mere touch. His mouth moves down to her throat, nipping and sucking on her skin there, and she arches into him as his hands find her breasts. She'd never let anyone touch them under her bindings before, and the sensation of his flesh on hers was too, too good. He speaks to her lowly as his lips continue their gentle assault on her shoulders.

"I will honor the promises I made to you, to protect you, and to be faithful to you. No one will harm you. And when we are alone, I will bring you pleasure like you have never known." as if to prove his point, his lips find her breast, and she cries out. "But you will be loyal to me. You will not try to take our child from me. You will be only mine." The more reasonable part of her brain says to argue. The part that feels sensation and touch is all too willing to submit so long as he continues his ministrations.

He doesn't disappoint. His mouth continues down to her navel, his tongue flicking out to taste her skin, and she bites her lip to keep from making a sound. And suddenly his lips are at the source of discomfort and longing, and he's kissing her _there._ This time she does cry out, and she swears she feels his lips curl into a smile against her sensitive flesh. One of her hands flies to his dark hair, twining in it and pressing him towards her. She'd never heard of the things he was doing with his mouth, but maker it felt… She puts her free hand over her mouth, muffling the embarrassing sounds that seem intent on escaping, but then hears his voice in her head.

" _Let go. Come on, I want to hear you. I need to hear you!"_ she doesn't know why she obeys. Fingers of his left hand tease her breast while his right hand disappears between her legs, his fingers teasing her opening there and she can't stop the moan from escaping her lips.

"Kylo!" He hums against her at that, and the sensation is enough to have her seeing sparks. Her fingers dig into his hair more firmly as she rides out waves of pleasure, pleasure her own fingers had never really been able to bring her. And oh, he's proud, she can feel that he's proud. He finally raises his face to hers again, and kisses her, and he tastes different. He tastes like her, she realizes with a low moan. He pushes off the rest of his clothing, and she takes his momentary distraction to gain the upper hand. He seems surprised but not displeased when she ends up on top of him, a leg on either side of his torso, the hard muscle of his stomach pressed to her center. She leans forward, and kisses his chest, and then up his throat. Her breasts brushing against his chest is enough to make his hips buck beneath her, and she grins as she lets her tongue taste the salt of his skin. His hands move to touch her, and she reaches into his mind, freezing his hands as he had done to her. She can't quite explain how she knows to do it, except that she had felt it in his mind."You don't get to have all of the power here." he growls ferally, and she grins even broader. She pulls more of his skin between her teeth, taking silent joy in the fact that she could already see marks forming there. "If I have to be yours, you have to be mine."

"Yours." He agrees, his voice a hoarse grumble. She moves, and feels him, hard and ready against her thigh. She knows she would be blushing if she wasn't already so warm. She realizes then that she doesn't quite know what to do. She'd had the mechanics outlined for her once back on Jakku, when she'd started bleeding and was old enough to work the skin trade. The description had terrified and disgusted her. But looking at the body of Kylo Ren, of her husband, she wasn't disgusted at all. Perhaps a bit fearful- how was _that_ supposed to fit inside of her body? She lets her force hold slip as panic rises, and he sits up, soothing her with gentle kisses along her jaw, and finally her mouth.

"I don't know what I'm doing." she admits shyly, turning her face away from him, but he catches her chin, and presses his lips to hers again.

"Trust me. Relax." He whispers, his voice mesmerizing. She nods, though her mind tells her she should not trust him...but something tells her that this will not be so bad. In fact, everything he'd done to her so far had felt so good- and she had felt good so few times in her life so far. She wraps her arms around his torso as his hands find her hips, guiding her slowly onto his body. He hisses, somewhere between pleasure and pain, and she closes her eyes as she tries to adjust to him. He stops before he's all the way in, and grabs her chin again, making her look into his eyes. "I've been told that this hurts." She nods. She'd heard that too. "If it's too much, tell me. I'll stop." He insists, and she nods again, wondering if she's a complete fool to trust what he's saying. "Hold onto me."

She grips his shoulders like a vice as his body moves, and she is lowered until his entire length is inside of her. She gasps at the sudden pain, her nails digging into his skin so hard she swears they draw blood, but he doesn't complain. He's absolutely still inside of her, but she can tell from his ragged breathing that it's taking a great deal of self control to remain this way. His thoughts are pouring into her head now, making her dizzy as she senses not only his touch on her body, but also her touch on his. His desire is heady, sending a spasm between her legs and he groans.

"Are you- can I?" She kisses him to answer his unvoiced question and he starts moving, keeping a slow steady pace as she winces and adjusts to the stretching feel of him. He notices her discomfort and stills again, and she notices that the pain is ebbing away into something remarkably similar to what she'd felt earlier with his lips pressed to her core. But it's more than that. His every thought is radiating need- want. Wanting her. Needing her. Desiring her.

She's never been wanted before, not that she can remember.

"No, please...don't cry."His voice is remarkably gentle as his lips trace her cheeks, and she can taste the salt of her tears on his tongue. "We can stop, if it's too much-"

"No. Kylo…" She shifts her hips and he sucks in a sharp breath. "I'm fine. Please…" The silent plea is finished in her head. " _Make Love to me."_

He moans into her neck and thrusts into her, taking her breath away. She whimpers into his hair, and her neck cranes to reach his mouth with her own. She tries to move against him, her moves are awkward and choppy, but he doesn't seem to mind it in the least. Her every movement is pure bliss to him. Suddenly she's on her back, the long lines of his body pressed against her. Her legs wrap around his hips almost of their own accord, and his mouth finds hers as one of his hands teases and massages her breasts and his pace increases.

"Oh Kylo…" She sighs as his lips move to her throat again. Her name tumbles past his lips like a prayer, again and again, almost like a chant, and she's never heard her name sound so beautiful. His hand descends to the place where they're joined, and circles the sensitive spot he'd found earlier, and it's enough to send her shuddering and crying out all over again. He moans and his movements become erratic within her as she clings to him and kisses his throat. Suddenly he stills and she feels something hot bursting inside of her, filling something deep inside of her body that she'd never realized was empty. His body presses closer to hers, only the arms braced on either side of her head keeping his full weight from crushing her. He kisses her tenderly before rolling onto his back, and dragging her with him, wrapping her in his arms.

"Thank you." He sighs against her temple as he presses another kiss there. She tucks her face against his chest as he draws the blankets around them, not letting go of her for a moment. "You're alright- I didn't hurt you?"

"No. It was...It was not what I expected." She admits, almost ashamed that she had expected him to hurt her as he took pleasure from her body without regard for her. That thought had never once crossed his mind- no, he'd been intent on making her scream his name.

"Do you still think I'm a monster?" He asks, his breath hitching in his throat.

"No." She shakes her head. "But I saw something in your head while you were...inside of me." She admits, a flush running over her skin.

"Oh?" He prompts her.

"You're conflicted. You want to be powerful, but you're not entirely convinced that this darkness, that your master will let you have power. You have a thirst for the light. That's why you thirst for me. Why you long for me, for my body." She says. "You felt my light there while you thrust into me. You reveled in it."

"No." He denies her, but she knows he's lying. She doesn't press him though, she just presses her face into his skin, and presses a kiss there. "I am attracted to you, Rey."

"I couldn't tell." She says dryly, and he laughs, a rumbling feeling against her cheek.

"I think the feeling is mutual." He says, and she doesn't respond. "I think we can be happy together, Rey. At least we could have something together that neither of us has had in a very, very long time."

"A family." Rey finishes for him, propping herself up on his elbow to look at his eyes.

"Yes." He nods, swallowing nervously.

"I can't forgive what you've done." She says, and he nods very seriously. "But...I don't want to be unhappy. I don't want you to be unhappy either. I can feel it when you're unhappy."

"Within reason, I'll do anything you like to make you happy." He offers, and her eyes narrow as she thinks.

"I want to go somewhere green." She says, and he raises an eyebrow at her.

"What?"

"It's so cold here. And dark...I want to be somewhere where I can feel the sun. where I can walk barefoot in the grass. I want to learn to swim." She says, and his lips curl into a smile at her youth like excitement. "If I have to have a child, I want to do it somewhere I feel safe. I'll never feel safe here, where I was a prisoner."

"I'll see what I can arrange tomorrow." He brushes her hair out of her eyes, and she smiles at the genuineness of his words.

"Thank you." She kisses his lips, and feels his contentment radiate through her. She snuggles down into his arms again, and he holds her firmly against his body. As his breathing evens out in sleep, her thoughts become more troubled.

She'd thought she would be able to force herself to bear unwanted relations to create children she would have to smuggle from their father and his master when she finally found a way to defeat them.

She had not accounted for the fact that he could be gentle to her, that he could want her to be more than a mother of powerful children. That he could want her to become a place that he could call home. She twists her face to look at him, so young and at ease in his sleep.

Who was this man who she had married and given her innocence to? How was he related to the Skywalker clan? Why did he recoil from the light that she had seen blazing within him, shrouded with fog and darkness, but bright and strong. He was a mystery to her, and yet…

Her spirit was connected to his in a way that she did not think she would ever understand. Listening to his heartbeat, she realized that their hearts were beating in absolute sync, their breathing was one as well. It was as if they were two parts of a whole, finally connected after years of reaching for each other through desperate loneliness.

He was a mystery. He was feared throughout the galaxy. He had killed hundreds with his own hands, thousands with his orders. He was a creature of darkness. But he was not.

She knew he was not.

And she dares to hope that maybe, just maybe she could draw the light to the forefront of his being. And what better way to do that than by giving him something that he'd always wanted, that no one else could give him.

A home, a family.

She shakes off the feeling that she is betraying the new friends she had made, and convinces herself that she doesn't want or need this man. She only means to bring him back to the light. To their side.

But that doesn't change the fact that his heart hammering beneath her cheek is comforting, and lulls her into a better sleep than she'd ever known.


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN: Hello Dear readers- all of your questions will be answered in time! I plan to update as frequently as possible! Thanks so much for your kind reviews! You're all wonderful!_**

She's never been more humiliated than when the medical droids come to Kylo Ren's chambers the morning after her marriage. She'd awoken alone, but she senses through the force that Kylo Ren was not terribly far away. The droids insisted in binary that they had been instructed to examine her to be sure that the marriage had been consummated. And what can she do but allow them to do so? It's uncomfortable, especially since there was a great soreness between her legs from the last night. The droid chirps in affirmatives and informs her that they were sending the information to the proper officials, and she feels tears in the corners of her eyes. What she had shared with Kylo last night had been incredibly intimate, private, a moment between the two of them, and now that horrid red headed General and that awful hologram would know what had happened.

" _You're crying."_ Kylo's voice is loud and concerned in her head. She bites her lip as the droid finishes the exam and draws blood from her arm. He sees through her eyes, and suddenly she tastes his rage in her mouth. She sense him growing closer, and suddenly he's in the room, his saber lit as he slashes through the droids and crouches at her feet. She's suddenly hyper aware of the fact that she was naked while he was fully clothed, mask and gloves and all. Sensing her unease he removes his mask, and presses his lips gently to her thigh. "Are you alright?"

"You didn't have to do that. They just wanted proof." She shakes her head. It was almost frightening to see him so angry, his sparking saber slicing through metal so easily.

"My word will have to be enough for them." He grumbles. "I won't have you poked and prodded by droids. It upset you. Talk to me. Tell me why you're crying." HIs voice is demanding, but his hands are gentle as they trail up her sides and his thumbs trace circles on the small of her back.

"I hate that they have to know at all. I hate that I'm just...a glorified whore!" She shakes her head, and he shakes his head.

"No, youre not. You're my wife, no one could accuse you of being a whore." He says soothingly.

"Didn't I choose to marry you for the purchase of my life? How am I better than the women from Jakku who would spread their legs for portions?" She asks, another surge of tears filling her eyes.

"Because I am your husband!" He snaps. "Your husband, not someone to buy you in the night and then vanish. Do not reduce our marriage to some cheap exchange. Please." By the end of the sentence he's begging her. "I know neither of us chose this- but there have been arranged marriages in some parts of the galaxy for thousands of years, and some of those unions have to be happy ones. With the way the force bound us, even before we spoke...We belong to each other. Please." she sees it all then. She's the only person who has shown him any human comfort in years, the only woman who had come to his bed without being paid off, or without lusting after his power, who he had brought true pleasure to. He could feel her every emotion, and when she felt bliss, he felt it to- the same went for sorrow. He already had such great hopes for what their relationship could become. That she could perhaps be his equal, the one person in the galaxy who would not fear him, who could maybe come to care for him, even if only enough to care if he lived or died.

It had been so long since anyone had truly cared if he lived or died for a reason other than power.

"I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a wife. I'm afraid to have children only to have them taken away from me. I'm afraid you will tire of me and kill me." She says, and he shakes his head.

"How could I grow tired of you?" He asks in disbelief.

"I am nothing!" She shakes her head.

"Not to me." He says, grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her. She melts against him, unable and unwilling to fight him, because with his kiss came a wave of his thoughts of her. A thought that she's sure she wasn't meant to hear slips into her head and she gasps, stealing the air from his mouth. " _Our souls are tethered in the force. Without her, I will die."_

" _Without her I have no one."_

"Kylo!" She gasps as the leather of his glove skims against her center. It's smoother than his skin, but harder, colder, and her eyes flutter shut.

"A whore exists only to pleasure a client. You are not my whore, you're my wife. And I want to pleasure you." He says against her throat and she lets out a trembling breath as he pushes her shoulder gently until she's lying against the bed, her legs open for him. He peels off his gloves, and at once his hands are everywhere, his lips are everywhere, he is everywhere. His fingers move expertly, and he's diving into her mind as well as her body, he feels out the places that he knows will bring her the greatest pleasure.

"Yes!" She gasps, and his lips swallow her next scream. Her soreness makes her more sensitive to it all, and she writhes beneath him. His mouth moves down to her small breasts, pulling the peak of one between his teeth. She comes hard under his ministrations, her body clenching and convulsing around his fingers. He kisses her once more, and picks up his gloves. She senses his longing, his arousal, and she sits up. "What about you?"

"No. that was for you. Only you." He insists, pulling his gloves back into place. A comm chirps, and he growls. "I have to report to command. I think a few droids have gone missing before they've given their report." He smirks as he looks at the still smoldering droids on the floor. "The fresher is through this door here. I'll have breakfast sent in to you. You'll have to wear the same dress. We'll have new clothes purchased for you when we go to Corellia."

"Corellia?" She asks, her voice still quavering.

"Forests. Mountains. Beaches. I believe you wanted somewhere green." He says, and her lips tweak into a smile. "We depart this evening."

"Thank you." She smiles at him and he nods before he leaves the room, leaving her wondering what just happened.

What he'd done to her just then...that had not been to conceive the child they'd been ordered to have. Nor to bring him pleasure.

" _Only you."_ his voice sounds in her head, and she shudders as she goes to the fresher. She almost gasps at the mere sight of it. A large black tile shower as she had never seen before. She presses a few buttons, and hops into the water, finding it warm and soothing as it runs down her body. It soothes the ache between her legs and washes away the smear of dried blood from the last night, as well as the fluids from this morning. She showers for a long time, reveling in the novelty of so much water just for the purpose of bathing. She finds a bar of soap which smells much like Kylo, and scrubs herself down with it before finally stepping out of the shower and grabbing a white towel. She wraps it around herself and goes back into the bedroom to find her clothing scattered at various points around the room. She wraps the towel around her hair to dry it and there is a knock at the door before a small droid appears with a tray.

"Hello." Rey says at the droid approaches, and Rey takes the tray and the little droid starts to vanish out the door. "Thank you!" the droid stops and stares at her with big green light eyes.

"You are different than the other human females I have seen." He beeps in binary. "You are pretty. And soft." Rey chuckles at his simple observation.

"Thank you?" She takes the lid of of the tray and smiles. Fruits and bread sprinkled with something spicy and sweet, some sort of meat that smelled delicious and fresh. The finest meal she had ever seen.

"You understand Binary?" The droids round head tilts to the side. She nods as she takes a mouthful of the fruit. "You are different. You do not have a uniform."

"No, I don't." She shakes her head. "Do you know who I am?"

"Only that you are a guest of the Master of the Knights of Ren." The droid says. "But you are not a prisoner. You are not in a cell."

"Does anyone know why I'm here?" She asks.

"There are rumors, the other droids have heard. The medical droids were the only ones who saw you, and they had to be removed by cleaning droids." The droid coos sadly.

"Kylo Ren is just...very protective of his property." Rey says, and grimaces at her choice of words. Yes, he had called her his, but he had also told her that he was hers. They belonged to each other, he had told her.

" _I want to pleasure you."_ His voice is as deep and beautiful in her memory.

"Your antenna is crooked." She says, clearing her throat to shake off her memory. She hops off of the bed and straightens it. She reads his identification number, and smiles at him. "There you go R5-D1."

"You are kind. I hope you will not be harmed." The droid says, chirping sadly.

"I won't be." She reassures the droid.

"I must go before I am late for my other duties." THe droid backs up. "It was an honor to serve you, Pretty one."

"Likewise." She smiles at the little droid as he retreats through the door, and she turns her attention back to her meal. It's more food than she's ever seen at one time, and she finds she cannot finish it, even if she hates to waste a single morsel. Eating more and throwing it up would be a worse sin. She lies back on the bed and folds her hands over her stomach, distended and full for the first time in her life.

She wonders briefly if she was already pregnant.

She only knew very little about how a child was conceived. A man and a woman had to lay together, and the man's pleasure could make a child if it was spilled into a woman's womb. That was what she'd been told by one of the human women at the outpost who had expected the younger woman to go enter the skin trade like so many other young women. Rey had only half paid attention to it; she had no intention of joining the skin trade, preferring to work with her hands in the hot sun than on her back pinned under a drunken man who had paid a few credits for her body.

Now she wished she'd listened. She certainly had no one to speak to about it now. How would she know if she was pregnant? He'd certainly spilled himself inside of her. How often would she have to sleep with her husband before a child took root inside of her belly? The thought sends a warm chill down her spine. She could not deny that she wanted him. She wanted his body, craved the way it felt when his mind was connected with hers. She craved the look in his eye when he was inside of her, as if they were staring at something holy and beautiful. His hands were so gentle but insistent, like his lips. His hands that had murdered innocents. Lips that had ordered the deaths of thousands. At least she knew that it had not been his command that had fired the Starkiller on Hosnian Prime, or even on the resistance base.

That had caused the death of millions. Billions, even. And it had been at the order of the awful General. Hux. She sneers at the thought of that name. In Kylo there was darkness, stemming from hurt and anger, clouded in confusion and pain. In Hux she had sensed unadulterated hatred, stemming from nowhere except blind devotion to that Supreme Leader and the causes of the First Order.

She pulls her knees her up to her chest again, and looks around the room. No windows, no books or holo screens. She got the sense that while Kylo Ren might have lived here, he did not spend much of his time here. There were no little personal touches anywhere, and everything was so dark. The furniture only seemed luxurious to her because she was used to having nothing. It was infinitely more comfortable than her makeshift home on Jakku, but it was less homey. Perhaps in their new home, he would let her add traces of herself. Like her collection on Jakku; pieces of rainbow broken glass, pressed dried plants, old scraps of writing and personal photographs she'd found on old wrecks.

Maybe he'd let her use a color that wasn't black to decorate something.

Maybe she'd allow herself to be just a little happy on Corellia.

Maybe.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: _T **hank you so much for your kind words! They make me smile!**_

They eat supper together on board his shuttle. His rage radiates from him in waves, but she can tell that he's trying to keep it suppressed for her sake.

"Is something wrong?" She asks as she pushes little purple root vegetables around on her plate. He seems almost startled by her presence. "Well?"

"Nothing. Snoke- the Supreme Leader is...well, he gave me a few days to get you settled in on Corellia. Then I have some business to attend to on an outer rim planet." He explains.

"Business?" She asks skeptically. "Is it the resistance?"

"I'm not going to discuss this with you." He says firmly.

"So it is the resistance." Rey smiles despite herself and hides it by taking a mouthful of nuna.

"There is no Resistance, Rey. Just a few straggling criminals." He scoffs. She ignores this and stares at him. There's something vaguely familiar about his looks, as if she'd seen them somewhere before.

"Your leader says that you have Skywalker blood. Is that true?" She asks.

"It is." She frowns. As if sensing her thoughts, he shakes his head. "I'm not Luke Skywalker's son."

"Then whose son are you?" She asks. He doesn't answer, but a face flickers from his mind to hers. "The Skywalkers are the descendants of Vader. He's your grandfather. He had two children. A son and a daughter." She isn't quite sure how she knows all of this. Perhaps she'd picked it up in his mind? Just how powerful was their connection? "You aren't Luke's son...so he's your Uncle."

"Stop." his voice is warning. She'd heard so many stories of Luke Skywalker, and a few of them had mentioned a sister, a Princess- her name had been...Leia? Yes, Leia. the name connected so well with the face she'd seen in his memory. One of her favorite stories had been the one that told of the princess who had fallen in love with a Smuggler who'd become a Resistance General. And suddenly it all connects in her brain.

"Han Solo is your father!" She gasps, looking at him with wide eyes. Yes, her husband did resemble the pilot she had met. He rises from the table, his hand gripping the hilt of his saber. "How...how did you end up here?"

"We won't discuss this!"

"You don't deny it. He is your father. And Leia Organa is your mother...yes, I can see them in your memory." Rey says closing her eyes. "Two parents...and yet you were alone so often as a child...always they were running, trying to make the world better, or on another adventure you were too young to go on- they sent you to train with your uncle Luke...they were afraid of your powers, of what you might become-" Her eyes fly open as she hears his saber ignite and slice through a control panel. More than likely they're stuck in here now, until someone comes to repair it, and if they had any experience with Kylo Ren, they would suspect his rage would last for a while, and it was best to stay clear. "Stop that!" He turns to her, his eyes wild and dark, but she swears that they flash yellow. "You cannot just destroy something every time you're angry!"

"What do you suggest I do?" He growls, his saber cutting through a chair. His emotions are running wild- the loneliness and isolation of his childhood are old wounds he hasn't thought of in many years. The sense of abandonment by his parents is there too. His hatred for his parents is strong, and yet she can almost detect a hint of longing inside of him. Longing for the brief moments of peace and contentment he could recall from his childhood. He's still staring at her, his breathing heavy; and suddenly, she has an idea. She approaches him slowly, like he is an animal that might startle and hurt her; he watches her with impossibly dark eyes. She has to stand on her toes to reach his lips with her own, and he grunts in surprise.

"Turn that thing off before you hurt someone." her eyes flicker to his saber, and he hesitates for a moment. She steps even closer, the hard muscle of his stomach pressing to her chest. The saber powers down, and his face tilts down to meet hers. His kiss is desperate, bruising, borderlining on violent. It's like his destruction, his anger melting from him as his lips battle with hers. He scoops her up into his arms, moving her legs to wrap around his waist as he pins her to the wall with his body and continues kissing her. She buries her fingers in his hair, keeping his mouth anchored to hers as his hands fumble between them, reaching up her skirt, but there's not enough room for him to maneuver his hands the way he'd like. He carries her to the small bunk, and rips her underwear in his rush to remove them from her. "Kylo!" She gasps and scolds all at once. That was the only pair she'd had.

"I'll buy you a hundred more later." He says as he kisses his way down her clothed body to her newly exposed core. The first move of his tongue already has her arching up against him, and he chuckles against her. He brings her to the edge more quickly than she'd thought possible, and he's kissing his way back up her body to her mouth. His hand snakes between them again, freeing himself from his trousers and she moans as she feels him brush against her. She arches against him, but he's taking some sort of strange pleasure in watching her writhe desperately beneath him.

"Kylo...please!" She gasps, trying to arch up to him, but he keeps her pinned beneath his weight.

"What do you want?" he asks, his voice incredibly deep and raspy directly in her ear. She whimpers as he pulls the skin of her ear between his teeth and bucks feebly against his hips. "Tell me what you want!"

"You!" She gasps, and that's all the encouragement he needs to push into her. There's less pain than there had been last night, now there was only the sensation of stretching to accommodate him. His movements are hard and fast, much different than last night and she gasps each time he buries himself in her.

"Open your eyes." He orders, and she does. She doesn't remember closing them to begin with. His eyes are boring into hers intensely, radiating so many thoughts and emotions. The most surprising is gratitude; that she was giving herself to him freely, that she had initiated this, that she had not recoiled in fear when he'd been on his rampage. He drops his head down to the crook of her neck. "Rey…" He sighs, his tongue darting out to taste her flesh.

"Touch me." She gasps boldy, and his hand finds her breasts, making her hum with pleasure. She senses that he's close to completion, but he's determined to bring her with him. He takes one of her legs and drapes it over his shoulder, and she cries out his name as stars dance behind her eyes again. He thrusts into her four more times, the sensation of her pleasure drawing his pleasure from him. She feels the same hot burst of something deep inside of her, and he kisses her tenderly again, one of his hands coming to cradle her cheek.

"You wanted me." He gives her a lopsided smile, and she blushes.

"Was it so obvious?" She asks, frowning as he moves out of her, leaving her empty again. She rolls over to prop herself up on his still clothed chest. "You needed me. You needed...release." the blush spreads from her cheeks down her neck. "Your anger is gone...and you barely destroyed anything." She teases, raising her hand to trail it over his mouth.

"Just your underclothes." He smirks at her.

"Wasteful." She shakes her head and frowns. "Now I'm going to be walking around without underwear- and in a dress too." She feels a wave of arousal from him, and she arches her brow at him. "Is that...that makes you want me?"

"Everything you do makes me want you." He groans. A feeling of power rises in her. She'd stopped a rampage in it's tracks with nothing but her body. Her body was all the release he needed- no destruction, but perhaps creation. Her face is hot again as she considers that he might have put a child in her just moments ago. "I cannot wait until you're full of my child." He murmurs, picking up on her thoughts. She looks into his, and sees him imagining her with a rounded stomach, a bright glimmer of the force stirring there. His child. Physical proof that she belonged to him. She recalls the words that Hux had read from the med report yesterday, that she was nearly prime for conception.

"That's why you have a few days with me, isn't it? Because your master hopes I'll be pregnant before you leave." She says, and he nods."Is that what my life is to be? Alone unless I'm ready to conceive a child, and then alone to bear it? To love this child until it's weaned, and then have them ripped from me? Will I even be allowed to care for the child at all, or will I have to be bred again as soon as I've had the first child?"

"You will care for the child in it's infancy. A mother's body provides comfort and nutrients to a child that supplements cannot." he says, his brow furrowing. "And the children will be no good to my master until they're three at the least."

"So I'll have three years with my children and then they'll be stolen from me?" She asks, her heart throbbing painfully.

"I'm sure my master will allow you to see them." He says, tracing his fingers through her hair.

"Will he? Or will he fear that my light will corrupt the darkness he tries to plant in them?" She frowns. "What if the children inherit my affinity for the light instead of the darkness? Will he kill them to avoid potential uprisings?"

"It won't be a problem. The darkness calls to every Skywalker. It's in our blood." He huffs.

"What about your Uncle? The Jedi Knight?"

"Just because he is a Jedi does not mean he has never known the temptation of the darkness. Only that he was too stubborn to see how powerful it would make him. He was a fool. He still is. A fool and a coward."

"Then I am a fool as well, because I will never embrace the darkness." She says through gritted teeth.

"I know." He sighs. "I wish you would let me teach you. With training, your use of the force…"

"I won't train in the darkness." She shakes her head.

"What if I didn't teach you the darkness- just the force." He suggests and she sits up to get a better look at his face.

"How?" She asks.

"I may be a user of the darkness now, but I was once a student of the light. I know enough to teach you, just enough that you'll have some amount of control over your powers." he sits up too, one of his hands coming to cradle her face.

"And you wouldn't try to make me use the darkness?" She asks warily.

"No."

"What would your master say?"

"Why should my master care as long as we do as he has commanded?" He shrugs. "Even if I trained you, you would not be strong enough to oppose him. You know that." She nods. "I just...hate to think of you without some grasp on your powers, Rey."

"Alright." She nods, and he seems taken aback.

"You'll let me train you?"

"No darkness?"

"No darkness." He confirms and she nods again. He kisses her passionately and she laughs against his mouth. "You're going to be so powerful, Rey. I can see it now."

"You're not afraid I'll use my abilities to best you?" she asks teasingly. "After all, your master said that my powers were equal to yours."

"The light will never equal the power of the darkness. Too many restrictions." He scoffs.

"We'll see." She smirks at him, and he wraps his arms around her waist.

"I look forward to it." He says into her breasts, and she arches against him. "How sore are you?" He asks, and she blushes. "Ah. Too sore for that. But..." He pushes her onto her back again and she gasps as he moves down her body.

"What are you-"

"I told you. There's nothing that pleases me more than hearing you scream my name." He smirks at her, and she gasps as his lips find there mark...and she's not even sure she remembers what her own name is.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: Hello Readers! Your kind responses as well as your follows and favorites make me smile! You're the greatest! I'm so glad you like this version of Reylo- I think really, ultimately, they're two very lost, very lonely souls who need a place to belong, and I like to think of what would happen if they found that with eachother.**_

It takes almost a full day of flying to reach Corellia, but when they get there Rey can't help but smile. The air feels so fresh and clean on her skin. Kylo tells her that it's an industrial planet, but the factories are in the cities, which are far enough away from their new home to have no effect on the air quality. When she gets off the ship, she pulls off her shoes and feels the grass under her feet.

"It's just like I thought it would be!" She grins at him, and even with his mask she can tell that he is smiling at her. The sun shines on her skin, but it's not harsh like the Jakku sun. it just kisses her skin gently, wrapping her in a warm embrace.

"Come. I'll show you your new home." He reaches for her hand, and she takes it. The stormtroopers at the base give them a wide berth as they walk, but she feels their curiosity. Kylo Ren has not been to the base here in years- since he had first started his training, in fact. They hadn't expected his return, especially not with a young woman holding his gloved hand. The base is less sterile than Starkiller had been, almost homey. She senses that it's not so much an active military base as it is just a reminder of the First Order's hold on the planet, full of many older officers and troopers- too old for active duty but unwilling to relinquish their positions within the order.

"Master Ren, it is wonderful to have you with us again." An old officer says, bowing to him. "And this must be Lady Ren."

"Yes." She picks up on Kylo's pride even through the voice modulator. "She will be staying here for some time, Captain. I expect that she will be safe here, even when I am unable to be here by her side."

"It will be our honor to host and protect the Lady Ren." The man says. "Your rooms have been prepared for you, and we have supper ready to be sent to you. You need only send word with the droid."

"Very good. That will be all." Kylo dismisses him, and he stands to the side.

"Who was he?" Rey asks.

"Captain Chinn. A relic of the Empire." Kylo explains.

"He had kindness in his eyes." Rey observes.

"Yes. Perhaps that is why he is here, and not on a star destroyer." Kylo says.

"Did you spend much time here when you were younger?" She asks, wishing she could see his face.

"A few months with the Order." He nods. But she senses something deeper.

"No, that's not it. You lived here for a time when you were a child. You...your father..." She whispers, and she swears she sees him nod. She gasps as she sees a memory flicker through his mind; a young, handsome Han Solo kissing a beautiful brunette woman as if returning to her after a long absence, and then the Smuggler turns to face the toddler boy with unruly dark curls and ears too big for his face. He scoops him up into the air, and tosses him before settling him on his hip. The boy feels safe there in his father's arms, like nothing in the world could touch him. Not even the monster from his nightmares.

"Enough!" He pushes her from his mind roughly, and she's left reeling, his hand the only thing tethering her to the present moment. He almost drags her into his rooms, and she smiles when she sees them. The walls are a clean white, like the rest of the base, but the sparse decorations are not black. They were a deep blue, like the night sky before it turned inky black. The bed is bigger than the bed in his rooms on Starkiller, she notices with a blush, and the fresher is even more luxurious than that one had been, with a large tub made for bathing instead of must a shower. "What do you think?" He asks after he's given her a moment to explore. She casts the curtains open and is pleased to see the expanse of green forest that surrounds them.

"It's wonderful." She nods, and turns to face him. "Do you have to wear that thing in front of me?" She asks, gesturing to his mask. She approaches him slowly, and presses the button she'd seen him press before, and the mask opens. She pulls it off for him, and lets it fall to the floor with a thud before her fingers trace over his features, lingering on his full lips. "Much better. You don't need the mask. You have nothing to hide." She swears he blushes. His large hands come up to ensnare her waist as his lips descend on hers.

"You're so thin, Rey." He says when they break apart. She notices the way his fingers brush over her ribs, as if he's counting them.

"You did not seem to mind before." She blushes shamefully. She's not surprised that he's noticed- she certainly had. She lacked curves and feminine graces- she had always thought that. But he hadn't seemed to mind it the two times they'd slept together. Did he mind it?

"It's not that I mind it, it's that you're too thin. It's not healthy." He frowns. "I'm worried for you."

"Well I did my best to feed myself on Jakku, but there was only so much I could do." she says defensively.

"Well, you don't have to struggle for food any longer. You'll never want for anything." He says reassuringly. She senses that his words soothe him as much as they do her- he's seen glimpses of her past suffering, and he wants to erase it somehow. "We should order clothing for you." He says suddenly, going to grab a holopad. She takes a seat on the edge of the bed, and presents her with the pad, on a holosite that seemed entirely devoted to clothing sales. She's never seen so many options- her mind is overwhelmed with the choices. "Choose as many things as you would like. Credits are no issue for us." She almost expects him to leave, but instead he sits at her side and slings an arm around her waist as she selects a series of tunics and leggings, even a few dresses for the novelty of it. He insists she'll need new shoes too, and a heavy coat so that she can explore the mountains at some point. He takes a very personal interest in selecting her new underclothes and sleepwear, choosing things that are practical and yet dainty and pretty. She blushes as she sees herself in his mind's eye dressed in scraps of frilly silver lace- and his rippling desire is more than enough to make her add it to the cart. A holoscan gives the sight her measurements and she's assured that the clothing will arrive in two days time.

"I've never had new clothes before. Anything I had was second hand, bartered for, repaired a dozen times over." She says as his hand draws lazy circles on her hip through the fabric of her black dress. His breath hitches in his throat and he presses his mouth to the back of her neck.

"You'll never want for anything ever again." He whispers against the skin there, and she feels the ferver behind his words. The need to protect her and provide for her are primal and powerful in his heart. It almost disgusts him, how she affects him, because he should be beyond this. He should not be so enraptured by a scavenger from Jakku, force or no force. But he can't separate himself from her now, and he doesn't want to. She straddles his lap suddenly and presses her lips against his.

"Thank you." She says, cradling his face in her hands, making him feel things he never knew he could feel. Somehow, he feels small. And she feels powerful for making him feel that way. His hands trail up her body to her face, his large thumb parting her lips, and she gently presses them there. She can already feel that he wants her- his desire doubling when he remembers that he'd torn off her small clothes, leaving nothing but his own clothing between them. But he lifts her off of him and stands up instead of kissing her like she'd thought he would.

Like she'd hoped he would.

"Did...Did I do something wrong?" She asks, a bit fearful.

"No. Force, no." He shakes his head. "But I sensed your discomfort after I took you on the ship. Your body needs time to heal before it's ready for me again." He explains and she's sure she's blushed scarlet down to her navel.

"How long?" She asks.

"I don't know. Perhaps another day or two." he shrugs, failing miserably to sound casual. But they're even, because she knows she's failed to hide her disappointment. He knows she wants him, and it's almost embarrassing. "Come on. I'll take you for a walk." He reaches for her hand and pulls her off of the mattress and she smiles at him, but it fades to a frown when she realizes that he's donning his mask again. "I'm not going to let my men see me without it, Rey."

"I don't like it." She shakes her head.

"I know." She winces at how mechanical it sounds. "I...I'll take it off when we're out of sight of the base, alright?"

"Okay." She nods, and takes the arm he offers her. Their walk through the base is the same as the one before, they're respectfully ignored and curiously regarded from behind tinted helmets. She sees that even with Ren's mask, she's the greater curiosity. It's been a very long time since a woman without a uniform wandered these halls, she senses. It makes her uneasy, but that's easy to forget when they're outside again. The sun has just started it's descent and the sky is a beautiful shade of orange. She grabs onto her husband's hand, and pulls him into the forest, desperate to explore among the troves of trees and plants the likes of which she'd never seen before. True to his word he removes the helmet once they're far enough from the base, and she senses that this is the first time in a long time that he's been without a helmet in the open air. "Isn't it wonderful?" She asks, grabbing both of his hands and forcing him to drop the helm on the forest floor.

"Yes." he agrees, but his eyes never leave her. She laughs as she takes off running around the trees, stopping to observe one or ask Kylo a question about a certain flower. He watches her with mirth in his eyes, reveling in her sense of discovery and adventure, vowing silently that he'll have her experience the feeling as often as possible. It's intoxicating, just like he finds so many things about her. When she finds a little clearing, she sits down in the grass, and then lays down, letting it tickle her neck and her fingers.

"Come on." She pats the ground next to her, and he sits down. She grabs for his hand again, tugging off the glove before she twines their fingers together. It's a simple act, much less intimate in theory than love making, but somehow it feels equally as impactful. He's staring at her with that look of worship in his eyes again, and her breathing becomes a bit uneven. The thread that runs between them seems wound tight, like the string on a musical instrument, ready to be plucked to make a beautiful sound. Slowly, he lies down beside her, his face turned to hers, and she rolls onto her side to press a kiss to his partially open lips.

This kiss is slow, gentle and exploratory. She finds she likes the taste of him against her tongue, and she finds that she can tell the feeling is mutual. There is nothing lusty about this kiss, no desperation or even desire. It's comfortable, it's soft and warm, and it's home.

"Home." She thinks. There's that word again. It's seems ridiculous- this man could not be her home, even if he was her husband. She did not love him- she did not even like him! There was certainly physical attraction, and they had proven that they were more than physically compatible, that they could be amiable, and kind to each other, but that was it!

"You know that's not true." He says, pulling away from her and staring at her with hooded eyes. She bites her lip and shakes her head. He raises their joined hands to his mouth and kisses the back of her hand, letting his lips linger until she feels a chill spread up her arm. "Don't be afraid. I feel it too."


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN: Thank you so much for reading this work! You guys really do make me happy!_**

He's attending to business when her new clothes arrive, wrapped in white paper and grey ribbons and carried by a tiny fleet of droids. She opens them excitedly, her fingers trailing over the fine fabric almost reverently. She saves each silver ribbon, setting one aside for her new collection of precious items, and the rest to be used to keep hair out of her face, because Rey from Jakku is nothing if not resourceful. She tucks new items into a closet that Kylo had told her was hers, feeling an odd sense of joy at having enough clothing to warrant needing a closet for them. She sets her saved grey ribbon on the low hanging shelf beside a drying orange flower she'd picked during her walk with Kylo a few days prior, and a rock with tiny silver flecks in it. If he thought her collecting was strange, he didn't say a word about it.

" _When are you coming back?"_ The words flow to him across the bond before she can stop them.

" _I should be finished here soon- why? Is there something you need?"_ he asks, his voice colored with concern.

" _No...I just was curious."_

" _I'll be there soon enough. Just finishing up a meeting."_ He explains and she gently closes her mind off to him again. She cannot keep him all the way out, she's found, but she can keep him from actively hearing what she's thinking or seeing what she was seeing. He'd taught her that yesterday- or rather, he'd helped her learn to hone the skill she'd seemed to have so naturally. Keeping people out of her brain was like second nature to her, she only had to work at it a bit.

He was a surprisingly gentle and patient teacher- just as he'd been a surprisingly considerate lover. More than considerate, really. He was passionate, and giving. She knew that the inclination to be gentle and tender towards her troubled him- after all, he was Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, Apprentice to the most powerful sith lord in the galaxy. He was dark, he fed off of rage and anger- those were the emotions that gave him power. His attachment to her was weakness, she had caught him thinking more than once. And his master had taught him to eliminate weaknesses by any means necessary- but he could not, would not rid himself of her. He told himself that it was because he had orders to breed her, and breed her as often as was physically possible, but she's caught him doubting himself on that front too; because he'd wanted her from the moment he'd laid eyes on her. Not only had he wanted her, he'd wanted to please her. He got such satisfaction from the way his name sounded on her lips when his face was buried between her thighs.

She was the light. She made him weak. But he welcomed the weakness and tried desperately to hide it from her, and from his master.

She hesitates as she comes across the box that held the underthings in them, recalling Kylo's obvious arousal at the thought of her wearing them. She opens it, and finds the matching silver gray lace garments, see through and impractical, but she senses that they had not been designed with practicality in mind. They had been made to be worn, appreciated, and removed in quick succession.

She's undressed and in them within moments. She cannot deny that after three days without Kylo, she wants him again. Something inside of her aches for the powerful connection she has to him when he's inside of her, the way their minds seem to become one, easing years of loneliness and abandonment. She thinks about what other women might do if they were waiting for their lover, how they might lay sensually on the bed, or strike some sort of seductive pose to greet him, but the idea of doing that just seems so unnatural. So instead Kylo enters the room to see her simply letting her hair out of the loose knot she'd had it in, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. His reaction to her is immediate and obvious.

"I...um, I got the new clothes." She says, her voice sounding clumsy even to her own ears.

"I see that." His hands raise up to remove the mask, and she sees how dark his eyes are.

"I'm feeling much better." She says next, her hands awkwardly brushing the skin at the sides of her legs, as if wishing to pinch fabric that wasn't there. "I thought that maybe you'd like to… um…" She trails off, unable to finish the thought.

"Force yes!" He hisses, closing the space between them with two strides and crashing his mouth down against hers. She hums contentedly, the sound coming from deep in her chest as his hands seek purchase in the lace covered skin of her backside.

"Off. All of it." She demands, her hands fumbling with the belt on his surcoat as he peels the gloves off of his hands before joining her efforts to disrobe him. When he's bared to the waist her hands roam over his chest and the muscles of his back, feeling lines of scar and muscle beneath her fingertips. She leans forward and plants a kiss over his rapidly beating heart, and he shoves her with the force until the backs of her legs are pressed to the edge of their bed. She senses his intentions and lays back against the bed, giving him full view of her body clad only in the silver lace.

"Perfection." He says, his voice a low rumble as he kneels at the side of the bed. His lips start a slow journey up her thighs, nipping the skin, leaving bruises, she's sure, but she doesn't care. All she cares about in this moment is the tingle and sensation of everything he's doing to her. When his fingers hook into the small scrap of lace covering her he groans, finding the evidence of her arousal in the fabric.

"Kylo, I want you." She says, propping herself up on her elbows to catch his eyes, and he seems so taken aback by the words. "Please. I want you now." She sits up and pulls on his shoulders, desperate for the feel of his weight on top of her.

"Are you sure you're ready? I could-"

"Now." She says again, her fingers pushing at his trousers. He aids her, and then to her dismay, is ripping fabric from her body again. "So impatient." She chuckles, but the laughter dies on her lips, replaced by a strangled moan of pleasure as he thrusts into her. Despite their mutual desperation, he moves slowly, and she tentatively meets his rhythm, rocking her hips to meet his, and he growls into her mouth.

She's struck by how calm and at peace he feels when he's joined with her this way. It's a stark contrast to the burning desperation that seems to be building inside of her with every stroke. He adjusts his body ever so slightly, and she finds herself moaning against his ear, because it's impossible for something physical to feel as good as this.

"Say my name." He breathes in her ear, and she gasps it. "No- my name. My real name." Her brow furrows- what does he mean? With what he's doing to her, she hardly knows her own name, so now is clearly not the time for games! "Please."

And then it dawns on her, flooding her mind like a beam of radiant white light.

"Ben!" She cries out, and he kisses her fiercely.

"Again!" His voice is commanding, but she has no reason not to oblige as his hand journeys between them to find the most sensitive part of her. Yes, she's crying out his name now, his real name. She's desperate for him. His pace increases, and his mouth moves desperately on her skin now. Stars explode in front of her eyes, blurring him from her sight as she shudders around him, and whispers his name again.

"Oh Ben…" it's only as his movements continue with increasing desperation that she realizes the significance this holds for him.

Ben had been the disappointment, the child who, despite his great legacy, had never belonged. His own parents hadn't wanted him- they'd sent him away. His own Uncle hadn't even wanted him. Even Snoke had insisted that Ben wasn't good enough, that he had to go to make way for a greater power. For Kylo Ren. No one had ever wanted Ben Solo.

But she did.

When he finishes inside of her, she can't help but hope that this is the time that they make a child. Because the idea of having Ben Solo's child fills her chest with an ache like she's never known. Because she can sense that when the next day comes, he will want to deny that this had happened, that he had needed her to need him for the man he was in the parts of his mind he tried to suppress. Because Ben Solo was the sort of man she knew she could have loved without hesitation.

Because she had finally found a name for the light that he had lingering inside of him, and that seemed like as good a place as any to begin bringing him back.


	7. Chapter 7

**_AN: Hello my dears! So excited to share another chapter with you today! Happy Reading!_**

When she realizes two weeks later that she's not pregnant, it's certainly not because they haven't tried. Because they did. Every day, sometimes twice a day, unless it was one of the days when he was off world on a mission. But her blood comes, and she's almost afraid to tell him.

Would he be disappointed? Angry? His Master certainly would not be pleased. Would they blame her? Kill her for her failure? She honestly wasn't sure. But somehow the idea of disappointing her husband is the worst of all, and the very idea of it leaves her with a bitter taste in her mouth and tears in her eyes. He comes to their bedroom and finds her crying and curled up on the bed, and his alarm rises.

"Rey? Is everything alright?" He removes his mask and is by her side in a moment.

"I'm not pregnant." She chokes out, glancing at him through her lashes.

"Oh. Alright." Is all he says before he removes his gloves and surcoat and climbs onto the bed with her, pulling her onto his lap. There's nothing sexual in his movements, they're only warm and comforting.

"You- you're not upset?" She asks, tucking her face into the crook of his neck.

"Of course not." He scoffs, his arms folding around her.

"But your master-"

"Even my master will have to see that it would be ridiculous to expect you to conceive a child so quickly coming from such a harsh lifestyle. You came here half starved to death, Rey. Your body couldn't have supported a pregnancy." He says logically. "That will get better with time. You're already healthier than you were when you came to me."

"When I came to you? That's an awfully nice way of putting what happened." She scoffs, but she fails to raise his ire. He's too distracted by the fact that she was crying- something in him hates to see her cry. "I...I am sorry I failed you."

"You didn't fail me, or anyone." He says firmly. "We'll just have to try again." she nods. "And I don't know about you, but I find the process very enjoyable."

"Ben!" She laughs, and swats him on the chest only to realize her mistake. His arms stiffen around her, and his breath becomes uneven. "Kylo- I...I'm sorry.'

"Don't call me that. Ever." He growls, and she nods solemnly. "It was foolish- asking you to call me that that night. I never want to hear it from you again."

"I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't." He takes several calming breaths against her hair, which smelled like warm vanilla and tangy jogan blossoms, thanks to another of his little gifts for her. "Promise you won't use it again. If my master ever found out…" The memories of his pain suffered at the hands of his master are raw, tinged with red in his mind. She winces as she feels the ghost of electric shocks against her back, and he presses a kiss to her temple to soothe her.

"He hurts you." She whispers.

"He teaches me." He corrects tensely.

"Why do you do it? Follow him?" She asks cautiously.

"The Supreme Leader is wise. There is purpose to the pain and punishment." He insists.

"But he hurts you!" She grimaces. Her brow furrows and she shifts to look him in the eye. "You think you deserve it. You honestly think you deserve it." She scoffs. "No one deserves to hurt as much as he hurts you. I've seen your scars. I've seen your memories. I know you don't deserve that."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He tries to remove her from his lap, but she wraps her arms around his neck, and holds him fast. "Rey, let me go."

"No." She snaps, squeezing him closer. "Please, hold me." His arms twine around her waist, and she feels him relax almost instantly as he presses her closer to him, taking in the softness of her flesh in his hands. She runs one of her hands through his thick hair, and presses her lips to his ear. "I don't like the idea of you hurting, Kylo."

"Careful, Someone might think you cared about me." He chuckles darkly. Now she stiffens before she leans back.

"I shouldn't." She says, resting her forehead against his own. "I don't want to."

"But you do." He realizes in disbelief. Unrestrained joy radiates from him at the realization, and he kisses her passionately.

"I still hate what you do. I hate the darkness inside of you. I hate everything you believe in." She frowns, and he nods in understanding. "But I do not hate you, even if I wish I could."

"I'll take it." He whispers, pressing his mouth to the pulse point on her throat. She kisses his forehead, his cheek, his lips, and feels him revel in being allowed to hold her like this.

"Do you still think you are weak because you feel for me?" She asks. "You do."

"No. through passion and pain I find strength. You are my passion." He says, his hands squeezing her waist gently. She smiles slightly, and holds him closer, only to find a darker thought inside of him.

"You think you are weak because you long for my light." She whispers. "You love it and you hate it, and yet you don't know if you would care for me without it."

"That isn't true." He huffs.

"Sure." She sighs, and decides just to listen to his steady heartbeat.

"I have to leave in the morning. I have leads to follow on Dantooine." He whispers in her hair, and she sighs.

"I get lonely when you're gone."

"I'm sorry." She senses that he genuinely is. "When I come back, I promise I'll teach you to swim."

"You will?" She asks with a hopeful smile.

"Of course." He kisses her temple before setting her on the bed and pulling off his tunic.

"I don't- I mean, I don't think we should...tonight." She blushes.

"Still so innocent." He smirks.

"Innocent?" She scoffs. "I...how can you think that? You know what we've done!"

"Yes, but you still can't say it." He's grinning at her again, and she frowns.

"Regardless, I don't want to sleep with you while I'm bleeding. I'm sorry." She shakes her head.

"I didn't expect you to." He frowns. "I was just getting comfortable." He gets out of the bed and goes to his dresser, selecting a pair of sleeping trousers.

"Oh...right." She says, and she pulls off her own leggings and tunic as he changes. She grabs the black shirt he'd left on the bed, and pulls it over herself, pausing for only a second to inhale the scent of him that clings to it. When she looks up he's staring at her with a wistful look in his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing. You look good in my clothes." he pushes back the blankets of the bed and climbs in, tugging her against his chest before he settles the blue quilt around them. "You know that you can always tell me when you don't want me to touch you? You don't have to be scared that I'll be upset. You don't have to apologize for not having sex with me."

"It isn't that I don't want you to touch me...I'm just not comfortable with doing anything while I'm bleeding." She's blushing yet again.

"I like it when you blush. It suits you." He kisses her forehead.

"How long will you be gone this time?" She asks.

"A week- two at the most." He says and she frowns. "Less if I can finish my business."

"And what is your business?"

"A lead on a droid."

"BB-8?" she gasps, and she sees the flicker of recognition and affirmation in his mind before he can cover it up.

"The droid with the map to Skywalker."

"You wont destroy him, if you find him, will you?" She asks nervously.

"I need the map. Destroying the droid would be counterintuitive, wouldn't it?" He frowns. "Of course, If you'd just give me the map I could stay with you."

"Not likely." She scoffs.

"Didn't think so. You can't blame me for trying, can you?" She laughs against his chest. "I wont destroy the droid. I know you care for it for some reason."

"Droids have feelings, you know- at least the good ones do. They have personalities and genders too." Rey explains. "And you should be grateful to BB-8. I wouldn't be with you at all if it wasn't for him."

"I'll have an oil bath arranged for him." Kylo smirks, but a thought strikes her that troubles her.

"You said you would not harm the droid. What about the people who are with him?"

"They will be prisoners of the Order. It's not up to me what happens to them." He says, and she nods stiffly. "You shouldn't care so much for them. You were prisoner and they didn't come to free you- they still haven't come, have they?"

"I wonder what could possibly have distracted them so greatly, it isn't as if someone destroyed their base and hundreds of their fighters." She grumbles and rolls away from him.

"I did not give that order." He says defensively.

"But you would have, if it had been your place." She snaps. "Goodnight."

"Rey, don't...let's not fight. Not before I leave." He says, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Not tonight." " _Not when you care for me."_

"I'm not fighting. I'm tired. Goodnight." it's silent for a long while, but she knows he isn't sleeping. After what might have been minutes or hours, she hears him speak quietly.

"When I was six, I heard my parents talking in their bedroom. They said there was too much of my grandfather in me. That they didn't know how to handle the darkness, that i'd have to go to my Uncle to be trained to learn to manage it. I begged them not to send me, but they did. Not right away, but when I was ten

, they did." He pauses, and she almost turns to look at him, but she's afraid he'll stop. "They'd comm me once a week, visit a few times a year, but they were always afraid of me. And my Uncle...he was especially hard on me, harder on me than he was on any of his other students. And they hated me too- I had it too easy, apparently, being a Skywalker. I tried so hard, but I was never good enough, The light was always too elusive. The Supreme Leader, he helped me. He wasn't afraid of me, he didn't treat me like there was something wrong with me. He helped me communicate with my grandfather, and he took me under his wing. He was the only one who praised my connection to Vader, who did not make me think it was a tragedy. He told me I could be great, that I could do great things if I let him teach me. And he was right. I am more powerful with the darkness than I ever was with the light. It comes to me much easier, but it's more costly. It always has been." She does roll over now, and lays her hand on his chest. He catches it with his own, and rolls onto his side. "Everything I am is because he believed in me. You have to see that."

"Kylo…" She sighs and lets him pull her to his chest. She slings an arm over his hips as their legs twine together beneath the blankets. "There's so much pain in your memories."

"They can't hurt me. They're the past." He shakes his head. "And I will make our future something better."

"Did you ever consider that all I wanted for a future was a family who I could love?" She whispers.

"We can have that." His fingers trace patterns on the back of her hand. "I can give that to you."

"You will give me children, but you know that they will belong to your master more than they ever will to me." She feels a tear in the corner of her eye, and he kisses it away, but doesn't deny her words. She rests her face on his chest, and tries to numb the ache in her own.


	8. Chapter 8

**_AN: Your responses make me so happy! I love this story, and I love that you love it!_**

"Captain Chinn!" Rey Calls after the old man with kind eyes.

"Lady Ren, How may I help you?" He asks, coming to an abrupt halt.

"I was wondering, you see, I was exploring yesterday, and I found a room with old droids in it." Rey says.

"Oh, you must mean the storage room on the first floor- those droids are all rather old, My lady, most of them from the days of the Empire, some from before." The Captain says. "Completely useless, but not yet processed by recycling I suppose."

"I was wondering if I might be allowed to tinker with them?" Rey asks shyly.

"Well- I certainly don't see why not. But if you have an interest in droids, we do have newer models, my lady." The captain suggests. "I'm certain we could have several brought to you to attend to any needs you might have."

"No, no, these old droids are preferable to me." SHe smiles.

"Then they are yours, Lady Ren. I'll see that the room is made available to your use, so you will not be disturbed there." He smiles kindly at her, and punches a few things into his holo pad. "I believe the tools you need will be there as well, since many of them are only compatible with the older models."

"Thank you, Captain." Rey says, and she turns on her heel to head down the wide marble stairs. "Oh, Captain- did you- has there been any word from Master Ren?"

"Not since yesterday, My Lady. So far as we know he will be home the day after tomorrow." Rey nods. "He's been gone two weeks- you must miss him."

"I suppose I must." She smiles tensely at him before she descends the stairs to find what Chinn had called a storage closet. It was five times the size of the hovel she'd called her home on Jakku though, plenty spacious. The first droid she goes to is a small mouse droid, and she finds the means to charge it while she searches for an old screwdriver to repair it. As soon as it powers up, it lets out a series of trills. "Hello there little one." Rey chuckles, patting the droid gently. It was only in need of minor repairs, as she had observed.

"Who are you?" The droid chirps. "You do not look like a droid tech."

"I'm not." Rey says. "I just like to work with my hands."

"Lord Vader liked to work with his hands too." The droid chirps, and Rey looks at it curiously. "He fixed my wheel once."

"Your wheels are in need of oiling." Rey observes. "You'll be functioning in no time."

"You have gentle hands." The droid trills. "It has been a long time since I have been powered up. Where am I?"

"Corellia."

"I have not been on a planet since I was first built. That was many years ago. Before you were born." The droid observes. "I was told I was no longer useful, when the Empire fell."

"Nonsense. We can find something for you to do, I'm sure of it." Rey says, laying a hand on the top of the droid as if she were petting it.

"I will serve you. I like you." The droid chirps gleefully.

"I suppose I could always use a droid to accompany me on my walks. I often need to carry things back with me, and I hate to ask the troopers for help." Rey smiles.

"I will accompany the pretty one anywhere." The droid says, and Rey laughs. "Not many humanoids speak binary."

"Well, I'm not like many other humanoids." Rey shrugs. She continues to work on the droid while the droid chitters at her in binary, telling her stories of her past purposes on an Imperial star ship. Rey can't help but smile at the little droid's simple way of looking at things, and she's glad to have guiltless company.

She doesn't have to feel guilty for enjoying the company of this little MSE unit. Not the way that she feels guilty for enjoying her husband's company. People would think she was a bit eccentric, perhaps, for befriending the small machines, but no one would judge her as a fool, or a traitor.

"There we are. Good as new." Rey sets the droid on the ground and watches as it rolls about delightedly.

"Oh! It is so good to have functioning wheels again! Thank you, Pretty one!"

"You can call me Rey."

"But you are pretty." The droid beeps slowly. "At least, from what I know of female humanoids."

"Well, thanks, I guess." Rey chuckles.

"I will call you Mistress Rey. That would be proper." The droid decides, and Rey nods.

"That's fair." Rey sets her tools down. "What do you say mouse? Should we go for a walk? Test your repairs?"

"Oh Yes!" The droid agrees, and follows at her heels as she strides from the room. "You will see, Mistress Rey, I can hold many things in my compartments."

"I'm sure." Rey smiles warmly as she opens one of the side doors.

"Lady Ren, are you going for your walk?" Asks one of the troopers in the courtyard.

"Yes, I am."

"We will accompany you." He says, waving another trooper forward.

"Thank you." Rey nods, and goes on her way, doing her best to ignore the guards behind her. Today she decides to stick to the beaten path of the forest to make it easier for her new droid companion, and she stops to pick up a fallen leaf. She hands it to the mouse droid, who chirps in delight as she tucks into one of her inner compartments, assuring her lady that she would keep it safe. She's on her way back to the base when she feels his force presence. Her brow furrows- he was not due back for two days, and yet she was certain that she sensed him.

She starts running when she sees the familiar black outline of his shuttle in the sky.

"Please, see that my droid is returned to her power station- I- I have things to do." Rey says as she runs up the stairs to her bedroom- their bedroom. She had thought to greet him when he got off of his ship, but he would not remove his mask until they were alone, and she doubts he would embrace her in front of his men.

She looks in the mirror, and pulls two of the three buns out of her hair, keeping the top one only to keep her hair out of her eyes. She looks down at herself; her blue tunic and grey leggings are comfortable, as opposed to appealing, she supposes, but she knows that beneath them her body has softened a bit since he'd left two weeks ago. She'd been given vitamins and plenty of food to ensure that. She hoped he would be pleased by the added curves, especially when she saw them encased in the pale green underclothes she'd donned today. Matching underthings had seemed like such a frivolous novelty once, but she found that she liked the sense of order they gave her. But she had a feeling that the ones she was wearing would not last for long. She flushes as she remembers the feel of fabric tearing from her body under her husband's powerful hands. When she sees the ship landing, she sends out a small pulse across the bond that connected them, communicating that she had missed him, and that she was waiting for him. His delight is obvious, and she has to wonder if anyone has ever missed him before? She knows he thinks the answer is no, but she recalls sensing some deep sadness when she had met Han Solo, and she now knows why.

Despite everything, he still missed his son.

She doesnt open the bond enough to speak to him; she knew he would have to debrief before he came to her, and his meetings were tedious and boring. She considers running a bath, recalling the one time he had joined her in the cramped tub, wet skin sliding against wet skin, but decides against it. It's been two weeks without him, and she'd rather have him in their bed. A low pulse of arousal comes from him, and she realizes she must not have closed her thoughts quite so well as she had thought.

" _Finish your business and come to me."_ she demands.

" _To hell with business."_ he growls and she senses him coming closer. He tears off his mask as soon as the door close behind him, and she launches herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his hips and kissing him.

"Welcome home." she sighs as his lips move to her neck, and he looks up at her with an incredible warmth in his brown eyes.

"You have missed me." he says triumphantly, and she nods, knowing she cannot deny it. "I've missed you." she gives him a quick peck on the lips before she wiggles out of his arms and onto her feet. She starts with the buckle of the belt, her fingers infinitely more nimble with it than they used to be, and slowly she rids him of all of his clothing above the waist. Her eyes grow wide when she sees a new wound on his abdomen, a pink puckered line surrounded by a large bruise.

"Kylo- I didn't hurt you when I jumped on you, did I?" she asks, letting her fingers ghost along the ghastly purple skin.

"You're not heavy enough to do any real damage." he scoffs.

"Is this why I haven't been able to feel you for the last few days?"

"I spent...quite a lot of time in bacta." he nods. She leans forward and presses an open mouthed kiss against the damaged skin. She feels his body hum in delight, and she kisses her way up his chest until she cannot reach any more, and then she twines her fingers behind his neck.

"What happened?" she asks, her thumbs tracing the hair at the nape of his neck.

"It's just a wound, Rey. It's an unfortunate result of battle." he says, but she cant fight the feeling that this is more than that.

"This doesn't look like a usual blaster wound- I've never seen something like this. Its not from a saber either, that would have burnt." she observes.

"Stop talking." he kisses her hard, and she moans into his mouth. He raises her arms above her head and pulls off her tunic, taking a moment to admire the way she looked in the simple green bralette. "Force you're beautiful."

"If you rip these to shreds I'll be quite put out, Kylo. They're my favorites." she warns, and he nods. "And buying me new ones won't fix anything, Kylo, it's still wasteful."

"Fine. But it's less fun this way." his fingers find the clasp at her back and unhook it with ease. He lets out an appreciative hum as she gives him a sideways smile as the garment slips down her arms.

"Less fun?"

"I said less, not none." he grins and pushes against the waistband of her pants, dragging them down her legs with her small clothes in one fluid motion. "Force I've missed this!" he groans as he sinks to his knees and presses his mouth to her navel. He kisses his way down, and moves a hand between her thighs, grabbing one of her legs and lifting it over his shoulder, giving him access to her-

"Kylo!" she gasps, her eyes flying shut and her head tipping back. Soon her legs begin to tremble, and she feels like she might fall, but he keeps his hands planted firmly on her hips, supporting her weight while pressing her closer. She opens her eyes and gasps when she looks down at him, a jolt of heat pulsing through her. It's enough to tip her over the edge, but he doesn't stop. "What are you-" he makes a shushing sound against the skin of her thigh as he pushes her gently down to the floor and resumes his task with vigour. "But I already-"

" _I have gone two weeks without this- without hearing my name on your lips, without feeling you come for me. I'm making up for lost time."_

"If you...insist." she manages as sparks continue to fly behind her eyes. He goes slower this time, bringing her right to the edge and then pulling back multiple times before he finally relents and feels her shattering around his fingers. He seems intent to try for a third time, but she growls and forces her trembling limbs to move so that she's straddling his lap. "No more teasing me!" she commands, rolling her hips against him. The strangled sob of pleasure in his throat is proof enough that he's so ready to have her that it hurts. "Take me to bed, husband." she breathes against his ear, and he obeys her command without hesitation. He removes the rest of his clothing before he joins her on the mattress, one arm braced on either side of her head as he kisses her tenderly. She feels him brush against her core, and she lets out a squeal of want as she reaches between them to align him with her entrance. His eyes screw shut as her fingers close around him, and she arches her back against him,but its clear that the sensation isn't enough for either of them. He looks into her eyes, a silent plea for permission, and she nods once before he's moving inside of her.

He lets out an oath, followed by her name, and she almost comes undone by it. Its only moments later that she is screaming his name, not caring if the entire base hears her and knows exactly what her husband was doing to her. It was too, too good to be quiet, and she can tell that he's close too. His movements are erratic as he empties himself into her, the now familiar warmth of his pleasure filling her completely. He kisses her forehead before he rolls onto his back, and she twines their fingers together instead of rolling into his wounded side.

"You called me Ben." he says after his breathing has begun to even out. He doesnt sound angry or surprised by it, its only a casual observation. Her brow furrows though.

"Did I?" she asks, rolling her neck so that her face is turned towards him instead of the white ceiling. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"I know." perhaps that's why he couldn't bring himself to be angry. Or perhaps it's because of the waves of satisfaction she feels rolling off of him. He's happy, she realizes. She makes him happy. Her lips curl into a smile. "Don't make a habit of it."

"I won't." she assures him, though she isnt sure if she can help it. There's something about the intensity of his making love to her that makes it impossible to think straight.

"Good." He's grinning at her again, that arrogant little grin he gets when she falls apart for him.

"Are all men so prideful?" she asks.

"Only the ones with wives as beautiful as you." he says. "So maybe I am the only one." she rolls her eyes and sits up.

"You're tired." she strokes his hair gently. "You've had a long journey and your wound is aching." she gets out of bed and grabs his tunic, pulling it over her bare shoulders before she pops into the fresher for the medkit.

"Have you made a habit of wearing my clothes?" he asks when she reappears.

"Do you care if I have?" she counters, and he shakes his head. "Good. I may have slept in a few while you were gone."

"What were you wearing under them?" he asks, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

"Hm? Oh. Nothing I guess." she shrugs as she digs through the med kit for a tube of bacta. He lets out a low moan. "You let the strangest things get you bothered."

"No. Just you." he corrects and she blushes as she gently rubs bacta against the wound on his side.

"What did wound you like this, Kylo?" She asks, her voice soft and comforting.

"A bowcaster." He sighs, and her brow furrows. "Have you heard of them?"

"Yes; they're the weapons of wookies, yes?" She asks, and it dawns on her. "You found the remains of the resistance- Chewbacca shot you!"

"Yes."

"What happened?" She asks, coming around him to rest on his uninjured side. He remains silent, staring at the ceiling. "Don't you trust me at all, Kylo? I haven't tried to run or contact anyone one time since we've been together."

"It isn't that I don't trust you-" He bites his tongue, and shakes his head.

"You- it's hard for you to talk about things involving your past." She says, her brow wrinkling.

"Yes."

"Then show me." She asks, putting her hand over his heart. "Please? I...I want to know."

"You wont like what you see." He warns her, but doesn't refuse.

"We both know our ideals are different. That does not change the fact that you are my husband- I want to know what you're doing, what hurts you...the force that binds us together, Kylo, it's strong. Do you feel the way that it aches when we are not together? I know that you do. You cannot lie to me." His hand raises to close around hers. "Show me." His mind presses against her own, and she lets him in, gasping as his memories dance before her eyes.

 _The droid is proving to be more trouble than it's worth. The two knights he brought with him are dead behind him, but they were weaker than the others, he knows. Just the only ones who were available. A fair share of resistance fighters are dead around them. He growls as his saber slices through another, and the droid boards the Millennium falcon. HIs mind flashed to his childhood, a small boy running through the ship, hiding from a wookie who pretended he couldn't see him, even though he clearly could. He shakes off the thought, and continues his advance. He could have stopped it, but he was distracted because one of the fighters made a brave approach with one name in his mind._

" _What did you do to her?" The man asks, an electric rod connecting with his saber. The man is strong, but not nearly as strong as he is._

" _Ah, FN-2187. I see we meet again." he sneers beneath the mask._

" _Where is Rey?" He growls, a surge of rage giving him strength. Kylo pushes against his mind, finding that resistance intelligence hadn't heard anything about an execution, all they'd heard was that she'd been taken from StarKiller base over a month prior._

" _The Scavenger? WHy do you care?" he swears the traitor blushes. "You think you care for her. You think you love her."_

" _Where is she?!" The traitor roars now, the swing of his weapon too wide._

" _Finn!" A voice behind them might have distracted him if he wasn't so intent on the trooper. Rey belonged to him, only him. No one else should ever think of her- not the way the traitor obviously thought of her. His movements are powerful and swift, ready to kill the traitor. His desertion of the order was cause enough, but now that he knew the former trooper fancied himself in love with his wife...his saber moves swiftly cutting off the traitor's hand in the same instant that the bolt from the bowcaster hits his side. He staggers back with a grunt of pain. He already feels hot blood flowing from the wound as he looks up at the ramp of the falcon._

 _Chewbacca stands, primed to shoot again, but he lowers the weapon, a sad look in his black eyes. For an instant Kylo swears he shares a memory with the wookie; being hoisted impossibly high on his shoulders to reach the place that his mother had thought would be safe to store the cookies. Clinging to Uncle Chewie at the Jedi Academy- of all the people that Ben loved, Chewie was the only one who had argued to keep him home._

 _A tear slides down his cheek under the mask, but he dismisses it as a reaction to physical pain._

 _A shot comes at him from a regular blaster, but he deflects it with ease as he tries to push forwards- but then he senses another presence he has not felt in years._

" _Ben!"_

" _Mother?" He asks before he can stop himself. She's there next to Chewie on the ramp, older and more ragged than he saw her in his memories, but still his mother. She's staring at him with wide brown eyes, eyes he saw on the rare occasions that he let himself look in a mirror. He'd suspected she had survived the destruction of the resistance, but he hadn't let himself delve deep enough into the force to find out. His master would have been furious to discover him having any lingering thoughts on Leia Organa. She holds up a hand, and suddenly he finds himself flung backwards by the force. Fighters move to attack, but the General's voice stops them._

" _Get Finn on board now! We cannot win here, I cannot keep him for long!" Ben is frozen, almost more by his own emotion than by the force hold his mother had on him. No question, she was stronger with the force than either of his Knights had been, but he knew he was stronger than her. Strong enough to overcome this. He should shake it off and continue the attack._

 _Then Rey's face flashes before his eyes._

 _Rey cared for each of these people. If she found out he killed any of them-_

 _He shakes off the thought. What she thought did not matter. He had a duty to fulfill. He pushes past the force hold with relative ease, but it's too late. The ship is already in the air. He holds it for a moment with the force, ignoring the horrible pain in his side. The ship rips from his grasp at it launches into light speed- a dangerous maneuver before the ship had left the atmosphere. The sort of move only one pilot would make._

 _Han Solo._

 _He looks to the sky, hoping for and dreading an explosion signifying the Falcon's collision with a ship in the sky. He slams his fist against the bowcaster wound, and droplets of blood stain the ground around him as he screams with rage, his saber igniting and slicing through the nearest trees._

The memory ends abruptly, and she frowns but says nothing. She rolls onto her back and looks at the ceiling.

"You cut off Finn's hand." She observes.

"He's still alive."

"You wish he wasn't."

"He's a traitor!" Kylo scoffs. Rey bites her tongue. "You asked. You wanted to know what happened. I told you you wouldn't like it."

"I'm going to go take my bath. You should try to rest before dinner." She says as she sits up. He catches her arm. "Don't touch me right now, Kylo!" He lets go, a look of sorrow in his eyes.

"Please, don't hate me." He says, and she feels his eyes on her back.

"I wish that I could." She sighs, wrapping her arms around herself. "You hate your family. But your mother saved your life. Chewbacca could have killed you, but he didn't. I know first hand your father misses you- I felt it in him. They may have made mistakes when you were a child, but they never turned their backs on you." She rises and heads to the fresher.

"If I went back now, everything I ever did would have been for nothing. And I can't let that happen, Rey." He says, and she nods once before she closes the door between them. She strips off his tunic and punches buttons on the tub, watching blankly as it fills with steaming water and a hint of a floral oil. As she slides into the tub, she senses that he's not sleeping, no, he's far too troubled for that. The darkness is rising again, much sooner than it usually did after he found release with her. She lets out a sigh.

" _Come here."_ She says across the bond, and she hears him moving in the other room within an instant. She closes her eyes as the door slides open and he kneels beside the tub, raising a hand to brush her cheekbone with his knuckles.

"I am sorry that you're upset. I know you want me to be sorry for what I did- but this is the best I can give you." He murmurs, and she nods. She raises a hand out of the water and puts it on his chest.

"You're still jealous of Finn." She almost accuses, and he casts his eyes away from her. "That's rather foolish of you. Finn is a friend. Like… the brother that I never had. I'm not attracted to him. Not like I am to you." His kissable lips curl into a smile.

"He's in love with you."

"No he's not. He just thinks he is. I was his first female friend- you can't blame him from growing attached." She scoffs.

"Like hell I can't!" He scoffs in return. "You're my wife. I'm possessive. You know that."

"You're such a...nerf herder, sometimes, you know that Kylo Ren?" She laughs, and shakes her head. "You know you're the only man I've ever...been with. You don't have to be jealous of anyone." he kisses her, and she wraps her arms around his neck, slick with the water from the bath. "Well...you might as well join me. You're already wet." She shrugs, scooting forward in the tub to make room for him. He climbs in behind her, and wraps his arms around her waist, his hands settling low on her stomach as his lips drop to her shoulder. She leans into him, slightly wary of his wound, but he brushes off her concern.

"Rey, it's fine." He insists, his fingers drawing patterns on her abdomen. "Tell me what I missed."

"I didn't do anything exciting." She insists.

"I still want to hear about it." He says. So she tells him about her daily routine, training and eating, walks in the forest, now tinkering with the droids, and her tiny mouse unit. He listens and washes her back, laughing occasionally, but never making her feel foolish. When she turns around to face him, she sees such ease and contentment in his eyes that it makes her heart thump unevenly.

In easy moments like this she almost forgets what he is. She almost believes that she could really truly love him. But every time her heart opens to him, she remembers what he's done, why she should not care for him at all. And she hates herself a little bit for her inability to help him, and her inability to hate him.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: Get ready for some really sweet fluff. Like, straight candy.**_

"I think my bleeding is going to start soon." Rey tells him the night before he's due to depart again. Another lead on the remaining resistance had come up. He'd been home for almost two full months recovering, except for the few days he'd had to go report to his master, and the few day long missions he'd been on. She had bled the month before, and he had comforted her the same way he had the first month.

"Oh?" He glances over his shoulder at her from where he's busy training. They'd found that they enjoyed training together, though she tired faster than he did these days it seemed. She can't mistake the slight disappointment in his tone.

"I'm afraid so. I've been tired, my um, my breasts have been sore, and I've had an ache in my belly all day. That's what usually happens just before it starts." She blushes as she explains herself to him, and he powers down his saber. "Will your master be angry?"

"No." He replies too fast, and she bites her tongue. "There is still time, Rey. You don't have to be afraid."

"It was made very clear to me that I'm only alive to bear your children. An infertile broodmare is a waste of resources." Rey shakes her head, and he comes to pull her up into his arms. "You're disappointed."

"I'm not."

"I can tell when you're lying."

"I'm only disappointed because I want to see you round with my child. I had hoped- but it doesn't matter. We can't forget that you still only just hit a healthy body weight, Rey. Next time will be...more likely." He kisses her forehead and she nods.

"I'm still sorry. I wish that I was pregnant too." She sighs, and she does. She really does. And the most terrifying part is that she's not sure if she wants it because it's the key to her survival, or because she can't shake the idea of carrying his child. Of having a family of her own blood. He brushes away a tear from her cheek with his thumb. She sniffs indelicately, more tears falling from her eyes as she tries desperately to stop them. "And I never cry unless it's almost time for my blood- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is ridiculous."

"Come on. I'll run you a bath." He twines their fingers together and pulls her through the door that leads to their bedroom. Once in the fresher, he punches the buttons on the tub, and carefully removes her clothes for her her, pressing soft kisses to newly exposed skin. He scoops her off of her feet and lowers her into the half filled tub before shrugging off his training shirt and sitting on the tub's wide rim. His fingers rake through her hair, and she tries to relax, but she finds she feels horrid. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I should just...I'm a bit thirsty." She starts to stand up, but he puts a hand on her shoulder.

"I've got it." He grabs a glass from next to the sink and fills it for her, bringing it to her in the tub. "Here." She drinks the entire thing down at once, and he fills it for her again. "You weren't kidding." He says as she starts drinking again. She shrugs, and he sets the empty glass aside.

"You like taking care of me." She observes as his fingers start gently rubbing at the knots in her shoulders.

"I do." She hears the smile in his voice and it warms her chest more than the bath water.

"You don't have to do that. I know you must have things to do before you leave tomorrow."

"Do you want to be alone? I could go."

"No- I don't want you to go. I hate to let you out of my sight when I know you'll be gone so soon." She looks up at him, and he frowns. "How long will you be gone this time? Days or weeks?"

"It shouldn't be long. This lead doesn't seem promising, but it's been too long since I've checked in with my Knights. I don't want them thinking they can replace me." He smirks.

"Is that how it works? You're the leader until one of them succeeds in overpowering you?" she frowns.

"You don't need to fear for me, Rey. some of my knights are hardly force sensitive at all. Most don't even have sabers." He shrugs. "They're easy to handle."

"I don't like the idea of you being attacked by anyone who is force sensitive at all." Rey says. "I don't know what I'd do if you didnt come home- well- actually, I think it's pretty clear, what would happen to me. I'd probably go to whatever knight managed to kill you, provided they were male." He growls.

"Another reason I will never lose."

"I don't want anyone except for you." She whispers. Another traitorous tear leaking from her eye. "I'd rather die than have one of them touch me."

"They won't." He insists, his hands catching her face. "I'd kill them all before I'd let them near you."

"My big strong husband." She smiles despite the slow falling tears, and he smiles back at her. "I love your eyes. And your smile. I hope that when we do have a child, they look like you."

"I hope they look like you." He counters.

"I don't know, you have pretty strong features. They might overtake mine." She smirks.

"I hope not." He shakes his head but he's smiling too. She's suddenly overwhelmed with how deeply she feels for this man, how much he cares for her, how gentle and kind he is to her at all times- even in his anger he had never raised a hand to her, never hurt her, hardly even yelled at her. Despite his claim to be all darkness, he still had the manners of a man who had been raised by a good woman. "You're the most beautiful woman in the galaxy."

"I think something's wrong with your vision." she laughs.

"You're the one who can't see what's so obvious." his fingers brush damp hair out of her eyes, and she launches herself at him, water sloshing everywhere and soaking his remaining clothing. He seems surprised at her sudden amorous attack, and it takes a moment before his lips respond to her and his arms wrap around her waist. He pulls back and looks at her curiously. "I thought you weren't feeling well. That you were sore?"

"I am a bit...but you're leaving tomorrow, and I want you." She whispers, reaching for the waistband of his pants. "You'll just...have to be gentle. Is that alright?"

"Absolutely." He says very seriously, and she grins at him.

"Make love to me, husband." she breathes into his ear, and he moans against her skin. He scoops her up again, and lays her on her back on the bed, fanning her dripping hair around her head like a halo as she stare up at him. True to his promise, his touch is feather light, and when he feels her tense as he touches her breast he refrains from touching them at all. It's almost agonizingly slow, but every movement brings a small sparkle to the edge of her vision. She sobs with her release, but he continues at a leisurely pace, afraid to hurt her. She moves her legs higher up his sides, moaning as he hits something new inside of her. "Ben!"

"Rey, my Rey." he claims her mouth again, and she just clings to him as she rides out a second wave of pleasure. It only takes moments for him to follow her this time, and he kisses every part of her face that he can reach. He rolls onto his side, and pulls her back against his chest, holding her close. The warmth of his hand against her stomach is soothing to the pains in her stomach, and she tilts her head to the side as his lips move along her neck.

"I said the wrong name again...I'm sorry." She yawns.

"Maybe...maybe it's alright for you to call me that here, I mean, when we're alone, in our bed." He says as his nose skims the long line of her throat. "But only here. Anywhere else-"

"I know." She nods.

"Go to sleep Rey." He breathes against her neck, and she closes her eyes.

"You'll wake me up before you leave?" She half asks, half commands. "I don't want you to go before I can say goodbye."

"I promise." he chuckles as he pulls the blankets from the other side of the bed to encompass her. She feels her body relax against him, and sleep slowly begins to overtake her. But before it does she swears she hears him utter something no one has ever said to her before- something she was sure he wouldn't have said if he didn't think she was already lost to sleep. Even so it's no more than a whisper. "I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

**_AN: Sorry it's been so long since I last updated- I've been terribly busy at work! I will try to keep a more regular update schedule! Please enjoy!_**

"Is something wrong, Pretty one?" Her mouse droid asks as she works on a second mouse droid who has required more time to repair than Rey had originally expected. "You are not talking while you work."

"I'm sorry. I'm preoccupied." Rey says as she attempts to rewire the droid.

"This droid was on my train when we were on Imperial ships." Mouse informs her. "He doesn't talk as much as I do."

"That's alright. Some droids are quiet." Rey smiles. "Some people are quiet."

"You are not usually so quiet. Or so pale." The droid observes.

"I haven't slept well, for the last few days." Rey concedes.

"Is it because your counterpart has been away?"

"My counterpart? Do you mean my husband?" Rey chuckles.

"Yes, husband. The one who wears a mask, like Lord Vader." The droid says with slight admiration.

"My husband would like you. He loves Vader." Rey smirks.

"Vader could be harsh. But he liked droids." Mouse coos. Rey stands and starts to cross to the other side of the room.

"Well, there are a few more things I'll need to finish, but-" her vision blurs, and her stomach churns. She clamps a hand over her mouth, but it does little to stop her from vomiting up her breakfast. She sinks to her knees on the floor, and her vision grows fuzzier around the edges.

"Pretty one, it would appear you are...out of order?" The droid observes. Rey raises one of her hands, reaching for the door with the force. It opens, and Rey thanks her husband wherever he is for having her practice with doors a few weeks ago.

"Mouse, I need you to go get...Captain Chinn...alright?" Rey asks as her stomach churns again.

"I will go at once!" Rey hears the quiet whirring of the droids wheels as she exits the room.

"Maker, what a kriffing mess!" She mutters to herself as her vision returns to normal, though the sight of her sick almost makes her vomit again. She rocks back and pinches the bridge of her nose as she closes her eyes against the sight.

" _Is something wrong?"_ her husband's voice is warm and smooth in her head, and she almost opens her eyes to look for him, though she knows he won't be there at all.

" _How is it you can feel this, but I can't feel it when you take a blast to the gut?"_ She grumbles.

" _What happened? Are you sick?"_

" _I'm fine. I just ate something off this morning. And it's happened before, when my pains have come from my bleeding...gah, I can't believe I'm discussing my blood with Kylo Ren!"_

" _Can you believe you're discussing it with your husband?"_

" _Barely."_

" _Are you alone?"_ He asks, clearly concerned.

" _My little droid went to get Captain Chinn. I'll be alright."_

" _I wish I was there."_

" _I can hear the frown in your voice. There's nothing you could do if you were here- and I don't want you to see me like this. I'm a mess."_

" _I don't care what you look like- I only want to ease your pain."_ A flood of his strength does flow through the bond, and it does make her feel marginally better. She takes a slow breath, and feels another wave of it wash through her. " _Did that work? Any better?"_

" _Yes. thank you."_ She sighs. " _When are you coming home?"_

" _I like it when you call it that."_ his contentment floods through her with another wave of strength. " _I think two days. The lead led to nothing, and I've seen all but two of my knights."_

" _I'll be waiting for you."_

"Lady Ren?" captain Chinn calls softly from the door.

"I think I need to see some med droids." she explains.

"Of course. Let's get you to your rooms." he crosses to her and helps her up, offering her his arm as they walk away.

"I'm afraid ive made a terrible mess." Rey frowns.

"No trouble, Lady Ren. Nothing a cleaning droid can't handle in a matter of minutes." he brushes off her concern. "Can you manage the stairs, my Lady?"

"Yes, I think so." she nods. She clutches the railing tightly as they ascend, but the strength Kylo had sent her over the bond was doing wonders for her. When they reach her door, Captain Chinn gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Don't worry Lady Ren, Ill have a med droid to you in just a moment, and I'll see that your work room is cleaned up."

"Thank you, Captain, you have been most kind." she smiles at him and enters her room. As soon as the door is shut behind her she peels off her tunic and her bindings, finding them uncomfortable and warm, and goes to the fresher to clean herself up with cool water. Next she digs through Kylo's dresser until she finds one of the short sleeve tunics he wore during training. She pulls it over her head, and breathes in his smell, like leather and spice, and something that's just so primally him. And she waits.

And she counts.

And she realizes that she ought to have started bleeding by now. A week ago, actually. She had been late before, but never by a full week. But she's had every symptom, every sign that her blood would start, and she'd had them for almost two weeks.

The pinging at her door announces the arrival of the med droid. It's an older model than the ones that had seen to her on Starkiller, but infinitely more advanced than anything she'd seen before then. And this droid seems less hostile and programmed than the others had been; it even had the ability to speak basic instead of binary.

"Hello...lady Ren...I am 21B9, surgical med droid." the droid has a calm and even voice that Rey finds soothing. "I was told you needed assistance. How may I serve you?"

"I need a pregnancy test." she says quickly, her face turning red.

"That will be no problem Lady Ren. I am equipped to perform such a test in mere minutes. May I collect a blood sample?" the droid tilts its head to the side, and she nods as she extends her arm. The droid produces a small syringe which it fills with her blood before he empties it into a strange looking holo pad. "Analyzing now…"

She hugs her knees up to her chest and watches as the data pad's red light pings off and on, and she wishes her husband was here with her.

"Analysis complete. Patient, designation Lady Ren appears to be approximately seven point five weeks pregnant." the droid announces, and her jaw falls slack. "Congratulations."

"Seven and a half- thats impossible. I bled last month, If Im pregnant-"

"You are pregnant, My Lady. My data is correct ninety nine point nine eight percent of the time." the droid says, almost sounding put out at being doubted. "In a humanoid female, blood is not always an indicator of an absence of conception. In fact, a menstrual period that varies from normal may be evidence of a conception."

"Oh." she frowns.

"Has the Lady Ren been suffering any of the following symptoms; nausea, vomiting, sensitive breasts, aversion to certain smells, exhaustion, increased or decreased sexual urges-"

"Yes. All of it." she feels her face heat up yet again and chastises herself. It's only a droid after all.

"I will prescribe the necessary vitamins, and research the latest in anti nausea patches." the droid taps its holo pad.

"Who do you report to?" she asks nervously.

"Captain Chinn has programmed me to answer to Lady Ren." the droid says.

"Not to the supreme leader?" she asks, arching a brow.

"Supreme Leader does not compute. I report only to lady Ren." her lips curl into a smile, and shes never been more thankful for the kindly old Captain. If the droid had reported to anyone else, she knew that her husband's master would already know, and she wouldn't have the chance to tell Kylo herself.

"Very good. Speak to no one of any of this." she commands, and the droid pings.

"Command received. If that is everything, I shall return when I have the necessary tools."

"Yes, that will be all. Thank you, 21B9."

"It is my duty and my pleasure to serve you, Lady Ren." the door slides open and the droid vanishes. Her hands fly immediately to her stomach, still completely flat and seemingly empty.

"I wonder…" she crosses her legs and closes her eyes, taking in several deep breaths. Kylo had taught her what he could about meditation in the light, though it had been a long while since he had practiced such a thing. Still, she does as he has instructed. Breath in the light, exhale the darkness...feel the force curling through every inch of your body...inhale, exhale. She focuses her meditation on the point below her navel, and suddenly she gasps.

It's only a flicker, like a candle that struggles to stay lit, but it's pulsing inside of her like a tiny, fast heartbeat. She allows herself a moment to revel in it, the living force moving through her child, and then she withdraws. Surely, if she, a novice with the force could locate this, someone more trained could find it with ease if they thought to look at all. Her only consolation is that Kylo thought she was bleeding, and Snoke's only information came from Kylo's head. Still, if she lingered too long, Kylo might find it through the force bond, and she wanted to see the look in his eyes when she told him.

But there was something else.

The desire to keep the child hidden from the world, hidden safely beneath her muscle and skin where no one would harm it, or seek to use it's power. For the next two days she could pretend at least that the child was hers alone, existing only because of the unbreakable bond she shared with Kylo, instead of the reason Snoke saw for their existing. The first of many dark warriors of the Skywalker bloodline.


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Oh my gosh, your reviews made my heart just glow, so I decided I needed to get another chapter out ASAP! Some big things happen for our lovers in this chapter! Can't wait to share it with you!**_

On the third day after she finds out she's pregnant, she's still waiting for him. And growing increasingly frustrated. She doesn't let him into her head, afraid he'll be able to pluck out the information she's concealing, and it's exhausting to keep him out.

And then there is the fact that she's never physically wanted him more, and he simply wasn't there. Her own thin fingers were poor substitute for her husband's long, elegant fingers or his length. She falls asleep frustrated with an unsatisfied ache between her legs. She isn't sure how long she's slept when she feels the mattress dip with weight, and suddenly she's acutely aware of his nearness. Her eyes fly open, and she finds him staring at her.

"Sh, go back to sleep." He says, stroking her cheek, and an unamused laugh bursts from her chest.

"Not likely." She sits up and rubs her eyes with the back of her hand. "I expected you home yesterday...Two days ago?"

"I'm sorry. One of my knights took longer to track down than I thought. I took care of it though." He shrugs, but his lips curl into a smile. "You called it home."

"Yes well…, it's not so bad here. It's the most beautiful planet I've ever been to. And this is where we're...well, where we're together." She says shyly, casting her eyes down. He opens his arms to her, an invitation, and she climbs into them, the familiar ache building between her legs as she feels the warmth of him through her underclothes. He lets his hand skim across the black fabric covering her, finding the evidence of her need for him there.

"Force- you're so - I've barely even touched you!" He breathes into her neck, and her skin flushes.

"You've been gone for almost two weeks." She insists, and his hand brushes against her black underwear again. She gasps and bucks against his hand as sparks already ignite behind her eyes. He growls as her pleasure flows across the bond, and he pushes her gently onto her back. She watches as he slowly removes his gloves, and her heart rate increases. She grows impatient quickly, pushing her underclothes off as he watches with obvious delight and mounting arousal. He grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together as he lifts their joined hands to his mouth, carefully nipping at each of her finger tips. "You're making me crazy!" She gasps, her head tipping back.

"Mmm." He moans as he leans down to kiss her throat. "You're wearing my clothes again."

"I'll take it off if you're offended." She smirks, and he growls. She pulls him into her head, letting him feel her desperation for him, and her failed attempts to satisfy her needs on her own. He moans against her clothed breasts, and her smirk grows broader.

"You thought of me while you touched yourself?" He asks pressing her hands above her head.

"Yes. but it was no good- you've ruined it for me." She huffs in frustration.

"My apologies." He releases her hand to rid her of his own tunic. "Let me make it up to you."

"Please!" She gasps as he parts her legs and buries his face between them. She threads her fingers through his impossibly dark hair and lets herself be lost to sensation. Her husband is back, and oh, yes, he certainly knows what he's doing to her. She comes hard and fast, but it's still not enough. She pushes him onto his back, and pushes his trousers from his hips, too impatient to bother with the rest of his clothing. She laces their fingers together to anchor herself as she lowers herself onto his body, both of them hissing in shared pleasure.

"You are so beautiful." He breathes as he watches her, and she tosses her head back, giving him access to the long line of her throat. He sits up, changing the angle, and she sobs as he sucks the skin at the hollow of her throat between his teeth. Her rhythm speeds, and he meets her every movement with equal desperation. This time they finish together, and she slumps into his broad frame, her face resting on his clothed shoulder. "I suppose it's safe to say you missed me." He chuckles and she nods as she struggles to return her breathing to it's normal speed.

"Next time you're gone you'd better come home when you say you're going to." She insists, and he kisses the top of her head. "I've been waiting for you for three days."

"For what, exactly?" He asks, tilting his head to the side. Well, it's now or never, she supposes. She moves off of him, and takes his hands in hers.

"I want you to follow me through my meditation." She says, and he looks at her curiously.

"Rey, you know that I-"

"Yes, the light the dark, etcetera, I don't care. Just breathe with me. Feel with me." He still looks dubious. "Please? I...want to show you something."

"Fine." He grumbles, closing his eyes. She closes hers again too, and feels for the bond, pulsing between them in sync with the beating of their hearts. She inhales the light and exhales the darkness, letting the swirl of light envelope her every cell and nerve. She follows the now familiar path to the place just below her navel, and waits. She feels him reeling from the light, but slowly everything comes into focus for him, and he feels what she feels.

The pulse of the living force, separate from hers, but completely twined together. The connection to the light snaps, and their eyes fly open at the same moment as he stares at her, his lips parted as he tries to comprehend what he's just felt.

"Kylo…" She takes one of his hands in both of hers, and pulls it to her abdomen. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?" He repeats, and she nods. He stares at her, and she feels his fingers flexing against the skin of her stomach. "You're sure?"

"Didn't you feel it?" She asks nervously.

"But I thought you said-"

"I know. I didn't believe it either. It makes no sense." She laughs. "But I'm two months pregnant." He kisses her then, and it's full of such great emotion that she wants to cry. He lays her on her back again, and presses his cheek to her stomach, a hand on either side of his head as he feels for it again. He finds it easily without her aid this time, and she feels a ripple of joy rush through him. His lips press the skin there, and she watches him with tears forming in her eyes. "Are you pleased?"

"Pleased doesn't begin to cover it." He stretches out beside her and captures her lips again. She snuggles into his body, and his hand spans over her flat stomach. "Why didn't you tell me when you found out?"

"And miss seeing your reaction in person? I think not." She shakes her head.

"I'm surprised my master didn't-"

"Your master doesn't know. No one knows except for you and I, and my med droid." She smiles, pleased to have kept it a secret for so long. "But you'll tell him now, won't you?"

"In the morning." he nods.

"Will he keep us apart now that I've conceived a child?" She asks nervously, and he frowns. "You haven't thought of that possibility?"

"No. I hadn't."

"I don't want to be alone again." She sniffs, the tears coming unopposed. He leans over her, his lips moving quickly to kiss away streams of tears. "I don't want to do this alone."

"My Rey- sweetheart, please, don't cry." He whispers, his breath brushing her skin.

"I already know that he'll send you away from me. I won't see you again until after the child is born." She chokes on a sob that she's trying desperately to suppress.

"I'll find a way to stay with you- Perhaps I can persuade him that it will be in the best interest of the child if I am near to you." He whispers soothingly.

"Ben…" She chokes, and he pulls her so that her body rests on top of his.

"I will not let him keep you from me. He knows I am possessive and short tempered. He'll know that I'll focus better if I get to see you." He twines his fingers through her hair, but her tears still flow down her cheeks.

"I need you. We need you." She says softly. Something inside of him reacts primally to that, and he kisses her hard on the mouth. The tenderness he feels for her flows to her through the bond, and she has to gasp against his mouth, it's so _much._ What he feels for her, no one has ever felt for her before- no one has ever cared so much, needed so much, wanted so much, all while giving so much. She puts her hands on his face, looking to his eyes as she takes a calming breath. "Ben?"

"Yes?" He asks, his hands trailing across her back.

"I...I love you." She whispers, and he sits up quickly, drawing her with him. He kisses her again, and she skims her nose along his. She lays her hand on his chest, and feels his heart beat, accelerated beyond what she'd ever felt it before.

"Say it again. Please." His voice is hoarse. "Please…"

"I love you." She repeats, threading her fingers through his hair. She swears that she sees tears in the corners of his eyes. One of his hands traces her abdomen, and the other gently cups the back of her head. "You don't have to say it back."

"No- I do." He leans in and presses his mouth to her throat. "I love you." She lets out a long breath, and holds onto him. "I cant believe you're carrying my child."

"I didn't either- but the number of times I've thrown up in the last two days leaves very little room for doubt in my mind." she says.

"Has it been so bad?" He frets.

"No, not all that bad." She shakes her head. "I'm pregnant with your child...I love you- Nothing can be that bad. At least- not for this moment."

"I won't let anything bad happen to you. To either of you." He kisses her forehead tenderly.

"I can't sleep well if you're not here. You've made me weak." She sighs.

"Well, I'm here tonight." He lies back and she relaxes with him. "Sleep."

"Say it again?" She asks quietly as he threads their fingers together.

"I love you."

"No one's ever said that to me before." She sighs, and he kisses her temple.

"Then I'll tell you every day." He murmurs. "I love you." She sighs against his chest, and kisses his hand. "You're beautiful. You're perfect. Thank you for carrying my child. Thank you."

"I'm going to have your baby." She murmurs sleepily against his skin. "I think it's a girl."

"Do you?" Even as she drifts off to sleep, she can sense his amusement.

"I saw it, last night in a dream- but it didn't feel like a dream." She yawns. "It was a vision. And she looked like was beautiful. With the most beautiful brown eyes."

"Let me see?" He asks, and she nods. Her mental guards slip down, and he enters her head. She guides him through her mind, lingering on the way she feels for him, finding the dream she'd had last night, a dark haired infant looking up at her with wide brown eyes and a gummy smile on her lips.

"Do you see her?" Rey asks.

"Yes." His voice is hoarse. "You were wrong. She looks like you."

"Mm." She shakes her head.

"Go to sleep." He says again, and this time she does. But she wakes up to a horrible pain in her head- a pain that she senses is not her own. Ben is curled up with his head in his hands, pressing against an invading pain.

"Ben?" She asks, pressing her chest to his back and wrapping her arms around him. His pain radiates into her, and she presses her strength into him. His mind is easy to enter in this state, and she sees Snoke there.

" _Bring her to me. I want to see for myself."_

When the presence withdraws, Ben lets out a cry of relief, and she kisses his cheek, feeling his sweat as his body trembles.

"He wants to see me." She whispers.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you wake me?" She asks, brow furrowing.

"I was hoping you wouldn't feel it." He frowns.

"Well….I did." She rolls up and stands up, but then the familiar nausea hits her again. She runs to the fresher, and heaves, the contents of her stomach emptying. He follows her, and his fingers brush her hair back. She feebly shoves him away, but he stays, and fetches her a glass of water when she leans back.

"You're alright?" He asks, and she nods before she takes a sip of her water.

"It passes quickly." She assures him.

"We have to go to Snoke."

"I know." she frowns.

"He just wants to see that you're really pregnant." He assures her with a gentle kiss on her temple.

"Why can't he just trust your word?" She pouts.

"Because that would be too easy?" He suggests. "We have to leave soon. Can you eat?"

"Not yet." She shakes her head as the thought of food makes her want to retch.

"I'll make sure theres something on the shuttle for you. I'll go get you some clothes. You can shower."

"You're spoiling me." She accuses.

"You're pregnant. Let me take care of you." He kisses her forehead. "I love you."

"That was real- you said that to me?" She smiles up at him.

"Yes. And you- you said it too." He tilts his face towards hers.

"I was just sick, Ben!" She protests. He shrugs and kisses her anyways, just a brief peck before he grabs her glass and helps her up. "You are a sweet man, Ben."

"Sweet?" He scoffs.

"Well...you are to me." She smiles.

"Don't tell anyone. You'll ruin my reputation." He frowns.

"Your secret is safe with me." She kisses his cheek and turns to the shower. As he leaves she calls to him over her shoulder. "Ben?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: **Sorry it's been so long since my last update! I was out of internet service for a few weeks! Please enjoy the new chapter- I know I enjoy your lovely reviews!**

He doesn't leave the shuttle's quarters when the med droids come to run their tests. He stands off in the corner, quietly seething with rage. She sends him reassurance through the bond, that she's okay, that their child is okay, that she's no longer ashamed of the droid's poking and prodding. She loves him. He loves her. She may have betrayed something she believed in to marry him, but at the very least, she no longer felt like a whore. The droids exam is thorough, and she watches Kylo's face, trying to give him a reassuring smile, but behind his mask his face could be doing anything. When the droids finally finish and depart, she reaches for him as she pulls her clothes back into place, and he comes to her side, pulling off his mask as he goes. He catches her face in his hands and presses his lips to hers.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his mind flickering to the last med exam she'd had.

"I am. I'm fine. They just wanted to confirm the pregnancy." She takes his hands in hers, and puts them on her abdomen again. She sees his lips quirk into a smile, and he tries to reach out with the force to feel the child, and she feels the dark tendrils. Her body tenses, the light rushing to purge the excess darkness from her body, from her child. Kylo's hand flies back, his eyes wide and curious. "I'm sorry?"

"Did you do that?"

"Not- not intentionally. I was just surprised, is all. You could try it again?" She suggests carefully.

"No. I...I shouldn't use the darkness with you. I don't want to hurt you." He shakes his head and pulls away from her completely. She bites her lips and stares at him, but shakes it off and looks over her shoulder.

"Where are we going?" she asks as the blue of hyperspace trails across the window.

"Coruscant. He's there overseeing the completion of his new Imperial palace." his lips quirk downwards.

"Is he declaring himself emperor then?" she sets her jaw.

"Yes. With me as his heir." he explains, and suddenly her jaw falls slack.

"You- you're going to inherit a kriffing empire?"

"If Snoke ever dies." he scoffs. "Eventually he will. He's already lived years past his expected life time. Physically he grows more feeble, but his powers are as intact as ever."

"If you're the Emperor then that would mean that I…"

"Would be Empress, yes." He says, smiling at her almost dreamily. She chortles, and clamps her hand over her mouth.

"Me? A scavenger? Holy kriff, people will love that!"

"I love you. They will love you too." He says, and he kisses the back of her hand. She looks down at her stomach, and then back to him.

"Does that mean that this is your heir?" She asks, and his smile grows broader still.

"Possibly. If it is a boy."

"It isn't. I already told you. It's a girl." She says firmly. "And why shouldn't a girl be your heir? She's your eldest."

"Because Snoke is very...traditional, Rey. Old fashioned. It's like..." He shrugs.

"When he suggested you rape me and then insisted that we get married in the next breath?" Rey says dubiously.

"Rather like that, yes. He...the supreme leader is wise. He makes his rules for reasons that we don't understand."

"Stupid reasons." She mumbles, and crosses her arms over her chest. He stares at her, a slight blush trailing across his cheeks. "What?"

"Your um...cleavage is very distracting." he grumbles, and she glances down at her breasts, noticing the way they were encased almost tightly in her soft purple dress. "I thought last night that they were bigger than they were when I left."

"Kylo!" Her own cheeks flame.

"And you tasted different too." He's smirking now, and her blush spreads to her neck as a tendril of desire curls through her body.

"...Good different, or bad different?" She asks after a moment.

"Neither. You were sweeter, which isn't necessarily better, but it's definitely not worse. I could taste you forever." He leans in closer to her, and her breath becomes uneven. "In fact…" His course changes from her mouth downwards until he's kneeling at her feet and dragging her to the edge of her chair. She already knows what he'll find when he drags her underwear down her legs- she can feel the desire pulsing through her like the beat of her own heart. The door slides open suddenly, and at once Kylo is on his feet, his fingers flying to the saber on his belt. "What!?" He barks, his voice a harsh contrast to the smooth purr it had been mere seconds before.

"Master Ren, General Hux is requesting your presence." the officer is staring at him, dumbstruck. Rey wonders if this is the first time he's ever seen the Master of the Knights of Ren without his mask.

"He can see me when we get to Coruscant."

"I am sorry, Sir, but he is insisting. Should I patch him through your comm channel?"

"I'll come to the bridge." Kylo growls, grabbing his helmet. Before he puts it on, he glances over his shoulder at her, taking in her eyes, dark with desire and the flush of her cheeks. His lips curl into a wicked grin as he puts his mask on, and as he leaves he looks over his shoulder at her one more time. "You don't move a muscle until I come back. I'm not finished with you." She feels her face grow warm as her eyes flicker to the officer who is absolutely dwarfed by Kylo's immense height. His eyes are full of fear, and his thoughts are very clear. Not once has he considered what was actually about to happen in that room- no, he thought it was something else. He thought it was torture.

" _Poor thing. I wonder what she did to have Ren so upset with her. I wonder if he'll kill her here before we even get to Snoke. She's pretty too. Such a waste-"_ His eyes grow wide and he's suddenly struggling to breathe as Kylo's hand is raised towards his throat, gripping the air tightly. Rey panics, and rises. She rushes to Kylo and puts a hand on his back. He glances over his shoulder at her, and though his eyes are hidden, Rey feels them boring into her own.

" _Please."_ she lets the word slip through their bond and suddenly the man drops onto the hard metal flooring.

"Consider yourself lucky that Lady Ren has so much misplaced compassion in her heart. If she didn't you'd be dead." he says, and walks away without looking back again.

"Lady Ren?" THe officer coughs, and Rey nods. "I apologize- no one had informed us that Lord Ren had married."

"It all happened….very suddenly." She says honestly. "What's your name?" He glances around nervously.

"I don't know that I should be speaking to you, my lady. Lord Ren is-"

"I know. It's alright." She smiles at him, and steps back into the private quarters, shutting the door behind her before she lets out a long breath. Other than the time Kylo had invaded her mind, and the time she'd seen his fight with the resistance through his memories, she'd never really seen Kylo's rage turned on another human being. She'd known, of course, but she'd never seen him holding someone else's life in his hands, ready to sap it away for the offense of a few thoughts.

WOuld he be angry with her for what he had called "Misplaced Compassion"? Would he shout at her or punish her somehow when he returned? Blame her for making him appear weak infront of one of his men? She can almost see it in her mind's eye- his hand raised to her throat, ready to push her life force from her body-

She shakes herself.

He wouldn't hurt her that way. Especially not now. Her hand flies to her stomach, and finds that beautiful flicker of light and life. Kylo's child- Ben's daughter. Growing safely inside of her body. The look in his eyes when he'd realized had been...incredible. Breathtaking. Her heart hammers just thinking about the elation and adoration in his eyes. He would not dare harm his own child- and she knew he wouldn't dare to harm her either.

Not her. Just anyone and everyone else.


	13. Chapter 13

The palace is garish, huge, uncomfortably dark and sinister feeling. Her heart is hammering so hard it feels like it might fly out of her chest. There are patches of darkness everywhere, the Knights of Ren, she realises, and one point so much darker than the rest, seemingly absorbing all light surrounding it. Snoke. Kylo rests his hand low on her back, his thumb tracing small circles, so subtle that no one would be able to see what he was doing.

" _Sweetheart...relax, please."_ His voice moves through her mind, low and soothing. She longs for the privacy and security of his bedroom on the base on Corellia, and the comforting circle of his arms, for the way his lips felt when they traced across her neck, and his large hands spanning over her entire stomach, protecting her unborn child. " _Just do this and then I can take you home."_

She breathes in and out, fighting to keep it even. With every step they get closer and closer to Snoke, and she swore she could hear whispers in her brain, and feel a hand on her throat just like when she'd faced his hologram. They're surrounded by troopers, but he gently lifts his hand to her face, and cups her cheek. His brown eyes bore into hers, silently pleading with her. She nods, and lets out a long breath as his hand withdraws. The door in front of them opens without either of them moving a muscle. He puts a hand on her lower back once again, and ushers her forward.

"Come closer dear child." The voice is quiet, but it radiates through every fiber of her being. It takes a second for her eyes to adjust to the dark, but when they do, she sees the figure from her husband's memories and from the hologram seated on a large throne in golden robes. He's more garrish and disfigured than he had seemed in the hologram, but she doesn't let her eyes waiver from him as she approaches. In the corner of her eye, she sees Kylo take a knee, but she refuses. "Still so prideful, so full of fire. I should punish you for your defiance- but if what I have seen in my apprentices head is true, then I would not harm the Future of the Order. Tell me, Scavenger, are you with child?"

"I am." She says, her chin still tilted defiantly. She feels the tendrils of the force around her arms as she is dragged forward to the throne, and suddenly, his skeletal hand is shooting out to her flat stomach. She feels the impact of his touch like fire and she wants to recoil, but the force keeps her in place.

"Yes...I feel it...the child of Kylo Ren, taken root inside of you…" Snoke hisses. "Tell me, Apprentice, did you enjoy planting the child in this desert rat?" The room is silent, and Rey feels him tensing behind her. "I asked a question, Apprentice. I do not like to be kept waiting." A shock of lightning bursts from his fingers, and though he is behind her, Rey feels the impact of the electricity hitting his chest and lets out a small cry. "What is this? Does it hurt her, to have you hurting? I knew you were connected to each other, but this is fascinating." He shoots another wave of electricity at him, and she feels it the same way, only this time it's prolonged and she though she feels only an echo of his pain, it's agony, because she knows how real it is for him.

"Stop it!" She cries and she feels the pain cease. She lets out a long breath, and Snoke's hand, the same hand he'd used to hurt Kylo raises up to lift her chin.

"I see I was correct." Snoke grins. She feels him pressing against her mind, but it's as if he hits a solid wall- strange, she hadn't thought it would be easier to keep him out than it was to keep Kylo out. She watches with great satisfaction as Snoke's mouth presses into a hard line as he tries and fails to probe her mind. "Fascinating...her mental defenses are formidable. If this child could develop this...I wonder what powers they could develop with proper training. Do you see it, young Kylo Ren?"

"Yes, Master." He said stiffly, and Rey bites her lips to keep from speaking.

"I see you have had a vision of the child- that's what I see in the mind of my apprentice. Yes, you have foreseen that the child will be female…" His face twists in distaste. "Disappointing...very disappointing." Her panic rises, and she feels her heart beat faster- Kylo's heart is beating with hers as well. "I should have the child ripped out, so that you can try again."

"No!" Rey roars, her hands breaking from his force hold to rest protectively against her stomach.

"A girl is useless to me." Snoke says.

"Then why am I here?" She asks, her rage boiling at him- at Kylo for not standing up beside her- but she can feel his anger too.

"Oh dear child, you are a special case. A girl can be bred, but a girl is no warrior." Snoke laughs. She growls, and before she knows what she's doing, she's pulled Kylo's saber into her hand and has it ignited it against Snoke's throat- but then she was frozen again. The red guard around Snoke ignited their weapons, but Snoke just let a loud laugh and clapped his hands. The saber in Rey's hands powered down, and she was flung backwards and would have landed on her back if Kylo hand not run forward to catch her in her arms. "She has such fire, Kylo Ren. I can see why you enjoy rutting her." His hands tighten around her shoulders and she feels his ire rising. "Tell me, Kylo Ren, what do you think of this...girl, you've planted in her? Could a woman be a knight of the Order?"

"There have been female Knights of Ren before, Master, and they have always-"

"I know that, that isn't what I asked, was it?" Snoke makes a tutting sound with his tongue. "No...I sense conflict in you over this." Snoke's eyes close as he pokes into Kylo's head, and Rey can feel the phantom pains radiating from his head to hers. "Because you feel for her? Yes- you love her don't you? Such human folly. And you want the child that's growing inside of her now, don't you? Well don't be silent apprentice- tell me."

"Yes."

"And what would you do to be allowed to keep this child?"

"Anything." His voice is hoarse as his hands grip tighter into her arms.

"Excellent." His master laughs. "Still...a girl is of no use to me. No, a male child should be the firstborn of this generation. This is not a complete loss, now we know that the girl is capable of conception. The next outcome will be more favorable"

"I keep this child or I die." Rey declares, her voice ringing across marble.

"Rey." Kylo hisses lowly, and she shakes off his hands.

"If you rip this child from me, I promise you there will be no others. I will kill myself before I ever bore another child, and there would be nothing you could do to stop me."

"So desperate to get away from your husband and captor, young one?" Snoke asks, pressing his fingers together before his face. Rey feels her cheeks flush, and Snoke arches his brow. "No...I may not see into your mind, but your emotions betray you, to me, and to your cause. You've fallen in love with Kylo Ren, the murderer, the Sith...and you love this girl in your womb already...Yes, you would die before you'd allow her to be taken from you...what do you make of this apprentice, that your little play thing would abandon you for your child?"

"Master, you have seen as I have seen the powers that Rey has with the force- if she had been properly trained in the dark side of the Force, you know she would be a formidable warrior. A child, even a girl, trained from birth to serve the darkside, to serve the will of the First Order would be unstoppable." Rey's eyes fall to him as he speaks. His face is blank, but his dark eyes betray his panic, his desperation. She tugs gently on the invisible string that links their minds and finds the thrum of his thoughts remarkably similar to her own.

" _She cannot lose the child, she cannot be taken from us, I must convince him at any cost, this child must be kept safe- her child will be kept safe."_

"I will allow this child to grow. I am...curious about what the child will become." He grins. "But the next child had best be a male."

"Thank you, Master."

"We have no control over the gender of a child we conceive!" Rey scoffs.

"Kylo Ren, to thank me for my kindness, perhaps you will finally fulfill your destiny and kill Han Solo." Snoke smirks, and Rey's eyes grow wide in horror.

"Yes." Kylo nods.

"Kylo!" Rey gasps.

"You will kill him, and then I will complete your training." Snoke says. "And meanwhile, I think we should have the two of you here on Coruscant...In fact, why not in the palace? I have rooms for you." Rey's heart fell. "In fact, if you stay here, the medics will be able to keep an eye on you...yes, it will be safer this way."

" _Kylo- Kylo I can't do this, I can't stay here, please, please don't make me stay here!"_ She begs him silently, her eyes flickering over her shoulder to him, filling with tears.

"Thank you, Master." He says instead, his voice calm and even.

"You are dismissed." Snoke flicks his fingers and the door opens.

" _Come on Rey. Please."_ Kylo's voice is warm and gentle as his hand grabs onto her arm. The door slams behind them, and her legs give out as soon as they're on the other side. He catches her, his arms wrapped firmly around his waist to keep her upright. He scoops her into his arms and carries her away from room with long strides. She finds herself unable to move, her mind races, her heart hammers in her ears. She hardly registers it when Kylo carries her outside into an enormous garden, which she might have found quite beautiful if she had been able to look at it. He enters a large maze of hedges, sheltering them from workers and troopers alike, and presses his lips to her hair. She starts a bit and looks up at him.

"You- you didn't put your mask back on when we left."

"No I...I forgot." He frowns.

"I can't stay here."

"We have no choice."

"He'll kill our child!" She pushes against his chest and wiggles out of his arms.

"He won't."

"Because you'll kill your father instead?" She asks, her eyes boring into his. She sees his back grow rigid and stiff as he inhales sharply.

"If that is what it takes. He means nothing to me." He hesitates just long enough that she is certain he lies. She pinches the bridge of her nose and takes several deep breaths.

"You're trying to kill the light that's left in you. You want it gone. You want to be free from the pain you feel. I've felt the conflict in you. And you know that killing Han Solo will not be enough. What else will it take from you? Your mother? Me? Our child? Or will Snoke train our child to turn against you one day?" As she starts to speak, Rey's tone is all accusation that slowly melts into concern and fear. "Do you want our children to feel torn apart?"

"Of course not!" He scoffs. "And they wont be. They won't be taught to fear the darkness, the power that is their birthright. They'll be taught to embrace it, to wield it, to bend it to their will- they will never have to fear that they're abandoned or unloved. They will not be torn."

"Unless they are called to the light. Then will they have to bend to the darkness to earn your love? Will you or your master beat them into submission, until they think the light in them is poison?" The chocolate brown eyes she'd seen in her vision flash before her eyes; They're her husband's eyes, copied into a chubby little face with dark curls framing it. Eyes full of trust, of love and contentment. Light. The very idea that she could fail to protect that child brings a deep ache to her chest. "I need to lie down." she turns away from him, but waivers on her feet. He catches her by the elbow, and refuses to release her.

"You act as if I'm the only one who feels conflict- I've seen it in you. You can keep everyone else out, but not me. No, I've seen the way the darkness calls to you- sings to your soul. When you called my saber and threatened Snoke, do you think that was the work of the light? No, it was the darkness, and you let yourself call upon it without batting an eye." He says, each word hitting her like a blow. "And you love me- you cannot honestly think that a being of pure light could love me."

"I never said I was pure light, Only that I follow the light. I am not afraid of the darkness in me- I know that it's there. But it doesn't control me, and I do not use it- I will never call upon it, not intentionally." She pulls her arm out of his grasp. "You used the light to reach our child last night. You did it without a second thought- and I don't mean when you were meditating with me. Afterwards, when your cheek was on my stomach, I felt it. You used the light."

"I didn't!" He huffs like an angry child.

"You know you did." She insists, and he refuses to meet her eyes. She rests her hand on his cheek and turns his face back to hers. "Why do you fear the light? Is that not also your birthright?"

"The light is weakness." He shakes off her touch. "Come. I'll take you to lie down." She takes his offered arm, and closes her eyes to take a deep breath. They take a few steps forward, and then they stop, and he raises his hand to her face, and then it trails down to her heart. "He didn't really hurt you, did he? You weren't harmed? The child isn't harmed?"

"I'm fine, Kylo. But you're hurt. I can still feel the pain radiating off of you." she whispers, raising her own hand to his chest. He winces, and she withdraws the hand. "Oh Kylo…"

"I'm fine." He shakes his head, and she settles for brushing his dark hair out of his eyes. "Come on, you said you needed to lie down."

"Okay." She nods, and lets him lead her. They avoid the troopers for the most part, only stopping once when the same chrome plated trooper that had seen them married tells them where their rooms are located. The suite of rooms is grand, big enough to house five of their rooms from Corellia. It's all crisp black and white with accents of chrome and crimson. It feels cold and hollow, and she wishes more than anything that they were home on Corellia- she even longs for the familiarity of Jakku, the predictability of it. It had never been exactly safe, but it had been simple, and the villains she faced could be taken out with a metal staff. Here...here she was trapped. She might have thought she could escape, but Snoke could disarm her without so much as rising from his seat. Snoke could rip the child from her womb without any remorse.

"Your thoughts are loud." He whispers and his arms come to wrap around her from behind, his hands settling on her stomach.

"Let me see your chest." She says softly, turning in his arms.

"I told you, I'm fine." he shakes his head.

"I don't believe you. Come on. You wear a thousand layers." She sighs as she removes his surcoat, and then another layer. "You know, you'd never make it on a desert planet in all of this black. You'd overheat in a minute." He resists for a moment when it comes to removing his tunic, and then he raises his arms above his head and lets her peel it off. "Oh Ben…"

"Don't call me that here." He says through gritted teeth. She just frowns at him and presses her lips just above his heart, above the angry red burn marks littered across his pale skin.

"I'm sorry my love." She whispers, and he sighs into her touch. She'd never used a term of endearment to refer to him before, other than just "husband", and she could feel that it made his heart flutter. "Is this what happened to your back? All of those scars…"

"Some of them." He nods stiffly. She closes her eyes and presses her hands just above his heart again, and feels the force moving through him. Dark, and powerful, the anger thrumming in time with his pulse. She feels his hand close over her own, and the dark meets the light, and neither fights to overcome. For a moment it's as if they are dancing side by side, two great stars, one black and one brighter than the sun. Yes, she sees that it is the two of them. Her breathing grows ragged, and in her mind she visualizes the damaged skin healing and the pain vanishing- and he shudders beneath her touch.

"How- you didn't know how- how did you do that?" her eyes fly open to reveal healed skin over hard muscle again, and her lips form a smile.

"I'm not sure. I just wanted to, and I did." She presses her mouth to his chest again, almost to reassure herself that the skin is smooth and even, healed and whole beneath her lips.

"I'm sorry." He backs up, and stares at her. She swears she sees tears in his eyes. "I wish...I wish I hadn't brought you into any of this. I wish I'd never found you on Takodana."

"You don't mean that." She shakes her head.

"I do."

"Don't...you...you don't…" Tears well in her own eyes and she wraps her arms around herself as if she could hold herself together if it were true. "You said that you loved me."

"Of course I love you- don't think that I don't." His hands twitch as if to touch her, and then curl into fists at his side. "You're suffering. It's my fault."

"I know you didn't have a choice when it came to what's happening now."

"No. I don't."

"I...I'd never had a place that felt like home, before you brought me to Corellia. But I was- in spite of everything, I was so happy there. With you." She insists even when he won't look at her. "Promise me that we can get through this together. Promise me that you won't let anything happen to our baby. Promise me. Please." She steps forward, closing the gap he had made between them.

"I promise." He whispers. Slowly, he sinks to his knees before her, and his hands find the hem of her dress as he pushes it up. Her breath hitches in her throat as he drags it over her stomach, and rests his forehead there, tentatively feeling out for their child again through the force. She removes the dress entirely, and drops it behind her as her fingers card through his thick hair. His hands grip her hips so gently as his lips ghost against the skin there. There's a slight tickle of his breath against her skin as he whispers again. "I promise."

She takes his hand and leads him to the too large, too firm bed, and she lays down. He comes up behind her and curls his large body around hers,one hand resting on her stomach while the other arm lays beneath her head. They lay like that for a long while, not speaking, not sleeping, just holding each other tightly.

Rey tries to ignore the cloud of darkness she feels around them, not coming from her husband this time. No, this darkness is thicker, harsher, no trace of light at all. She knows that if she's not careful, this darkness could choke her and drown her.

But somehow, Kylo's arms and his promise make her feel safer, as if nothing could touch her.


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN: I'm so in awe of the way that you enjoy this story! I'm so pleased to share it with you!**_

He does everything he can to make her feel comfortable in the imperial palace. He sends for her clothes and her collection from their room in Corellia. He even brings her medical droid to help look after her. He brings her for walks in the garden daily, and when they're lost in hedges tall enough for privacy he takes off his mask. They swim in the large pool on the ground floor of the palace, and he teaches her basic forms and uses of the force.

They're summoned weekly into Snoke's audience chamber, and each time he lays his pale, boney hand on her stomach to feel for the child within, the darkness from his touch and his presence always leaving her nauseous and trembling.

A month into life at the palace, she wakes up, and for the first time in weeks she doesn't feel the need to run and empty her stomach. She smiles and rolls over, finding her husband awake and watching her with a slight smile.

"Good morning." She whispers as she wiggles into his arms.

"You're not sick."

"Thank the maker." She chuckles as his hand comes to her stomach.

"Sit up." He says, his eyes widening.

"What? Why?" She props herself up on her elbows, and he just shakes his head and pulls her into a seated position. He moves away the black fabric of his own tunic that she'd stolen to sleep in, and he grins. "What?"

"That's my child." He moves his hands to her sides, and she looks from his face down to her stomach.

"Oh...wow." She breathes, lowering her hand. She'd seen the swell of her stomach growing over the weeks, along with the rest of her curves, but looking at it now she can see a distinctive curve where her child rests in the cradle of her hips.

"You're so beautiful." He kisses her gently, and she opens her mouth to pull him further in, and trails her hands down to his bare chest and even further down. He pulls back and looks at her curiously. "Rey?"

"I know we haven't...since we've been here." She sighs. No, she hadn't felt comfortable here. He hadn't pressed her, or grown impatient, even as the weeks had turned into a month. But looking at him now, hair messy and mussed from sleep, brown eyes sparkling as he'd discovered the swell of her stomach, that real genuine smile that was playing on his full lips...love for him, and desire welled up in her, "I'm sorry that it's been so long-"

"I told you never to apologize for not wanting to have sex, Rey. It's your body." He shakes his head.

"Well...I do want to now. I love you. I want you." She blushes, and he traces his hand over her cheek.

"Pregnant with my child, and still blushing because you want to have sex?" He smirks, and she rolls her eyes. "My beautiful, innocent wife."

"Innocent?" She asks, arching a brow. His arches too, a challenge and she bites her lip. She gathers all of her boldness and reaches her hand into his sleeping trousers, grabbing him gently and stroking. He mutters an oath, his eyes flying shut and then open again as he gazes at her. "Still too innocent for you?"

"You're perfect for me. You always have been." He growls as she withdraws her hand and pulls off her shirt.

"Take me." She says, and in an instant his body is covering hers, hard muscle, smooth skin and hair brushing against her swollen breasts. His mouth caresses hers gently at first, but he deepens the kiss and moans into her throat when she moves her hands down to his ass. Her legs wrap around him, desperate to have him closer, deeper, nearer. She should have expected it when she feels the fabric ripping around her hips, but it still makes her gasp and he moves his mouth down to her throat. "Kylo!"

"What do you want?" He asks, his hands trailing down to stroke her chest.

"You. Always you." He seperates from her for a moment and loses the rest of his clothing before he covers her again, his mouth and his hands trailing over skin. "Kylo...please…" He's almost chanting her name as he slips into her, filling her so completely that she wants to scream it's so good. She'd almost forgotten the way it felt when they were together, the way that their minds seemed to meld into one, and she honestly couldn't tell their thoughts apart.

But she felt love, adoration, pleasure, desire, and need all at once. It's a heady mixture that adds to the growing sparks that go off in her vision. She meets every move of his hips, receives each kiss and caress with a shudder of pleasure. She nearly begins to sob as she finds her release, and she whispers words of love and affirmation in his ear as his movements grow more and more erratic against her. He gasps her name, and kisses her deeply as he stills and pulses inside of her. He kisses a trail along her cheek to her ear, his voice deep and adoring.

"You are everything to me. You and our baby are everything." If she hadn't been crying before, she certainly was now.

" _Oh Ben…"_ She speaks to him through the bond, feeling that it would have been wrong to call him Kylo in this moment. He rolls, dragging her with him so she's resting on his chest. She kisses him, and a few of her tears drip onto his cheeks. He cups her cheek and looks at her with mild concern in his eyes. "They aren't tears of sadness. I just...The baby makes me emotional, and I...love you. So much." he wraps his arms around her tightly, and she grips his shoulders.

"Rey...my Rey." He kisses her cheeks, brushing tears away. "I have to get up soon. Snoke wants to see me."

"Why?" She asks nervously.

"I don't know. I'm guessing there's news about the Resistance."

"Oh. Right." She moves off of him, and reaches for her tunic again, shrugging it on as she walks to the fresher.

"Rey-"

"It's fine. I'm fine." SHe says quickly before she closes the door. Her back presses against it and she takes a deep breath. Even in Snoke's palace she had let herself forget. Her husband was a man universally feared, hated, and rightfully so. Her mind flies to Finn, to Han and Chewie, and little BB-8. She knew they were alive, along with Leia Organa, the leader of the Resistance. Her mother-in-law. Her husband wanted to kill each and every one of them. She wants to scream at the unfairness of it all.

On Jakku, she had very occasionally thought of the possibility of falling in love; finding a man to stand by her side, to help her, and love her. She had accepted that those were just dreams, not to be. Frivolous dreams that often seemed to be a waste of time. But she had never dreamed that love would feel as good as it did, that she would actually crave the presence of another human being, that she would ache when he was gone. She suspected part of the intensity at least had to come from the invisible string that tied them together. In the other room she hears him rising and russling about, finding his clothing and readying for the day. She hears an angry clatter, and she knows he's thrown something across the room, but she can't bring herself to move, or even reach for him through the bond.

She remembers Finn's smile. Han's laugh. Chewie's sarcastic comments that she had to translate for Finn. BB-8's antenna that never stayed straight. The Millenium Falcon, the first place she'd ever felt a true sense of belonging. Finn, her first friend, someone who loved her. And her husband had cut off his hand.

How could she love him? How could she hope that the child she carried would look like him? How could she desire him and long for him? What did that say about her? She presses her hands to the curve of her stomach and tries to breathe in the light, and then extend her reach out around her. She avoids the pockets of darkness, and stretches her mind out, searching for something- someone, and not quite knowing what.

She comes up with nothing, and rises from the bathroom floor with great frustration, and gets into the shower with a huff. She stands there for a long while, until her stomach is growling and she knows she has to eat. She pulls Kylo's tunic back over her head, and wraps her hair in her towel and walks into the main room. He's gone, but she sees her favorite breakfast set out on a tray for her. Fruits with cream, chocolate cereals, toasted breads with spices and sugar. Her heart almost aches at the sight of it. Breakfast in bed, a sign of a loyal, loving and gentle husband. Things that he was, but only for her. But even at that moment, he might have been receiving orders to end someone's life.

Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were the same man, she knew that. And yet she could not reconcile them in her mind.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: **Again, Sorry my update schedule hasn't been super regular! I've been crazy busy! But here is the next chapter!**

She's completely dressed and ready for the day when Kylo returns. She sits in the center of their bed with her hands over her stomach, protecting and feeling the baby. He just stares at her for a moment before he speaks.

"I'm leaving." She glances at him.

"Take off the mask." He does so with a sigh, holding it at his side. "When?"

"Tonight. About three hours." He looks at her cautiously, but she gives him a slight nod and he comes to the bedside. "Did you have your breakfast?"

"Yes. and my lunch. You were gone for a very long time." She holds out her hand to him, and he takes it in both of his.

"I'm sorry. I had a lot to catch up on."

"Well...if you're leaving, you'd best come here and hold me for a while." She sighs, and he sits on the edge of the bed to pull off his boots before he leans against the headboard and pulls her into his arms. She wraps her arms around his neck, and presses her lips there.

"Are you still angry with me?" He asks as his fingers trace patterns on her spine.

"I don't know if we should talk about this." She shakes her head. "We'll just...fight. I don't want to fight. Not when you're leaving again- how long will you be gone?"

"I honestly don't know."

"I don't like that answer. I don't like the idea of being left here by myself." She lets out a long sigh and tears fill her eyes again.

"I'm sorry. You know that I'd stay with you if I had a choice." He whispers these words in her hair, almost as if he's afraid of being overheard.

"Would you? Would you stay with me instead of chasing down your enemies?" She asks equally as quiet as she gazes up at him through her lashes. She knows that because of the bond, he's incapable of lying to her, and she has to hear his answer.

"I would." She pulls his face down to hers for a long kiss. "But you know that I can't."

"I know." his hand finds her stomach and he caresses it gently, and she feels something spark inside of her and reach out. His hand stills and he looks at her. "Did you feel that too?"

"She's trying to feel me." He nods, his brow furrowing.

"Perhaps if you let your defenses down, like you do for me-"

"No. I...I don't want her in my head." He insists, his voice wavering.

"Why not?"

"She doesn't know any better, she can't work around the darkness, can't protect herself the way that you do when you're in my head. The way the darkness hurts you...I can't let her hurt that way."

"My love…" She twists in his hold, straddling his lap and holding his face between her hands. "Kylo...She recognizes you. I know she does. She's not afraid...she's searching. If you won't let her in, then meet her. Let her feel you. She's never done this before. Don't disappoint her." He nods, and presses his hand to her stomach. Once again, there's the feel of a spark, a curiosity, reaching, searching. His force signature reaches towards it, and when they meet, Rey and Kylo gasp in unison as a word fills both of their minds.

" _Father."_

"Incredible." He murmurs, his brown eyes flickering up to hers, full of wonder. She puts her hands over his, and let her force signature find theirs. Together they all seemed to fit, like pieces of a puzzle, perfect together. He's there, dark and powerful, then there's her, a bright white light, and the baby between them, not dark or light, but almost a graying form between them, an intoxicating shade of silver.

" _Family."_

"Did you do this, when your mother was pregnant with you?" She asks when her surprise lessens.

"I don't know. I don't think so. My parents never mentioned it to me." He frowns. "She is strong with the force. Incredibly strong. I've never seen anything like this- and I doubt Snoke has either...it's incredible."

"She is." Rey smiles and he rests his forehead against hers, still reveling in the connection between the three of them. It's so beautiful and bright, comforting, warm. What the baby had said in their minds. Family. Something she'd never known, but this had to be what it was, what it felt like. She had Kylo. She had their child growing inside of her. She had a family.

"Forever. I promise." He kisses her cheek softly, his lips a soft caress.

"You'll come home before too long, won't you? You'll come back to us?" She asks anxiously.

"As soon as I possibly can. I just have to complete my mission." The word mission hangs heavily in the air between them. Slowly they withdraw from their bond, and while the baby's force signature still thrums between them, they're no longer actively connected to her, and they can't hear the whisper of her in their minds.

"I wish...I wish we could have met under different circumstances." She whispers as she traces the shape of his mouth with her thumb.

"Me too."

"If you'd have been...I don't know. A smuggler, or something who stopped on Jakku- and we could have just run away together. Somewhere far, far away from Jakku, from Coruscant, just the two of us. We would have been so happy together."

"Can't we be happy here- now?" He asks, almost desperately.

"Oh Kylo…" She shakes her head sadly. "I do want to be happy. I do. But I'm not free. You're not free. We may love each other now, but that doesn't change the fact that we're both prisoners. Slaves. And slaves never find true happiness." She climbs off of his lap, and sits at his side, her arms wrapped tightly around her body. They sit side by side for a moment until she can't take it any longer, and she gets up to go to the training room attached to their bedroom. She grabs a staff, and lets it twirl through her hands, running her forms gracefully, letting the physical activity clear her mind of everything.

"Impressive." She jumps when she hears his voice. "Should you be doing this? Is it safe for the baby?"

"21B9 said that some physical activity was good for me." She waves off his concern, and continues her forms.

"You're angry with me."

"No. Maybe. I don't know." She sighs, and drops her staff.

"Would you talk to me, Rey? Please. You can't just walk off everytime you're upset." He comes into the room and picks up the staff, placing it back on the rack. She huffs and grabs a towel to mop her brow. "When I was younger, and my parents fought, my dad would walk away. It started with him walking to another room. It ended with him vanishing for months at a time."

"Well I couldn't do that even if I wanted to, could I? I'm trapped here, aren't I?" She sighs, and turns to face him.

"I didnt see my father from my fifth birthday until two months before my sixth. I remember he and my mother argued before then. They would yell at each other, and then when my father had enough, when things got too hard, he'd just leave. Mother wanted to talk. He'd just go." she goes to him, and lays her hands on his broad shoulders.

"My husband…" She presses her lips to his throat. "I know you don't like to talk about your past. Thank you, for telling me."

"I'll tell you anything, everything you want to know about me." He insists, collecting her hands in his and kissing her fingertips. "You have no idea how much power you have over me, little scavenger."

"I have some idea." She says, though her breath hitches in her throat. " _And yet it's not enough."_

"It's nearly time for me to go." He whispers. She nods as he pulls her into his arms. She inhaled deeply, taking in his scent, and running her hands over his solid form. He scooped her up in his arms, letting her wrap her legs around his waist, keeping her face level with his. She cupped his face in her hands, tipping it up to kiss him. Softly at first, and then more deeply. "I love you. I love you more than anything."

"I know. I know. I love you." His lips are soft against her throat for a moment. "I have a terrible feeling about this. Like something horrible is going to happen if you go."

"Everything is going to be alright. I'll be back before you know it." He assures her. "Please, take care of yourself. Take care of our baby."

"You take care of yourself, Kylo. Please, just...do whatever you have to do and come back to me. I don't know...I don't want be without you anymore." She shakes her head, and he kisses her tenderly.

"I adore you."

"Kiss me again." She demands, and he happily obliges.

"I've got to go." He sets her on her feet, and trails his hand down to her stomach again. "Take care of eachother."

"Oh Kylo…" She twines their fingers together again, and kisses his leather cased hands. "You wont close the bond, will you?"

"You want me to keep it open?" He asks, arching a brow. "Rey, you know that I'm hunting-"

"I'd rather know than have Snoke tell me." She insists. He nods slowly. "Now go, before he sends someone for you." He kisses her one more time, and backs away from her.

"See you soon."

"Promise?"

"I swear."


	16. Chapter 16

**_AN: To make up for my lack of updates, two chapters today! Please Enjoy!_**

" _I'm going to go kriffing insane!"_ She huffs as she tosses and turns in the bed that's too big and too empty without her husband in it with her. " _I haven't spoken with an actual human being since you left, and that was well over a week ago! Not even another sentient, just droids! Even on Jakku I spoke to someone every day, even if it was just to yell at them for trying to steal something from me. What I wouldn't give to have someone to yell at now!"_

" _What would you have me do?"_ He asks, his voice mildly exasperated.

" _I don't know if there's anything you can do! Everyone is so kriffing afraid of you and Snoke that they won't even come near me, unless they're guarding me on my walks, which is bantha fodder, by the way- I've been protecting myself for over a decade!"_

" _I have many enemies, Rey. You have to be kept safe."_

" _I wish we were a normal couple. I wish we lived in some cramped little Coruscant apartment, with noisy neighbors and jobs, I wish we had jobs! And we'd work all day, but we'd always get to come home to each other- we'd have friends who'd come over and I'd make us all dinner...we'd get a little cradle for the baby and put it in the corner...things would be cramped, but they'd be good. Peaceful. And we'd be together."_

" _It's a lovely dream."_ He soothes.

" _I miss Corellia. I miss being able to run in the woods, and take off all of our clothes and dive into the lake. I miss making love to you under the stars. I miss the fresh fruit. I miss the droids I was tinkering with. I even miss Captain Chinn- at least he spoke to me!"_

" _Stay calm, please. You know she can feel it when you're angry."_ She lets out a long sigh. He was right, of course. A new discovery since he'd been gone was that the baby felt everything she felt, and projected distress and joy to them through the bond.

" _Funny to have you telling me to keep calm. You're the biggest prima donna in the galaxy."_ His dark chuckle fills her mind, and sends a wave of want over her. " _I miss you."_

" _I know. I miss you too."_

" _She misses you too. I can feel her searching for you."_

" _Does she?"_

" _Yes. She loves you, Ben. I can feel it."_ his emotions swirl around her, and she sends him a wave of her reassurance. " _This is a family. Our family. We'll be okay."_

" _Right."_ He's tense now, and she frowns. Family. Their family. Owned by Snoke. The monster who threatened to rip her child from her womb, who could send her husband away on a whim. Who decided if she lived or died. Oh she hated him like she'd never hated anyone before. Even Plutt had never inspired such strong emotion from her. " _Be careful Rey. You're dancing with the darkside."_

" _Do you blame me? You serve a monster. He wants to make you a monster. He wants to make our child a monster. He keeps me locked away in this...palace that might as well be a cage, and he keeps you on a chain, unleashing you on enemies he won't fight himself. He keeps you away from me. My grievances against him are endless."_ she throws off the blanket and gets out of bed, wandering to the ridiculously large closet they share, tugging off her clothes along the way and replacing her silky tank top and shorts with one of his heavy long sleeve tunics. She holds her hands, swathed in his too long sleeves, up to her face to inhale his scent as she wanders back to bed and throws herself down on top of the blankets. " _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to complain. I just wanted to hear your voice more directly."_

" _You haven't been sleeping well."_ She hears the frown in his tone.

" _I told you, I don't sleep as well without you here. The bed is too empty. Too cold."_

" _Is that why you're wearing one of my wool tunics?"_ He's laughing again, and it's not fair how much that makes her want him. " _Force, if I were there I'd rip it off of you."_

" _Ben…"_ She lets out a quiet moan and bites her knuckle. " _Don't start something you're not here to finish."_

" _Sorry."_ His tone tells her he's anything but.

" _You're not playing fair."_ She grumbles, rubbing her legs together.

" _I'll make it up to you when I'm finished here."_ His whisper is a promise accompanied by images of his mouth trailing across the skin of her thighs, his fingers at her breasts, his body inside of hers.

" _Not helping!"_

" _I wonder…"_ She feels his force signature trailing through her body, brushing over all of her nerve endings. She can almost feel his fingers on her flesh.

" _What are you- oh!"_ She gasps as the feeling focuses on the apex of her thighs. Her legs part almost of their own volition though there's no one there to settle between them.

" _Did you feel that? Was that alright?"_

" _Y-yes."_ Her voice is a squeak even in her own head. He tries it again, and she arches her back up to meet the invisible force. " _How are you doing that?"_

" _I'm not sure...don't question it."_ He chuckles, and continues. His pride at this discovery would be annoying if he wasn't doing it so well. Instead of telling him off for being cocky, she bites her lip and rides out the sensations, tossing her head from side to side until she finally calls out his name into the empty air and falls boneless against the mattress. " _Force I love hearing my name on your lips. I can't wait until I'm there in person."_

" _That was...wow- how...Oh, I don't even care."_ She sighs and curls up on her side, flipping sweaty hair out of her face.

" _Go to sleep sweetheart."_ He soothes and she nods. " _I love you."_

" _Oh Ben...I love you. We love you."_ Her fingers span her stomach, and she feels a slight spark against her fingertips. " _When-"_

" _Shh. Sleep."_ He insists, and a deep rumbling hum fills her head, spreading warmly over her whole body and relaxing her. Her last real thought before she finally falls asleep is how much she loves this man- and she feels his joy at the depth of her love.

…

When the grooming droids come in to see her in the morning, she knew that meant she had to go to see Snoke. He always wanted her to look her best, hair done, nails impeccable, the best gowns and shoes. His taste level was austentatious at best. It was the first time that she would have to visit Snoke without Kylo- and she hated that.

Still she let the droid twist her hair up into a delicate knot surrounded with golden flowers, and apply cosmetics to her face in a higher quantity than ever necessary. Next they dressed her in a yellow dress that highlighted the growing curve of her stomach, and golden sandals. Of course, sandals required that her nails be covered with golden paint.

" _What's going on? You're upset."_

" _The grooming droids have been slathering me with makeup for the better part of two hours."_ She groans, and the droid whirrs in surprise.

" _Snoke wants to see you?"_

" _I'm lucky he didn't want to see me before now. You know that he just wants to see how the child is growing. I hope."_ She shakes her head and traces the swell of her stomach. " _She is growing. I'm bigger than when you left. I swear I get bigger every day."_

" _How much bigger?"_ She senses his arousal and her cheeks color.

" _Does that...turn you on?"_ She asks.

" _Absolutely."_ The smile in his voice is unmistakable.

" _You are...ridiculous."_ She can't help but giggle. The droid instructs her to proceed through the door, and when she does, there are two troopers waiting to escort her. " _Oh Ben...I'm so nervous- how do I do this without you?"_

" _Rey, my love, you're strong. He can't get into your head, and that's the best way he knows to cause pain. He won't physically hurt you- not while you're carrying a child he wants. Just get through it, and hold your head up. I'll be there with you in your head sweetheart."_

" _I need your arms around me. Maker I need you, and I hate that I need you."_

" _I know. I know. I love you."_

" _When you come home I'm going to keep you in our bed for days."_

" _Please."_ She hears an edge of need in his tone and she knows her cheeks have gone red again.

" _And I want you inside of me over and over again."_ this time he actually moans and she grins in satisfaction. " _And I'll bite that spot on your shoulder until it bruises so everyone knows that you're mine, and only mine."_

" _Force, I only ever want to be yours."_

" _Good."_

" _I can't wait to make you scream my name while I make you come over and over again."_ The images that accompany his low voice threaten to make her knees wobble and fills her with warmth. But then the ornate door to Snoke's audience chamber comes into view and ice flows through her veins, and her legs tremble for an entirely different reason.

" _Ben!"_

" _You can do this. You are Rey of Jakku, you have protected yourself your whole life- stood up for yourself time and time again. You are beautiful and powerful."_ His voice is absolutely reassuring, and she nods to herself as the troopers open the door for her.

" _Don't you dare leave me."_

" _I'm not going anywhere, I swear. I'm right here with you."_ With that in mind, she walks into the room with her chin at the same defiant angle as always, and she resists the urge to cover her stomach with her hands.

"Ah, the lovely lady Ren." Snoke croons as she walks to the center of the room and stands tall. "Still so defiant." With a flick of his wrist he sends her tumbling to her knees, and she barely manages to catch herself with her hands before tumbling onto her stomach. She hears Kylo's quiet growl in the back of her mind and she lowers her shields to him even further, letting him see everything, feel everything. "What a pretty picture you make, submitting on your knees. Tell me, does My apprentice enjoy this view often?" Her face flushes with shame, and Snoke grins. "I know that he once favored all of his woman like this, on their knees in front of him. Blondes, mostly, If I recall correctly- and much more...voluptuous. I'm almost shocked that he was so willing to take a skinny little desert rat like you as a bride- though I suppose that if he wished to, he could always have the others on the side." She sees red for a moment, and envy floods her.

" _You know I'm not. There has been no one since we were married. You know I take our vows seriously. You know that."_ She exhales and closes her eyes for a moment. " _Yours. I'm only yours. Forever."_

" _Mine. Yes. Mine."_ She opens her eyes and meets Snoke's cool grey eyes defiantly. His grin fades, and his eyes move down to her stomach.

"I see the child grows inside of you. The girl." the force hold on her releases and she rises, only to be brought forward to him. His skeleton hand reaches to her stomach, and she tenses as it makes contact with the growing expanse of it. "Yes...Despite the misfortune of her sex, she is strong with the force. Hm...Yes, she is of the Skywalker blood."

"Was there doubt of that?" She asks bitterly.

"One could always doubt the integrity of a sand rat." Snoke muses. "But you love your keeper too much to breed with some nameless officer, don't you?" She bites her tongue so hard that it bleeds. "I wonder…" He places his other hand on her stomach, and suddenly she feels a pulse of darkness run through her, thick and cold, threatening to overwhelm her. The baby inside of her reacts, a burst of fear flickering in Rey's head. The primal need to protect is overwhelming, and she jerks back, only a few inches before his forcehold catches her again.

"What did you do?!" SHe accuses sharply.

"I wondered how the child would react to the darkness. Clearly she is wary of it- probably because you are. No matter. There will be plenty of time for that once the child has been born." but that doesn't stop him from trying again, making her let out a scream of distress. The darkness is too much for her, and her entire body seems to rebel against it. The edges of her vision start to blur, and she begins to feel her legs waiver.

" _Rey? Rey! Hold onto me- stay here with me, please, please, please."_ Ben begs her, and she feels him move through her limbs again, much like he had the night before, but this time he tries to calm her, filling her with more calm than she'd ever seen in him.

"Curious...how much of Kylo Ren's energy I can feel inside of you. Is it because of the child you bear, or is he with you now, inside of your head?" Snoke's energy ceases it's focus on her womb, and it stretches through her limbs clumsily. "Yes, he's there in your mind- even at such a great distance? Fascinating. I wonder if such a bond could be manufactured between force users, or if it's unique to your energies...perhaps between father and child…"

"You know that I have no answers for your questions, and yet you continue to ask them." She grumbles.

" _Kriff Rey, stop provoking him, please!"_

"Yes, you are a novice in the force, aren't you? Unforchunate that you are so blind, and will not allow yourself to be trained in the darkness." Snoke shakes his head and sighs. "A child born of two powerful sith…"

"I thought there were only two sith. You should be thankful I have no desire to take your place."

"There's that fire again." She's pushed back by an invisible hand, and then his index finger lifts her chin. "Tell me, dear child, do you miss your husband?"

"You know that I do." Her eyes narrow.

" _Where is he going with this?"_ His suspicion is as tangible as her own.

"You'd like for him to come home to you?" She nods. "And what would you do to have him returned to you?"

"What do you want?" She hisses. She's no stranger to propositions- she'd received them by the dozen on Jakku once she'd been near twelve standard years.

"I've told you before, A human female holds no temptations for me- even one as force sensitive as you are." He chuckles darkly. "And even if they did, I would never want my apprentice's leavings. No."

"Then what do you want?"

"I understand you healed Kylo Ren." She starts. How had he known?

" _He found it in my head. He was intrigued at the time. I… I still don't know where he's going with this."_ He huffs in frustration.

"I did." She says cautiously.

"I would like to see an example of this...force healing." He waves one of his guards forward.

"Healing is inspired by feelings of love and compassion. You inspire neither." She shakes her head.

"Then do not think of me." He pulls the guard members arm out before him, moving aside red armor to reveal dark skin that reminds her of Finn. Snoke pulls a knife from the guard's belt, and rips it across is his arm savagely, a river of blood welling from dark skin. Rey cries out in surprise though the guard makes no sound. She senses his surprise, his pain, but he stands tall and even. She wonders if there are tears in his eyes behind the mask. He bleeds heavily- Snoke must have severed something inside of his arm.

"Monster!" Rey chokes out. The guards all stand stock still, unfazed by the blood that's begun to dribble onto the floor.

"Heal him, and I'll allow Kylo Ren to return for a visit. Fail, and this man dies." Snoke says.

" _I can't- I don't know if I can do it."_ She shakes her head.

" _Think of me. Think of how you healed how it felt to succeed. You can do it again. I know that you can."_

" _That was different! I love you!"_

" _Use your compassion, Rey. This man doesn't deserve to die, does he? It would not be beyond Snoke to let him bleed out in front of you. He's already lost a substantial amount of blood."_ She takes a deep breath, and takes a step towards the guard. She lifts a hand and puts it on his arm, ignoring the feel of sticky blood beneath her fingers. She feels all the places where things have been broken inside of the skin. Skin that reminded her of Finn. She imagines how it would feel to see Finn broken and bleeding like this, and her desire to fix it swells.

She visualizes the torn muscle and vein knitting together as the arm is enveloped in a soft blue haze. She feels them come together, and she closes her eyes to better focus. When she opens them again, all that's left of the gaping wound is a faint puckered scar and smears of fresh blood.

" _I knew you could do it- Oh my love, you're incredible."_ her lips curl into a tremulous smile at his praise.

"Impressive. I have not seen such an example of force healing since the fall of the old Republic and the Jedi order." Snoke observes. He waves and the guard steps back into his place. Rey notices the way he flexes his arm and his fingers, as if testing that he still has use of them, that they're whole. He's staring at her from behind his helm, she's certain of it. "I would have you practice this skill."

"Return my husband to me and I might."

"A deal is a deal. I shall send for Kylo Ren today. He will be back in your bed tomorrow night." Snoke says with a dismissive wave of his hand. "And tomorrow you will be taken to the First Order infirmary in the city. Your skills at healing must be expanded upon. You are dismissed." As she turns to go, a broad smile breaks out on her face. The door opens, and her troopers meet her on the other side, and she walks through the halls with a slight spring in her step.

" _I've just received a summons back to Coruscant. I wonder what that's about."_ He teases, and her smile grows. " _I am going to take you so hard you won't be able to walk afterwards, for at least a whole day."_

" _Is that a promise?"_

" _Absolutely."_

" _Did you see how I healed him? Ben- I healed him! And you get to come home- even if it's only for a few days."_

" _I saw it all. Sweet Rey, you're incredible."_


	17. Chapter 17

**_AN: Your reviews are literally the best part of my day! Thanks so much for reading! Please enjoy the next chapter! It's kindof a long one, but I didn't want to split it...so Enjoy!_**

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry, I've never done this before!" Rey grumbles as she attempts to knit a bone back together.

"It is alright, Lady Rey, the patient is unconscious. You have caused him no pain." 21B9 says as he monitors the vitals of the trooper. She nods and lifts her hands above the broken arm again, and she tries to focus the force energy again. She closes her eyes and tries to visualize the bone piecing together again.

"Anything? Did I get anything?" She asks, opening her eyes and dabbing beads of sweat from her forehead. He scans the patient, analyzing his condition with a subtle red glow.

"The patient does show marginal improvements." He confirms and she leans back in the chair. "Estimated recovery time has decreased from six weeks to four and a half."

"Well that's something." Rey sighs.

"Your vitals have dropped, and your stress levels have risen. I recommend you rest, Lady Ren." The droid says.

"I'm fine, two one." She waves him off.

"You should eat something, Lady Ren. If you'd let me test your blood, I'm sure your sugar is low."

"No. I'm completely fine."

"If you're not going to listen to the med droid, why did I bother to send for him?" Even mechanized, she'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Kylo?" She gasps, and rises from the chair, wavering on her feet slightly. He catches her around the waist, and she braces herself on his shoulders. "What in the world- how did you sneak up on me? How are you doing that?"

"Force cloaking?" He asks. "It's pretty basic. I'll teach you."

"Take this thing off." She grumbles, reaching for his mask. "And drop your cloak, I want to be able to feel you."

"Come with me. I have a speeder waiting."

"But two one b nine-"

"Will be returned to his place at the palace by some of the troopers." He tucks her hand into the crook of his elbow, and she grins as he pulls her from the room. He keeps his head held high, not looking at her, or anyone. Everyone gives them a wide berth, careful not to cast their eyes on her, knowing how angry Master Ren could become at almost no provocation. The speeder was sleek and black, enclosed with tinted windows. He opens the door for her, and as soon as they're both in the speeder he removes his mask and tosses it into the backseat. At the same moment his force cloak falls and she gasps as she leans in, the pull between them magnetic as their lips meet. She whimpers against his mouth as his hands clutch her face, and her hands clasp his. As he pulls away to look at her his full lips quirk into a seductive smirk. "Hello."

"I missed you." She smiles at him and gently skims her nose along his. She drags his hands down to her stomach, where the force signature of her daughter has been pulsing since he'd dropped his shields. "So did she." He kisses her again, a brief peck before he starts up the speeder, keeping one of his hands fixed on her thigh as he drives.

"You were working on Bone healing?"

"Yes. I'm afraid I'm not very good at it." She shakes her head. "I'm lucky I didn't mess up the poor man further. You were gone for almost two weeks- did nothing happen?"

"You saw everything I did, unless you were sleeping." He assures her. "Your little resistance is...elusive." She just nods. "I think Luke Skywalker is with them."

"What?" She gasps, turning towards him.

"It's the only explanation for how they're hiding so many life forces so well- especially with General Organa among them. She's force sensitive, but nowhere near trained enough to hide that many lifeforms." He sighs.

"Luke Skywalker…" She shakes her head.

"Still hung up on that?" He gives her a sideways glance.

"You've known these people your entire life, Kylo. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that these are actual people and not just stories." she shakes her head. "Not only are they actual people, but they-" She cuts herself off and turns to look out the window.

"They what?" He asks. "Rey?"

"They're related to my baby." She whispers, and his grip on her leg tightens marginally for a moment. "That's why I didn't want to say-"

"No. It's fine. You're right. I may be able to change most things, but nothing will change the DNA I've given to this child, the DNA given to me." He sighs. "It's through...Organa that I am related to Vader, After all. I should be grateful for small blessings."

"You're upset now. I'm sorry." She frowns and puts her hand on top of his.

"It's fine." He shakes his head. She bites her lip and reaches her hand over to his knee, slowly trailing it up to his thigh. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" She asks too innocently.

"I'm flying."

"Then stop that." She insists, and he abruptly turns the speeder into a dark alley. As soon as the vehicle has stopped he grabs hold of her, pulling her onto his lap, kissing her fiercely. She gasps as she feels him move underneath her, already hard against her thigh. "Oh Maker, Ben!"

"I've never been so glad to see you in a dress." He growls as he hikes gray fabric up her thighs and rips her underwear out of the way, dipping his fingers into her core."I adore you. More than anything. Let me show you."

"Please!" She gasps as she presses her lips to his temple. "Any time we're apart is too much!" she gasps and groans as he works her with skilled fingers. He makes a low rumbling sound that she recognizes as agreement before he kisses her hard, lips, teeth, and tongues clashing. It only takes moments and a gentle curling of his fingers to have her trembling and crying out his name.

"Beautiful. So force damned beautiful." he says as he watches her. As she comes down from her high she drops her face to the crook of his neck, pushing aside as much fabric as possible to press her lips to his throat. Her hands trail between them, finding the buttons of his trousers and freeing him. They groan in unison as skin meets skin, and his hands grip her hips like a vice as she rocks against him. "Rey…" he hisses, and she bites her lip.

"What do you want?" she trails her hand up to his chin, forcing him to make eye contact.

"You. _Please."_ she almost gives in at the word, but she leans in a little closer while resisting him.

"Me? A desert rat, not some stunning, sexy blonde on her knees?" she asks, arching her brow at him.

"No one but you, my beautiful wife. Only you." he insists, leaning towards her to try to capture her lips, but she pulls back.

"You'll never have another lover?" she asks, though her voice borders on demand. He shakes his head, his dark hair falling in his eyes. "And why not?"

"Because you're the only woman I'll ever love!" he says, his voice hoarse with emotion and dusky with lust. Finally satisfied, she spreads her legs wider still, and lets him push forward. The sound he makes when he's filled her is the most seductive noise shes ever heard in her life. She knows from the erratic nature of his movements that he wont last long and she's nowhere close, but she doesn't care. She kisses every part of his face she can reach, and gets lost in the pleasure of his movements against her. When he finishes, he collapses back against the black leather seat, and pulls her hard against his chest. "You didn't-"

"Yes I did. Before." She insists.

"But-"

"It's alright. I still enjoyed it. Very much." she assures him as she trails her fingers gently over his arms. "Besides, I owed you one after your...force experimentation."

"Still. I'll have to make it up to you."

"If you insist, I certainly won't argue." she grins and kisses him. "I'm so pleased to see you."

"You have no idea." he kisses her ear and lifts her off of him, allowing her to resume her seat as they both straighten their clothes. "Come on. I want to get you back into our bed." she grins as he starts the speeder again.

…..

"Maker I've missed this. Missed you." she's still breathing heavily as he pulls her into the circle of his arms and she tangles their legs together beneath the black sheets. She glances up at him through her lashes, finding that satisfied, lazy smile on his lips, and her heart flutters. "You're so handsome." he scoffs. "What? You are."

"I'm really not." she catches his insecurity through the bond. His ears are too big, his nose too angular, skin too pale and scarred.

"Yes, you are." she props herself up on her elbow and kisses him. "And I like your ears. And your nose. And I have scars too- plenty of scars. We match."

"No. You're much better looking than I am." he insists as his hands trace a scar on her back. "Where did you get this one?" his finger follows the odd angle of the scar that runs from her shoulder to her lower back.

"Falling through the floor of an old star destroyer. I think I was eleven? I managed to catch myself, but only just. Lucky I walked away with just the scar." she sighs. Her fingers find a scar on his back, the deepest one by far, and she looks into his eyes. "Where did you get this one?"

"It was nothing." he shakes his head.

"You said, before you left, that you'd tell me anything about yourself. I want to know- why are you hiding from me?" she asks softly.

"It was the night I destroyed the Jedi training academy. One of the padawans got me with her saber." he watches her carefully.

"Did you kill her?"

"No. One of the other Knights of Ren got her in the same moment." his eyes look far away for a moment, and she debates diving into his head to see what he's thinking of. "She was...a friend."

"Only a friend?" her head tilts to one side.

"Yes. She was a very avid Jedi student. No attachments were allowed." he explains.

"But you had feelings for her." she doesnt need to ask. "And you betrayed her?"

"It had to be done."

"Why?"

"It was commanded."

"Why?"

"It was time. The Jedi would have become corrupt again- the New Republic was already failing, even then. Every follower of that order had to be eliminated."

"Why?"

"Stop that." he snaps, but she just shakes her head. "If I wanted to be Snoke's apprentice, it had to be done. So I did it. I let them into the school. I killed the ones who would not follow Snoke. I became Kylo Ren."

" _If that was what you wanted, why does it weigh so heavily on your heart?"_ she asks silently as she catches his face in her hands. " _You feel guilty. You mourn the loss of them still."_

"It was necessary." he insists.

"Was it?" she whispers and his eyes narrow.

"Don't do this. Don't try to make me doubt myself. You won't confuse me with your light."

"I'm not doing anything except talking to you, Kylo. If you doubt anything, it is because of your own thoughts." she shrugs casually. "Let's not fight. I don't want us to fight." he lets out a long breath, but nods. He lifts one of his large hands, letting it span over her stomach, and she can't help but smile.

"How have you been feeling?" He asks, his voice soft and gentle.

"Better. The sickness has gone, I'm less tired. I'm hungry all the time. I always crave bread, the real soft kind, with spices like you always got me for breakfasts. My droid's scans have shown that she's in perfect health, growing normally." She explains as his fingers gently caress her skin. "I've...I've even felt some flutters."

"Flutters?"

"The baby moving." She explains, and he smiles at her. "I don't know if you'll be able to feel it yet- the movements are very small. Soon you should be able to though, if you're here."

"When I left, I could see that you were pregnant, but now, looking at you...it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He observes reverently. "Now the world can see that you are mine."

"Ugh, you're such a man." She rolls her eyes, but his possessiveness sends a thrill down her spine. "I had to order new clothes. Almost nothing I bought in the beginning fits me now. It's so strange...I never imagined clothes not fitting because of weight gain. I took in clothes, but I never let them out, unless I was trying to make them longer."

"I looked at your droids medical reports. You should be gaining more weight. You're still too thin." He insists. The fact that he cared enough to bother with reading the reports makes her smile slightly, a warmth pooling in her chest.

"I'm trying- I didn't have much of an appetite for a while. It's come back now, so you don't have to worry. I'm sure I'll be so disgustingly fat soon." She assures him, a teasing lilt in her voice. He chuckles and tilts her chin up to press his mouth to hers. She lets out a sigh of pleasure as a pleasant tingle runs down her body. She moves so she's straddling his lap, and he looks at her curiously. "Do you know what else my droid told me?"

"What?" He asks, his eyes growing dark as he takes in the sight of her before him.

"That around this time, most women experience increased sexual desires." She whispers, and runs her hand up his body until she's cradling his cheek in her hand and leaning in to kiss him again. "And I've been alone, with only the thought of you to try to get me through some very, very long nights." He grabs her hips, and presses her against his growing arousal, eliciting a choked moan from her throat. "I want you so much I ache for you." now it's his turn to moan, and she reaches down to guide him to her opening. "I've craved your body, desperately. I feel like I was without water for days on Jakku, and I've just found a well."

"Kriff, Rey- You're killing me." He hisses, and he presses her down onto him. She gasps and tilts her head back, sparks already forming behind her eyelids as she sets a fast pace that he meets eagerly. "I will never have enough of this. Of you." He breathes the words against her skin and she whimpers as his lips close around her pulse point.

"I never knew it was like this!" She gasps as she feels the first waves of pleasure grip her. "I never imagined- Oh!" she feels herself go boneless in his tight embrace, her limbs trembling and quaking as she shatters. He doesn't relent, his fingers already playing her body, ready to bring her over the edge again as soon as she begins to come down from her high. Her thoughts begin to blur, becoming a stream of declarations of her feelings for him. " _I love you, I love you Ben, oh maker, I love you so much- oh Ben- you complete me- yes, you, only you! Force, I love you so much!"_ He growls her name as he stills, the sensation of his pleasure tipping her over the edge unexpectedly.

"I am so in love with you." He whispers against her shoulder. Her eyes well with tears, an she kisses his hair.

"Oh Ben…"

"I hate it when you cry." He tilts his chin up to kiss away her tears.

"I can't help it. The baby makes me cry. You know that." She shakes her head, and he kisses her lips softly. "I just have never had someone who loved me before. It feels amazing- to feel the strength of your love through the bond...I can't believe it."

"Believe it." He insists, kissing her throat, and then her lips. "I will love you forever. Please, never forget that. You are...the only thing I'm sure about anymore."

"What does that mean?" She asks, brushing away a few stray tears.

"I...don't know." He shakes his head. "I don't know. I know I love you. I know you're having my child. I love that child. Everything else is cloudy." She kisses him, and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him tightly against her. "The stronger our connection gets, the more confused I become. But when we're together, everything seems so clear."

"It's alright. Just hold onto me. I'll keep you grounded." She kisses his shoulder, and skims her nose along his neck. "Just hold onto me."

"Yes." She hears the frown in his voice, and she traces circles on his shoulders with her fingertips.

"Tell me what's in your head." She whispers.

"I've killed so many people. I never wanted to do that- my whole childhood, I never wanted that- but something in me said I wanted it." He shakes his head and buries his face in her bosom. She strokes his hair as her brow furrows. She pushes gently into his head, finding a literal cloud of confusion and darkness.

"Oh Ben…" She pushes some of her light into his head, clearing away some of the fog, and he gasps. "Your head is so cluttered."

"I don't understand what's going on- whenever I'm with you- everything used to be so clear." He frowns. She pushes again, reaching for the place in him where she had once found peace inside of him. He smiles at her suddenly, and a new part of his mind seems to open to her- a place where he's a child, where he was happy.

 _Being tossed into the air by Chewbacca, so high he was sure he was flying. His mother scolded the wookie, but there was a smile in her eyes as she took him in her arms and kissed his cheek. He wrapped chubby arms around her neck, and she stroked his dark hair._

 _Sitting on Han Solo's lap in the Falcon, small hands on the wheel, guided by his father's large hands. Uncle Chewie makes sarcastic comments about being afraid for his life._

 _His uncle patting his shoulder, a look of great pride in his eye as he levitates the boulder for the first time._

 _The chocolate his father brought for him after a long absence-_

 _The posters on his bedroom wall, blue prints of old republic ships-_

 _A pretty girl with red brown hair smiling at him as blue and gold sabers meet on the sparring ground-_

 _His mother's laughter when he finally learned to swim in the lake on Naboo-_

The darkness that had clouded the memories suddenly snaps back into place, pushing her out of his head as much as ever. She gasps, her mind reeling, and he clutches his head as if something hurts terribly.

"No!" She shakes her head and pushes back in, finding the place, but the memories seem to have altered in the smog that surrounds them-

 _His father returning empty handed again-_

 _The girl sneering at him, taunting him, he was never good enough-_

 _His mother shaking her head in disappointment as he fails to keep afloat-_

 _His Uncle turning his back on him in favor of more talented padawans-_

" _The darkness will free you of the pain...do not fear it, Kylo Ren...Embrace it…"_ She grits her teeth, and shoves against the invading presence in his mind again. She's already tired, but she won't give up, not now. She shoves again, and the grip loosens. " _Come to me now, Kylo Ren."_

"I have to go." He says, moving her off of his lap almost roughly.

"Ben, Ben, please-"

"I told you not to call me that!" He snaps as he goes to grab his clothes from where she'd flung them earlier.

"Kylo, please, calm down." She whispers. "Please, don't let him do this to you. Don't let him control you like this!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"How can you not see the way that he's affecting your memories- your head? Please, look at me!" She grabs him and puts his hand over her rapidly beating heart. He stares at her with wild eyes and she lifts a hand to his own heart. "Don't let him take you away from me. From us. Please."

"Rey…" His hand trails down to her stomach.

"Hold onto me. Let me into the broken places in your mind- let me heal you, please!" She begs him, and his eyes are filled with conflict. "Go to him if you must- but let me stay with you. I protect my own head, let me protect yours too."

"I...no. I can't let you see what it's like when he's there. I can't let him hurt you too."

"Ben, please!"

"Don't call me that!" he snaps again, and without thinking he pushes her away from him with the force. She lets out a quiet cry as she loses her balance and lands on her back. "Rey!"

"Don't! Do not touch me right now." she growls as he comes towards her. Her hands fly to her stomach, and she feels a little flutter through the force.

"I'm so-"

"Don't. Just go." she says sullenly.

"You aren't hurt?" he asks as he finishes putting his clothes in place.

"Not physically." she sees the anguish blossom in his eyes as she pushes herself up from the floor and heads to the fresher. She almost thinks he'll try to speak to her, to follow her, but he exits the room hastily. She gets into the shower, sinking down to her knees as the warm spray washes over her, and she lets her tears fall freely.

How had the night come to this? He'd made love to her twice, held her so sweetly, felt through the force for their baby, and they'd talked, of hard things. He'd talked to her. Let her in. why had he pushed her away? To protect her? She laughs bitterly, the sound echoing off the black marble.

He'd let her into his head and she'd seen so much. So much conflict, and pain. Things long buried that were only alive again because she had awakened a part of him he'd thought dead. Things that Snoke had killed. The things the darkness touched inside of him, they were poisoned, altered until they were unrecognizable, and she knows that Ben didn't do that to his own mind. How long had Snoke manipulated him like this?

Deep down she knows that the answer is that it had been since Ben was only a child. Her heart aches with the very thought of it. And then there was the fact that he had pushed her away, physically and mentally when she had been so certain he'd never hurt her. Physically she might not have been left with any scars or bruises from his push, but what if she had fallen differently, what if the baby had been hurt because of it?

She had seen the guilt in his eyes. The regret. The fear. The shock and surprise.

She clings to the fact that he had not meant to hurt her.

But even so it stings.


	18. Chapter 18

_**AN: Hello beautiful humans! Another chapter for you my dears! Your reviews make me smile so much!**_

She waits up for him, dressed in her most conservative pajamas. She sits at the edge of their bed with her legs folded under her, and her hands trailing slow circles on her stomach to soothe the baby. Like always, she senses him before she sees him, and, despite how tightly she's keeping it shut, the bond tingles as he opens the door. She stares at him as he reaches up and removes his helmet, dropping it to the floor with a thud as he strides purposefully across the room and kneels before her, not reaching for her at all, just staring at her.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He says, his eyes burning her with the sheer force of his emotion.

"You could have really hurt me."

"I know- I don't know what happened- I haven't had so much trouble controlling myself in a long time, since the beginning of our marriage...I…" He casts his eyes down. "I don't know what came over me."

"I do." His eyes snap back up to her. " _Snoke. Always Snoke."_

" _No- he….The supreme leader is wise."_ She pulls him into her head, and he gasps. She so rarely allowed him in, but she wouldn't risk his master overhearing anything now.

" _Kylo….You know what you said earlier, that you're….confused? That things don't seem so clear?"_

" _Yes?"_ HIs head tilts to one side as he listens.

" _Kylo, your memories, of your childhood...they're broken, distorted some how. Like someone dove into your mind and tore them apart."_

" _No- that's….no, it's impossible. Snoke couldn't- he may be able to get into my head, but he can't poke around. He hasn't been able to do that in a long time- and memories, he can only see if I recall them."_

" _But he's been in your head for over a decade- don't you think it's possible that at some point, before he taught you to defend your mind, he might have poked and prodded, and erased the memory of him doing so?"_ His eyes widen a fraction. " _He tried to erase Ben Solo from you entirely. But you and I both know he isn't gone."_

"Rey, you're wrong. You have to be wrong." he insists, but she catches his face in her hands, and forces him to look up at her.

"I know that I'm not." She almost growls. "What happened while you were with Snoke just now?"

"He wanted a full report of my mission. He was...frustrated, by the news. He thinks I'm likely correct about Skywalker."

"And did he hurt you?" She asks, her voice turning tender of it's own accord. He remains silent, and she pushes against the bond, finding it sealed tightly on his end. "What did he do- was it the lightning?"

"It was nothing. Nothing I'm not used to." He insists. "Nothing I didn't deserve."

"I don't like the way that sounds." She grabs the hem of his tunic, and sweeps it upwards before he can protest. His chest is fine, she notices as she drops the fabric on the ground. She lifts herself off of the bed and trails around to his back, finding several long, deep slashes. Her breath leaves her body at once, and she almost falls to her knees, but he turns to her, catching her reflexively. "I shouldn't have shut you out- I should have shared my strength with you- how did you hide this from me?"

"I didn't want you to feel anything." He says through gritted teeth. The wounds are still bleeding, she can feel it beneath her fingertips, and she pulls herself out of his arms again to better access his torn flesh. She lifts her hand to the wounds, carefully reaching for the force, but he catches her hand. "Stop. I don't deserve it."

"Don't be ridiculous! You're hurt!" She scoffs. "What did you do to earn this? Not finding the resistance? The First Order's whole kriffing intelligence team can't find them, and you're just one man! You did nothing to earn this!" his seal on the bond slips, and she lets out a cry of distress. "You think- because you pushed me, you deserve to hurt?"

"I do. I'm a monster."

"No. No!" She says firmly, and she wants to pull him into her arms and kiss away his fears and his pain. "Ben, you didn't mean to. I...I saw that you were afraid of Snoke getting to me through you, and I still pushed. He was already in your head and I still pushed. You didn't mean to. I know you didn't."

"I didn't I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to give you a reason to fear me-"

"I'm not afraid." She insists. "And the only thing that's hurting me is your pain. Please, let me heal you."

"But don't you see? Even if I didn't hurt you...I've hurt others. People just like you. I don't deserve mercy like this. I don't deserve you." His pain is becoming more potent by the second, and it brings tears to her eyes. "I should have these scars. I've done everything to earn them."

"Being loved isn't about what we've earned or haven't earned, My love." She whispers, caressing his face with her fingertips. "I love you. I know what you've done, and I still love you."

"You hate yourself because you love me. You try to hide that from me. You only think about it when you think I'm asleep, but I know it. I make you hate yourself. You, the one person in the galaxy who is pure and good and light, and I'm destroying you." His voice is agonized now, and she bites her tongue hard. "And the child you carry...I can already feel her affinity for the light. And I know he'll try to kill that, to take that from her, and I don't want him to. But he gets whatever he wants. He takes whatever he wants."

"You've lost a lot of blood, Kylo. You're starting to feel fuzzy. Please, it's scaring me. Let me heal these wounds, and then we'll talk." Finally, he nods and releases her hand. She lifts her hands to his broken skin again, and she's surprised by how easy it is to mend what's broken. She just thinks of how much she loves him, and how she wants- no, _needs_ him to be whole again, and it's done. He shudders as she stops, and she presses her lips to his shoulders, the back of his neck, his spine, and wraps her arms around him, pressing herself to him tightly. "Don't hide things like this from me. You could have died from blood loss."

"Rey-"

"And I love you, you selfish idiot! Don't do that to me!" one of his impossibly large hands clasps over both of hers, and she rests her forehead against his shoulder. She feels him open his side of the bond and suddenly he's projecting so much into her that she has to cling to him just to stay grounded.

" _I'm sorry. I'm sorry for literally everything I've ever done to you. For taking you prisoner, for pushing into your head, for not letting you escape when I should have. I should have let you go a thousand times since then, but I couldn't. I am selfish. I wanted you with me so much that I was willing to overlook what it was doing to you-"_

" _He would kill you if you let me go."_

" _I could have made it look like an escape."_

" _He would probably have killed you anyways. For failing to keep me contained. And I wanted to be with you. I wouldn't have left, not after the first few weeks."_

" _You were right, when you said we were slaves. Both of us. But there's nothing we can do about it."_

" _Ben- of course there is- we could, you and I we could-"_

" _I know what you're thinking. We could never go to the Resistance, Rey. They'd kill me at first sight and rightfully so. They'd probably welcome you back, even carrying my...you could always tell them you didn't have a choice."_

" _No. You gave me the choice. I won't make you into a monster that you're not. And I won't go anywhere without you. Not now."_ She releases him just long enough for him to wrap her in his arms and pull her on his lap with her head tucked neatly beneath his chin. One of his hands presses gently against her stomach, and she lets out a sigh of content. "We'll be okay. We have to be."


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN: Here it is! It's been a while since I posted- so here it is now! Love my loyal readers!**_

" _She's gotten impossibly big now- you should see the scans- oh! I'll have two one send them to your holo so you can see!"_ Her fingers trail over her stomach, prominent at six months pregnant. She hadn't seen her husband since the visit when she'd healed his back. Snoke had sent him away the next day, and had yet to allow him to return. But he did not know the extent to which their bond had strengthened that night, now constantly flowing between them, shielded by whatever mysterious shields protected Rey's mind from him. Physically they were apart, but mentally, emotionally, they had never been closer.

" _Please. I can't wait to see them with my own eyes."_ he's smiling behind his mask, it's unmistakable. She smiles herself as she runs her fingers over the petals of a large golden flower in the garden, her only real refuge since her husband was gone. Some of the gardeners even smiled at her now when she passed, and pointed out new flowers. She always thanked them with a smile and a few kind words, and didn't feel quite so alone afterwards. " _And she is healthy?"_

" _Very. strong heartbeat, strong vitals. She's measuring a little small, but so am I. I can feel you fretting- it can't be helped! I'm already eating so much I'm constantly stuffed, and I'm taking enough supplement for a small army. Two One said I shouldn't be concerned. It'll likely just be a smaller baby."_

" _I'll always be concerned for you. And for her."_ His love for them both pulses through her and she presses her hand to her heart. He stops speaking to her for a moment as he receives a report on his shuttle. " _Damn!"_

" _Another false lead?"_ She asks, biting the inside of her cheek.

" _Where the hell could they possibly be hiding?"_ He growls.

" _I have no idea, Kylo. They could be anywhere."_

" _It's like they vanished into nothing- like they were swallowed by space!"_

" _I'm sorry?"_ She offers weakly, and he chuckles. They both know she isn't. " _I am sorry you're getting so frustrated. I'm sorry that I haven't seen you in two months. I'm sorry that you haven't gotten to feel our child moving inside of me."_

" _Me too."_ He lets out a long sigh, and for a moment, she feels his force signature trail through her body, finding her stomach, and feeling. Their little girl presses back, recognizing her father's energy. A quiet hum of contentment fills the bond, and she presses her hand over her stomach too. For a moment, all there is is peace, and love, and their family. She is treasured, she is precious, she is wanted. " _Always. Every day for the rest of our lives, I will want you."_

" _You'll never leave me?"_

" _I could never- would never."_ He insists. She smiles again and turns her attention back to the flowers. " _I've gotten a comm summons from Snoke."_ She knows what this means, and she frowns. " _I don't want to shut you out, but I can't let him feel how much of your energy is twined with mine. He already senses too much. I promise, once he's gone I'll let you see everything."_

" _I know. I just…"_

" _I don't like to be parted either."_ He soothes.

" _I love you."_

" _I'll be back before you know it."_

… _._

" _You should go lie down."_ He insists gently when she complains of the swelling in her ankles.

" _Not likely. I won't let them keep me cooped up. They already try to keep me in bed for hours a day- I'm not letting them know they're probably right."_ She grumbles. " _Didn't anyone teach you that you shouldn't argue with a woman who is seven months pregnant?"_

" _I guess I missed that day in training."_

"Mistress Ren?" she turns to find one of the gardener's daughters standing shyly behind her.

"Oh- hello Sophia." Rey smiles at the girl who can't be more than fourteen. The blonde girl always had s friendly, if somewhat bashful smile for her.

"I...I hope this isn't presumptuous, or anything. It's just me mom and I noticed that you had a baby, in your belly- and we made this for you." she holds out a bundle of white cloth, which Rey takes, and gently unrolls. It's a soft white blanket, with delicate stitches and triangles of green decorated with delicately painted leaves.

"It's so beautiful!" Rey grins at her, and pulls the girl into her arms for a quick embrace. "Thank you; It's perfect!"

"We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, so we used white and green. I hope that was okay. You always liked plants. So we thought-"

"I absolutely love it." Rey assures her as she drapes the cloth over her stomach. "My little girl will look so beautiful, wrapped up in this."

"I thought it was a girl. I'll have to tell mom that I was right. Have a nice walk."

"Thank you again- it's the most wonderful gift I've ever received." Rey calls after her, dabbing a few tears from her eyes as she turns back to the wall of pale pink flowers.

" _I should see that that girl's mother is given a raise."_

" _You should. They're hard workers- I know they have very little...the fact that they made this for me…"_ She shakes her head as she tucks the bundle under her arm.

" _I told you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, people will love you. You're perfection."_ HIs voice is proud.

" _I just realized...this is the only thing I have for the baby. I haven't….I don't even know what a baby needs! Will I even be allowed to get things for the baby, or will Snoke-"_

" _Calm down sweetheart. I'll make sure you have everything that you need."_ A sigh of relief bubbles from her lips.

She really shouldn't be surprised when she's informed by a stormtrooper a few hours later that a shipment had arrived for her. A large box filled to the brim with tiny pink and white clothes, covered in flowers and lace and bows, there are diapers, and bottles, and things she'd never known an infant would need. She's informed that a cradle had been delivered and it was being set up for her in her rooms. She can't help it when she starts to cry.

" _What's wrong?"_ He asks the moment he registers the tears on her cheeks.

" _I...you bought all of this. You chose it all for her."_ Is all she can think to say to explain herself.

" _I told you I'd take care of everything. I...I hope everything is to your liking."_

" _Ben, everything is perfect."_ She assures him, soothing his fear of rejection. " _Thank you, for taking care of us."_

" _Always, sweetheart. You know that."_

" _I can't believe the all powerful Kylo Ren browsed the holoweb for Coruscant's finest baby store. And bought things with bows on them!"_ She giggles even as she brushes tears from her eyes.

" _I assure you, I have excellent taste. I inherited it from my mother-"_ He stops suddenly, the bond growing cold as it did so rarely these days. She bites her lip and caresses her stomach, answering her daughter's gentle prodding through the force. She seems to be asking "Where has father gone?", but of course, Rey has no answer for her. She just caresses her stomach gently, and delights in the answering kicks against her hand while she waits for her husband to collect himself and come back to her.

… _._

Her chest heaves as he continues his invisible attention, something he's become rather adept at in the past few months. She feels him everywhere, absolutely everywhere as he moves throughout her body. It's nothing compared to the feel of his flesh pressed against her own, but it's more than she can give herself.

" _Yes, just relax sweetheart. I want you to come for me."_ She whimpers and bites her lip, her head thrashing to the side as he concentrates especially hard on the spot he knows is most sensitive. " _I wish I could taste you. Stars, I wish I could put my mouth on you!"_

"Oh Ben!" She calls, finally shuddering with her release. " _I still don't understand how you do that!"_ She sighs as she comes down from her high. She'd tried to figure it out, but she'd never been able to pay him back in kind. It frustrated her to no end.

" _Don't feel bad. I'm just glad that I can do it for you."_ He assures her when he feels her ire rising. " _I love your energy when I get it just right. The little sounds you make- force, when you call out my name…"_

" _Yes- but you- you're my husband. I want to make you feel good."_ She frowns. " _I feel like it's not fair to you."_

And it went without saying that Snoke had used his absence to try to convince her that her husband was not faithful to her. She knew that he was lying, she knew that Kylo hadn't so much as looked at another woman since they'd been married- she'd even been in his head when he'd turned down a few very, very vulgar offers. Those always repulsed him so much- especially because he knew that it was not so long ago that he would have gladly taken them up on their offer. He was ashamed that he'd ever had a woman that wasn't her. She hated it too. She would always be worried, if only a little bit, that she couldn't compete with those women. That she wasn't as pretty or as sexy, or skilled.

" _Don't even think about those women, sweetheart. Remember what I told you."_

" _That now that you know what it's like to really make love you could never go back to the way things were for you before."_ She nods calmly.

" _You're it for me. I don't need other women to take your place just because I haven't gotten to properly make love to you for a few months. The idea of touching anyone else...its so, so wrong. It's disgusting."_ He assures her, calming all of her fears and insecurities. " _And when I do get...Bothered, as you liked to call it, I can take care of it."_ A thought strikes her and she sits up a little.

" _Are you alone?"_

" _Of course- I never do that to you unless I'm alone."_ She pulls on their connection, bringing him deeper in her mind, to the point where she knows he'll be able to feel everything she feels as if her hands were his own. She might not have been able to manipulate the force inside of his body the way he could for her, but she could certainly… " _What are you doing?"_

" _Shh…"_ She pulls the fabric of her tunic, well, his tunic, over her head, and trails her fingers gently across her skin, lingering on her breast, circling it softly with her thumb the way he so often did. She feels his breath catch in his throat as he takes in what she's doing, the soft weight of her skin.

" _Rey…"_

" _Do you know how bothered I get just thinking about you?"_ She asks, letting her hand trail lower, curving her arm awkwardly around her eight months pregnant belly to reach her most sensitive skin. He groans into the connection, and she knows exactly what he's doing with his own hands. " _I love your hands...your big, strong hands. I love the way they feel on my skin- I love the way you feel on my skin. And inside of me- I love it when you take me, and make me yours over and over again."_

" _Holy kriff, Rey-"_

" _I love your length pressed inside of me, buried so deep that I can't tell where your body starts and mine ends. I love how it feels when I wrap my fingers around it, and you moan into my mouth…"_ Her lips curl into a smile as he groans loudly. " _And when you spill yourself inside of me and fill me up- like when you filled me up with your child so that everyone would know that I belong to you, that I spend my nights riding you, that you're the only one that makes me scream in pleasure-"_ She stops short when she feels him grow hazy with pleasure, and he almost roars out her name into the bond. " _How was that?"_

" _Kriff, Rey."_

" _Did you...was that okay?"_

" _It was significantly better than okay."_

" _I'm glad you liked it."_

" _I can't believe that came from the same woman who couldn't talk about sex without blushing. You couldn't even say the word "Sex"."_ Oh, if only he could see the blush that trailed across her cheeks and her chest now. " _Still blushing then? Good, the blush suits you, my perfect, innocent wife."_

" _I miss you so much."_ She pulls his tunic back on, and inhales. The smell of him barely clings to it anymore, and it makes her eyes tear up a bit just thinking it. " _When do you think you'll be summoned back?"_

" _I really don't know. He may not summon me for the birth at all. He may only call me back when you've been cleared to conceive another child."_ He admits, and she nods. " _But you know I want to be there. I want to be there for you more than anything."_

" _I'm so scared to do this without you by my side, Ben."_ She curls in on herself, and caresses her stomach. " _What if something goes wrong? What if I can't do it?"_

" _Don't even say such a thing!"_ He growls. " _I know you can do this. Even if I'm not there, I'll be with you. I'll give you all of my strength if I have to. I love you."_

" _Oh Ben...My Ben…."_ She almost feels his hand cupping her cheek gently.

" _You need to sleep, my love."_

" _You'll stay with me?"_

" _You know that I will."_


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN: Chapter Twenty for you my readers! Sorry it's been so long!**_

"Dear child, look at how you've grown. Yes, motherhood certainly suits you." Snoke observes with an almost gleeful smile. "My medical staff informs me that we should have the first Skywalker child of a generation before the end of next week." She bites the inside of her cheek as he presses a hand to her well rounded stomach. She wants to say something biting and cruel, but she knows that she must behave if there's any chance of her husband being returned to her. "You've been well behaved these last few months. My troopers report that you have been calm and collected, and my medics say that your healing is improving by the day. Or it was, before you had to stop because you needed to conserve energy for the child." He presses his fingertips together. "Tell me, young one, do you behave so well because you are glad to have Kylo Ren gone, or because you hope I will bring him back to you?"

"A man should be present, when he becomes a father...supreme leader." She chokes on the formality, but she can sense his delight in it rolling off of him in waves. "I would request that Kylo Ren be allowed to return to Coruscant, if only to see his child brought into the world."

"Such a thing would surely make you very happy." He muses. "I have another deal for you, dear child."

"What is it?" She says tensely, her eyes narrowing.

"You spent so little time with the resistance, and yet you still possess something that I want." He says. "The remaining portion of the map to Skywalker. Give it to me, and I'll bring Kylo Ren back to Coruscant at once." Her fingers curl anxiously into the gauzy white fabric of her dress. She'd given up wearing tunics and leggings at all these days- the dresses were far more comfortable. "Well, child? What do you say?"

"I couldn't give you the map even if I wanted to. I do not know how to lower the shields in my mind." It's a half truth. Surely she could manage to pull him into her head the way she could bring Kylo in, but she would not allow him anywhere near her thoughts. "Kylo Ren can access my thoughts- if he were to return to Coruscant, I would...I would give him the map. After the child was born."

"After?"

"I am not so foolish as to think you would not send him after Skywalker the moment the map was completed. The resistance means nothing to me, but Kylo Ren's presence for the birth of my child means a great deal." Another half truth. It would kill her to betray the few friends she had managed to make during her brief time with the resistance. But Kylo didn't think Luke Skywalker was even at his previous location any longer. If that was the case the map was useless. She could give up useless information in exchange for her husband's presence.

"No, I can sense that you are no fool. A simpering fool could not have captured Kylo Ren's attentions as you have." Snoke lets out a long sigh, his fingers pressed together in front of his face again. "Very well. I shall summon Kylo Ren back to Coruscant tonight. He shall stay long enough to bear witness to the birth of your child, but you will surrender the map to him."

"Yes." She agrees with a great deal of bitterness in her heart.

"It's a shame, that you cannot practice force healing at the time being. I should have liked a demonstration of bone healing." She swears he's pouting like an insolent child. "But we'll have time for that after the child comes I suppose."

"I suppose." She nods once.

"You are dismissed, Lady Ren." She hears the doors creak open behind her, and she wastes no time waddling from the room. The troopers are waiting for her with a hovering chair from the medical unit, and she sighs dramatically as she climbs into it. Snoke's medics had insisted that she not walk any great lengths until the child had been born, even though Two one B nine had told her it was perfectly alright. She'd tried to argue with the troopers, but they'd insisted relentlessly. No harm must come to the future of the order. She lets out a long breath as she opens her mind to her husband again, almost sagging in relief at the feel of him flooding through her.

" _Is everything alright? Are you alright?"_

" _I'm fine. We're fine. You're going to receive your summons back to Coruscant soon."_

" _How did you manage that?"_

" _The map. I agreed to give it to you."_ She feels his surprise. " _You said yourself that Skywalker was probably long gone from his hideaway- and I...It's selfish but I need you here. We need you here. Force, I hope he's gone."_

" _You agreed to give up the map for me?"_

" _I had to. I had to have you back with me. I…"_ She bites her lip and stares ahead, focusing on the quiet mechanical whirring sound the chair made as the troopers directed her back to her room.

" _I know something's been bothering you, Rey. Won't you tell me what it is?"_

" _I've been having dreams- like the visions I had of our daughter. They aren't of me, but they're of a beautiful woman...she's in so much pain, and she…"_

" _She what?"_

" _She dies in childbirth."_ she reveals quietly. " _She's sobbing for someone- her husband who isn't there with her- he broke her heart, abandoned her, I think. she never gets to hold her children-"_

" _Children?"_

" _She has twins. A boy and a girl."_

" _Show me."_

" _What?"_

" _The woman in your visions- show her to me."_ He pleads, and so she dose.

" _I thought it was the past- at first I thought it was my own mother, because I know she isn't yours...but she looks so much like you, with her dark eyes- could that be our daughter, in the future?"_ she asks fearfully.

" _It's not- I know the face. That's...she's my grandmother."_ he manages.

" _Your…."_

" _My parents kept Vader from me, but they showed me holos of my grandmother, especially her speeches in the Senate. My mother was...is very proud of her Amidala blood."_

" _She died in so much pain...her heart…completely shattered. "_

" _I don't understand."_ she feels a pulse of his rage as something shatters near him.

" _I don't understand why I've been having the visions either, but that's no reason to-"_

" _You don't understand- remember I told you that my grandfather speaks to me?"_

" _Yes?"_

" _He told me...he told me that his wife was stolen, and murdered by the Jedi, that the children were stolen from her, and thus from him. He told me that the jedi ripped his family apart...but your vision, it suggests…"_

" _That he tore it apart with his own hands."_

" _Yes."_ his voice is hard, haunted.

" _It's just a vision."_

" _Yes. of the past. That's different than a vision of the future, Rey. It's not something subject to change, it's just the way that it is...or was. I don't know why you're having visions of my family, but you are. And they conflict with everything I've known to be true. Why would grandfather lie to me?"_

" _Kylo, have you ever considered that...how long has your grandfather been speaking to you?"_

" _Since I was a boy- before I ever knew about Snoke."_

" _But not before Snoke knew about you."_

" _Don't even imply-"_

" _That you've never spoken to your grandfather at all? That it's been Snoke for all of these years?"_

" _No. No. I would have realized...I would have known!"_

" _Kylo…"_

" _It has to be him, Rey. Everything I've done, every choice I made...Grandfather influenced, advised, consoled when the tasks were...impossible."_ His voice catches. " _He led me to Snoke, he promised me that Snoke was the only one who could help me complete his vision."_

" _And who has that benefitted if not Snoke?"_ She climbs out of the chair when they reach her rooms, and she walks directly to the window overlooking the gardens. They're huge, borderlining garish, a display of Snoke's wealth and power, full of exotic and expensive plants and statues. They're continually expanding, and it makes her heart ache for the forest on Corellia. " _You know that he has manipulated you, your memories and your thoughts-"_

" _But this...this is beyond any of that. Everything else, every time he was in my head, I invited him in. Regardless of what he did after I let him in, I let him in. I let him in because my grandfather…"_ HIs rage is rising, and she sends him a wave of light, but it washes over him with little effect. " _If he really- then everything is a lie. Everything. There was no purpose, no reason- none of it was necessary. Don't you see? If it was never about Grandfather's vision...oh Gods, I'm a monster. A tool for destruction- that's all I am, all I've ever been!"_

" _No, no Ben, no!"_

" _All the people who are dead because of me, the families torn apart, widows and orphans...I destroy. All I do is destroy- What have I done?"_

" _Oh my love…"_

" _No- I can't...I need to be alone."_ He starts to close the bond, but she jams her energy in his way.

" _Don't- you can't. I know how you get when you're alone like this. I can't let you hurt yourself."_ She insists as she walks to her bed and sets herself down on it. She can feel the heat of his tears, pressing to his mask, which feels stifling beyond anything he's ever known. " _Take it off. Breathe with me. In me. Feel our daughter- do you feel her? Feel how strong and light she is? So good, so right. Do you feel it?"_

" _Yes…"_ he breathes out. Her lips curl into a smile as the baby kicks sharply against one of her hands.

" _You made her. She grows inside of me because of you. Her little heart beats because of you. Without you, she would never have existed. You made something good, something right. She's yours. She's ours. She's whole and alive. You do not only destroy. You have created...created something, someone, so, so good."_ She assures him. " _And you hold me with those big, strong hands of yours-"_

" _I stain you with blood, every time I touch you."_

" _No. I refuse to believe that. You've never so much as thought of your master, of your mission while you've touched me. When we're alone we're just...just…"_

" _Just what?"_

" _Just Ben and Rey."_ she says shyly, almost afraid of rejection. " _Neither of us with a legacy, or other family. It's been the two of us, and now our little girl too. Just us."_

" _You have no idea how much I want to believe that."_

" _Then believe it, please. Please."_

" _I'll try."_

" _Good. Good."_

" _...I've just received my summons. I'm on my way back to you."_

" _Thank the maker!"_ She grins, and forces herself to push aside the deal it had taken to get him back. She needed to hold him, to have him pressed against her, to comfort him, and to have the comfort of him.

" _You really do love me, don't you?"_

" _I swear that I do. I need you."_

" _I need you too."_

" _What are you going to do, if Snoke-"_

" _I don't know. I don't know that there's anything to be done, Rey. I've come too far from who I was- and I still believe in the causes I've been fighting for. Banning of slavery. An education system on every planet. Med care for everyone. An effective system to aid the impoverished. No more children abandoned and alone."_

" _Those may be the things you fight for, Ben, but you know that they are not the priority of the First Order."_

" _But my grandfather…"_

" _Oh Ben…"_

" _I don't know what to do. I don't know. There's no way out. Not now."_

" _There has to-"_

" _There isn't. Rey, my master...he will not let me go. He will not let us go."_

" _I know."_

" _I will do everything I can to keep you safe from him."_

" _I know."_

" _I want you to be happy."_

" _Sometimes I am...when our child is stirring inside of me, so bright and alive, and beautiful...when you're with me, and you hold me against your chest and I can hear your heart...when I'm allowed to explore the gardens."_ As she speaks the child shifts and moves inside of her, and she stretches uncomfortably. " _I'll be happier when you're in my arms again."_

" _Soon, my love."_

" _Good. I don't know how much longer we can wait for you. Our girl is running out of room."_

" _I can't wait to see you with my own eyes."_ He'd only seen her own view, looking down at herself, and occasionally when she looked into the mirror.

" _I just want you to hold us."_ She admits, and she feels a wave of tenderness from him.

" _I will. For hours and hours."_ He promises.

" _And we have to discuss-"_

" _THere is nothing to discuss, Rey. It is what it is now. There is no going back."_ She lets out a long sigh, and lays back against the small mountain of pillows she'd collected since he'd been gone. " _I didn't mean...we can speak of it, but-"_

" _Sh...not now. It's giving me a headache to think about."_ She grumbles and wraps her arms around one of the pillows.

" _Alright."_ He backs off a bit, lingering soothingly at the edges of her subconscious as she closes her eyes against the light. " _Go to sleep. I'll be there in six hours."_

" _Six hours?"_ She gasps, her eyes flying open.

" _I'm pushing the shuttle to it's limits."_ He admits. " _We'll only have until the child is born to be together. I'm not going to waste a single second. Sleep, sweetheart. I'll kiss you awake when I get home."_

" _I don't know if I can...I've had the same dream the last three nights, of your grandmother...it haunts me, Ben."_

" _Would it help if I read to you?"_ He suggests.

" _It might."_

" _I don't have anything interesting, just old mission reports, and some tech manuals-"_

" _Tech manual, please!"_ She smiles as she settles down into the pillows, and listens to the deep music of his voice as he reads through an admittedly dull manual. She lets his voice wash over her, and eventually succumbs to sleep.

She's sure he would have kissed her awake if she hadn't been awoken by the feel of him coming closer to her. Their bond was humming, thrumming with energy, and so was their daughter, who twisted impatiently inside of her womb.

"Shh, little one, I know, Papa is coming. You feel him too, don't you?" She whispers, running her hand across her stomach. "I know you do. You're excited, aren't you? You've missed him. I know I have." The door flies open, and she tries to push herself up onto her knees to greet him, but it's incredibly difficult with her changed center of gravity. He quickly discards his mask, and his gloves, dropping them on the floor as he crosses the room and clamors onto the bed, giving her a hand to pull her up. As soon as her skin touches his she feels a spark run through her system. The bond is absolutely glowing now, and she's struck by the feeling of _home_ blossoming in her chest.

"You look...force, Rey, you're so beautiful!" His eyes dance over her entire body, trying to take in every detail. His hand raises slowly, tentatively reaching for her stomach.

"Hold on." She pulls off her dress in one fluid motion, and pulls his hand to the bare skin. Their daughter kicks against his hand at once, and a slow, beautiful grin spreads across his face. "She missed you. I missed you."

"I missed you both- you have no idea." they stay like that for a few moments, and then she lifts her hand to his cheek. He twists his face to kiss her palm, and her breath hitches in her throat as he leans in to kiss her. She sighs into his mouth, and he holds her as close as he can with their daughter stirring between them. When they part for air, he presses his forehead against hers for a moment before he kisses his way down to her stomach, pressing his lips just above her navel.

"You...you could talk to her, if you wanted to. Two One told me that she could hear things in there." She says, and he glances up at her through his lashes. "I talk to her. I tell her about you, about how much you love us, and how you take such good care of us...It's silly, but sometimes I really think she understands me. I know she comprehends more than we thought possible...she knows us, you know."

"I know. I feel it...I feel her…" His forehead rests against the swell of her belly, and he breathes slowly, raggedly as he reaches out through the force for their child. She knows exactly when he finds her, she feels her daughter's delight.

 _Father._

"Come on. You're a mess. Let's get you cleaned up." she says after a few minutes fly by. He helps her rise from the bed, and she crosses the room slowly to their shared closet, finding some of his sleeping trousers and gesturing for him to follow her into the fresher. She starts the tub filling at once, and turns to him. She undresses him slowly, her fingers and lips skimming each inch of the newly exposed skin across his chest and his back. He sighs her name softly, and she trails her fingers down his chest to the waistband of his pants. He catches her hand there, and looks at her very seriously.

"We shouldn't have sex, Rey."

"But-"

"It's not because I don't want you. Please don't think it's because I don't want you." He lifts his hands to cradle her face gently. "I do, so badly. But I looked over all of the information your droid gave you at your last scan. We don't want to trigger an early labor, Rey."

"No, we don't." She puts her hands on her stomach, and frowns. "I wish I could keep her inside of me. She's safe there. He can't hurt her. As long as she's inside of me I can protect her...as long as she's inside of me you get to stay."

"She has to be born eventually, sweetheart...but we just wont do anything to bring her here before she's ready." He kisses her forehead, and she nods. "I can feel what you're thinking. It doesn't matter that it's been months, I don't love you any less because I haven't been able to make love to you. Just getting to hold you, to touch you like this…" his fingers trail across her cheek, twining in her hair. The bond crackles with energy around them, filling her with warmth. "Is more pleasurable than anything I ever had with another woman."

"Kylo…"

"It's true." He kisses her cheek again before he pulls away to finish removing his own clothing. He sinks into the bath with a sigh, and she sits on the edge of the tub, letting her feet dangle in the water.

"You're so different to what I expected. Not even just what I expected of you, but what I was raised to expect in any man." She shakes her head as she runs her fingers through his hair. "On Jakku, I learned not to trust men. They only wanted one thing, and they'd try to get it through trade or force. I learned to protect myself, learned how to fight. I never imagined finding a man who would want to protect me, who would want me for more than...more than what was between my legs." She blushes as he reaches a hand out of the water and slowly raises it to her rapidly beating heart. She presses it there with one of her own hands, and leans forward to kiss his hair. "I'm so glad...I'm glad you're the only one. There were times on Jakku...desperate times when I honestly considered…" She shakes her head in disgust. "But I never did. No matter how hungry I got, how thirsty, I just couldn't. The other girls my age thought I was crazy. Told me that my virginity wasn't worth anything if I starved to death in the desert. They thought I was a terrible prude, that I thought I was better than them or something. I didn't really. I just knew that once I did it...it was gone forever. The only thing I really had that was mine to give or trade or sell."

"I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. Like you're a commodity to be bought or sold. You've done it before, when you've spoken of Jakku. I hate it." He hisses. "You have always been so much more than that. You have always been extraordinary, Rey."

"Sometimes I think you really are blinded by my light. That it makes you see something that's not there. I'm always afraid you're going to realize one day that I am nothing."

"You are everything!" He rises from the water and pulls her to his chest, gripping her tight enough to bruise, but she didn't mind. She needed him as close and real as possible. "Light or no, force or no, you are Rey. My Rey."

"I'm so glad that it was you. That I gave myself to you, and only you." She whispers as her lips press against the skin above his heart. "You're everything I ever wanted, and everything I never knew I needed."

"You have no idea how much it means to me to that you feel that way. That you gave yourself to me willingly to begin with…" He shudders beneath her touch. "I still can't believe that you ever let me touch you to begin with."

"It was inevitable, from the moment I saw your face I...I wanted you." She admits. "Even then, I didn't realize it then, but I saw it in you, I saw…"

"What?"

"I saw a man I could love." He kisses her then, a slow, tender kiss. The sort of kiss that filled her with warmth, and a sense of belonging, that made her feel loved, cherished, adored. Next he kisses the tears that have escaped from her eyes, brushing them away with gentle strokes of his lips. "I hate how it feels when you're so far away from me. It's like…"

"It's like something is always missing. Like I'm never exactly whole."

"Exactly." She nods, and he presses his mouth to hers once more. She feels his arousal stirring against her, and he pulls back with a faint blush on his cheeks and she's sure on his ears.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize- I only wish…" She bites her lip and pushes back on his shoulders until he's leaning against the black marble.

"Rey?" He glances down at her as she very slowly lowers herself down his body, leaving gentle open mouthed kisses as she goes. She kneels in the warm water that still fills the tub and rests her hands on his hip bones. She licks her lips and gathers her boldness- she's never done this before, she's not even entirely sure what she's doing- but whenever he had use his mouth on her it brought her to new heights of pleasure she hadn't thought possible. And she knew in theory men enjoyed this. The girls on Jakku had told her it was a good alternative to selling your body, the best way to get your portions and avoid a pregnancy. "You don't have to do this, I can-" He doesn't finish his thought. It dies on his lips with a strangled moan as she leans forward. His hands tangle in her hair, and she feels pride well up inside of her.

There's something incredibly empowering about having the powerful, dangerous, universally feared Kylo Ren begging her. There's something incredibly sexy about hearing him moan her name and letting every dirty word he knows slip past his perfect full lips. And it's incredibly endearing to feel how much he adores her flooding through the bond. She picks up an image in his mind, something that would have made her blush if she wasn't far past feeling embarrassment. Well, if that was what he wanted, she certainly couldn't think of a reason not to let him have it. She pulls away as he finishes, letting him spill himself across her breasts as he watches with pupils blown wide.

"Was that okay?" She asks, and he reaches down to pull her up, kissing her fiercely.

"Do you really have to ask?" He chuckles darkly, and she grins. He punches a few buttons on the wall panel, draining the tub as warm spray starts to flow from the shower. He glances at her again, seeing how he'd marked her and he lets out a quiet groan. "Kriff, woman, you're going to be the death of me."

"I did owe you for all of those times while you were gone...And I had wondered what it would be like." She admits as he gently places her under the spray and reaches for her soap. "I have to admit, I quite liked it." He drops the bottle and she lets out a laugh. He pulls it back into his hand with the force, and squeezes the sweet smelling gel onto his hands before he gently starts to massage it into her skin. "Mmm...Be careful. You're getting dangerously close to starting something we agreed not to. And you do not want to leave your nine months pregnant wife so unsatisfied, do you?"

"No." He sighs, and she finishes rinsing herself without his help. She hops out of the fresher while he scrubs himself down, and pulls on the tunic he'd discarded. It hung loose everywhere except her stomach. "Still wearing my clothes." He observes with a small smile as she hands him a towel.

"It makes me feel close to you." She admits shyly. "Like I'm wrapped up in you."

"Well, they look better on you anyway." He shrugs, and presses his lips to hers briefly. She can't stop herself from grinning as she grabs her brush and starts combing through her wet hair. He leans against the counter, the towel slung low on his hips, and a wistful look plays on his features.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's just...this." He gestures between them. "It's so domestic, normal even. If someone could see us, we wouldn't seem like anything out of the ordinary. Just a husband and wife, waiting for our first child to be born. Not like…"

"What we are." She nods. He pulls the brush out of her hands, and stands behind her, gently pulling the tangles from her drying hair. "Mm. that feels so lovely."

"Good. I've missed taking care of you." He smiles and presses his lips to her neck. He finishes brushing out her hair, and quickly pulls on his pants before he scoops her up in his arms as if she didn't weigh a pound more than she had when they'd met. "You're not heavy, Rey." He scoffs, sensing her thoughts.

"Well, I feel gigantic." She grumbles.

"You're beautiful. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen, actually." He kisses her forehead before he sets her back down on their bed and climbs in beside her. She curls into him at once, pressing her face into his chest as his hand snaked around her to caress her belly. "The mother of my child…" She hears the smile in his voice, and her heart feels like it stutters.

"We haven't discussed names." She says softly after a moment of peace.

"Any name you want." He says automatically.

"Will they have to choose a new name when they're older, like you did?"

"Perhaps." the quiet content that had been in his voice before vanishes.

"I don't know what we should choose. It's such a big responsibility, a name. What if I choose the wrong one?"

"You won't." He kisses her hair.

"Maybe when we see her, we'll know." She suggests.

"You've already seen her, In your visions." he laughs softly, sending a little chill down her spine.

"I know...but I want to see her with my own eyes. I want to hold her- really hold her in my arms, against my chest. I want to know her, really know everything about her. What she sounds like when she cries, how she'll curl up when she sleeps, what the crown of her head smells like." she smiles up at him as his index finger traces circles around her belly button. "I want to see exactly how much she looks like you...if she'll have the same unmanageable curly hair right away, and if her eyes will start off blue and then fade to brown...two one says that happens a lot with babies."

"I love it when you talk about her. It makes her so...real."

"Believe me, she's very real." Rey laughs. "She already as me up at all hours of the night, going to the bathroom and even when she's just moving around a lot. She's a little creature of the night, sleeps all day, and then…" As if to prove her point, the baby kicks again, somersaulting and wiggling her entire belly. Her husband lets out a quiet laugh as he watches, and she snuggles further into him. "You're tired. How long has it been since you've slept, And I mean really slept?"

"I got a few hours yesterday." He shrugs.

"Kylo…" She sighs. He always was still awake when she succumbed to slumber; he assured her that he slept, but she so rarely saw him do so. Not unless he was holding her safe in his arms. "Sleep."

"I don't want to miss a second with you." He shakes his head.

"I'll sleep too. It's still nighttime. I'm still tired. Growing a human takes...a lot of energy. Come on…" She pulls gently on his mind, smoothing over it with her own. He lets out a trembling sigh against her hair as he relaxes back against the pillows involuntarily.

"How do you sleep on all of these? There are hundreds." He grumbles, but he doesn't move to push them away.

"They made the bed seem less empty. And they helped me avoid back ache sometimes." She insists defensively. "But I'll take your chest and the beat of your heart under my cheek over a mountain of pillows any day." She settles her face against his skin, and he almost hums in contentment.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN:** ** _Alright everyone! Get ready for some action! Your reviews make me so happy!_**

She shows him the baby's room with a great deal of pride. It's smaller than her own rooms, but well equipped with everything a baby could ever need. Kylo had seen to that. And even Snoke had made sure that the child's every physical need would be cared for. As much as he denied wanting a female child for his plans, he certainly wasn't going to let her go without. Perhaps it was because he'd seen the force powers possessed by herself, and wanted healing powers and strong mental guards in his new band of warriors.

They walk through the gardens, but their walk consists mostly of going to the safe place inside of the hedges where he can discard his mask, and she can sit down, and they can just breathe together for a few moments. His hands always seek her stomach when they're alone, and he's taken to murmuring softly to her belly in words so low she can't quite make them out. She doesn't pry though. Father and daughter can have a few secrets between them, she muses.

He rubs swollen feet and an aching back, presses featherlight kisses to the swell of her stomach, and whispers words of adoration in her ear when he holds her in their bed, which after a surprisingly short amount of time really begins to feel like theirs again instead of just hers. She has the vision of his grandmother twice more, and each time he seems more troubled, and a storm of conflicting emotions swells inside of him. She tries to kiss away his fears, but all too often that sort of kissing leads to desperate touching, which can only lead to disappointment while they do everything they can to avoid triggering the baby's arrival early.

"That's a foot- do you see that?" he asks in awe one morning a week after his arrival. She glances down at her bare stomach to see the sure outline of a little foot. "Incredible."

"She is." Rey smiles. "Do you know she's supposed to come tomorrow?"

"Yes...I know." his face takes on the strangest swell of emotions. Anticipation, joy, excitement, but also fear, even dread. She runs her fingers through his hair, and he catches her hand, holding it fast in his own.

Neither of them need to say that they wish things could stay like this just a little while longer. That this is the safest their little family will ever be. That once their daughter has entered the world, Snoke will not hold back trying to bring her to the darkness. The very idea of it makes her sick.

"I'm sorry." he whispers against the skin of her belly.

"Don't apologize. What choice did we have?" her words don't console either of them. His guilt is so thick it's almost tangible, and his thoughts are a muddled mess. "Sh...sh, my love. It's alright. It's alright." she pushes the strength of her love for him through the bond, and feels him start to tremble. " _Oh Ben...what is he doing to your head?"_

" _Instilling loyalty, I think. I've seen him do it before. With his guard, some of the Knights, even his Generals. He wants to be certain that I serve him only, that I'll follow him blindly, but he can't find a place for his persuasion to take root. Everything's been taken up by you, by the bond. He senses it, and it enrages him. I know he believes my loyalties have shifted to you above him."_

" _Have they?"_ he sits up and grabs her face gently, his thumbs brushing her cheeks.

"Yes." It's quieter than a whisper, barely more than a breath, but it resounds in her heart as if hed screamed it. She clasps her hands on top of his as he leans in to kiss her, just the gentlest press of his mouth to hers. She rests her forehead against his, and breathes deeply, basking in his utter adoration.

" _Would you leave this place with me?"_

" _If there was any way I could and guarantee your safety. I won't risk your life. I won't risk her life."_ his eyes flicker to her stomach, and she nods. " _I know that this isn't the life you wanted, but it's still a life. I only want to be with you."_

" _My love…"_ she sighs, and kisses his cheek. They sit that way for a long while, until he has no choice but to rise and prepare for his daily audience with Snoke. Rey has been excused from making them for the time being; she supposes it's no longer novel for him to have her treated like a doll and dressed like an empress. She hadn't been beautiful to begin with, and the fact that she was fat and covered in wavy lines where her skin had stretched certainly did not add to hee appeal. Her husband growls as he picks up his mask, and he strides across the room to take her face in his hands again.

"You have always been the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. You're more beautiful now than I have ever seen you- carrying my child has made you softer, maybe, than you once were, but it hasn't changed the fact that you're too thin everywhere except your stomach. You're completely, and utterly bewitching, more than any creature I've ever seen, and I've traveled the galaxy. Ive seen the angels of the moons of Iago, far and wide believed to be the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy, and they're Hutts compared to you." he kisses her forehead and then her lips. "Someday, I hope you see what I see when I look at you." he leaves her stunned to silence, staring after him as the door slides shut. She hadn't even realized she'd been projecting her own self doubt through the bond so loudly. Truthfully, she didn't know if she'd ever see herself as even a fraction as beautiful as he seemed to find her, but his fervent words and gentle kisses and caresses proved that he adored her, body and soul, and that mattered more to her than her own opinion of her beauty.

She's waiting for him when she starts to feel a twinge in her lower back- it's different than her usual aches and pains. It hurts like hell and then abates. And then comes back again a few minutes later. She shakes her head and denies it to herself. The pain vanishes. And then it comes back again. Her fingers twist in the bedsheets and she lays back against the pillows, determined to calm herself completely, because that would surely make the feeling vanish altogether. She almost believes it's working, almost, when the pain starts again, a little sharper than before, and tears start to sting the corners of her eyes. She repeats this pattern for several of the pains, closing her eyes and hoping they'd stop. She'd had little twinges in the weeks leading up to this. Surely these could just be those twinges, those practice pains, two one had called them, again. But the cycle of pain continues, and she finally has to accept that this might not be practice. That it might be real. She breathes through the current pain rippling through her, and When it passes she pushes herself out of the bed and pushes the button that summons her droid.

"Lady Ren, how can I be of service?" 21B9 asks, staring at her with the soft white lights that form his visual receptors.

"I think I'm in labor, two one." She huffs.

"Are you experiencing contractions, my Lady?" She nods. "How often?"

"I don't know. I haven't kept track or timed them or anything. They started maybe an hour or so ago? Maybe two hours. Three at the most." She shakes her head, and he pulls up his holopad.

"Tell me when one begins and I will time it out for you." He says, and she nods. They're only waiting a few minutes when she signals that the pain has begun. The droid takes careful notes on his holo as he waits for the pain to cease, and then they wait for the next one to arrive. It doesn't take nearly as long as she'd thought it would to begin. "Your contractions appear to be coming at an interval of five minutes apart. This indicates a progressive labor."

"What does that mean?" She asks anxiously.

"It means, Lady Ren, that your infant is preparing for arrival. May I check your progress?" The droid asks, and she nods warily. Two one never made her feel as uneasy as the other med droids of the order, but she thought that anyone who wasn't a bit uneasy about a droid prodding their down belows was insane or a liar. "It is as I suspected. You are dilated exactly four point seven eight centimeters, and progressing nicely. Your infant should arrive within the next twenty four to forty eight hours."

"I thought...you told me first babies usually came late." She bites back tears welling up in her eyes.

"I told you that it was not uncommon for a first baby to come after their projected arrival date. I also told you that many babies arrive before their projected arrival date. The best that can be given to a humanoid female is a rough estimation."

"I see." She nods. Her fingers clasp tightly at the bedsheets as she feels another pain start to grip her. What had started off as mere twinges were now pains in earnest. She'd still had worse before, but she sensed it would only get more painful from here.

" _Rey?"_ The bond comes flooding open so quickly it almost hurts her head. They kept it sealed tightly when either of them was with Snoke. " _What's wrong? I could feel your pain bleeding through, no matter how I tried to hold the shields up."_

" _The baby is coming."_ She tries to speak calmly. She really does try to keep her voice from wavering. But she knows she sounds like a frightened child.

" _The baby- right now? You're certain?"_

" _Two One did checks. He's sure."_

" _I'm coming to you."_

" _Are you finished with Snoke?"_

" _No. I'm coming anyways."_

" _Ben, you-"_ the bond snaps shut again, and she huffs in frustration which drains from her almost instantly as she's filled with relief. Despite her protests, she knew she needed him. Very much. She waits for him while Two One keeps track of her every motion, every pained grimace, or sharp intake of breath. When the door flies open, she sighs with relief. His mask is notably absent, left in the hall where he'd met with Snoke, and he's kneeling at her bedside within seconds. He tugs off his gloves and takes her hands,

"How are you?" He asks, his voice anxious.

"Better, since you're here." She says honestly.

"What can I do for you?"

"Honestly? I just want you to hold me. Please?" her voice is small, almost shy. He rises and crosses to the other side of the bed, his side, and crawls in, taking her into his arms at once. She presses her face to his chest, and lets his heart beat and the smell of him calm her. "Will you be in trouble for this?"

"I don't care. He knows the child is coming. If he wants the map I have to be with you." He kisses her forehead, and she nods. As another wave of pain begins to crest, all she seems to care about is the fact that he's there with her. She reaches for one of his hands, which he surrenders at once, and she grips it tightly. He stares at her with a mix of terror and awe in his dark eyes.

"That marks four minutes since you last experienced a contraction, Lady Ren. I would recommend that you be taken to the medical unit." Two One announces and Rey nods. She knows an elaborate set up has been made for the arrival of her child, and countless human medics, the best in their field, had been called in to await it's birth. Kylo has her scooped up in his arms and is carrying her across the room before she can protest.

"You know, I am capable of walking." She insists, though she's not really sure that she is. Not during one of the contractions, but certainly in the interim.

"I know. But I'm here to take care of you. Let me." He whispers as they emerge from their rooms, and she just nods and presses her face to his neck. She feels the eyes of countless troopers and palace staff on them as her husband strides purposefully through the halls. They'll always be a subject of fascination she supposes. She supposes that they've all wondered about her, since Snoke had never seemed particularly keen to make an announcement of his first Knight's marriage. She was sure there were rumors around the palace, questioning who she was and whose child she carried. Well, there would be little room to doubt on that point now. Kylo Ren would not march through the halls carrying just anyone; and maskless, no less.

She's tense with pain when they arrive in the medical wing- an odd addition to a palace, she'd thought before Ben had explained that Snoke was weaker than he'd ever let anyone believe. He'd extended his lifespan beyond what was normal through the force, and true age was finally catching up with him. His days were spent in a splendid onyx hall, and his nights were spent wrapped in a healing tube.

"Lady Ren, your droid sent us your notes. It would appear labor is progressive." The medic who speaks to her is a rather severe looking woman with gray hair and angular features. "I would like to perform a brief exam, if that is acceptable to you...and you, Lord Ren." Her eyes flicker nervously to Kylo.

"You have my permission." Rey nods, but the woman still hesitates. " _Give her your bloody permission, Ben, She's scared of you and I'm not keeping this baby in here forever!"_

"Go on." He nods, and the medic finally proceeds.

"Everything is normal as far as I can see. You're just over five centimeters dilated. Things are progressing. I'll leave you alone for the time being. If there's anything you need, do not hesitate to press the call button." And with that she vanishes.

"Kriff, is everyone so scared of you?" Rey finally asks.

"Most people." he admits with a shrug. "Not you."

"No. not me." She takes his hand in hers again, and holds it against her cheek before he presses it to her belly. "Not her either." he smiles a tremulous sort of smile that warms her from the inside out. She squeezes his hand tightly as another pain begins, and she grits her teeth to keep from crying out. "You aren't feeling this, are you? The bond isn't-"

"No, I'm not. Just the echo of it. I know you're in pain, I can feel where you're hurting, and my brain is going haywire trying to tell me I need to find a way to stop it, to protect you." She knows the feeling well.

"Well, I'm afraid you can't protect me from this, my love. It is what it is."

"There are pain reducers you could have administered, some so potent they claim you wouldn't be able to feel-"

"I don't want that." She cuts him off with a shake of her head. "She's my daughter and I'm going to give birth to her the natural way. I want to feel- I want to remember."

"But if it could take the pain away-"

"No." She says even more firmly. "I know it's difficult to feel that I'm in pain. I know exactly what you're feeling. But this is pain with purpose, Ben. in the end, we get our baby. And I don't want anything from the First Order when I do this. I want it to be just us. Just our family. Alright?"

"Alright." He nods, and lifts their joined hands to his face to kiss hers. "I can't say I won't suggest it again."

"I know." She smirks. "But all I want is you."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere."  
….

It takes seven hours to even get to the point where she's ready to push. More than once she'd considered changing her mind and having Ben fetch someone to administer the painkillers, but she'd stayed strong. She held tightly to Ben's hand, not even releasing him when the medics came to check her. And he never wavered from her side even once. He was on edge, she could tell. His every move was tense, more than once he snapped at the medics who grew pale and tense each time they had to enter the room.

"Don't scare them away, Ben! Do you want to catch this baby?" Rey growled, after which he was quieter than before, if not excessively agitated. She'd have sent him away if she wasn't so busy gripping his hand tightly. She pushes, and pushes, but the baby wont come. She sees the flashes of fear in the medic's eyes, and panic rising in Ben. When the medics say that the baby is breach, she doesn't know what that means. The medics exit again, saying they'll return at once, and she twists uncomfortably as he lifts his hand to brush sweaty hair out of her eyes. "Ben? What is it? Ben? What does this mean?" She pants, her chest heaving as tears welled in her eyes again. "Breach?"

"It means the baby is backwards." He says, his voice as soothing as ever, but his emotions are haywire.

"It's stuck?" She gasps, her voice hoarse from crying out.

"I'm afraid so." He kisses her hands softly, and she whimpers more pathetically than she's ever done in her life as new tears start to streak down her face. "Hey, hey, it's alright, it's going to be alright!" He insists, his voice portraying surety that his eyes do not.

"I'm scared." She admits, letting a sob escape from her lips.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to be afraid." He insists as he squeezes her hands.

"I can hear their thoughts as clearly as you can…" She exhales sharply, and she bites her bottom lip harshly as she feels another pain. She's too tired to scream any more. "They think I'm going to die, or the baby's going to die. They want it to be me- they have orders for it to be me- I'd rather it was me!"

"Don't- You're both going to be fine. She's going to be fine. They're just on edge. You know how _he_ makes everyone feel. You're going to be alright. You're so strong. You didn't survive on your own for over a decade on Jakku just to give up now, when you have a family who loves you. When there are people who need you. I need you. She needs you." she pulls his mouth to hers with strength she didn't know she had left. The kiss lasts no more than two seconds, but it conveys everything she wanted to say to him. "The medics are coming back in. you're going to blow their minds, because you're going to do what they don't think you can. You're going to have this baby, right now, without any help from them. You're going to do it all alone."

"Not...all alone." She corrects, squeezing his hand, and he offers her a tremulous smile.

"You know you have me. Forever." The medics return, with a few more, their faces drawn and serious.

"Master Ren, we've been instructed-"

"Catch the baby." Rey commands, cutting off the stern faced woman.

"Lady Ren, we've already tried-"

"I'm not asking. Catch the baby or Kylo Ren will. And he will be none to happy about it!" She groans as she feels her body gearing up again.

"I suggest you listen to Lady Ren." Her husband adds, and the medic takes her place at Rey's feet. She grabs onto his hand, and feels him pushing his strength into her. She lets it wrap around her mind, focusing on it more than on her sore muscles. She roars as she bears down with every ounce of her energy, and the medic seems almost stunned, her face betraying her emotion for the first time in the day.

"She's doing it- Keep going!" The medic encourages, and Rey almost scoffs. As if she would stop now!

" _So soon, sweetheart, you'll get to hold her so, so soon."_ She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, and pushes with the pain. It's agony, worse than she had ever known before, but she keeps going. She has something to fight for. Everything to fight for.

Family. Love. Home.

For a moment she thinks nothing will ever compare to the overwhelming relief that floods through her as the pain and pressure all but vanishes.

And then her daughter cries.

A tiny, wrinkled pink thing with a smattering of curly black hair covering her head, and the most perfect, pouting lips. The most beautiful thing she's ever seen, and it's covered in blood and all sorts that Rey isn't even sure she wants to know about. Shes precious. She's perfect. And she's hers. She's theirs. The medic swiftly cuts the cord and takes the wailing baby away to clean her, and Rey collapses back, letting out shuddered sobs of relief.

"You did it." Kylo whispers softly, pressing his lips to her temple, not caring about the staring medics. He presses his forehead to hers, and she lifts a trembling hand to his cheek. "I knew you could do it." The medic approaches and places the baby on her mother's chest. Rey is frozen for a second, not so much as breathing as she takes in the tiny face of her little girl, the tiny life she'd created with her husband, that she'd carried inside of her for nine months.

"Oh...Look at you. Look at you!" Rey gasps, her lips quirking into a smile. "Beautiful, beautiful girl. My beautiful girl." She pressed her lips to her forehead, and looks up to Ben. His face is the usual mask of indifference, but his eyes tell her everything. She glances from his face to their daughter's, and she tilts her head in question. He glances shyly at the medics, but reaches forward slowly, and trails his index finger along the red, round cheek of his daughter. He snaps his hand back suddenly and held it to his cheek. " _Ben?"_

" _I can't...I shouldn't touch her. She…"_

" _She's ours."_ Rey insists. " _Please. Hold her. Please?"_ He nods sharply and reaches slowly for the child. She transfers her into his arms with an unpractised ease, and she watches as he holds their child stiffly, his strong, black clad arms contrasting strangely, and beautifully with the soft pink figure of their daughter wrapped in a white, gauzy blanket. Her heart flutters wildly, and she can't see anything except for them. The center of her world was right before her eyes. At first she thinks her vision is growing fuzzy because of the unfallen tears in her eyes. And then it grows spotty, and her ears start to ring, and Ben's talking to her, but she can't hear it. It's like being submerged under the water while swimming. She turns her head slowly towards the medics she feels working at her feet, and the thing that strikes her most before she fades to black is that she had never seen so much blood in her whole life.


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN: Hello Readers! As always, your reviews make me smile! I hope you enjoy!**_

She's acutely aware that she isn't seeing through her own eyes. She sees herself, pale and sickly, lying on a bed connected to all sorts of wires and tubes. She knows at once she must be seeing through Ben's eyes. That he's at her bedside again. His eyes flicker down to their joined hands- he's removed his gloves.

It had been two days since she'd given birth to the most beautiful child in the galaxy. Two days since she'd held her in her arms and kissed her downy head. And it had been two days since her husband had threatened to kill every single medic in the imperial palace if anything happened to her. She only knew this because his thoughts were loud while he sat at her side, and he'd begun to feel remorse for it. He wouldnt kill any of them regardless of what happened to her, because she wouldn't want that. A medic enters with the baby, and he takes her without a word. Through his eyes, Rey drinks in the face of her child hungrily. She's so perfect- different than she had been even two days ago.

"Rey?" He asks softly, his voice hoarse and thick. "I...I brought our daughter in to see you. I thought...I hoped that you'd wake up to see her?" He sounds so hopeful, and broken that her own heart breaks a little. "Please? Rey, she needs a name. I won't name her without you. You have to wake up. Please, I'll do anything, anything you ask of me, just open your eyes. Please?" She tries, oh, she tries so hard for him, but her eyes wont focus and her fingers wont so much as twitch. It's the sound of his low sob as his vision becomes obscured by tears that really pushes her. Her head feels wrapped in cotton, but she tugs sharply as she can on their connection, and he gasps almost painfully. "Rey?"

" _I...I'm…"_ She struggles to form words, and she feels his hand on her cheek.

"You're still in there- rest, I can wait. As long as I know you're still here." He insists. "We're waiting for you." Undiluted longing runs through her whole system, and she knows he feels it. "Rest, sweetheart."

And she does.

….

On the third day she flexes her fingers against his palm. He kisses her hand, and then her forehead. He's figured out that she can see through his eyes, and he has the baby's cradle brought into her room. Their daughter is beautiful- her eyes are still incredibly blue, but she's positive they'll fade to brown. She still needs a name, but she's not going to say a word until she can say it out loud.

He misses her. Desperately.

And any time she's not spending with her is spent with Snoke.

She knows that he needs her, all of her.

And she needs him too.

….

She opens her eyes on the fourth day, she doesn't manage to stay awake for very long, but he cries and kisses her deeply. Her limbs feel heavy, but she curls her arms into a cradle, and he lays their baby in her arms. Tears stream down her cheeks as she kisses the tiny forehead.

"Do you have a name for her?" He asks, his eyes flying between their faces. She grins at him, and leans her face into the large palm of his hand.

"Clara." She whispers.

"Clara?" He asks, and she nods.

"Do you...do you like it?" She asks.

"It's perfect." He kisses her softly, and runs his hand gently over their daughter's head. "I love you."

"I love you." he brushes her tears away, and she nuzzles him gently.

"Thank you, for her." He whispers. "She is...She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Just like you. You're so beautiful."

"Ben…" She shakes her head.

"Don't use your energy to fight with me. Not when you're holding Clara." He says, almost smugly, but as soon as she hears him, new tears fill her eyes, and remorse fills his. "Rey-"

"No, that's not it. I'm not- hearing you say Clara...it sounds perfect. It's right." She nods and blinks away the tears as best she can so that she can look down at her face again. Her Clara looks up at her with clear blue eyes, and the smallest quirk on her lips. Rey knows she can't smile yet, not really, but it really looks like she is and Rey can't help but smile back. "I love her. So much."

"I know." he grins at her, and Rey feels waves of his love rolling off of him like water. "You need to sleep sweetheart." He whispers as he brushes her face with his fingertips.

"I can't stop looking at her though. She's beautiful."

"You need to get well again, Rey. rest. Soon I'll be able to take you back to our rooms." He assures her. "I'll hold her."

"...Alright." She presses her lips to her daughter's forehead, and smooths out her black hair that's every bit as smooth and soft as her father's. She tilts her chin up to kiss her husband, and he takes their daughter in his arms. She's almost in awe of how at ease he looks in comparison to her first memory of him holding her. The look in his eye is protective and adoring and her heart feels full as her eyes flutter shut and sleep finds her.

…

She isn't let off bedrest, but the week after the birth of her daughter she's allowed to return to their rooms. She's constantly monitored, and still tires quite easily, but she's much more at ease in the familiar surroundings. She even gets to feed her daughter. She finds that though it's uncomfortable, it's makes her feel incredibly close to her child- it makes her feel like a mother. Ben stands in the doorway of their training room, staring at her with a wistful smile.

"Do you have to stare?" She teases.

"It doesn't feel real. I feel like if I turn my eyes away, you'll both disappear."

"Ben...my love, come here." She beckons him forward with a tip of her chin, and he strides across the room and takes a seat on the edge of their bed. He reaches out and strokes the top of their daughter's head, and Rey smiles at him. He returns it just a slight quirk of his lips, but she senses something deeper. "Hey. no need for all of that. I'm right here. I'm fine. She's fine."

"I really thought I was going to lose you." He admits. "I thought you were going to die- and I was terrified. I don't...I don't want to have to be without you, ever again. But I knew that if you died, Id have to stay strong. For her. And I was so scared."

"Everyone gets scared, Ben."

"Not me. I haven't been scared in years. Not like that." He shakes his head. "And...just looking at the two of you together here...maker, I'm so lucky, and I don't understand why." She leans into him, and he wraps his arms very gently around her waist, beneath the cradle she's made with her own arms to support their daughter. "A perfect wife. A perfect child."

"She is perfect, isn't she? Our perfect Clara." Rey croons softly. "And you're perfect too. To me, you are." He doesnt reply, just kisses her temple and drops his chin to rest on her shoulder while their daughter suckles contentedly at her breast.

…

She isn't allowed to be there the first time Snoke sees their daughter. She's told it's because she's still too weak to be up and about, and must remain in bed but she knows more than anything it's because Snoke doesn't wish to see her. Unable to conceive a second child yet, and unable to force heal or do anything more strenuous than walk from the bed to the fresher, she's completely useless to him at the moment.

She still feels the moment Snoke makes contact with her child. They had a bond, though not quite as strong as the bond she shared with Ben, but strong enough that she knew her baby was in distress. Their connection felt murky, dark, painful for a span of time that couldn't have been more than two minutes, but Rey couldn't breathe. The need to protect that arose in her was primal and desperate and it must have been powerful, because she senses Ben soothing along the edges of her mind as he often did when she was in distress. She tries to even out her breathing, but she only clutches her head and waits in agony for her husband to bring their little girl back to her. She leaps from the bed despite his meager protests as the door opens.

"Let me see her- let me hold her!" Rey insists, taking the wailing child in her arms and tearing open the top of her tunic to press her daughter to her skin. "Shh, Clara, it's alright. Mama's here. Mama is here now." She presses her lips to the ebony curls and the baby quiets some, and glances up at her with wide eyes that Rey had expected to be blue.

Her heart nearly stops when she sees that they're yellow. She'd seen this before, she realizes, in Kylo Ren when the darkness in him was too strong.

"What did he do to her?" Rey gasps, her legs beginning to tremble.

"Please, sit down." Her husband guides her gently to the edge of the bed and pushes gently on her shoulders until she's seated and soothing their child against her breast.

"Kylo, what did he do to her?" She repeats, and he looks up at her in surprise. She almost never called him Kylo anymore. He was her Ben. But the darkness in the room was too strong for her to call him anything else.

"He...he reached for her mind with the darkness. He said he was baptizing her in it. He couldn't do it when she was inside of you, because your shields kept blocking him." He says slowly as if he's trying to detach himself from the situation.

"Why haven't you opened your side of the bond again? You usually do as soon as you leave him." Rey says suspiciously. He casts his eyes away from her. "What are you hiding? Show me."

It ends up being guilt. A deep, black ocean of it, clawing at him and threatening to choke him. She sees in his memory as Snoke snatches Clara from his arms and runs his skelital hand over the soft crown of her head, and hears her cries of distress.

 _The baby reaches out to him frantically through the force-_ _ **father- help- father!**_ _\- and he's frozen. he cannot move, cannot give his master a reason to distrust him. It would be all too easy for the old Sith to pluck the child away and never let him see her again, and that would break him. Absolutely break him. But worse than that it would break Rey, and he cannot let that happen. Still, his conflict is great- he is the child's father, as Rey has told him, she exists because of him. And he can do nothing but watch while his Master tries to poison the light that's blaring out from her like a beacon._

" _Tell me, Kylo Ren, why hasn't your Scavenger given you the map?" Snoke asks, utterly unbothered by the wailing child he held easily in the crook of his arm._

" _With the strenuous circumstances of the birth of her child, it seemed a bad time to dig through her head." He tries to sound indifferent, but he knows he failed. He can see it in the disapproval written all over his master's face._

" _Perhaps, Apprentice, but she has been in her quarters again for nearly two weeks, and I'm told she's been given permission to resume daily walks. It seems to me she is plenty well."_

" _She has been so tired, Master. It is no excuse, but I see only what she chooses to show me." It's a half truth. When the bond is open, he can see everything, but his master does not need to know that._

" _You will retrieve the map today, Kylo Ren, and tomorrow you will find Skywalker." HIs first instinct is to protest- how could he possibly leave now?- but he bites his tongue and bows his head. "And by the time you have returned to Coruscant, it's possible your Lady will be healed enough to begin efforts for the conception of a son." His head snaps up and his eyes flash to his daughter._

" _I do not know, Master. She suffered so greatly during the birth of this child, I would assume she would need longer to rest and to heal-" His words are cut off with a light pressure around his throat._

" _This...girl….of yours…" Snoke says as he casts his eyes down on Clara. "Has great force potential. Possibly beyond even yours. It's clear that your blood combined with the blood of the Desert Rat is strong with the force. But that does not mean your offspring are the only option, Apprentice. I'm certain there are any number of your subordinate knights who would be more than willing to have your leavings and get a child off of the girl if you are incapable of doing what must be done." his vision flashes red, and blood roars in his ears. His fingers itch to clasp his saber and destroy something- anything to stop this feeling flooding him._

" _No! I- It will be as you have commanded Supreme leader. All of it. I shall end Skywalker. I shall give you the heir you require." He dips his chin, hoping it's an appropriate show of deference and acceptance._

" _Very good. You may go." Snoke holds out the child and for a breif moment it appears he's going to drop her to the ground, and Ben's heart nearly stops beating. Instead he sends the child forward with the force until it's clasped in it's father's waiting arms. Ben doesn't hesitate to leave the room, and when the door has shut he instantly sets to work trying to soothe his daughter with every soft word he knows, but it doesn't seem to work. She wails harder, and her eyes flash brilliant yellow, and he knows he has failed her. His daughter is not even a month old, and he has failed to protect her. Suddenly, Han Solo doesn't seem such a terrible father after all. At least he had never willingly and knowingly handed his child over to a murderous, power mad sith._

"My love…" She whispers, and presses her lips to his forehead.

"Our girl...our daughter, I couldn't protect her, or comfort her. I just had to watch- I can't...I can't…" He drops his head onto the foot of the bed beside her, and she's never seen him look so defeated. It tugs on her heart strings, and she threads her fingers through his dark mane. Their Clara finally stops her sobbing, settling for quiet hiccups against her chest.

"Ben, please, you're a good father. I know you are, and so does Clara. She loves you. She always radiates to you-"

"And I didn't reach for her when she called to me!"

"Oh Ben…" his head snaps up when her voice waivers.

"Don't. Don't cry for me. I don't deserve it." he insists, but the tears flow down her cheeks regardless, dripping carelessly onto her daughter's black curls. He lifts his hand to cradle her cheek, and she starts to tremble.

"I can't help it. I know I'm stronger than this- but I can't help it. My emotions are everywhere, and I can't control them!" She shakes her head and smoothes Clara's hair in a poor attempt to be comforting. "I didn't know how to be a wife and I still don't. I don't know how to be a mother either- I never had one to learn from, and theres so much I dont know! And then I remember that I don't even know how old I am, but I know I'm too young for all of this! Im probably only nineteen, and you're twenty nine, and I'm afraid you'll see me as a foolish child, because isn't that what I am? A foolish child from the desert, wearing dresses too fine that don't fit right anymore because I had a baby- and I love her so much, but I know I can't protect her. Not really. And I wonder if I was older than I am, would I be any better? I'm too young for all of this!" she sobs gently as the baby against her chest falls into a fitful sleep. Gently, so gently, he lifts the baby out of her arms and lays her in the middle of the bed, close enough that he could reach her again with one stretch of his long arms. And then he scoops up the baby's mother, and she clings to him, letting her sobs burst past her lips and into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he whispers against her hair, and it only makes her sob harder. "You're so strong and sure of yourself, I tend to forget how young you are, and I forget how little love and assurance you've really known. Rey, you're the strongest person I know. All the things you've gone through would be enough to break anyone, but you...youre not broken. Youve held onto light where I gave into the darkness for much less. And you never grew resigned to fate here, you always had hope for the future. I admire you so much, sweetheart."

"You're a man, and I'm barely more than a child- if it wasnt for the force and Snoke you never would have noticed me at all."

"Do you honestly still think that? Rey…" he tilts her face up, holding her chin firmly as he looks into her teary hazel eyes. "We've been married almost a year now. Do you honestly think I only care for you because you have the force?" he sounds hurt, and she shakes her head slightly. "The force may have drawn me to you, but the force isn't random, Rey. It draws us to our destinies. On Takodana it drew me to you, to the most exquisite creature I'd ever seen, dressed in desert rags and all. And then our minds bridged, and It was clear that you and i are two of a kind, Rey. Both lonely, and longing for a home. We were meant to find that together, because we are suited to eachother in every possible way. Even without the force, you and I are what people would call soulmates. I honestly believe that...look at Clara. Look at what we made together. She's so...perfect. She's proof that you and I are right, together. Don't you see that? Can't you believe that?" he begs, and she pulls him into a fierce kiss. She tucks jer face into the crook of his neck, snd he buries his face in her hair. "You see, we're a mess, you and I. Broken pieces that somehow fit together even though no one thought they would."

" _You're quite the speaker, Ben. When you talk...you have a gift with words. You always seem to know exactly what to say to me."_ She speaks into his mind, not trusting her voice just yet.

" _I get it from my grandmother. The senator queen."_ he presses his lips behind her ear. " _You know, I wanted to be a Senator when I was a child. After I got over my pilot phase when I was four, anyways. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to be like my mother and grandmother."_

" _But you never got a say in what you wanted to be."_

" _I was a Skywalker. I was the next jedi, it was my legacy. No one cared that I didn't want it. My parents didnt care when they sent me off to the academy. Snoke didn't care really about what I wanted, but he gave me more freedom."_ he shrugs and she glances over his shoulder at their baby girl whose chest is rising and falling rhythmically.

" _I wish we could give her a choice. Let her find something she wants to do. A cause she really believes in."_ She shakes her head and tangles her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. "But you need the map. He'll be waiting for you. He'll be impatient."

"He will.' he acknowledges. edges with a nod. "But we have time. Just let me hold you a few minutes longer." and how can she argue against that? The smell of him and the beat of his heart beneath her cheek comfort her, and his lips press to the crown of her head so reverently she almost believes that she is precious. Clara makes a small snuffling sound in her sleep, and at once both sets of their eyes are on her. Her chest is rising and falling evenly in the pale green little dress she wears, and she has a tiny fist between her pouty lips.

"This will be the first time you're away from her." Rey observes and he frowns. "Since she was born."

"I'll be back soon enough. I know Skywalker has moved on. I just know it. And I have orders to…" He trails off and his face flushes with his shame. She takes his face between her hands and tips her forehead against his own.

"It's okay."

"It isn't. You are young, Rey. much too young to be expected to have two children."

"Well...I'm probably twenty by now." She says, an attempt at humor. "And I'll be fine. As long as you are mine."

"I will always be yours." He doesn't hesitate at all when he says this. It's a non negotiable truth.

"Then I can live with the rest." She climbs off of his lap, and lays down gently next to Clara. "And she's the best thing that I've ever had. How could I say no to another one like her?" Even if she would rather wait a number of years before even attempting another birth. The painful, bloody memories were still too fresh in her mind, the ache between her legs hadn't fully vanished, and her breasts were sore from the effort it took to feed the baby she loved so well. But she endured it all once, she could endure it again. As long as she could keep Ben with her as often as possible. As long as they could try to be a real family. She sees him slowly lean back, until he's laying opposite of her, his brown eyes flickering between her face and the face of the child they'd made. They don't say anything else. After what could be silent minutes or hours, she pushes the image of the map into his mind, and he gives her a nod to confirm that he sees it, but otherwise he doesn't acknowledge it.

They tuck Clara into bed together, sensing she'll sleep well through the night as a result of the ordeal she'd been through- after all, having ones mind tampered with by the force was exhausting- and strip down to their underclothes before crawling back into their bed together. Her holds her impossibly close, and she melts into him, pressing her mouth to his skin lazily. Only then does he finally speak, and it's in her mind.

" _I will find a way to make things better for her. I promise."_ She cranes her neck to see his eyes, and she nods seriously. " _It may be too late for me, But I wont let her fate be my own._ "

" _It's never too late, Ben_." She corrects.

" _She'll never have to find out. I'll figure something out. I swear on my life. I love her. I love you."_

" _I know. We both know."_ She assures him, pressing her lips softly to his own once before she settles back down against his warm skin. She falls into a heavy sleep, and when she wakes he's gone, and his side of the bed is cold. The bond, however, is warm, and as she wakes she senses him greeting her with a soothing humming sound along the edges of her mind. " _You didn't wake me up."_

" _You were dead to the world when I left. Exhausted. And I had to leave. I'm sorry."_

" _It's alright._ " She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and shuffles over to Clara's cradle, finding her baby awake, chewing her knuckle with her gummy smile. Her eyes are still yellow, but then she blinks, and they open to a much softer color, like blue that's fading into rich brown. A few moments later it happens again. Yellow. And then back _. "Do you see this?"_

" _I do. The light in her is purging the darkness. Or it's trying to. She already had some darkness in her- my fault I'm afraid- and what Snoke did amplified it."_

" _He could have killed her with this, couldn't he?"_ Rey asks as she scoops up her daughter and she makes a soft cooing noise that tugs pleasantly on her heart. His hesitance to respond tells her all she needs to know. " _I want him dead."_

" _Careful. Who knows what he'll pick up in my head."_

" _I don't care. I want him dead, he must already know this. I've wanted him dead from the moment I laid eyes on his hologram. Now I just want him gone more than ever. For our girl. That's the only way she'll ever truly be safe. You know that, don't you?"_

" _...I know. I want to."_ Her heartbeat accelerates. She'd felt his loyalty wavering before, a dozen times over since she'd been married to him, but this is the first time he'd ever outright admitted something like this. " _If there was a way that I could-"_

" _Why couldn't you?"_

" _You know why. I'm strong with the force, you're strong with the force- but he...he's on a level neither of us can dream of. He knows secrets of the force that even the old Sith didn't. I think you underestimate him, because he can't get into your head, and you've only felt an echo of what he can do through me. But now that you're not carrying a child, he could really hurt you, Rey. and I vowed to protect."_

" _You're right. I know you're right. I just wish-"_

" _You don't have to say it. I understand. I do too."_ He stays with her for the morning while she puts their daughter to her breast to feed.


	23. Chapter 23

_**AN: WARNING: There are some non-con elements in this chapter- so if that's a trigger, just...be warned! Granted, there is no actual non-con, but it is suggested.**_

" _Empty?"_

" _Not a trace. His force signature has faded from the entire island. He hasn't been there for months. Just as I suspected."_ Ben confirms. " _I'm back on the shuttle. My knights are pissed. They were hoping for a challenge. But none of them have ever faced an enemy force user who's been properly trained. I don't think they realize how many of them would have died. But they've always been idiots."_ She can hear the annoyance in his tone. She knows he's fond of a few of the Knights- they're the closest things he has to friends, other than her, but for the most part they annoy him. They hate him. They envy him. " _Most of them are just excited to get back to Coruscant. They've all been out on assignment for a while. When the Knights gather, Snoke always gives...rewards."_

" _Rewards?"_

" _Alcohol. Women."_ he admits carefully, and her heart feels like it rises to her throat.

" _O-Oh?"_

" _Yes. usually it goes all night. Then the next day everyone receives new missions with a hell of a hangover and shoves off."_

" _And, and you, head knight, do you have to attend?"_ She tries to sound casual, she tries so hard, but he idea of her husband anywhere near other women, women who had been hired to please and seduce, and touch has her vision going red at the edges. She focuses in hard on the baby that's sleeping peacefully in her arms.

" _I've already made my excuses to the Supreme leader. He was...less than pleased."_

" _He gave you orders to impregnate me, he shouldn't have you wasting your time and efforts with some random, filthy woman!"_

" _...Are you jealous?"_ there's a hint of amusement in his voice and she sputters.

" _No."_

" _Because it would be very stupid if you were jealous."_

" _I know."_

" _I don't want some random woman for a night, Rey. I want my wife every night- well, all the time, any time I can have you. I want to kiss every inch of you, worship you with my tongue until you start making those little sounds at the back of your throat-"_

" _B-ben…"_

" _Then I want to pull you on top of me and watch you ride me with your head thrown back and your sweet little-"_

" _Ben, I am holding our child!"_

" _What? She can't hear me- besides, part of the reason she exists is because I love taking you to our bed. Or shower. Any surface, really._ " She bites her lip as her cheeks burn.

" _I don't look the same now as I used to, before I had her. And I'm not sure that my body will feel the same to you, now that I've given birth. I'm afraid-"_

" _Don't even put it into words. Don't you dare. I've seen you naked since you gave birth. Helped you take showers and clean yourself, I know you're different. But different isn't bad, Rey. it's not scary or repulsive. It's just who you are now. You got this way carrying my child, and that makes the changes beautiful."_

" _Two One said that it's safe again. To make love."_ She knows he'd be delighted at the blush on her cheeks that was rapidly spreading down her neck. " _So long as we're a bit...careful. Gentle, I mean."_

" _I can be gentle."_ he says softly and she smiles fondly.

" _I remember."_ She rises to tuck their daughter into her cradle again and checks and double checks the monitor before she wanders into their bedroom. " _How long until you're home?"_

" _Probably another six hours. And then I'm to meet with Snoke and the Knights."_

" _And then you can come to me?"_

" _Maker I hope so."_

" _Me too."_

" _Wear something pretty."_ he says cheekily, and she crosses her arms over her chest.

" _I don't know. It's been a while, and when it's been a while you tend to get over excited and fabric starts flying."_

" _Hey, I said I'd be gentle."_ He says defensively, but she can hear the good humor behind the words. " _It doesn't really matter what you're wearing. You could be wearing nothing at all- actually, forget wearing something pretty, do that. Just nothing at all."_

" _Ben!"_

" _It seemed like a logical suggestion to me."_

" _Well...it would save me having to buy new underclothes."_

…..

She feels when his ship comes into the hangar, but she cannot run to greet him. She'd be stopped by troopers, and probably punished. So she contents herself to play with their daughter, a silly game with no rules, but it makes her daughter's eyes, now blue for minutes on end though still flashing yellow from time to time, sparkle with glee. She expects him to come to their rooms sooner than later, but his side of the bond stays firmly shut. She gives Clara her dinner, and there is still nothing from him. She has Two One give Clara a quick scan just to be sure there's no real damage lingering from Snoke's invasion of her mind, and there's still nothing. She puts the baby to bed and kisses her black curls, and sits in the middle of their bed, but theres nothing. Until the bond opens just a sliver, and she sits up straighter, almost straining to hear whatever it is Ben is hearing. It's so faint, and she wishes he'd open the bond a bit more, but she knows there must be a reason he isn't.

" _I've indulged in your affections for the Scavenger because it is easier to control a willing servant, and that child was so clearly won by your feelings for her- but now, it has become too much. She is a distraction." Snoke's voice rings clear in her head as it does in his._

" _Supreme Leader- Master, that is not true. I feel nothing for the girl, beyond possessiveness. You know how I feel about what is mine." He reasons steadily._

" _You cannot lie to me, Kylo Ren. Or is it Ben, now, since that's what she calls you when you rut her?" Panic washes over him. He knew- how did he know- "I know all, Kylo Ren. I am God and I am sith. You cannot hide from me."_

" _I hide nothing from you, Master. I will admit, I have spent too much time with the girl. The Force inside of her calls to me. Sings to me."_

" _Do not think I don't understand, Apprentice. I too once had a lover with great force potential. I know what it is to feel the force flow through your lover. But you have gone beyond passion."_

" _No, I-" There's suddenly pressure on his throat and he cannot speak._

" _I should take her away from you, so that you could better focus on your mission. Finding the resistance. Killing skywalker, and Solo. But then I think of the child...what name did her mother give her?"_

" _Clara." He tries to keep it from sounding tender, but he can't seem to help it when his mind turns to his little daughter._

" _Ah, yes. Clara Ren. Such potential, but it will be wasted in the light. I had some success with her, as you witnessed, but I do believe that you will be the most successful."_

" _Me?" there's a push then, against his mind, so dark and sharp it could be considered painful. She recognizes the sensation at once. She's felt it before. Persuasion. Dark persuasion. It creeps against his mind, searching for a place to take root. He's biting his tongue so hard blood wells in his mouth. The push is harder, and she wants to scream into his mind, to warn him, to push against it, as if he can't feel it himself._

" _Of course. You share the child's blood. You have a connection to her mind that I do not. You will show her the right path. Our path." Snoke commands him. "Won't you, apprentice?"_

" _Yes, Master." What else can he say? The push let's up. He thinks he's succeeded._

" _And as for your bride...You must lie with her, if we are to have another child of the force. But there can be no more of this tenderness. This caring. It distracts you from your mission. It draws you to the light."_

" _By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced."_

" _Then you will use her, and return to me for training."_

" _Yes, Master."_

" _The droids have confirmed she's prime for conception. Go to her. Enjoy yourself. Create life. Create a son. And then return. I think you've earned a lesson. Lightning, I think. The best way to bring an end to a jedi knight. Skywalker will end the way he should have on the Death Star." there's another push against his mind, and she sees vile images- poisoned memories. It's him pushing her down and taking her forcefully while tears stream down her cheeks. The way he should have had her, if he was dark. If he was loyal to Snoke._

" _Yes, Master." But he doesn't believe it like he once did. He bows deeply, and the wall snaps closed again as he leaves the room._

Use her? What does that mean? Well, she knows what it sounds like. A lot of men used women on Jakku, and then the women's bodies ended up in the desert, buried by sand until their bones were bleached by the sun. her fingers are trembling as she wraps her arms around her knees. The image Snoke had pushed into her husband's head had left very little room to think anything else. He was on his way to hurt her. Or that's what Snoke wanted him to do.

Ben wouldn't do that to her though. Even Kylo Ren had never done that. She bites down on her tongue, and starts shaking a little harder. Her whole body is trembling. Why did he shut her out again? If he loved her...he said he loved her...he wouldn't hurt her. She had to believe that he wouldn't hurt her. She loved him. She loves him. He wouldn't touch her. Not like that. Not in anger. She had to believe in him- he needed someone to believe in him. He always had. And she could do that. Of course, it would have been more convincing if her limbs weren't trembling so hard her teeth were chattering. But she couldn't stop them- the image played itself over and over again in her head. She knew his powerful hands were tools of violence. She knew they'd ended lives. But aside from one shove, which hadn't hurt her, not really, those hands have worshiped her, adored her, loved her. They'd cradled their daughter with tenderness she'd never seen in another human being before. Ever. they cared for her with patience and kindness as she'd recovered from the birth of their child. She pushed down the barriers in her mind, desperate for a feel of him, but his walls hold tight. He's close though. Getting closer. Her body trembles harder. The door flies open, and she closes her eyes. It slams shut.

"Is she asleep?" He asks, his voice cold and even. She nods. "Open your eyes." She shakes her head. " _Don't be afraid of me. Please. Not you._ " "Open." She opens her eyes slowly. His face is blank, its passive and cold as his voice.

" _What's going on?"_ She tilts her head to the side and hugs herself tighter. "Where have you been?"

"Doing my duty." He pulls off his gloves. " _He's got the room bugged. Wired somehow. He knows everything. Things he couldn't have picked up in my head. We've been careless."_

"I see. I...was waiting for you." " _What do we do?"_

"You should have gone to bed. You should have known you wouldnt be sleeping after I got back." " _He wants me to...he thinks I'm here to-"_

"The baby was fussing." " _I know. I know. I saw."_

"You didn't do anything to her?" " _He knows this isn't just passion. It's gone beyond that. He knows that you're purpose. You're everything."_

"She's my child. I'm not a monster." " _Purpose?"_

" _Yes."_

" _We have to leave this place."_

"You never know." He starts to pull off his surcoat and eyes her venomously. " _You know that I can't. I can't go to the resistance. That's impossible. But you...you could go. You could take the baby and go. You have to go."_

"I don't like your tone. That was an unfair accusation." She wraps tighter around herself. " _I'm not leaving you."_

"Is it?" " _Rey…"_

"You know that I'm not a bad mother." " _You can't go to the resistance. I understand. Then we won't go. We'll go somewhere else. We'll just disappear. Outer rim. " h_ is movements falter. He goes back to maneuvering his belt with military precision. She hadn't thought through the words before she'd spoken them. She always thought that if she left, if they left, it'd be back to the resistance. After all she believed in what they were doing. She'd clung so long to the fact that she was only here because she needed to bide her time, because she was going to find a way to help them. To get back to them. That's what it was all about. But it wasn't any more. It was about Ben, and Clara, about a family. Her Family. Their family.

"You are a desert rat, I don't know what you know." he drops the belt on the floor and pushes his surcoat off of his shoulders. " _What do you mean? What does that mean?"_

"More than you know about being a father." " _You're loyal to me? You care about me and Clara more than the First Order?"_

"Now you're being a bitch." " _Yes. more than anything."_

"I'm tired." " _Then don't choose a side. Light, dark, Resistance, First Order. Just choose me. Choose us. Come with me. Let's go anywhere we can, let's get out of here and disappear. Please. Please."_

"We're not done here." " _I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get us out."_

"Don't come to my bed when you're angry." " _Please. We can figure everything out, I know that we can. Please."_

"You don't own anything. Everything here is mine." " _He already doubts my loyalty enough as it is- there's no chance that we can escape this when he keeps me under his thumb like this."_

"Well, I'm not. I don't know what's gotten into you-" " _Then prove yourself to him. Do what you came here to do."_ His back stiffens. She sees his knuckles turn white as he grips the hilt of his saber.

"What do you know about me?" " _No. I won't touch you like that. I won't."_

"Sometimes I wonder if I really love you at all, or if it's just because I have no choice. It's love you or accept that I'm your slave." " _You have my permission. You… you can be rough with me."_

"It doesn't matter. As long as you give me the sons I need." " _You're barely healed from birthing our child. I'm not going to hold you down-"_

"I have no control over that." " _Then just make it look good. I'll struggle. I'll let you hold me down. Just do it. Prove you're loyal to Snoke. Prove you're loyal to me. If this convinces him...let's get out of here. Please. Just...get it over with."_

"That's of no concern to me. Take everything off." " _I don't want to do this. I never want to touch you in anger. Even if it's not real."_

"And if I don't?" " _I love you. I trust you."_ He doesn't say anything. He reaches out with the force, and just barely nudges her, but she catches his intention, and throws herself backwards.

"You shouldn't have said that. I can take whatever I want. Even you." " _I love you. I'm sorry. Yes, I'll do it. I'll run away with you. We'll vanish to the outer rim. We won't be a part of the war anymore. I'll be a moisture farmer on Tatooine if I have to."_ "Take it off." She reaches trembling hands to the hem of her shirt and pulls it over her head. She wasn't wearing anything underneath it, she was feeding the child recently of course. His eyes darken at the sight of her, and she feels her skin flush. She's supposed to be afraid of him. But she's not. She never could be. Not when she knows how much he loves her.

"You don't have to do this." " _Force, you look so good. I do want you. I always want you_." He stops talking with his voice. He doesn't need to. Instead he locks his lips against her throat with almost bruising force. She bites her tongue to avoid crying out. She's not supposed to enjoy this, but his mouth, his clever, clever mouth feels too good. " _I love you. Remember that I love you. That this feels good to me too. I'm not afraid of you. I could never be afraid of you._ " that spurs him on, and he growls ferally, in a way that could be misconstrued as threatening.

She doesn't finish, and it does sting. She may have wanted him, but her post baby body wasn't prepared for it. Even if he'd been remarkably tender with her, it would have hurt. She's bleeding a little- it'd barely stopped to begin with. She tries to keep him from seeing, but the look of guilt in his eyes as he pulls away tells her enough. The bruises forming on her neck and shoulders aren't unfamiliar to her, he'd left them before, tenderly- but from the way he eyes them, she knows he's ashamed of them. That he hates that he put them there. She could heal them later. He tugs his clothes back into place and she lies on her back, catching her breath the best she can.

"Where are you going?" She already knows. " _I'm fine, Ben."_

"That's none of your concern." " _You're kriffing bleeding, Rey. You're not fine!"_

"No...I don't suppose it is." " _It's nothing I can't heal. Nothing I can't fix. I asked you to do this. I said you had to. Now Snoke will know you did as you were told. He'll think he won. We'll figure out how to get out of here. Everything will grow from here. We will grow from here."_ He finishes dressing, and holds his gloves in his hands.

" _I will find us a way out of here. I swear it. I will never do anything like that to you again. Ever."_

" _I trust you."_ She rolls onto her side and winces. It stings.

" _Rey…"_ She sees his fingers twitch towards her before his hands curl into fists.

" _It'll be fine. I'm fine. Go. Before Snoke gets impatient."_

" _I'm going. I'm leaving. But I'll hold your hand when I get back. I'll never let you go. I adore you. You believe me, don't you?"_

" _Of course I do. You know how much I love you."_

" _I love you."_ she hears the leather of his gloves creak and she sits up to run her hands over the bruised skin. It's easy to heal, it takes only seconds for the bruising to fade and turn back to tanned skin. She'd heal what was between her legs, but she didn't know how to do it. She didn't know anything about herself. Just another way she was inadequate. She grabbed the shirt again, and wandered into the fresher. She let the water wash away what the force healing couldn't and shoved the shirt back over her head. It was his. She hadn't broken the habit of wearing them. The baby will wake up soon, she knows, so she sits up, and doesn't sleep. She just waits. And she lets her mind wander. And she envisions a world where she and Ben are just that. A young couple with a baby. She'd live on Jakku again if it meant she got to keep him. If it meant they'd be free.

She feeds the baby when she wakes, and gets back into bed and he's still not there. She lays in the dark, curled in on her side for a long time before she fades into sleep. She feels it when he climbs into bed- normally he'd reach for her and draw her into the circle of his arms, but this time she feels his hand seek hers out under the black blankets. She grasps it tightly, and he settles into the pillows an awkward distance from her, but he clings to her hand like a lifeline.

" _He trusts you?"_

" _I shot lightening. He wouldn't teach me that if he thought I would run and teach you."_

" _Are you going to teach me?"_

" _No. that's a darkside skill. I don't want you to know that. To know anything about it."_

" _Okay. Okay."_

" _How are you?"_ His head rolls casually to the side, as if sleepily, but even in the dark she can see the weariness, the pain and concern in his eyes.

" _I'm fine. I will be fine. Clara is fine. We'll be fine together."_

" _I will never forgive myself for that. I am so, so sorry."_

" _Don't be...it was pretty, um, sexy, actually, for the most part."_ His eyes open wider for a minute, and his surprise radiates through their bond. " _You all muscle and power holding down my hands like that...it did something to me. If it wasn't for the healing, from the baby, I...I would have liked it. I mean, I did like it. I would have liked it more, I mean."_

" _I would kiss you, if I could. I want to kiss you."_

" _Then just plan to get us out of here. Get us away, and then you can kiss me anytime you want. You can kiss me, and make love to me, slow, and sweet. And we'll always put our baby to bed together, our Clara, and we'll teach her to walk together. How to read and how to talk. Maybe, maybe a few years from now, we'll give her a little sister or brother. But we'll do it on our terms, in our own time."_

" _I'll give you anything you want. Everything you want. I'll provide for Clara, and for you, and if you ever want another baby, I'll give it to you. And I'll love you all so, so much. I'll keep you all safe. We'll be a family."_


	24. Chapter 24

**_AN: Alright everyone, I know the last chapter might have been a bit much, but it was a big turning point for Ben. Anyways, heres a new chapter! Thank you faithful readers!_**

"Your hair is so beautiful...You're so beautiful." She whispered as she rocked her back and forth. "My beautiful Clara." She pressed her lips to her forehead. Her eyes had finally stopped flashing yellow, and were becoming a murkier shade of blue, now nearly brown. "You're going to have your daddy's eyes too. He'd tell you otherwise, but daddy is the beautiful one. He has beautiful eyes, and his hair is curly and dark like yours. He doesn't like his features, but I do. I love them. He's like the statues in the parks, and in the gardens. He's so, so beautiful." She whispered softly, and pressed her lips to the child's temple. She hummed tunelessly as the baby's eyes started to droop. No one had ever sung to her as a baby, not that she could recall. She picked up old tunes from Ben's mind, and she hummed them to their baby. Gently. Quietly. Not to be overheard.

It had been three weeks since that night. And every day it seemed they got closer to an escape. They remained cold to each other outwardly, barely touching or talking, and when they did it was snipped and short. But he'd nearly figured it all out. They had plans. He had a ship for them. He didn't have a location. He'd let her pick when the time was right, but didn't want her think about it a moment sooner. The less he knew about it, the less chance there was Snoke would find anything in his head.

She rocked patiently until the baby fell asleep against her breast, and then laid her in the cradle. With every rise and fall of the baby's chest, she feels her heart swell with love. In her sleep, her little pouted lips hung open just like Ben's did. The resemblance between father and daughter was uncanny, and it made her love both of them all the more.

" _Is she sleeping?"_

" _Soundly."_

" _Leave her with the nannybot, come to the garden."_

" _The garden?"_

" _Yes. I'm here, sweetheart. I'm waiting for you. I've checked everywhere for cameras, glanced in the workers minds. There's nothing. Come on."_ She tugged her hair out of it's ties and ran her fingers through it and grabbed a clean tunic out of her wardrobe. She had leave to come and go as she pleased, so long as she remained in her hall, or in the gardens. She slipped out the door into gardens with no trouble, and finding him was no issue. She was drawn to him. She walked through the twists and turns of the large hedge maze until she's suddenly swept into his arms.

"Ben!" She gasps as his hands, already bared, ensnare her waist. He wastes no time in kissing her passionately, his lips caressing hers and coaxing her lips open to respond to his. She sighs happily against his mouth, and twines her fingers in his hair. "Are you sure we're safe here?"

"I'm positive." he assures her breathlessly. She grins and launches herself back into his arms, kissing him with as much passion as she can muster. It had been weeks since they'd kissed like this, freely and deeply and passionately. His hands reach underneath her tunic, trailing along her spine, sending shivers up and down her whole body. Oh, she had missed this! Every movement of his hands on her skin had her arching closer to him desperately.

"Ben...we're in the open!" She protested half heartedly.

"I'll stop if you want me to." He pants, his hand playing with her waistband.

"Don't you dare." She growls and nips at his full lower lip. She ends up on her back in the grass, staring up at the blue of the sky as he pulls her leggings off. One of her hands flies to her mouth as his mouth nips her thigh, and then he dives between her legs with great enthusiasm. The hand that isn't muffling her cries digs into the grass, uprooting it. She's beyond caring if someone finds them, so long as he never stops doing that thing he's doing with his tongue. He doesn't disappoint. He never does. When she finishes she gasps his name and bites down on her hand to keep from screaming. He pulls away and reaches for her clothes, as if to redress her, and she pushes him onto his back.

"What are you doing?" He asks as she climbs over his legs and finds the buttons of his trousers.

"That was very, very good my love. But I don't think we're finished here." She grins as she straddles his hips.

"Rey, we don't have to-"

"Do you not want to?" She asks, suddenly red faced. He looks at her incredulously, as if the evidence of his want wasn't pressing against her. "I want to make love to you. Why are you hesitating?"

"I don't want to hurt you again." He says seriously as his fingers dig gently into her hips, intent to keep her in place. Her eyes soften, and she bends down to kiss him.

"You won't. I really am ready now. Just…we'll go slow. I just want you. I want you, the real you. It's been months since we were together like this. I need you." He groans and kisses her again, lips and teeth clashing almost clumsily- or it would be clumsy if she didn't want him so much. Him slipping gently into her makes her gasp and her back arch. Their minds merge of their own accord, and the bond between them sings. She braces her hands against his chest and moves and he lets out a low moan that shoots straight through her. It's a slow pace as she grows used to him again, but he doesn't mind. Soon, though, he isn't close enough, and she relinquishes control, letting him lay her on her back so he can kiss her and caress her. He keeps her pace, and she kisses him everywhere she can reach, his eyes boring into hers with an intensity that makes her heart throb with love.

"I love you." he whispers it against her neck, into her hair, against her still clothed breasts, into her mouth, and she basks in it as he draws her back towards the precipice of pleasure. She tips over the edge just a moment before he does, and she clings to his shoulders as he presses a sloppy kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you." she tips her face up to catch his mouth.

….

They've just finished dressing when they hear the explosion. Instantly, their heads snap towards the palace, seeing smoke. Their eyes meet, and as they do, they both utter one word.

"Clara!" They set off running, desperately, towards the smoking palace. He crumples briefly and she reaches for him, crying his name.

"It's nothing- he's summoning me to protect him- i-"

"You have to- he has to trust you!" She insists.

"That won't matter if he dies!"

"What are the chances he dies, Ben? You said yourself-"

"But Clara-"

"I'll get to her, I'll protect her. No one outside of the palace knows she exists- she'll be fine!" They keep running, and she senses his conflict. "Figure out what's going on, Ben, and I'll keep Clara safe!"

"Fine- be careful, please!" He tugs her to him for a quick kiss that's somehow more passionate than any kiss they'd shared while making love only moments ago. "Please be careful."

"I'll be fine. I love you. I'll see you soon." She kisses him one more time and then turns and runs in the opposite direction that he does. The bond opens wide, and she takes comfort in the nearness of him mentally. She runs faster, reaching out her mind for her daughter. She senses her in the nursery, not sleeping any longer, but not afraid or in pain. She radiates a sense of curiosity and almost befuddlement and annoyance at having been woken up. "I'm coming sweetheart. Mama's coming!" She tears through the palace halls faster than she dreamed possible, only to run smack into someone.

"Rey?!" She gasps as her eyes turn upwards.

"FInn?!"


	25. Chapter 25

AN _**Hello Dear Readers! So, I'll be out of town for a month coming up here at the end of this week, and I won't have computer access, but I hope to have a few more chapters posted before then! Please enjoy!**_

For a moment they stare, and then he's wrapping her in a bone crushing hug that she finds herself returning.

"Thank the gods you're alive! No one was sure, no one had heard from you- you've been here for so long-"

"There's so much to explain, but I can't right now, I have to-"

"Don't worry about anything, we'll take you with us!" Panic rises in her chest.

" _Rey, what's going on? Why is the traitor here?"_

"No, you don't understand, Finn, I have to-"

" _Rey, where are you exactly? I'm coming."_

"We have to get out of here, Rey!" He insists, grabbing her hands. She notices that one of his hands is encased in a leathery glove. Right. Her husband had cut that off. She shakes her head and tugs herself from his grasp, and begins running back towards the nursery. "Rey!"

"I'll explain later!" She cries over her shoulder. She looks back in time to see another resistance member she's never met pull out a blaster. She doesn't sense his intention quickly enough. She sees the blue bolt coming for her chest- she recognizes it. A stun blast. " _Ben, I-"_

The last thing she hears as the blast hits her chest is Ben roaring her name through the bond. The last thing she thinks is that he has to get to Clara.

…..

The place where she wakes up is unfamiliar, and yet familiar. The falcon, her mind shakily supplies. She spent a few days on board what felt like a lifetime ago. Her limbs feel heavy and she feels a bit sick to her stomach. A side effect of the stun blast. She shakes her head as she swings her limbs up and over the side of the bunk and takes a steadying breath.

She'd been rescued. They'd come back for her after all. That was all she'd ever wanted. Someone to come back for her.

Suddenly the memories of the last year come rushing at her. Every pain, every kiss, every caress. Ben's eyes boring into her own. Clara's soft snuffling sounds while she was milk drunk against her breast.

" _B-Ben?"_ She presses out into the bond through the ache in her head. She feels him acknowledge her, speaking too quickly for her to understand in her tired state. " _I can't...slow- slow down. Is, is Clara alright? J-just give me a yes or n-no."_ Again, she doesn't understand. Panic begins to swell through her, and she pushes herself up onto her feet. " _Ben, I...I can't- I don't understand what you're saying!"_ She hangs her head in her hands. " _Kriffing stun bolt!"_

Her baby. It was her job to protect her baby. She promised herself she'd never abandon her baby, and she was on a ship flying away at lightspeed. Her breathing grows labored and rapid and tears sting in her eyes. She doesn't notice lights flickering at first, but then the ship rocks a bit and she realizes that she's pushing her anguish into the force around her. But she can't stop. What if her baby was hurt? What if Ben was hurt, and that's why she couldn't understand him?

He'd trusted that she would get to their daughter, that she would take care of their daughter, and she'd failed the only human being who'd ever loved her. She bites into her hand to muffle her screams and sobs, but people still come running to her.

"Rey? Rey!" She barely recognizes Finn when he kneels in front of her. "It's okay, you're safe now, no one here is going to hurt you- Poe didn't know who you were when he had the stun bolt, you're safe!" The sobs start coming harder, and the lights flicker more.

"Finn, what the hell is going on?" THe man behind him, Poe, asks.

"I don't know!" Finn cries as the lights continue to flicker.

"I do." Rey's eyes snap towards that voice. It's familiar, as if it's coming to her through a dream of her past, but at the same time because she hears a voice so similar to it every day. Her husband's father. Her eyes drink in his face, same nose and mouth, same structure- another wave of sorrow washes over her, and Han sweeps into the room quickly and puts his hands on her shoulders. "Grab a sedative!"

"What's going on?" Finn asks anxiously.

"She's projecting into the force- My son, sometimes when things were really bad, this would happen, but not this much- she could tear apart the Falcon, and this ship has survived too much to be taken down by this!" Han says with an edge of humor, but when she glances up she sees the fear, the recognition in his eyes. There's so much she should say to him, about his son, about the first order, about his grandchild, but she can't form the words while the storm rages around her. "Hey, sweetheart, it's okay."

"S-sweetheart?" She asks, her jaw falling slack. That's what Ben called her. What he'd always called her, even at the beginning. He was more like his father than he'd ever admit. She's only half aware of the needle being plunged into her arm, but instantly she starts to fade. Han gently strokes her hair as she closes her eyes and returns to the black of unconsciousness.

…..

The next time she wakes up the pain in her head is noticeably absent. But something is wrong. It feels like being underwater. She tries reaching out with the force, but there's nothing. She rears upright and looks at a strange object on her upper arm. It almost seems like half of a set of shackles, chaining her to nothing.

"Force dampener." She jumps when she sees Han sitting on a crate, elbows resting on his knees, staring at her.

"A what?" She asks.

"An old tool from the days of the Jedi Order. Blocks you off from the force. Keeps you from projecting again." He shrugs. She nods slowly and plucks at it absently with her finger. "You can't take it off. You have to use a key."

"Alright."

"Did you know you had the force?" He asks abruptly.

"No. not until after I was taken prisoner."

"And if you were a prisoner all this time, how were you running freely through the palace corridors?"

"I was a prisoner. And I wasn't." She frowns, her finger still playing with the band across her arm. She feels like she's missing a limb. "I...wasn't there because I chose to be there, I couldn't leave, but I wasn't in a cell." His eyes narrow as leans forward.

"Did you meet- did you meet Kylo Ren?" He asks gruffly. She bites her tongue and nods, her finger plucking more anxiously at the band. It felt wrong. Something felt horribly wrong, but she couldn't quite figure out what. "Did you ever see his face?"

"Yes. Many times." She nods.

"Did he torture you?"

"No." She says at once, shaking her head. "No. Not once." his eyes narrow further as hers widen. Ben. She can't feel Ben at all. With the force damper on, she can't feel anything from him at all. Which means he can't feel her. "I need to take this off." She says frantically.

"Soon, Kid. We're leaving it on until we land."

"No, you don't understand, I have to take it off- he won't be able to feel me, he- he's going to be so worried- he'll think I'm dead!" She tugs on the band again, but it doesn't budge. "Please, he'll be mad with worry!"

"Kid, you don't have to worry about them. You're free now. Safe."

"But he's not- and my- She- oh!" She crumples, burying her face in her hands and huffing in frustration. Angry tears well up in her eyes, and she shakes her head. "Please, please remove it."

"Look, Kid, I commed General Organa after your little, uh, force freak out, and she wants it kept on until we can get Luke Skywalker to see you." Han sighs.

"When will that be?"

"As soon as possible, I promise." Her hands curl into fists and grip her hair. "Look, I'd ask you...I'd ask what happened after you were captured, but I assume you don't want to account it twice, and Leia's asked that she be there for the debriefing." She nods blankly. It would be easier just to tell them both at once that she was married to their son, and had given birth to their first grandchild. That she loved their son and was willing to abandon everything for him.

"Your son. Did you love him?" Han's eyes widen and she realizes her mistake. He'd never told her that Kylo was his son.

"My son?"

"Kylo Ren. He's your son." It's a truth that she suspects he hasn't acknowledged aloud in years. "Did you love him?"

"Of course I did." He says gruffly. "I do. He's my son."

"You were never really around when he was a child." She accuses.

"How do you know any of this?" He asks, his eyes narrowing in a way that's also familiar. Her chest throbs painfully with the reminder of Ben.

"It's complicated." She sighs.

"Kid, After you were taken, we did want to come after you. But then the attack came faster than we thought. We had to get everyone we could out. And then it was like you disappeared. Intel had no idea who the hell you were, just that you'd never been executed officially." Han explains.

"I don't blame you. You had the whole galaxy to think of, and you made the right choice. You've been playing the game very well. They had no idea where you were before I left."

"How do you know what they know?"

"I'll tell you when we get to General Organa, or when you remove this band. Not a second before." She bargains and he smirks.

"You're smart, Kid, I'll give you that. Never give away something for nothing." Han nods. "Street rules."

"Street rules?"

"Don't look so surprised, Kid. I grew up in the slums on Corellia. I know all about looking out for number one."

"I went to Corellia. I lived there for a few months. But I never went to the cities. Just a base in the forest, by the mountains." Rey says, fiddling with the band on her arm again. "It was lovely."

"Didn't miss much. The cities, the ship yards, all garbage, really. The mountains though...Used to have a place out in that area, before all this...First Order nonsense. Gift from the Mrs." Han smiles a little. "Used to take the kid there when he was little. He used to chase Chewy through the woods."

"Did he?" Her own lips quirk up at the thought of that.

"Oh yeah. Chewy was always his best friend. Had the most patience for his games, the most energy for chasing after him. For someone over two hundred, Chewy really has boundless energy." Han shrugs. "You spend a lot of time with my son?"

"You could say that." She says cryptically, and then she yawns.

"You're tired. Can't say I blame you, you got hit by a stun blast and that sedative would've had Chewy out for a solid six hours. You should sleep. We'll be on Hoth in about two hours." He rises to leave and she reaches out to him.

"Please will you take this off? Just for a minute? I promise to behave, I promise, I just need a minute!" She begs.

"What could you possibly do with a minute?" He asks with narrowed eyes. She takes a deep breath and bites her lip. "Well?"

"I could tell my husband that I'm still alive." She exhales, and watches as his whole body tenses.

"Your what?"

"My husband."

"Your who?" Han shakes his head as if to clear his ears. "You're married?"

"Yes."

"And you can reach them with…" He gestures broadly and then to her upper arm. "The force?"

"Yes."

"Who is he?" She looks down at her hands. He comes to the edge of the bed and grabs her shoulders. His eyes are wide, and she knows he already knows the answer. "Rey. Who is he?"

"I call him Ben." She whispers. "And I'm sure that you do too."

"No- you can't be- nah, no. What?" He steps back and begins pacing the small width of the room. "You- you're married to-"

"Kylo Ren? Yes."

"My son? You're my son's wife?" He asks, and she nods. "Kriff!"

"We have a bond, in the force, we can feel each other, and he won't be able to feel me with this thing on- please, I just….I have to tell him I'm alive. Then you can put it back on, I swear, I won't try anything, I just need to tell him I'm not dead." She insists.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"It's been a long kriffing day, I'm sorry if I forgot to tell you between being stunned and sedated!" She scoffs.

"Is there anything else you'd like to share?" Han asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Kriffing Hell, you're my daughter in law- this is...this is just...fantastic. How did this even happen?"

"It's very, very complicated." She sighs. "Please. Han, please. If you ever cared for your son at all, you'll let me reach him. He...he isn't going to be okay without me. I know he's not. He just...he feels everything so deeply."

"He always did." Han rubs his hand over the back of his neck.

"Please- it isn't just that I have to talk to him, I have to know- I have to ask…."

"Ask what?"

"I have to ask if our daughter is alright." If her revelation about Ben had shocked him, the revelation of a granddaughter literally brings him to his knees.

"Your what?"

"Daughter. My daughter."

"You- you have a kid? You and my son, you- you have a kid?" Han asks.

"We do. A daughter. Clara, her name is Clara. She's two months old, and I love her more than anything, and I don't even know if she's okay because I was on my way to get her when…" She shakes her head and reaches for Han's shoulder. "Please, I have to know that she's okay. That both of them are okay." He puts his hand on top of hers and reaches into his jacket pocket for the key.

"I'm giving you two minutes. If Dameron sees me disobeying General Organa's orders he will rat me out and then she will kick my ass." He says as he turns the lock.

"Thank you!"

"Two minutes." Han says again, and he pulls away the band. Instantly everything comes rushing at her, and she blinks as she adjusts. Then she's racing to the bond.

" _Ben? Ben!"_

" _Rey?"_ His voice is hoarse even in his mind, as if he's been screaming for a long time. " _Rey….my Rey, it's you, you're alive?"_

" _I'm alive."_

" _I haven't felt you for hours- I thought...I was sure you were-"_

" _It's complicated. I only have a minute before they put the damper back on-"_

" _The damper?"_

" _Force Damper, yes. Is she alright? Is Clara okay?"_

" _She's fine, not a hair out of place. But she misses you- she's been searching for you. She's inconsolable."_ The words physically hurt and she clamps her hand down over her heart. " _Where are you? What happened?"_

" _I was….well, I suppose you could say I was rescued."_

" _Rescued?"_

" _I'm on the Falcon. With your father."_

" _You left-"_

" _I didn't leave, I was taken. I wouldn't have chosen to leave you- you have to believe that by now. You have to know that."_

" _I do. I believe you. I trust you."_ He assures her. " _I thought that you were dead. I really thought I lost you."_

" _I'm sorry...But you're alright? She's alright?"_

" _We're both alive."_

" _I was so worried- if anything happened to her I would never forgive myself."_

" _She's alright. But she needs you. Needs her mother."_

" _I know. We'll figure it out. We'll be together soon. I swear it."_

" _I'll find a way."_

"Rey, it's time." Han says and she nods.

" _They're going to put the damper back on, my love."_

" _No- don't go! Please, When you're gone, I-"_

" _I have to, Ben. I promised I'd cooperate. I don't want them not to trust me. They have to trust me if I'm going to be able to find you again."_ She insists. " _I'll talk to you soon. They said they'd take it off once I'd seen the General and her brother."_

" _Until they figure out you're married to me."_

" _I already told your father."_

" _You told…"_

" _It's the only reason he's letting me talk to you."_

" _He knows about Clara?"_

" _Yes. I had to tell him. I had to talk to you."_

" _I know. I know- I understand, I just-"_

" _I really have to go. I love you, Ben Solo."_

" _I love you Rey. I'm so, so glad you're alive. You have no idea how glad."_ She floods the bond with her love and light as she holds out her arm and lets her father-in-law clasp the damper around it again.

"Well?" Han asks as the lock snaps back into place. "Are they alright?"

"They're fine. They're not hurt. She...misses me." Rey bites her lip, and lifts her fingers up to trace the edge of the band again. "I was right. He thought I was dead. He was terrified."

"My son loves you?" Han asks, crossing his arms again.

"He does."

"Huh. I thought this was more of a… I don't know, war bride situation."

"It was...and then it wasn't anymore." She shrugs. "I will explain everything, I will answer all of your questions, but I'm tired, and confused, and I miss my baby, and I just want to sleep." She knows she sounds pitiful. She can read it all over Han's face.

"Okay, sweetheart. Just...just get some sleep, okay?" He says as she leans back on the bunk. "I'll uh, I'll wake you when we get to Hoth."


	26. Chapter 26

**_AN: A Chapter for you dear readers! I'm hoping to post one more before I get on the plane tomorrow, Time permitting! Enjoy!_**

"Did you tell her?" Rey asks as they prepare to disembark the Falcon. Han drapes his jacket over her shoulders and shrugs. "Is that a no?"

"What was I supposed to tell her? "Hey Princess, our estranged son got married, and I have his wife on my ship, also you're a grandmother!", yeah, because that would have gone over well as a comm message." He snorts and she can't help but smile. It's obvious where Ben had inherited more than just his looks- he had his father's wit too. "Alright. Let's get this over with then. You're technically on lock down until Leia's debriefed you, and Finn is going crazy waiting to talk to you." The hatch opens, and Han gently puts his hand on her elbow to guide her forward when her feet don't want to cooperate.

The first thing that strikes her is how cold it is, even inside the hangar. Massive ice patches coat the walls and the ceiling, and it's almost beautiful. But she can't focus on it long, because she catches sight of someone she's seen before in her husband's memories. Leia Organa is short in stature, but her presence is almost formidable. She's older than most of Ben's memories where Rey had seen her, but her beauty had not dulled. She looked regal, every inch a princess- no, a queen. Rey feels heat creep into her cheeks; she knew she was a mess. She'd caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror earlier. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, her hair was tangled and pulled into a messy twist, and her tunic was dotted with stains where milk had leaked from her painfully full breasts that literally ached to feed her child. And this was how she was meeting her legendarily beautiful mother-in-law.

"Fan-kriffing-tastic." She mutters quietly under her breath as they approach.

"Leia, this is Rey." Han says, and Leia smirks at him.

"So I gathered." Leia's eyes asses her meticulously, and Rey has to gasp at how familiar it feels. Those eyes...Ben had those eyes. Her daughter had those eyes. Eyes that knew and saw everything and seemed old and impossibly innocent at the same time. Her eyes are kind and soft as she reaches out a hand to touch her shoulder. "Rey, I'm General Leia Organa. I've heard all about you. Come on. Let's get you some clean clothes and something warm to drink."

"Oh- um, yes. Thank you." Rey nods and lets Leia lead her away from Han who follows several paces behind. He waits outside when Leia takes her to a room and pulls out simple clothes, a warm white sweater and long grey trousers, standard issue, but roughly the right size and Rey is thankful since they're much warmer than what she'd been wearing. She steps into the fresher and changes quickly, running her hands along the band on her arm again before covering it with the sleeve of the sweater. " _Just hold on Ben. Just hold on for me."_ She knows he can't hear her, but she presses the thought out towards him regardless as she comes back into the room where Han and Leia are speaking quietly. Rey clears her throat, and they stop at once.

"Come have a seat." Leia insists, gesturing to a large, comfortable looking chair. As soon as she's seated, a steaming mug is placed in her hands, and Rey sips at it, burning her tongue. It's sweet, with an herby, berry taste she doesn't recognize, but it's good. She swirls the golden liquid in the mug for a moment before she looks up at the waiting faces. "Han tells me you have the force."

"I do." She confirms. Leia nods and pours herself a cup of the same liquid. "I'm married to your son.' SHe blurts out suddenly, and the kettle clatters, splattering hot liquid over the table between them.

"What?" Leia's eyes are wide and fixed on her.

"I'm- I'm married to your son. I'm his wife. Your son's, wife, that is." she stammers like an idiot, but she'd just wanted it in the open.

"Han, did you know about this?"

"What?" Leia gives him a sharp look and he holds his hands up in surrender. "Yes, okay, I did, but only for like an hour, two, two hours tops!"

"And you didn't think you should tell me before-"

"I figured I'd let her tell you the happy news." Han huffs and takes a seat. Leia sits down slowly and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I suppose this is the best time to add that you have a granddaughter?" Rey adds quietly, and Leia's eyes fly to her again.

"A...A granddaughter?" She says softly. "You have a child?"

"CLara." Rey nods, her heart aching with longing.

"I...I think I need you to start at the beginning here. I don't need every detail, I just...I want to understand what the hell is going on!" Leia insists. Rey nods and takes a trembling breath. It's almost surreal as she tells Leia and Han everything- well, most everything. She leaves out the more intimate details of her relationship with their son, but she makes sure they know he never hurt her, never did anything she didn't want him to, and she can see the relief flooding Leia's features. She tells them every detail about Clara, from her messy, dangerous birth to the tiny beauty mark on her shoulder, and the way her lips puffed and parted when she was sleeping. She doesn't realize she's crying until Leia reaches out and takes her hand.

"We were going to leave together. Leave it all, the First Order, the Resistance. We were going to find some backwater planet and raise our baby girl together. But now…" She bites her lips and shakes her head. "My family is so far away from me, and Ben...without me, he doesn't see things so clearly, his mental shields aren't as strong as mine are, and I'm afraid...I'm afraid of what Snoke will make him do."

"I'm sorry." Leia says, squeezing her hand. "You've been through so much in the last year, and you've been through it mostly alone."

"I wasn't alone. Not ever. Ben never left me." She insists, and Leia nods.

"Rey, I understand that you and my son have a relationship but I'm afraid...I wonder if it's real, or if your mind is tricking you." Rey frowns. "Sometimes, when things are very bad, our brains try to make the best of a bad situation. Being in love with your husband would certainly make it better than if you were a prisoner, there against your will, wouldn't it?"

"Don't." Rey shakes her head. "Do not belittle what I feel for him. I know why you might think that- the thought had crossed my mind before. Many times. I tried not to love him. I tried to hate him. But I couldn't. I can't. We are, he and I, we are in love. We are each other's other half, General. This bond we have...We can't lie to each other, we see each other for what we really are, and even seeing his every flaw, his every pain, I love him. I love him, and I know that it's real." Leia looks her in the eye and nods.

"I never thought I'd hear a woman speak about my son that way." She admits, a hint of a smile tugging on her lips.

"Your son is a good man, Leia- er, General."

"No, you can call me Leia. I am your mother-in-law after all." Leia insists. "Now, I know you want to take the damper off, but I promised the other higher ups we'd keep it on until Luke got back. They're all wary of the force. He'll be back by the end of the week."

"I understand." Rey nods. "But if I could just have a few minutes a day to speak to Ben, just to see if Clara is okay- please, Leia, you...you're a mother too. You know how it feels to be apart from your child. Especially when you didn't have a choice." Leia's eyes soften, and she puts a hand on Rey's cheek.

"I'll see what we can arrange."

"Hold on just a minute here." Han says, speaking for the first time in nearly an hour. "What are we doing sitting around here on our asses? Leia, our granddaughter is in the clutches of that monster, you can't tell me we're just going to leave her there! That's our family. We lost our son to him, we can't lose her."

"Han, You know I don't want that, but we just used up major resources to attack Snokes palace- intel says he's already on the move again, and who knows if she's been moved or if she's still there?"

"Ben would tell me. Ben, he wanted me to take the baby and find the resistance. He wants her out of Snoke's grasp more than anyone. He knows what his choices have cost him, and he won't let her pay the same price." Rey insists. Leia presses her hands to her temples. "And you didn't lose your son. Not really. He never wanted any of this...Snoke has been poisoning his mind for his entire life. Tainted memories, lies, and the pain...so much pain, physical and mental. He lost his way, but he was always there, waiting for someone to find him again."

"And you did." Leia says softly, her eyes shimmering. "We wait for Luke. After the most recent attack, Snoke's going to be on his guard, we'll need all the force strength we can muster. Then we're getting them out of there. Our son, and our...our granddaughter." Leia's voice warms immeasurably at the mention of the child she'd never met. "I promise you, Rey, I won't let your family be torn apart."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." She breathes a sigh of relief and Leia wraps her arms around her in a warm maternal embrace.

"No, Rey. Thank you."

…

When she's finally allowed to see Finn, they just stare at each other in silence for a few minutes. Rey can't keep her eyes from flickering to his hand.

"Does it hurt?" She finally asks.

"Nah. Barely even notice a difference." He shrugs. "Rey, I really am sorry. I've been trying to get a crew to rescue you since you were taken, but things were so chaotic-"

"Don't apologize. It's alright. I'm alright." Rey says softly.

"I was so worried. Everyone thought you were dead, but I hoped...Well, here you are.' He smiles warmly at her and she nods. "Was it horrible?"

"No. Not all of it." She admits. "I...sometimes I was happy. But I was never free."

"And you have the force? That's...insane!" He chuckles. "When he comes back Luke will train you for sure!"

"I'm not so sure he will." Rey shakes her head.

"What? Why not?"

"Finn...The Jedi have a very strict set of morals and rules and I- I can't follow all of them." She twists her hands together anxiously. "I have...attachments.'

"You have what?"

"A husband." Rey says softly, and Finn's brow furrows.

"No- you don't. You aren't married. You were from Jakku, you didn't have anyone-"

"No, I didn't. But I do now." She explains carefully. "Someone who didn't want to be there either. Someone who has been used and hurt his whole life. Someone who loves me."

"I don't believe this- you went to the First Order- you married one of them?" Finn scoffs. "After everything those bastards have done to the galaxy, you-"

"I didn't have a choice!" She regrets the words almost as soon as they pass her lips. No, marrying him hadn't been her choice, not really, but now...now she'd never regret it. Regret how it came to be? Certainly. But regret Ben? Regret Clara? Never.

"What happened to you?" Finn asks, instantly reaching for her hand, his voice filled with concern. "They force you to marry someone? Who was it? One of the Generals looking for a jedi trophy wife or something?"

"No, not exactly."

"No, I guess we would have heard about that. This was a secret. You were a secret. Like they didn't want anyone to know anything about you." Finn observes. "You have the force. The Supreme leader would have seen potential in your blood...if he couldn't turn you, he'd want to use you some other way. LIke…" Finn's eyes widen and he grips her hand harder. "Rey…"

"He...wants an army of force sensitives." She says softly. Her mind flashes to images of her baby girl's eyes flashing yellow and blue, fading into brown. Finn wraps her in an embrace and she lets the tears start to fall.

"Hey, don't cry. You're safe now. You're safe here. No one's going to hurt you again." He whispers and she cries a little harder because he doesn't understand. She doubts anyone will really understand- even Leia had doubted her relationship with Ben. "Who was it? Who did he…"

"Finn, you don't understand. It wasn't...I was married to him. We cared for eachother." She insists.

"Who was he?"

"His name is Ben. But you probably know him better as Kylo Ren." She admits, and she feels his arms stiffen.

"What?"

"Finn…"

"You're married to Kylo Ren?"

"Yes."

"Well, you're safe now. You're safe. He'll never touch you again." He insists and she bites her tongue. There are too many people around, not necessarily watching them, but too close for comfort. They're all "inner circle", Finn has insisted, but she's wary to trust anyone.

"You don't understand-"

"No, you don't understand! Rey, Kylo Ren is a monster! He cut off my hand- he's murdered thousands of people!" Now people are certainly watching them. "He wasn't your husband, Rey, he was your jailer, your rap-"

"Don't! Don't say that about him- you don't know him! Not really!" She insists, clamping her hands over her ears.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Poe asks as he comes over with another girl Rey hasn't met yet. She's short with dark hair and almond eyes that assess her curiously, but Rey pinches her eyes shut. She can't deal with this right now. Not when Finn and Poe are suddenly speaking in increasingly loud tones and calling her crazy and all she wants is to be alone or with Ben and their girl, and she can't even reach out to him through the force because of the kriffing band on her arm and-

"Would you two idiots knock it off?" Rey's eyes snap open when the girl talks.

"Rose, you heard how she was defending him, she's not in her right mind!" Poe insists. "She's probably terrified of him, of what he'd do if he found her again!" Tears are leaking from the corners of Rey's eyes now, and she can't stop them. The girl- Rose- Comes to her side and kneels on the ground beside her chair, putting a gentle hand on her knee.

"You guys really are dumb, aren't you?" Rose scoffs and then she looks up at Rey, locking eyes with her. "She's not scared of him, She's scared of being without him. She loves him. Can't you see that? You love him, don't you?" Rey nods, and almost sighs because finally, finally, someone understands. "Don't either of you dummies say anything! People can't help who they love. And Rey has been through a hell of a lot! And maybe it's real love or stockholm syndrome or something, I don't know, but what matters is that right now, her world is turned upside down and you're yelling at her!"

"Rose-" Finn starts and then stops.

"I'm Rose Tico." Rose says, ignoring Finn.

"Rey." She sniffs almost pathetically.

"I know. It's good to meet you. Finn talked a lot about you." Rose smiles. "Come on. You can bunk with me."

"Rey- I...I'm sorry." Finn says gently. "It's just...a surprise, after all this time, and you-"

"It's okay. I don't expect anyone to understand." Rey shrugs.

"That's good, because no one's going to." Poe huffs, but she ignores the barb as best she can.

"I dunno. I sort of do." Rose says softly as she puts her hand on Rey's shoulder. "You love who you love. Come on. We can go to our room, and we can eat dinner there."

"Thank you so much." Rey smiled at her.

"Don't mention it. It's what friends are for. I don't have a lot of friends- and I don't have any female friends really." Rose shrugs.

"Well, you've got one now."

…..

The next morning Leia gives her a breast pump that she'd requisitioned from the med unit, and Rey could almost sob with gratitude. She pulls a blanket over her shoulders and the relief that floods through her is instantaneous.

"I noticed the stains on the tunic you were wearing yesterday. I figured you could use one of these." Leia explains and Rey nods gratefully. "I'm glad you and Rose got settled in okay. I'm glad you get along so well."

"She's lovely. She really is."

"She's got a sweet heart. And she's been lonely since her sister was… killed in action." Leia frowns. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm alright. I miss Clara and Ben very much. I was sore, but this is helping a lot. Maker I miss my baby. I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love her."

"It's what comes from being a mother. Your heart grows a thousand times when you realize that you've got a child growing inside of you. You find you'd give them anything, forgive them anything, do anything for them."

"I know. I would. My mother...my parents left me on Jakku when I was five years old. They said they'd come back, but they didn't. I always told myself they'd come back, but I knew they wouldn't. She didn't want me and I don't understand…" Rey bites her lip and shakes her head. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Rey, some people aren't suited to being parents. That doesn't reflect on you." Leia says softly.

"But what if I did something-"

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything. Rey, you didn't do anything. You were a child."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to fall apart like this-"

"Go right ahead and cry. You're only human, Rey. Things are hard right now. You're allowed to cry." Leia insists and hands her a tissue. "Now, I've talked to the other officials, Rey. I explained things to them, and they insisted that we keep the force damper on until Luke comes back. They wanted you to have a physic evaluation, but I told them I didn't think it was necessary."

"Can I...Would you please let me talk to him just once? Just so he knows it'll be a few days?" Rey asks, and Leia's already reaching for the key. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." She insists, her fingers hesitating on the lock. "Rey, do you think- would you tell my son that I'm sorry?"

"What?"

"I need him to know that I'm sorry. I wasn't around enough when he was young. I didn't see...I was so caught up in creating something bigger, this great new Galaxy for him and for all the children, that I failed to notice well, him. The real him. What he needed from me. I loved him- I love him- but I failed him. Han, Me, Luke too. We failed him." Leia sighs as the lock disengages. "I just...I want him to know I'm sorry."

"I'll tell him." Rey assures her as the band falls slack. The force returns to her slowly, and then all at once and she's tumbling into Ben without a second thought. He's holding Clara in his arms, and she's sleeping soundly, a tiny fist curled in his tunic as her lips puff with her breath.

" _Ben."_

" _Rey."_ They sigh in unison. " _Force I miss you."_

" _I know. I do too."_ She wants to reach out her hand to touch him, she feels like she could. " _I don't have very long. They're going to keep me in the dampner until Luke returns to evaluate me. Your mother took it off so that I could tell you."_

" _My...She knows then. About everything?"_

" _Yes. She wanted me to tell you that she's sorry."_ The words raise his ire, and she feels his teeth digging into his tongue. " _I can see how sincere she is. It's radiating through the force now that It's come back to me. She loves you. So does your father."_

" _If we only have a few moments, I wouldn't waste them discussing my parents."_

" _Alright. Fine. I...I'd ask about Clara, but it seems she's alright."_ Their bond pulses with warmth that only the love for their daughter engages. " _How are you?"_

" _Fine."_

" _Where are you?"_

" _Still on Coruscant. Snoke's retreated to one of his bunkers on one of the mid rim planets, but I don't know which one. He left me here to oversee things while he's away."_

" _So you could leave?"_ She asks hopefully.

" _Not quite so easily. Before he left he summoned the Knights of Ren back. He took half with him, and left half with me. Some won't question me, but most are loyal to Snoke above all and would kill me without hesitation if it meant taking my place. Even now Victor is keeping an eye on me- or my signature. He thinks he's an excellent tracker, but his presence in the force is loud. I could sense him tracking me the moment he set his mind to it. He's not the only one, but he's the only one I think would truly be stupid enough to try to kill me."_

" _He's not a danger to Clara, is he?"_

" _Everyone knows Snoke values her force sensitivity. The SUpreme Leader has ordered that she is not to be harmed. They won't disobey him."_

" _But they'll try to kill you?"_

" _Quite possibly. At the very least they'd report anything unusual to Snoke."_ He sighs and presses his lips to their daughter's forehead, and the smell of her rushes through the bond, sweet and clean and home. Tears prickle in Rey's eyes and she brushes them away. " _Are you safe?"_

" _Yes. Mostly...people don't understand. They think I only love you because I was coping with a bad situation."_

" _Well...that's possible, isn't it?"_ He asks haltingly.

" _Ben, no. It's not."_

" _Is that what they hope to discover by keeping you cut off from the force? That I've been swaying you somehow and if your thoughts are clear you'll be able to see that you never really loved me, that it was all an illusion?"_ He tries to sound brash, but she hears the real notes of fear in his voice.

" _That's probably part of why. But they could cut me off from you for a year and it wouldn't change how I feel about you."_

" _I remember sometimes at night, when your thoughts would wander, you'd think about the possibility that you only loved me because you were starved for touch, for acceptance, for love. That if you'd only had the opportunity to find someone else…"_ Her heart clenches- or maybe it's his. " _Just promise me one thing, Rey."_

" _What?"_

" _Even if...if it did end up being true, what they think….If you don't love me, I can live with that. But please, don't turn your back on our child."_

" _Ben…"_

" _If you never want to see me again, I would understand it. I know you did not choose this, choose me, or her, but she...she deserves a mother like you. She is everything that is good and right, so like you. So please, promise me."_

" _I would never, ever abandon Clara."_ Her voice is deadly serious. " _She is mine, and I adore her. I physically ache for her to be in my arms. THinking that she might be crying and I'm not there to soothe her, or hungry and I'm not there to feed her...Ben, it's killing me! I won't ever stop loving her. You don't have to worry about that. But I want you to know that when I had those thoughts, I regretted them. It was before I accepted our force bond, before I really knew your mind, and your heart. I do love you, and I won't turn my back on you either."_

For a moment they don't speak. The force thrums between them, even at this distance, pulsing a brilliant purple light in time with the synced up beating of their hearts. The depth of his love washes over her, so pure and uncomplicated she wants to cry.

" _Ben, could you find out where Snoke is?"_

" _It seems likely I could eventually. He's only taken his guard with him, and they've all been well trained to avoid mind probes and force tracking. Eventually he'll reveal himself. He has a flair for the dramatic."_

" _If we can find him, we can kill him."_ Rey's eyes flicker to Leia. " _Your parents will back us up, Ben. the resistance will kill Snoke."_

" _And then me."_

" _I won't let that happen. Your mother wouldn't let that happen. You and me, and Clara, we're going to have a long, happy life Ben. I firmly believe that."_

" _I could live a thousand lifetimes and never once deserve you."_

" _And yet I'd find you every time. I'd always choose you. Always."_

" _When will I get to talk to you again?"_

" _Soon. it should be soon. They just want to be sure I'm not a threat. Han and Leia aren't worried, but the other leadership is concerned. I guess I don't blame them. I don't have any proof of who I am or of what happened. Unless you count the stretch marks from where Clara grew, but I guess those could have come from anywhere...They'll see soon that I want what they want. I want Snoke gone. I want the First Order gone. And I want you back, which is what your parents want too. So much, Ben."_

" _The First Order isn't all bad, Rey. the leadership is corrupt and things are handled with...unnecessary force, but the ideals that the Order was built on are solid. I still believe in them, even if I don't believe in the people."_

" _You sound like a Senator. Or is it future Emperor?"_

" _I don't kriffing care about being Emperor as long as I get to be with you, Rey. I'm tired of war, of training, of the constant death. I'm sick of commands and giving orders and all of the wasted resources and lives. I just want to find some little corner of the galaxy to raise Clara in. Is that so much to ask?"_

" _Oh Ben...No, no it's not. It's perfect. It's exactly what I want."_ She sighs, and for a second, she can see it. A little house on some tiny green planet, looking out the window and seeing Clara running on the grass, her black curls flying wildly behind her as she runs jubilantly from the hulking figure of her father. His laughter rings through the air, not the short, cynical sound that usually burst through his lips, but a real, deep, musical laugh.

" _Beautiful."_ he's smiling. She can feel it.

" _Is there...is there anything you'd like me to tell your parents?"_

" _No."_ He snaps firmly, and she presses her lips into a thin line.

" _Ben…"_ His deep sigh washes over her and she feels gooseflesh spread across her neck.

" _Tell them… Tell them I don't know where Snoke is, but if I hear anything, I'll tell you."_ He hesitates for a moment, shifting the sleeping baby in his arms. " _Tell them- no, tell my mother I'm...Just, tell them I'm grateful they're looking after you."_

" _I'll tell them."_

" _Right."_

" _Make sure Clara knows how much I love her- how I didn't want to leave- I know she's just little, but if you'd tell her-"_

" _I'm certain she already knows somehow. I think she feels more through the force than anyone would guess. But I will tell her nonetheless."_

" _And don't you forget either."_

" _Forget what?"_

" _That you aren't alone. That I love you. That we're going to be together again soon."_

" _I love you."_

" _I have to go."_

" _I know...just...another moment. Please."_ His voice is so desperate that she physically nods though he can't see her. She lets him flow through her like blood, taking in her light, basking in it, relishing in the familiar comfort that is her force signature. She's equally enamored by his- dark and powerful and possessive and yet compassionate and tender all at once; it wraps around her like a quilt, and when he starts to pull away she clings onto him with every ounce of her mental strength.

" _Just one more moment."_


	27. Chapter 27

_**AN: Beautiful readers, I'm so sorry It's been well over a month now! I got home, and lo and behold, my computer wasn't working, but it's all in order now and updates will resume! Thank you for your patience!**_

She fills her cantine for what feels like the dozenth time that day and gulps down a few mouthfuls of the icy water. It's almost too cold, but she had grown used to it quickly. It was clean and clear, and she was ever so thirsty. She screws the cap back in place as she returns to the hangar where she was working on an engine. It was simple work, kept her hands busy but allowed her mind to wander.

It had been two weeks since she'd seen her baby girl. Since she'd seen her husband. It had been three days since Leia and Han had snuck her a few moments without the damper to talk to him.

Not for the first time she wished for the simplicity of her life on Jakku. Miles on miles of predictable sand, caring only for herself, enemies she could simply knock over the head with a staff. Sure she was alone, but she hadn't known what she had been missing. The abstract idea of family had been beautiful, but she didn't really know what it could mean to have one. She didn't know that waking up with her husbands too heavy arm draped over her waist was what joy felt like. She didn't know that the way her daughter's tiny lush lips curled into an "O" when she yawned was what bliss was. She didn't know that feeding her daughter while she leaned lazily against her husband's broad chest was what contentment could be. And now that she knew…. Oh, she could never go back.

"Hey Rey!" Rose chirps and tosses her a packet of crisps. "How's the engine coming?"

"I think I've nearly got it licked." Rey smiles as she rips open the packet and takes a seat next to Rose on the workbench.

"Poe will be glad. He hates flying a sub ship."

"Then he should try to get shot less." Rey shrugs, making Rose laugh. Her friendship with Rose was probably the best thing that had come of the whole situation with the resistance. That and getting to know her in-laws. The two girls make chit chat for a while and then they have to get back to work; Rey hops up and waivers a bit on her feet.

"Woah there!" Rose puts a supportive hand on her arm. "You okay?"

"Absolutely. Hand me my water, would you?" Rey asks, and Rose does immediately. She takes a few sips of water and her head stops spinning. "Good as new."

"You know, you can go lay down a while if you need to. I'm sure the General wouldn't mind."

"I don't think she would- but I don't need to. I'm really fine, Rose. Honest." Rey assures her and she turns back to her work. It only takes another twenty minutes for her to get the X-wing completely operational again, and as she hops down the ladder she'd been using to access the engine, BB-8 bumps into her leg. "Oh, hello there!" He beeps at her and she grins as she sinks down to his level and adjusts his antenna.

"Did you fix it?" The droid asks, his head tilting to the side.

"It's fully operational again buddy. You and Poe will be flying in it in no time."

"Good! I do not like the other ships as well. This one is my favorite." The droid explains in a quick sequence of excited beeps.

"Well it's a good one. Try not to let it get shot up again, hm?"

"That is not my fault! My master is the one who steers." His head swivels side to side with a soft whirring noise and she chuckles. "He is the best pilot in the galaxy!"

"In the Galaxy? My my, what would Han Solo say?"

"What would Han Solo say about what?" Rey turns around and smiles at him as he approaches.

"Oh, Bb was just telling me that Poe was the best pilot in the galaxy." Han scoffs and crosses his arms.

"Please. I could outfly that kid with one hand tied behind my back."

"I'd like to see that." Rey smirks.

"Maybe later. Right now I'm supposed to bring you to command." Han shrugs and offers her a hand to help her rise. She pats BB-8 on the head and scoops up her cantine before she follows him.

"What's going on?"

"Some sort of big first Order announcement."

"Oh- I...Was hoping it was to do with Master Skywalker." Rey sighs. He hadn't yet returned, and until he was back she was going to be stuck with the kriffing band on her arm.

"Sorry kid. Luke's not exactly one to hurry. He's probably just lost track of time in some sort of Force Meditation." Command is in an uproar when they arrive.

"What's going on?" Rey asks Leia over the din.

"What's going on is that the first order just released...this!" An admiral huffs, and he presses a button on the remote he holds and a holo comes to life. It's Hux, and she presses her nails into her palm and rolls her eyes as he starts spewing propaganda. She half tunes it out until she sees her own image on the screen.

She's dressed in all the finery she wore when she was forced to appear in front of Snoke. In a rich burgundy dress with makeup and hair piled on top of her head like a crown she looks every inch a highborn woman, a future empress.

And that's exactly what Hux tells the people she is.

She feels her jaw drop. She'd been the First Order's sordid little secret for nearly a year, and now….

" _Lady Ren, the wife of Emperor Snoke's chosen heir Kylo Ren, was abducted by the resistance last week! They would have you believe they are "The Good" in the galaxy, but would the_ " _Good" Abduct a woman, a woman with no political role, a woman who enjoyed a happy marriage from her husband and her home? The poor woman is even now beside herself with terror- and if that were not enough, she's still recovering from the difficult birth of her first child. What sort of heartless villains would take a mother from her child?! They would have you believe that we are evil, but even we are not so heartless-"_

The Holo freezes and Rey feels all eyes turn on her.

"I don't understand the big deal. This is obviously just a PR move." Han huffs. "And none of it's true."

"General Hux is a very persuasive speaker- this makes them seem sympathetic, family oriented, caring! The public's reaction to this-"

"Will not be enough to negate the fact that they blew up two planets a year ago!" Han cries, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"I'll leave if I have to." Rey says, and the room falls silent.

"Maybe that would be for the best-"

"No." Leia says firmly.

"General, I know she's...special to you-"

"She stays with us. She's a force user, she's an asset to us." Leia says. "In fact, she's probably our best chance at defeating the First Order."

"What, are you going to bargain for a ransom? You won't get enough to fund anything." A colonel scoffs. "If anything her presence endangers the base-"

"Why? Because she's the wife of a First Order official? If anything, she's protecting the base with her presence." Han rolls his eyes as he strides further into the room. "If I know anything about Kylo Ren, it's that he's extremely protective of what's his, and, not to sound archaic, but for lack of a better word, Rey is his. He won't do anything to risk losing her."

"He might not, but he's not got all of the power!"

"We know he's acting as Emperor in Snoke's absence, from what we've heard, the "Supreme leader" is completely off of the grid, no radio contact of any kind. Any military action is going to come through Kylo Ren." Han argues, and he puts a hand on her shoulder. "She stays, or I'm going with her." Rey feels like something catches in her throat and her eyes sting with tears. She had once thought of Han Solo as the father she'd never had, and that had never seemed so true

as in this moment. He was her father in law after all. He squeezes her shoulder gently, and she smiles tremulously up at him.

"She's staying." Leia says again, reaching over and laying her hand on Rey's other shoulder. The love of two parents, hers or not, directed at her is enough to make her tremble. Moments like this make her wonder how on earth these parents, these people, made Ben feel so alone. Had caused so much pain to the man she loved more than anything. So many mistakes- they'd made so many mistakes- mistakes she would learn from and avoid with raising her own child. Mistakes she could tell they had learned from, that they wished they could undo. The meeting starts to disperse with a terse dismissal, and Rey sips quietly at her water while Han and Leia speak quietly behind her.

"Rey, are you alright? You look pale." Leia says after a moment, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"Hm? Oh, um, I'm fine." Rey smiles at her, but her stomach has started churning. "I...I just miss Ben. I miss Clara. I'm a liability here- I don't know what to do. It's making me sick."

"You're not a liability Rey. You're welcome here." Leia says softly. "And as for missing your family…" She pulls the key out of her pocket and unlocks the band on her arm. "We'll give you a few minutes. We'll be back in ten- we'll make sure you're not disturbed." The force rushing back to her is as disorienting as the churn in her stomach. And then he's there, flooding her senses, warm, powerful, dark and strong. But something is different. It's warmer, closer, tingling across every fiber of her being. The air around her feels like it's shimmering, and then he's there literally in front of her eyes, and he's every bit as beautiful as she remembered him being- his sleeveless training tunic clinging to his chest with sweat.

"How?" He asks quietly, his dark eyes wide with wonder. She rises slowly from her chair, ignoring the unsteadiness she's feeling and she lays her hand against his cheek. He gasps as he leans into her touch, his skin warm and real against hers. It's different than it feels to be with him in person, but it's almost too much after two weeks without his touch.

"I don't know." She breathes, and suddenly his arms are wrapped around her, crushing her to his chest and she's holding onto the front of his shirt just as tightly. "Oh Ben…"

"I've missed you so much." He breathes against her hair, and she lets out a tremulous laugh.

"I've missed you, and Clara so badly." She trails her arms up around his neck, and kisses his throat softly, and he tilts his face down to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you so much."

"I adore you." She tilts her chin up to press her lips against his, and that's the moment that her stomach churns violently. She twists out of his arms and scans the room for a wastebasket which she finds in the corner and her stomach heaves as she retches. "Rey? Rey!" His large hand rests on her lower back, his thumb tracing slow circles against her skin. She sets the bin

back down with a thud and almost collapses back against him, and he catches her with ease, trailing his hand along her forehead, which is clammy. "What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"I...no. It's just been a hectic day- Hux made that speech, everyone's up in arms, my head is spinning…" She shakes her head and reaches her hand out to pull her cantine to her with the force. She drinks it down thirstily, and finds herself wishing she had another. Suddenly his black metal cantine is in his hand being offered to her. "Oh- thanks. I've been so thirsty. It's a good thing theres unlimited water here." She sighs and drinks his water. He kisses her cheek, but she feels his muscles tense behind her, his arms constricting a bit tightly around her waist, his palm flexing against her stomach.

"Rey…"

"Hm?"

"You're sick, and clammy, you're thirsty, you've been thirsty, and don't tell me you're not unsteady on your feet, I saw it when you stood up. Rey…"

"What?" Her brow furrows and she twists her neck so that she can look up at him.

"I've seen you like this before. In the beginning, when you were pregnant with Clara." His voice is strained, and now it's her turn to tense in his arms. "Is it possible- is there any way-"

"Of course it's bloody possible- you know it is!" She lifts her hand to her face and pinches the bridge of her nose. "But we only slept together twice after Clara was born- only twice! It took months for me to get pregnant with Clara, how...it can't… I can't…"

"Hey, it's okay. It's okay." He lifts her up and pulls her so she can rest her face against his chest. Tears start spilling from her eyes and she can't stop them.

"How can it be okay?"

"Because it might be nothing at all. I could be wrong." His lips press against her hair and she shakes her head.

"I haven't bled since the last time I saw you. I didn't think anything of it- Before I barely ever did...but now… And with the force cut off, I can't feel anything different." Her voice shakes, and she tips her face up to look at him again. He lifts his hand to cup her cheek and brushes away a few tears with his thumb. "You have to feel for it."

"What?"

"Like when I told you about Clara. I need you to look for it. I...I can't. I"m afraid."

"Okay." He says softly, and she pulls away just enough to pull up her tunic to expose her stomach to him. She stares at his face as his hand finds her skin and he closes his eyes and slips into meditation. She senses his serenity through the bond and feels him moving through her like her blood. Her whole body is trembling by the time his eyes fly open. "Rey…"

"Well?" He leans in and presses his lips to her stomach and she lets out a shuddering sob. "Oh Ben!"

"Sweetheart...it's alright. It will be alright." He takes her in his arms again and she puts her arms around his neck to hold him closer. "I'm sorry."

"Don't…" She shakes her head. "It's not your fault."

"Of course it is!" He huffs. "It was that night...the-"

"I want this baby." She says, pulling back and brushing away her tears. "In the same way that I wanted Clara. But I'm scared- you're so far away, Ben, you and Clara...and I can't- I can't do it without you. And it's only been two weeks without Clara and I can't...I can't bear it! I can't lose either of you- and if this baby…" Her hand finds her stomach. "You always told me that life is the will of the force. And this baby is the will of the force. But we're supposed to be together, Ben. Our family...I can't let either of our children grow up without their parents. Both of them."

"I won't let that happen, Rey." He insists, clasping his hand on top of hers. "I'll find a way to you."

"Yes." She breathes. "I need you so badly."

"We need each other." He kisses her so softly she hardly registers it before it's over.

"Sweetheart, I know this isn't the best time for this…" His dark eyes flicker to her stomach. "But I want to thank you, for them. Clara is...she's the most wonderful thing I've-" His voice almost breaks and he clears his throat. "I never knew how much I wanted a family of my own until I knew you. We will all be together soon. I swear."

"Ben…" he cradles her face so gently in his palms and he kisses her forehead.

"I had to miss so much of your pregnancy with our girl- I won't miss this one too." The door swings open and Rey's eyes snap to Leia and Han.

"Ben?!" Leia gasps and Ben's shoulders grow stiff.

"What?" Han asks, his eyes narrowing.

"He- Ben…" Leia covers her mouth with her hand as she sees her son's back clear as day.

"Snoke has summoned me for a meeting. I'm to bring Clara and the Knights of Ren. I can only assume that means he's planning something. I don't know his location yet, but as soon as I do I'll pass that along." He slowly turns to face his mother. "Provided I can reach my wife."

"Son…" Leia takes a step forward.

"Mother- please, don't put the damper back on her again. She needs me." He says, his voice pleading.

"Of course she does- but she has been doing well here, we've been caring for her." Leia's eyes sweep over Rey, noticing the way her tunic is rolled up over her navel, and her hand is protectively cradling her belly. Rey drops it at once, but Leia's eyes are knowing. "Rey...are you?"

"Is she what? What the hell is going on?" Han huffs.

"She's pregnant." Ben confirms, and he turns back to her.

"Kriffing hell- you have a three month old kid, when did you possibly find the time to make another one?" Leia gapes and Han chokes.

"What?!"

"Snoke wanted his band of warriors. Skywalker warriors. He monitored our every move." Rey says, looking down at her hands. "Two one told me they put hormones in my food that would make me…" She feels her face burning, and Ben wraps his arms around her protectively.

"If the damper wasnt always on I bet I would have felt it." Leia huffs. "I can feel it now. Their force signature is like Ben's. Or like his was when...when he was young."

"Do away with the kriffing damper!" Ben growls.

"I would if I could, but if we dont wait until Luke returns-"

"I won't use any of my abilities I swear- I only want to be able to reach Ben, and I want to be able to feel this baby. I need to be able to feel them in the force, or I'll be nervous- I'll always think that something is wrong with them. Please."

"New plan." Han says, finally stepping into the room. He picks up the damper between his finger tips and stares at it for a long moment. "How closely do you think people have looked at this thing?"

"For the most part? Not much. I've been wearing sweaters and coats. It's cold here. You and Leia are the only ones who see it because youre the only ones with keys." Rey says, cocking her brow in silent question.

"Perfect." Han mutters and he goes to a cabinet on the edge of the room and returns with quick drying glue. "Until the lock's active, it has no effect." He crouches next to Rey, almost running over an invisible to his eye Ben. He puts the band around her arm and secures the ends with the tiny bottle of glue that he holds in place for a minute. With the familiar weight on her arm, Rey waits for the Force to vanish from her like the air being sucked out of her body, waits for Ben to disappear, but nothing happens. "Well?"

"You very likely just ruined a priceless artifact. But I'm glad you did." Leia gives him a half smile.

"It'll come apart again with some solvent." Han shrugs. Ben reaches out and cups her cheek, and presses his lips to her forehead.

"Where's Clara?" Rey asks, clasping her hand around his wrist.

"Cradle in the corner." He tilts his head and Rey's eyes grow wide. "Come on." He pulls her up and Han's brow furrows.

"What's going on?" Han asks. "Is he like, in the room?" But Rey doesn't listen to the rest of his conversation with Leia. her eyes are fixed on the swaddle of white and green blankets that appears to be resting on a stack of crates. She leans heavily on Ben's arm as she reaches for the bundle slowly. The baby within, her tiny, perfect, precious girl is sleeping soundly, but she puts and hand on the child's chest as it rises and falls. Tears well in her eyes again, and when she breathes out it's a shuddering sob.

"She's perfect." Rey whispers and she kisses the child's forehead. Her force signature coils around them, warm and familiar. The baby's eyes open and suddenly a silent word plays across her mind again.

" _Mama. Family."_

"Clara!" she sobs and picks her up. Ben wraps his arms around them both, holding them snugly to his chest. The baby coos and snuffles as she burrows into the warmth of her mother's chest. "Her eyes are finally like yours. I told you they would be."

"But her face is like yours. She is perfect. She is beautiful." He kisses her neck and runs his thumb over Clara's head. The little girl lets out the most beautiful sound she's ever heard. A laugh, jubilant and light- the force around her is bright white, and brilliant.

"She- she's laughing!" a laugh bubbles up in her own chest, and a tear drips from her chin onto her daughter's blanket.

"She started doing that two days ago and she hasn't stopped since." He informs her. "She has so much joy- so much light inside of her. She is your child, through and through." He trails his hand down to cup her belly- still flat, though nowhere near as flat as it had been before Clara was born- and he trails a slow circle around her navel with his thumb. "And this child...they will be like you too." The force around them pulses brilliantly again, and she twists her chin around to kiss him, and then looks at their girl again.

"Snoke is going to try to poison her mind again. That's why he wants her."

"I know." He nods.

"We will find you." Leia announces, coming up closer to them. Rey turns to face her, and Leia's eyes grow wide. "Is that- she's-"

"This is Clara." Rey says softly, angling the bundle down to show her.

"Oh- She...she's beautiful." Leia gasps.

"Do you- will you hold her?" Rey asks, and senses Ben's apprehension.

"Oh I couldn't. Not yet. Not until Han can see her too." Leia shakes her head.

"Oh just hold the kriffing baby!" Han sighs, and then mumbles something about the force. "Rey gets all mooney when she talks about the baby, I need someone to tell me what she actually looks like."

"Ben?" Leia asks. He nods once, and Leia returns the nod. Rey steps forward and puts the baby gently into Leia's arms. "Hello Clara. I...I'm your grandmother." the tears that shimmer in Leia's eyes reveal so much. So much joy and so much sorrow. "We're going to find you."

"I thought you said we had to wait for Luke-"

"I know what I said, Han! I was wrong. We're not letting Snoke anywhere near our granddaughter." She looks up at her son with wide eyes and she shakes her head. "I failed you when you were a child. I'm sorry. I won't fail you again."

"Mother…" Ben says, his voice catching in his throat.

"I love you son. I always have." She says, and she leans down to kiss Clara's forehead before she hands her back to Rey. "We'll give you a few minutes." She walks back and grabs Han's hand and pulls him towards the door. Rey turns back to her husband, and he pulls her back into his arms, resting their child between them. Both of their children between them.

"We'll end this. For them." he whispers as his daughter grabs at his shirt.

"I know." She kisses him and notices the bond start to tingle. "I think it's ending. I think…" She whimpers as he starts to fade.

"We won't close the bond again. It will be okay." He assures her with a kiss. His arms wrap around the baby to support her and she kisses Clara's forehead. "Just take care of this one. Hm?" She places her hand on her belly and looks up into his dark eyes.

"I will. I promise. You take care of her."

"Always." He assures her. "We'll see you soon." she blinks and when she opens her eyes again they're both gone. She stifles a sob with her hand, and presses her palm gently against her stomach as she feels for the flicker of life that Ben had found. It's simple to locate.

"Hello little one. I'm your mother. I...I didn't know you were here, but I love you already. I'll take care of you forever. I'll make sure you have a mother and a father, and your sister...your beautiful sister." She sniffs indelicately and feels a small tremor run up her arm.

" _We'll be together soon. All of us."_ She can't even form words. She just lets him feel her adoration, her love, her longing for him. He returns it to her, stronger and she revels in it.


	28. Chapter 28

_**AN: Get ready for some action Dear readers!**_

"You can't come with us- Rey- you're pregnant!" Han says, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Like hell I'm not coming with you! You need me to be able to find them- I'm coming." Rey insists, her hands on her hips. Chewbacca roars in agreement.

"Chewy's right. I flew on missions with you while I was pregnant with Ben all the time." Leia says as she straps her blaster to her hip.

"And I remember you giving birth in the bunk in the back when you went into early labor!" Han huffs.

"I'm a month and a half pregnant, I'm not going to go into labor." Rey rolls her eyes. "And I'll be careful. I'll be really careful. I won't take stupid risks. I just...I need to be there when you find them. Please. I need them with me."

"Fine." Han grumbles. "But if something goes wrong-"

"You're not to blame, yadda yadda." Leia nods as she walks up the ramp. "Let's move out."

"Hold on!"

"Finn?" Rey asks as she turns around. But it's not just Finn. it's Finn with Rose and Poe. "What are you doing here?"

"Rose told us where you were going. We're coming with you." Finn says and Rey narrows her eyes at her roommate.

"We can't ask you to that. It's too dangerous." Leia says.

"You're not asking. We're volunteering." Poe huffs. "And we're coming. No questions."

"Alright. Hurry up." Leia grumbles, tipping her chin to gesture them forward. "Come on." they ran forward up the ramp and Rey followed. As the ramp lifted everyone went to get settled in the Falcon and Finn catches her arm.

"Hey, Um, Look Rey, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"Okay?" She raises her brow at him and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Okay. I know that when you came back I wasn't...I wasn't the most supportive I could have been. Okay, i wasn't supportive at all. I'm your friend, Rey. It was just shocking to hear everything that happened to you, and all the things you said. But I do trust you. If you say your...husband is changed, I believe you." Finn says gently as he squeezes her shoulder. "And I know how much you love your daughter- We're going to help you get her back."

"Thanks Finn." Rey smiles and embraces him. "Look, I'm really sorry about your hand."

"Hey, you know, it happened." Finn shrugs uneasily.

"I'm still really sorry about it."

"So...you and the General's son, yeah?" He asks, raising his brow at her as they take seats on a couple of old crates.

"Yes. I love him, Finn." Rey explains, and a strange emotion flashes across Finn's eyes. She remembers something that Kylo told her months ago- that Finn was in love with her. "Finn, I really do care about you, but I-"

"Rey, just...don't. Please don't." Finn shakes his head. "I have Rose, okay? She is...she's great. She's so kind and beautiful, and much too good for me really."

"She really cares about you. She talks about you a lot." Rey nods.

"She was there for me when I lost my arm. She helped a lot." Finn smiles. "Rey, I love you. But I love Rose too. And she…"

"You don't have to explain yourself Finn." Rey shakes her head. "I think Rose is fantastic."

"I do too. But I'm afraid I ruined things with her- it's been hard since you came back and you and I had that fight- she accused me of being insensitive and still having feelings for you, and it was just...a mess."

"You didn't ruin anything. She cares about you. She loves you." Rey shakes her head. "You should talk to her."

"You're right." He smiles. "Look, I'm still sorry-"

"Stop apologizing, Okay? I forgive you."she assures him with a final hug and he heads to the main area. Once she's alone she stands up and heads to the old crew quarters and lays down on one of the uncomfortable bunks. She trails her hand along her stomach, and breathes in deeply.

" _I told you he was in love with you."_

" _Ben…"_

" _Okay, yes, cutting off his arm was an extreme reaction."_

" _Look I love you, okay? I mean, yes, you should apologize for that, definitely. But we will all move past this, okay?"_

" _I'll try sweetheart, I promise."_

" _I wish you were here with me Ben. I'm not feeling well, my stomach is churning...I miss you."_

" _Soon. I can feel you getting closer every second. I know you'll be here soon."_

" _Where is here exactly? We need to plot a direct course."_

" _Starkiller base."_

" _Starkiller base?"_

" _Snoke's here."_

" _On the base? What is he planning?"_

" _I'm not sure yet. He's called me in for an audience. I'll tell you as soon as we're through."_

" _Alright. I love you."_

" _I love you."_

…..

"Hey, are you doing okay?" Rose asks, squeezing her shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Rey smiles weakly. "I'm just...I'm so anxious right now- if Snoke's on Starkiller, then he's plotting something."

"You think he's going to use it?" Poe asks from where he's leaning against a doorframe.

"I can't think of any other reason for him to be there- though, he wasnt even there when they used it the first time- or maybe he was? He only appeared to me in a hologram." Rey sighs. "He's...evil beyond anything you can imagine."

"But if they're going to use it, where are they aiming it?" Leia asks. "Intel says they don't know where our base is located."

"They don't have a clue." Rey confirms. Icy fear pools in her stomach and she tugs along the connection to Ben, but it's still quiet. " _Ben?! Ben- is it- He's not going to- or is he?"_

"What is it Rey?" Leia asks.

"He's recalled all of the Knights of Ren from Coruscant, he's called Clara and Ben, and all of his high leaders to Starkiller. He's cleared them from Coruscant altogether. That's where his palace is, his expensive, hideous palace, where his seat of power is. Why would he give that up if he didn't plan to destroy it?" Rey asks and the room seems to tense.

"But they wouldn't- Coruscant is the last real Core planet-"

"Exactly! It's the last planet with real resources to fight back against the First Order!" Rey cries.

"She's right." Leia huffs and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Kriffing hell!"

" _Rey, it's Coruscant, Snokes going to destroy Coruscant-"_

" _I know- that's what I thought!"_ Rey shakes her head and closes her eyes as she focuses in on him. " _You and Clara are safe, right? I mean, relatively- you're on Starkiller?"_

" _Yes. Snoke wants to see Clara- we don't have much time."_

" _We're on our way- we're traveling at lightspeed."_

" _You have to hurry- I need Clara off planet!"_

" _Ben, we're coming, to get both of you!"_ Rey assures him. His silence is deafening. " _What are you planning?"_

" _Rey, I have to destroy the base. If I don't the First Order will be killing billions of lifeforms. I...I can't let that happen. Once Clara is gone-"_

" _No- Ben, no! This isn't a suicide mission for you- you promised we'd all be together again soon! You, me, and Clara and our new baby-"_

" _Rey, I'm the only one who can traverse the base without drawing question. I'll plant explosives from within, and set them off. Starkiller will be destroyed, Snoke and all the leadership with it. The first order will be destroyed, you and the children will be safe forever."_

" _No- absolutely not!"_

" _Rey, it's the only way, just, please, take care of our children-"_

" _I'm not promising you anything, Ben, you're the love of my life- the father of my child- of my children! I need- we need you!"_

" _You need to be safe!"_

" _We'll be safe with you!"_

" _Just...are you coming for Clara?"_

" _For both of you."_

" _Rey, this is only way-"_

"Oh shut up!" The people in the room start as Rey cries out loud in her frustration. She shuts her eyes and centers herself again. " _You're not alone anymore Ben. you have me. You have your parents- the entire resistance would help you with this!"_

" _There's no way for you to even clear the bases security! I don't understand how you intend to breach the atmosphere!"_

" _At lightspeed."_

" _Are you insane?!"_

" _If anyone can do it, it's Han Solo and Chewie. ANd they're going to do it. And I'm going to be holding you again soon."_

" _Rey-"_

"Ben just confirmed, they're going to destroy Coruscant. He's going to destroy the base and himself with it!"

"Absolutely not!" Leia cries. "No- I'm not losing him again, not when I've just got him back!"

"What can we do?" Rey asks desperately.

"We'll have to plant explosives. Chewbacca, what do we have?" Han calls from the cockpit. "Holy Kriff is it even safe to fly with that much on board? Well- I'll trust your word buddy. Finn, you worked on Starkiller, didn't you?"

"Yeah?"

"You know where the back access ports are?"

"Um, yes? But you need a code to get in- and that's providing you can get past the troopers guarding the door."

"I can take care of the code." Rose offers. "It shouldn't be any problem."

"And troopers I can take care of with a few mind tricks." Rey assures him.

"And if that doesn't work, We've got a ton of blasters." Poe shrugs. "We're taking down the First Order today."

"Once we're inside we're only a few minutes away from finding a member of command who can open the shields." Han shrugs.

" _This is a stupid plan."_

" _It's all we've got."_

" _I can give you the codes to open the shields. I don't have the codes for the access ports, so you'll have to hack into those."_

"Ben has the shield codes. We just need to get to the control room."

"Easy." Finn nods.

"I'm going to comm Ackbar and have him send the X-wings for air support. If we plant explosives and have them bombing from the air, they won't stand a chance." Leia nods. "We'll get your daughter, we'll get my son, and we'll be off planet before anyone can catch us."

"And Snoke will be finished. It'll all be finished." Rey smiles.

" _You stay on the Falcon, Rey."_

" _What? No!"_

" _You're pregnant- We can't risk your life!"_

" _I'm pregnant not an invalid! You and your father are ridiculous!"_

" _Rey, he wont hesitate to have you killed!"_

" _Yes he would. Remember how much he wanted your son? Well, why would he destroy his best chance for that? After all, it's possible your son is growing in me right now."_

" _No! He can't know. He can't ever know!"_

" _It doesn't matter. He's going to die! We can do whatever we have to to kill him. And then we're leaving together!"_

" _If things get too dangerous-"_

" _They wont. No matter what, I promise, Clara and our baby will be my first priority. I'll take care of them. But you can't die. No playing the martyr. My children need their father. I need my husband."_

" _I live for you, For the family you've given me."_

" _Then you'll live for us."_

" _Yes."_

" _Oh Ben, I love you!"_

" _I need you too. I love you."_


	29. Chapter 29

_**AN: Action. More action. it's all action.**_

It had been terrifying to soar through the shield and land at lightspeed. But Rey was right- Han and Chewie had done it with very little trouble. She'd already cloaked her force signature and Leia had done the same. It was stupidly simple to get inside the base, Rose cracking the code immediately, the guards falling for the mind trick.

Even cloaked she can feel Ben more than she has in weeks, and it gives her chills. And then she senses her daughter- her clara, and she needs to get to her more than anything, because suddenly her daughter is reaching out for her. And suddenly her daughter is crying- her daughter is scared.

"THey know- they kriffing know we're here!" Rey gasps.

"Already?" Finn frowns.

"I'm sure." She opens the connection again, and finds Ben in a state of panic.

" _Get to the throne room. Now."_ Is all he says before the connection snaps shut.

"I have to go!"

"Not alone you're not!" Leia scoffs. She grabs Rey's hand. "You're my daughter. I'm going with you."

"Me too." Han says.

"No- Han, you've got to go help plant the-"

"We've got that. Go. all of you!" Rose insists. Chewie roars in assent and Rey runs away, trusting them to follow afterwards. She follows her daughter's force signature, and tries to send her pulses of love and calm. Calm she certainly doesn't feel herself. Her heartbeat is loud enough that she's certain everyone on the base can hear it.

"She's in trouble- my little girl- she's in trouble!" Rey explains as they run. "And so is Ben!" She runs faster, the force making her footsteps lighter. She knows she'll arrive much more quickly than the other three, but she doesn't care. She just runs. She can't explain how she knows what door it is, she just does. It's sealed with a force lock, but Ben had taught her the way around those months ago. Nothing could ever have prepared her for the sight of her husband kneeling respectfully on the floor while Snoke cradled her wailing infant.

"And here she is. Just as you said apprentice." Snoke says, and she feels her heart lurch into her throat. "Oh, she's quite surprised, isn't she? Foolish child, you thought he brought you here to kill me? To get your daughter back?"

"Ben?" She asks, her chest heaving. But he doesn't move to look at her. "Ben!"

"At first I thought it might be a blessing that you had been taken by the rebellion, since you'd been distracting my apprentice so, but then when the last batch of your blood work taken by the med droids revealed that you were once again with child...Well, I knew we'd have to get you back. The question was simply, how?"

" _Ben, you said you didn't know. You can't have known."_ She insists, but she meets a wall in his mind. He hasn't so much as looked at her.

"I always knew that you had the bond that ran between your minds, and it was simple to delve into Kylo Ren's mind to enhance it so he could appear to you." Snoke chuckles. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist the draw to him. Once again, love was the downfall of the lightside of the force." she feels the invisible grip of the force draw her forward, to the foot of his throne, so close she could reach out and grab her baby if her arms weren't frozen. His skelital hand extends to her stomach, and she feels her entire body jolt in rejection of the touch. "Yes, there they are. The child of Kylo Ren."

"GIve me my daughter." She hisses.

"Oh my dear, you're in no position to make demands." Snoke laughs. "You had the chance to be empress, to be treated as an empress, but instead you rebelled at every point, and tried to poison my heir's mind against me. Were it not for the child in your womb I'd have you dispatched entirely. But with the power of the girl...well, I can foresee how powerful your future offspring will be."

"Give me my daughter and I'll be no more trouble." She lies through her teeth, and Snoke laughs again.

"Dear, you've lost the privilege to mother these children beyond providing your genetics and incubating them in your womb." He puts his hand on her daughter's forehead, and the child wails into the force, reaching out for her, for her father, for anyone who can hear her distress and Rey lets out a powerful roar. It's not the first time she's summoned Ben's lightsaber into her hand, but this time it isn't Snoke who stops it. "Well done Kylo Ren." She's thrown backwards almost gently all things considered, so that she won't hit her stomach, and he he rotates her to face her husband for the first takes several steps forward, until he too is at the base of the throne. He meets her eyes only briefly, and they're hard, so dark they're almost black. The saber flies back into his hand and ignites. "I think she ought to be punished for her insolence. And what better punishment for a mother than to know she'll never hold her child again?"

"You can't!" Rey gasps, ready to fling her own body over the baby.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'd never kill the future of the order, No. I meant your arms, Lady Ren. You won't need those for your purpose here." Snoke observes. "Kylo Ren, you've heard my sentence. Carry it out."

"HOld out your arms." he says, his voice as hard as his eyes.

"Ben. you don't have to do this." She insists.

"Hold. out. Your. arms." He repeats, and something deep inside of her bones screams at her, telling her to obey him. And whats more, to trust him. Her arms raise, and she meets his eyes again. It all happens so quickly she isn't sure how it even happens, but suddenly her baby is in her outstretched arms and there's a heavy thud on the floor behind her as Snoke's head rolls into her line of sight. The second after seems to last an eternity as Ben wraps his hands around her waist and tugs her up into a standing position. She swears he's going to kiss her, and the barrier in his mind falls and she sees everything. "I'm so sorry-" A shot whizzes past their head into the chest of a praetorian guard who had gotten a little close for comfort.

"We'll do all of that later!" Han calls, and Ben nods.

"You've got to go!" He insists as he turns to block a blow from an energy rod.

"I can help-"

"Not with Clara in your arms and our child inside of you! GO!" He insists, and she finds she can't argue. She'd promised that she'd care for their children, and she has to. She's got both of them with her at the moment, and she can't let anything happen to them. She wraps Clara in her arms as firmly as possible, puts her under a gentle force sleep to quiet her, and makes a great leap back to the door. She lands lightly on her feet and sees Ben, Han, Leia, and Chewie engaged in battle with the red guard. Her heart clenches uncomfortably, desiring to help him more than anything, but she knows she has to get Clara away from here. With Snoke's death there's no one on the opposite side to keep her daughter alive. In fact, it seems more likely than ever that someone would kill her just to get to Ben- and she couldn't let that happen. Not to her sweet little girl. So she runs. She runs and evades the troopers in the hall, keeping her mind focused on one thing.

Her children.

She has to protect her children.

And she has to get to the falcon. Once Ben tells her they're done, she can bring the falcon to them. So she just keeps running.


	30. Chapter 30

_**An: My dear readers, we are nearing the end of this story, but there are a few chapters left! THank you for your kind words- they mean the galaxy to me!**_

Once she's made it through the snow and the forest, onto the falcon she stops running completely, and slides down against the metal wall. She finally looks down at her baby girl, and bursts into tears.

"Oh Clara...beautiful, beautiful Clara…" She presses her lips to her tiny smooth forehead, and marvels in the way her tiny lips curl and puff in sleep. When she wakes, she knows that she'll be in pain, likely her eyes will be yellow, but she will be alright. They've gotten her through it before, they'll get her through it again. "I will never leave you again. I love you. I love you so much." She feels a tiny flutter of light inside of her, and she shifts her baby's weight into one arm so she can press a hand onto her abdomen. "I love you too." She takes a moment to breathe and then she rises to move to the pilot's chair. She keeps her daughter in her arms, and braces herself to take off as soon as she receives any signal.

It feels like seconds, spent staring at the slumbering child in her arms.

It feels like an eternity, waiting for them to signal her.

And her whole world feels like it's collapsing when she feels a sharp pain in her chest- a pain that doesn't belong to her. No, she recognizes this for what it is at once. His pain, bleeding through the bond, so severe that any walls he'd constructed came crumbling down.

" _BEN?"_ She screams at him. Her one comfort is that she knows without a doubt that she'd feel it if his heart no longer beat. She'd feel the absence of him like a great sucking black hole. He doesn't respond, but his emotions flow through her. Anger, torrents of it, black and destructive like she'd never felt him. She'd felt him broken, distressed, enraged, and even frightened, but that was nothing compared to what she felt from him now. Darkness she isn't sure he'd ever be able to return from.

"Rey?" Her comm chirps to life and she's powering up the falcon before the syllable is finished. "Take off. Circle around, we'll be there."

"Copy that, Poe." She pilots the falcon with one hand while keeping her daughter cradled safely against her breast. She has a thousand questions, but between flying and blocking Ben's emotions enough to focus, she can't bring herself to utter a single word beyond those. She fixes her eyes on horizon where the entrance of the base was located. When she makes them out, she knows it's all wrong. Someone's been hurt. Someone is draped in Chewie's arms, obviously lifeless. She opens the door and hovers, preparing to jump back up into the atmosphere. Poe stumbles up through to the cockpit first, obviously suffering from a shot to the leg. "Poe! Let me-"

"Don't. No time." He sinks into the seat beside her and takes over control. "They need your healing in the back. Go." She doesn't wait to hear anything else. She half walks, half stumbles to the back, her heart hammering.

"Let me hold her. You'll need your hands." Rose says, and Rey just kisses the baby's forehead and passes her to Rose before she keeps moving to the bunk in the back. She almost feels like she's in a cloud, or a dream. And without Ben's presence in the bond...but he's hunched over the bunk beside his mother, And Chewbacca stands over them both.

"Ben?" She asks, and his eyes flicker ot her for only a moment before they return back to Han Solo, who looks pale and drawn.

"Can you help him? Rey, can you heal him?" Ben asks, and she sits on the edge of the cot, the same cot she'd woken up in not so long ago. "PLease."

"I'll try." She nods, and she lays her hand on Han's chest. There are burns and blaster bolts and slices from viroblades, and she isn't even quite sure where to begin. She wants to ask what happened, but she focuses instead on the healing. She starts with the worst wound, near to his heart, a deep, oozing cut. She breathes through the force, and Leia offers her own energy to help her, joined by Ben's a moment later. She visualizes healing, wholeness, she remembers all of the things she loved Han for- his smug, self assured humor, the roguish twinkle in his eye, the way he stood up for her, the way he smelled like fuel and Wookie. When she opens her eyes the gaping slash is a puckered line, probably still deep enough to warrant stitching, but stable enough that a led droid could handle it. She moves to a blaster wound on his stomach that's now much more pressing. By the time she's sealed up a third of his wounds she's trembling and her mind is hazy.

"You have to stop." Leia insists, and she shakes her head. "Yes, you do. Rey, you're going to burn yourself out. You're pregnant. You need to preserve energy."

"But Han-"

"Is a tough old scoundrel. Chewie and I will bandage him up. You should go lay down. Feed your little girl." Leia insists. "You've done all you can, Rey. Han wouldn't want you risking the life of your child for him." Rey nods and moves to stand but her legs almost fold under her. Ben's arms are around her in a second, keeping her from falling. "Son, take care of your family."

"But dad-"

"Would want you to prioritize your wife and children. They are all we could have ever wanted for you." Leia's voice almost breaks and she puts her hand on her sons cheek. "You're free from that monster, Ben. You can have your own life again. And that's honestly more than we hoped for over the last few years."

"Mother- mom- I'm so-"

"Not right now. I'm going to power up the old med droid we had installed when you were little, try and get your dad patched up a little more. You take care of _them,_ Ben. We'll talk after. We have time." Leia insists. He finally nods stoically, and he scoops Rey up in his arms before she can protest. She doesn't say a word as he carries her to the crew bunk, and lays her down gently. As he turns to leave, she catches his hand.

"Please- don't-"

"I'm just getting Clara for you. She'll be hungry, and you'll be getting uncomfortable." He says softly. He still won't meet her eyes, and it makes her chest ache.

"Oh. Right. Thank you." He nods and disappears for a fraction of a minute before he returns with their still slumbering daughter. He transfers her gently to Rey's waiting arms and hovers awkwardly at the edge of the bed. "Ben?" She scoots to the very edge of the bunk, all the way by the wall, and glances at the space she's made. "Please?" He lets out a long breath, as if he'd been holding it for a long time, and he shrugs off his thick black surcoat before he fills the space beside her. "You're bleeding- let me-"

"You can't. Not right now. You've used too much energy as it is. You need your strength. And it's nothing. It's already healing." He insists. She frowns, but nods. The pulsing of the child within her just confirms what he'd said. He keeps distance from them, and she decides to ignore it for a moment, and focus on her still sleeping daughter. In sleep she looks peaceful, but her force signature is in tumult. She sends of soft whisper of light through her tiny body, and kisses her downy black curls.

"Oh my sweet Clara." She coos, and she takes in her sweet baby smell. "I've missed you so much. I've missed your papa too. So, so much. And you're going to be a big sister, sweet girl. Mama and Papa are going to have another baby. You'll be the best of friends, I know. Sweet, sweet girl. And no one is ever going to hurt you again." She turns to look at him again, and finds his eyes swimming with tears. She adjusts Clara's weight into one arm so that she can reach for

him with her free hand. The moment her palm rests on his cheek, he reaches up to clasp at her hand, turning his head to connect his lips to her palm. "Ben…"

"I never thought I'd get to see it again. You with our girl. I never thought…" he shakes his head, and pulls her into the space between his legs, cradling her and their daughter in his firm, muscular arms. She leans into him, and twists her face around to kiss his neck, his collarbone, everything she can reach. She feels one of his massive hands spread across her stomach while the other comes to rest on their daughter's chest. He can finally breathe again now that she's in his arms, or at least that's how it feels to him. He kisses her forehead, and the salt of his tears splashes on her face. "I didn't think…"

"Oh Ben, we're here. Ben, we're all here." She soothes. "We'll all be alright, Ben. We're together."

"He's going to die. And its going to be my fault." He shakes his head. "It's what Snoke wanted from me for so long. If I killed Han Solo I'd kill the light in me. And now he's dying, I can feel him slipping, but i can't…"

"You will not be pulled back into the darkness again." She says firmly. "What happened?"

"I can't….I can't talk about it." He drops his head into the crook of her neck.

"Please, Ben." She whispers. "If you can't tell me, show me. Please."

"I can't."

"You don't have to keep anything from me, ever." She shakes her head. "Ben, Please. I would have been by your side if it hadn't been for Clara and the new baby. What hurts you hurts me. Let me share it with you." He kisses her shoulder again, and the bond snaps open, sending a hum of pleasure, and then sorrow rippling down her spine. "No matter what, Ben, you have our family. The one we made together. That we're making together. I'm not going anywhere."

 _The red guard is laying around in pieces. FOr a moment they stare at him. They haven't seen his face in so many years…_

" _Ben?" His mother says softly, and she opens her arms to him. "Ben. COme here." He steps forward and into her arms. He embraces her softly, but her arms ensnare him more tightly than he can ever recall being held by her. "Let me look at you."_

" _Mother…" She leans back and puts her hands on his cheeks, taking in his face._

" _I saw you earlier with Rey, through the force, but now that i'm really looking at you… You've grown up. You're so handsome, Ben! Gods you look so much like your father."_

" _Of course he does. He's a handsome son of a-"_

" _Son of a what, Han?" Leia asks, arching a brow, and Ben can't stop the broken laugh that bubbles from his chest._

" _Mother- father- I can't…" He shakes his head, and looks to Chewy. "Uncle- I-"_

" _There'll be time for all of this later, Little Ben." Chewy roars, laying a furry hand on his cheek. "When we finally get to meet little sunshine."_

" _He's right. Let's go!" Han nods over his shoulder. They run together, following Ben through the halls until they meet up with everyone else in the core._

" _I don't trust him." Finn mutters._

" _No, I don't suppose you would." Ben huffs. "For what it's worth, I am sorry about cutting off your hand."_

" _Hey, we'll have time for this pissing contest later, let's go!" Leia orders. He feels the presence then._

" _You all need to leave, right now!" He commands as he starts to move towards the bridge._

" _Yeah, we all need to leave!" Han huffs._

" _No- Victor Ren is coming, He's the second strongest force sensitive after me, get out." He says seriously. "Go. Tell Rey I love her."_

" _What- son, no-"_

" _All the knights will come if Victor Calls them. I can hold them off but not for long, You need to go!"_

" _Ren!"_

" _GO!"_

" _I saw what you did to the supreme leader!" Victor Ren is tall and thin, but Ben knows he's strong. Hours of training and torture have bought him muscles. "And now you've thrown in your lot with this band of rebels? For what, a woman and her child? You've grown weak, Ren! And now I'll claim my place as the head knight!"_

" _I will give you one chance to turn around." Ben says, his voice becoming icy and still._

" _Oh, yes, you could certainly defeat me, Ren. But you won't beat all of us. The knights are waiting at the other side of the bridge._

" _Ben, get your ass back here!" His father's voice rings through the air._

" _I told you to leave!" The smallest glance behind him reveals that his father is waiting behind him, while everyone else has seemingly vanished._

" _Not this time!" Han roars._

" _And this is Han Solo. It'll be a pleasure to end you." Victor reaches out a hand, clearly intending to attack with the force, but before it reaches his father Ben reaches out and redirects the attack._

" _Get out!" Ben shouts again._

" _I won't leave you again! I made that mistake before. Not now." Han's voice is oddly still. "You're surrounded by explosives, ready to go off at my word. Surrender now and I won't set them off with you inside."_

" _We don't fear you." Victor scoffs._

" _LEIA NOW!" Han shouts, and, much to Ben's surprise he feels his body yanked back by the force. His body collides with solid ground at the edge of the bridge, jarring his vision for a moment before he sees his father run out onto the bridge. He sees Victor's blade, a crooked, electric blade collide with his father's chest and he never imagined that seeing his oft absent father wounded would hurt so badly. He'd often thought he'd be the one to kill him. And yet…_

" _Dad!" His father may be old, but he's not stupid. No sooner has the blade collided with his chest than his blaster is out, a shot piercing Victor through the heart. For a moment everyone seems stunned, the Knights on one side, he and his mother on the other._

" _Don't blow your second chance kid. Your wife and kids need you." Han calls, and then he nods to Chewie and bolts straight into the knights. His intentions are clear. Distract the knights long enough for them to escape._

" _Dad!" He scrambles to his feet, and starts after him, but the second his father's feet touch the metal ground on the other side, he presses a button and the bridge blows up._

" _Go!" Han shouts. He's already taken down one of the lesser knights with his blaster, but the others are on him now._

" _We have to go!" He hears Poe call from behind them somewhere._

" _NO!" He screams as one of his knights lands a brutal blow on his father's side. It's only a matter of seconds before one of them lands a fatal hit._

" _Don't let his sacrifice be in vain!" Poe reasons, but he won't have it. If Han dies- if his father dies, he'll never be able to forgive himself._

" _Uncle Chewie, can you get the knight coming from the side?" He asks, and the shot's been taken before Chewie makes a single sound. He extends his palm and focuses all of his strength on his father, winding the force around him and dragging his body through the air. He's nearly to the right side when the bolt of red slices through his chest. Ben's hold on his father falters for a second as the pain rumbles through him, but if there was one thing Snoke had taught him it was how to stand up and keep fighting in the face of pain._

" _Chewie, Grab Han!" Leia shouts. His uncle's immense furry arms snatch Han's body out of the air, and he changes his focus to freezing various blaster bolts until he's sure they're out of harms way, and he finally lets them go, directing them back to the other side. He's breathing hard now, and the slash across his abdomen is oozing blood, but he has to keep going. He has to get back to Rey- to Rey and Clara, and the new baby- oh Maker, the new baby…._

"Oh Ben." She kisses his throat. "That's not your fault, Ben."

"Yes it is." He says firmly.

"Your dad knew exactly what he was doing, Ben. He was saving his son. The way you were ready to sacrifice yourself for Clara, that's what he did for you." She nuzzles into his chest, and pulls his hand up to Clara's chest. "He can pull through, Ben. He's strong."

"Don't you get it, Rey? It is my fault. Because I left. Because I turned to Snoke in the first place. I did this." Ben's voice trembles.

"If you never turned, we wouldn't have met." She says starkly. She wiggles out of his arms and gently lays Clara in the cot they'd brought from the base for her. She faces him, and clasps his face in her hands. "Everything is the will of the Force."

"You never believe that."

"I didn't. But I do now. Ben, everything I've seen...Ben, you've convinced me...I love you, Alright? I love you and I need you, and your daughter needs you, and they need you." Her eyes flicker to her stomach. "And we could be kriffing moisture farmers on Tatooine, but if I was with you, it would be more than enough." He catches her in his arms, a bone crushing hug that she returns with all of her might. Moments later Rose knocks and pokes her head in.

"The X wings just made their final pass. Star killer is imploding as we speak. I just thought you'd want to know."

"Thank you, Rose." Rey says, not turning her face away from his. She hears the door slide shut, and she kisses his cheek. "This is the beginning of the end for the first order, Ben. But for us it's only the beginning."


	31. Chapter 31

_**AN: Dear readers, your kind reviews are so AMAZING! You make me so happy!**_

They hold each other for what feels like ages, her lips resting against his throat, tasting his pulse. He holds her like she's the only thing keeping him tethered to reality. Soon however, her chest begins to ache, and she looks to the cradle.

"What is it?" He asks.

"I havent had my pump since yesterday. I was hoping she'd be awake and need fed by now. She should have needed fed by now. Something's wrong." Rey observes as she watches her daughter sleep. "She's been asleep too long, and something is wrong."

"She isn't in a force sleep anymore. There's too much brain activity for that." She can hear the frown in Ben's voice as leans over her shoulder to look into the little girls cradle. "I can't get a real read on her."

"Something is wrong." Rey reiterates. She turns and looks at him, and leans her forehead against his shoulder. "I'm so afraid- Ben…"

"We'll figure it out Rey. Sweetheart, she's going to be okay." He presses his palm to her stomach, and the baby inside of her flutters in the force. "Active, aren't they?"

"It didn't start until you were here Ben." She caresses the back of his hand gently, and reaches her other hand to rest on her daughter's head. She carefully lifts her daughter's eyelid, and gasps. "No!'

"Damn it!" she moves her thumb, letting the lid fall back over her pure yellow iris.

"What did he do to her?" Rey almost wails. "Ben, what did he do to her?!"

"I don't know- I didn't let him have her for that long- I didn't think...I tried so hard to protect her." He scoops up the baby and presses his lips to her forehead. "Sweetheart, Clara, please. Wake up."

"They weren't even flashing, Ben. They're pure yellow." She frowns and rests a hand against her daughter's chest. "Clara? PLease, it's your mother...Don't you hear me Clara? Please…Won't you wake up? Open your eyes, for me?"

"We need to find my uncle." She looks to him with surprise, and she cups his cheek. "I know- my uncle and I have our differences, but he is the most adept in the light, Rey. If anyone can figure out how to help her, it would be him. And he may hate me, but he loves my parents. He'll love you. He wont let your child, their grandchild come to harm. Even with the misfortune of her paternity."

"You're a wonderful father-"

"I let that creature hold her- I'm the reason she's like this."

"You love her. You want to be her father." She kisses her daughter's forehead. "She'll be alright. She has to be alright. We're together again. Our whole family, we'll have to be alright."

"I've torn the family apart."

"Your father will be alright. And Clara will be alright. She will be. I have to believe that." He kisses her forehead, and she grabs her daughter's chubby hand. "He didn't get to her last time, and he won't get to her from beyond his grave. She's strong enough for this, Look at her father."

"I'm not an example of strength. I fell to Snoke."

"You killed Snoke."

"If it wasn't for the two of you I don't know that I ever would have. I wasn't strong without you. Not strong enough to get myself out from under him."

"Ben…" She shakes her head. He presses his lips to her forehead.

"Do you have your pump on board?"

"No- I don't. We left in such a hurry, all I could think was that I had to get to you and to Clara. And I thought she may need fed."

"You're in pain." He observes with a frown.

"It's nothing. It will pass." She shakes her head.

"It's not nothing if you're hurting."

"You're the one who's still bleeding, and Clara's in turmoil. Me leaking breast milk is nothing." He shakes his head. "Don't argue with me, please. Let's just...be together. Just put your arms around me, and our daughter and kiss me and tell me everything is going to be alright. Please." He pulls her back onto the bed and into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I can be strong for you. I will be strong for you." He whispers. "For all three of you."

"I know. I always have." He kisses her temple and she leans into his chest and breathes in the familiar smell of her baby girl.

"I love you. I love you." He kisses her shoulder, and rests his head there.

"Will you please let me heal you? Please, i know you've had worse, I know you think you deserve this, but you don't, and I can't bear to feel your pain. Please."

"Alright. Just- don't over exert yourself, please." he sighs in resignation, and she shifts the baby's weight into one arm, and lays her hand over his wounded abdomen. "Please be careful sweetheart."

"Just relax, for a moment please." She sighs, and closes her eyes. The feeling washes through her finger tips, and she exhales as she feels his skin grow smooth. "See? Healing you has always been the easiest for me, I think because of our bond- or perhaps, because I love you so much."

"Love of my life, beat of my heart…" He murmers into her shoulder, and she trembles as his arms come underneath hers to more fully cradle the weight of their daughter. "She shouldn't still be sleeping like this."

"I don't understand why this time is so different. What could he have done to her?" She whispers as she caresses the wild black curls on her daughter's head.

"I know he was studying- old Sith incantations, things even I had never seen before. He wanted her absolutely for the darkness, no trace of light. He was desperate to have her as a weapon. I don't know what incantation he used- I don't know how to reverse it. But Luke might. I know he had access to countless Jedi texts that he kept hidden in their original temples, untraceable even to Snoke. One of the texts must say something that would help her." Ben muses.

"Then we'll go to find him as soon as we land."

"Not so fast." She tears her eyes away from her daughter to see Leia standing in the opening of the room. "Han is stable. Or as stable as can be expected. He took one hell of a beating, but I know that old scoundrel isn't going to give up so easily. Now I think you'd better fill me in on whatever the hell is happening with my grandbaby." Her eyes flicker to the sleeping child that's cradled against Rey's breast, and Rey finds herself explaining quickly, so quickly she nearly trips over the words. "We have to get to Luke immediately."

"But- Han needs-"

"Han needs time and rest to heal his wounds, Rey. Both of which he can get on the Falcon. Honestly, he'd probably prefer it that way. This ship may be a bucket of bolts, but it's his home." Leia smiles and pats the metal wall with the same amount of tenderness that one would save for a beloved pet. "I have an emergency frequency I can use to reach him- good for one use only, he knew I'd never leave him alone if I could access it all the time. I'll make contact and get us flying to his coordinates at once."

"Mom." Ben says, and Leia stops in her tracks. "Thank you."

"You're my son." She says with a nod. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you." And with that she's gone.

Eventually they find themselves lying on the cot facing each other with Clara sleeping between them. One of Rey's hands rests on her daughter's belly while one of his cradles the crown of her head. His other hand rests on Rey's hip, drifting ever closer to her still flat stomach. It's the most peace Rey has ever known, and it breaks her heart as it's broken by the sharp change of her daughter's force signature.

"What was that?" She sits up and leans over the child. She presses her lips to her temple and finds her burning up. "Ben?!" His eyes are closed as he focuses on her mind.

"She's fighting the darkness as best she can, but she's losing." He whispers brokenly. "It's too much for her, what ever this curse was. She's trying so hard… She needs help! Just- every ounce of light you have in you, pour it into her through your bond. I'll...I'll do the same but it's not going to do as much good as yours will." She bites her tongue and closes her eyes as does what he asks. She focuses on things that have brought her joy- memories of Ben, of every moment spent with Ben bubble to the surface, then memories of her daughter, of her laugh, her smile, the weight of her when she was first placed in her arms… "She feels more stable."

"Yes." She lets out a shaky breath, and opens her eyes again. "But for how long? Ben, I...I'm scared. If we lose her to the darkness…I can't lose either of you, Ben." she drops a hand to her stomach and meets dark eyes. "Any of you."

"You won't." she feels her lips start to tremble, and he kisses her softly, and dips his head to kiss their daughter's hair. "You told me I had to believe in the light. In our family. I'm trying to, Rey. I believe in Clara. She's strong, like her mother. she will overcome whatever this incantation is."

"I love you."

"You are everything, Rey. Everything."


	32. Chapter 32

_**AN: Well my dears, we are getting very close to the end. This isn't it, but I'm hoping to have it all wrapped up soon! Please enjoy this chapter- your reviews make my heart sing!**_

Ahch To was green, more green than anything Rey could have dreamed of on Jakku. It was less green than the forest on Corellia, but the quality of the planet was different than anything she'd ever felt. It was as if the very soil pulsed with the force. But she didn't have the time to revel in it now; her daughter was in desperate need of more aid than she could provide, and her husband's uncle was her last hope.

"Luke said we'd have to climb the steps to reach the temple. It's the best place to connect to the force." Leila explained.

"Right." Rey nodded once as Ben finished tying the sling around her. She dipped her face down to kiss her daughters black curls, and took Ben's hand as they started to climb the steps two or three at a time. They seemed endless, as if new ones were created at the top with every step they took, but eventually the end was in sight. An old man waited for them at the top of the steps. She recognized him at once as Luke Skywalker, only a bit older than he'd been in her husbands recollections. The air grew thick with words unspoken, and she could feel her husband's hands tense on her back.

"I know there is much to be said between us, I know I do not deserve to call you Uncle or Master any longer, but I ask- I beg you, please, help her." Ben's voice cracks as he finishes speaking, and Skywalker turns his eyes to the baby in Rey's arms. He extended his arms, and though she found it incredibly difficult, Rey laid the baby in them. He pressed his fingers to her temple and frowned.

"Poisoned by darkness. There was record in the Empire's archives, Sidious tried to do something similar during the clone wars. As far as I knew he'd never completed the process." he began walking and they followed quickly behind. "To bend the force, usually a neutral, especially in an infant, it would require more than just force manipulation. He'd invented serum, the contents of which are unknown to me- it weakened the natural protection of the infant's mind to allow the force to be bent by an outside influence. It seems Snoke overestimated how much darkness the child's body could take- the darkside is dangerous, left unchecked by the light it will consume and destroy everything, even the body that hosts it." The words made Rey's knees buckle, but Ben caught her before she could fall.

"Can it be undone?" Ben asks, his voice as desperate as Rey had ever heard it.

"It's possible. But I fear it's already taken a large toll on her body. She is weak."

"Please, There must be something that can be done!" Rey begs as they enter a large wooden structure that appears hewn out of some great, ancient tree.

"We will do all that we can for her." Luke nods, and removes his cloak, laying it down on the dusty floor before he lays the child ontop of it. He kneels and they follow suit. "I must warn you, it's possible the efforts will exhaust her beyond hope of return."

"But if we do nothing, she will die." Ben clarifies, and his uncle nods.

"Then we have to try." Rey insists, gripping Ben's hand in her own.

"And you agree?" Luke looks to his nephew, and Ben nods once.

"Anything to save her. Please." Luke nods this time, and reaches into his pockets, removing a blue stone. "Is that-"

"Yours? Yes. I found your sabor in the wreckage of the temple. It was damaged, but the crystal was intact. I don't know why I kept it. I'm a Sentimental old fool, perhaps. Take it, activate it." He tosses the stone to Ben, and he catches it in his gloved hands.

"What is this?" Rey asks, going to stroke the stone's surface with her fingertips.

"Kyber crystal, the most force rich non sentient in existence. Used in the construction of lightsabers. Very powerful." Luke pulls out his own saber, and opens it, removing the crystal from within. Rey notices how it glows when it touches his palm, as if it's alive. "It's not living, It's the force inside of it. The crystals become connected with their owners. You may wield a saber that you did not construct, but it will never work as well as the one with your crystal in it. Ben, activate yours."

"I don't- it won't work."

"Take off your kriffing gloves and close your eyes and kriffing activate your crystal, Ben. It called to you at the age of eleven, it will respond to you now."

"Ben, please. You have to try, really try for Clara." She insists, and he hands her the crystal for a moment to peel off his gloves. It feels weightier than she'd expected it to, and it does hum, but the moment she places it in Ben's hand, she sees it begin to glimmer, as if it's a new light being placed in it's setting. For a moment, it's a brilliant blue, and then, in a glorious flash, it turns the most lovely shade of purple Rey has ever seen in her life. "What was that?"

"It- I've read of it once before. A balanced crystal, not dark, not light. The balance." Luke stares at his nephew with something akin to awe in his eyes and then shakes himself off. "We can discuss all of this later, for now, lay your crystal on her eye. I'll do the same." He does as instructed. "Now, I'm going to do my best to connect to the force- draw the darkness through the crystals and neutralize it. I'll be deep in meditation, I trust you'll keep watch."

"Yes." Ben nods, and his uncle shuts his eyes and begins to channel the force. Rey leans into his arms as she watches, feeling as if she can scarcely breathe. From the outside, nothing has changed, but through the force, she can feel a great swell and release of power.

"Is it working?" She whispers.

"It's too soon to tell. We can only hope." he kisses her hair, but his dark eyes stay fixed on their daughter.

"What do we do if-"

"No."

"But Ben, we need-"

"No. I won't discuss...it's as good as giving up. We're Solos, Rey. We don't give up."

"Of course not." She leans a bit more heavily into his side, enjoying the warmth of him in the coolness of the ancient structure. He wraps her in his arms a bit more securely, trailing his hands up and down her arms.

"You should sleep, sweetheart." He murmurs.

"No. I'm not tired." She yawns despite her protests.

"You are. It's been a long few days, you're pregnant. You need rest." He insists. "I know you haven't slept in at least a standard day."

"And you haven't slept in at least twice as long." She murmurs as she trails her fingers up and down his forearm.

"I've been trained to survive in high stress emergency situations. I've gone a standard week without sleeping and I've been fine." His voice is hollow as he stares at their daughter. The crystals on her eyes are almost trembling, and if Rey didn't know better, she'd almost believe she could see the waves of the force flowing from her child and into the air. She stubbornly fights sleep, but eventually her eyelids start to droop. "Just sleep, sweetheart. I promise to wake you if there's any change." She shakes her head but drifts off regardless.

But his voice doesn't wake her.

" _Mama?"_ She starts, sitting up quickly, her side cold where it's no longer connected to Ben's warmth. She blinks a few times against the light, and suddenly her eyes fall on her daughter, wrapped in Luke's arms, staring at her with chocolate colored eyes and dry lips and a red nose. She's frozen for a minute as she takes the sight in, and then her Clara begins to cry, a feeble, hoarse sound, and she lets out a cry of her own. One of pure joy, pure relief.

"She'll need fed, and she's going to need quite a lot of sleep. I'd have her placed in a bacta bath as soon as you reached civilization. There are blankets and pallets set up for you in the third hut. I'll leave you, and see what I can do for Han." Luke transfers the baby into her mothers waiting arms, and as he leaves, Ben reaches out a hand and catches his cloak, like a small child.

"Uncle- I can never thank you enough." Ben insists.

"Do right by her. It's the only way to begin." Luke says, the warmth in his eyes betraying his cool demeanor. As soon as he is gone, Rey wastes no time pulling down her tunic and guiding her daughter to her breast. The baby latches easily, her tiny fist curling against the warmth of her mothers skin. Ben sits behind her, his chest a solid wall of muscle for her to lean against, and his arms wrap just beneath hers, cradling their daughter and giving his hand enough room to trace soothing circles against her belly.

"She's okay." Rey breathes as she watches her daughter suckle hungrily. "She's okay."

"She's better than okay, Rey. She's thriving. Don't you feel how vibrant she is?" He presses a kiss to her exposed shoulder, and runs his hand over their daughters dark hair.

"Yes. I do." She grins, and blinks away the tears that form in the corners of her eyes. "Shes in my arms again. You're holding me. The new baby is safe and sound inside of me- that monster is dead- Ben, I've never been so content."

"I hardly realized how much of my mind Snoke filled until it was all gone. The whispers, the lies, the poison, vanished without a trace. It's like being able to think for myself- to breathe on my own for the first time in decades." Her heart clenches and he kisses her shoulder again. "Don't feel badly my love. I… I can't bring myself to regret it. Not all of it, anyways. I couldn't change it if I wanted to because it gave me you, and you gave me her, and I can't… without the two of you- the three of you, I have no reason to live."

"I know the feeling, my love." She tilts her head back and leans it against his shoulder, taking in the pure joy that echoed through the force in that moment. "Being apart from the two of you...it was like my soul was being ripped apart, like I couldn't breathe right."

"I'll never leave you, my love." He assures her, kissing her throat. "Or- I'll never choose to leave you."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm still a war criminal, Rey. They could still decide-"

"No."

"Rey, they would be completely within their rights to-"

"NO." She shakes her head. "You helped us all. You're the only reason we could get into Starkiller base, you're the reason Snoke and the Knights and much of the influential leaders of the first order are dead. You're atoning for your crimes, and I won't let them take you away from us!"

"Okay." He soothes quietly, pressing soft kisses to her suddenly tear damp skin. "Okay."

"If it comes to it, I'll run with you." She insists. "I'll run anywhere if it meets keeping you. I just got you back- all of you, even your mind is your own again. Nothing will keep you from me now." His arms tighten marginally around her and she feels him kiss away tears that have started to trail down her cheeks. "I wont let anyone take this away from me. Take my family away from me. Not again."

"I know. It's alright." He soothes, his voice like velvet. She finishes feeding their daughter, and lays her against her chest to burp her. "You're still so beautiful, with her. The two of you...my girls."

"Oh Ben…" She sighs as she adjusts her tunic again. He unwinds himself from her, and lifts them both easily into his arms. "What are you doing? You were shot-"

"And you healed me. I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm just taking you to lay down. Clara needs sleep too." He assures her. "And I know you could walk, but I'm not ready to let go of you yet."

"I won't complain about the closeness." She nuzzles her face into his chest before she presses her lips to her daughter's fuzzy black curls.

"Good." He navigates easily to the hut Luke had spoken of, where they find a pallet made of cloth and soft grass, but she could've slept on stone so long as Ben was there to hold her. "I'll never stop holding you."

"Good." She smiles as he lays her down on the surprisingly comfortable makeshift bed and tugs off her boots before covering her up to the waist with a blanket, and lighting a fire on the hearth with a wave of his hand. "How did you do that?"

"Did I never cover fire making?" He asks curiously as he climbs in beside her and lifts there daughter to place her on the expanse of his chest. Rey nestles into his side, and rests her hand on Clara's back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her breathing. "I'll teach you. I'll teach you anything you want to know." He kisses the crown of her head as he wraps an arm around her to hold her close.

"We can get to all of that later. For right now, I just want to focus on us. On our family. On Clara and the little one in here." She puts a hand on her stomach and smiles softly at him.

"I can live with that." He murmurs, and her tentative smile turns into a grin.

"Good."


	33. Chapter 33

_**AN:**_ **Once again dear readers, your reviews make me smile! I only three or four more chapters after this one!**

His mother has him sentenced to ten years planetside under strict surveillance measures, including an ankle bracelet that would stun him if ever he tried to leave his planet of exile. All of it had upset Rey greatly at first, until she called to mind the hoards of angry people who had called for his head. Ten years planetside suddenly seemed nothing at all. She'd lived over a decade alone on Jakku. Ten years on a planet of Leias choice with her husband and children would be simple. A blessing. And she chooses the most beautiful planet Rey has ever seen.

"This was your grandmothers home?" She gasps as her fingers trail white marble.

"The Naberrie estate." Ben nods from where he stands in the open doorway with their sleeping child in his arms. It's been a week since they left Ahch-To, and Clara still wasn't fully recovered from the shock her system had received. "Some prison, huh?"

"It's a palace!" She laughs.

"No, that's in Theed. This is merely a manor house." He smiles crookedly at her. "Do you like it?"

"I think it's beautiful. Overwhelming, but beautiful." She sighs dreamily as she looks out on the crystalline blue water that's visible through the window. "I can think of far worse places to raise our children."

"I agree." His voice is haunted, and she realizes he's relieving Clara's first months spent in the hands of The now dismantled First Order. The way she'd nearly died. "I'll teach her how to swim."

"Like you taught me?" She asks, leaning against the cool marble.

"Significantly less kissing involved, I'm sure." He said dryly, and she laughed. "I'll never tire of hearing that sound."

"My dear, sweet husband." She grins as she closes the space between them, and he easily shifts their daughters weight into one arm so he can wrap an arm around her waist. "You...I adore you, you know."

"I can't imagine why." He kissed her forehead tenderly and smooths out her hair. "I'll get Clara settled down in her crib, so she can get real rest."

"How long do you suppose this...exhaustion will last?"

"It's hard to say. No more than a month, I'd guess. Force exhaustion is difficult, and she's so young. We don't need to worry; she eats enough, she's responsive to us, and her signature is calm. Soon she'll be crying all night and skipping naps again." He assures her, and she grins at him while she nods. He exits to take Clara to her nursery, once made up for his mother and uncle and tragically unused until now, and she takes a seat on an overstuffed chair before she fishes out her holo communicator and types in a simple code.

"Oh, good, Rey, we were wondering when we'd hear from you." Leia Greets her cheerily. "Glad you made it safe and sound."

"All in one piece. Ben's just putting Clara down in her nursery." Rey settles more comfortably into the cushions. "This place… it's beautiful, Leia."

"I knew you'd like it there. Naboo is truly a beautiful world...and it's easy to reach, for visits from grandma."

"And grandpa." She hears Hans gruff voice echo in the background, and she grins.

"How are you, Han?"

"Please, if a couple of blaster wounds could take me out, do you think I'd have made it through the first war at all?" He scoffs.

"Don't let the old nerf herder fool you, he's on strict bed rest. And the doctor says he'll likely need a cane for the rest of his life." Han lets out a grumble that'd put Chewbacca to shame, and Rey stifles her giggle into her palm. "But He is healing better than recovered, improving daily with bacta treatments."

"Im glad to hear that." She was indeed smiling at the news.

"How are you dear? How's Clara? The new baby? Ben?" Leia asks in quick succession.

"I'm well, a bit tired, but not exhausted. This house is absolutely beautiful. Clara is well, fed and napping now, but her naps are already becoming a bit shorter and she's quickly regaining her usual attitude. The new baby is well, besides giving me a little trouble keeping down my breakfasts, and Ben is-"

"Ben is fine." She turns her head to the door and smiles at him. He takes a seat beside her pulls her into the circle of his arms. For a moment it's silent, and Rey presses a soothing kiss to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Son. that i couldn't get better for you." Leia finally says.

"No. this- it's perfect." He protests, his voice strained. "I haven't had a real home in a very long time. I won't mind ten years spent here with the people that I love- most of the people that I love." His words are heavy with implication, and she swears she hears a muffled sob from the other end of the comm.

"You'll come to visit us soon, won't you?" Rey asks.

"Of course. Just as soon as Han is cleared for travel." Leia assures them quickly, her voice thick with emotion.

"Good." Rey confirms.

"Well, I suppose we'll let you two get settled. If there's anything you need, anything at all, don't hesitate to contact me" Leia insists.

"We'll talk to you soon, Leia." Rey assures her.

"Bye kids!" Han calls gruffly.

"Goodbye Mother. Father." Ben's voice is stiff and formal, but addressing them by their familial ties is still difficult for him. The call disconnects, and she swings her leg over his thighs to wrap him fully in her arms.

"I'm proud of you, you know." He huffs into her half loose hair. "I am, Ben."

"Right."

"Hey. look at me." She leans back just enough to cradle his face in both of her hands. "You are the best husband, best father in the galaxy. You love me and our Clara, and the new baby so much it's almost overwhelming, and I am proud of you." She kisses his nose, his cheek, the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips. "Did Clara get settled in okay?"

"She barely fussed when I laid her down before she was out cold again. I've tapped into her mind- gently, of course, and it's functioning normally. She was dreaming when I left. Shapes and colors mostly. Our faces. I think her favorite color is yellow. It appears the most." He threads his fingers through her hair and rests his forehead against hers. "She's going to be alright. Every day she's more like herself. It's only a matter of time before she's completely recovered."

"I know." She grins, and runs her hands down his chest. Something strikes her, and she looks at him curiously.

"What is it?"

"It's been a long time." She says softly.

"Since?"

"Since we made love." She feels her face flush, and he smiles at her, that crooked smile that made her heart beat faster. "Almost two months- but it seems so much longer than that."

"A lot happened in those two months." he supplied with a shrug.

"You're right." She wiggles a little against his hips and he lets out a quiet groan of desire. "But what else do we have to do right now?" He kisses her then, pulling her impossibly close to him, and she runs her hands along his chest, and lets out an appreciative hum. She stands up, and he stares at her, a bit bereft, until she grabs his hand and kisses it before twining their fingers together and pulling him towards the stairs that lead to their bedroom. He scoops her up at the threshold, and lays her gently on the bed, holding her eyes all the while.

"This will be the first time we've ever made love somewhere that wasn't owned by the first order." He says softly. "In a place that was really ours. In our home." She peels off her clothing, still holding his eyes, and leans back to create space for him between her legs. He hovers over her, kisses her softly, and begins a slow trail down her body. "No threats...no war...no Snoke...just us."

"Forever." She assures him, twining her fingers in his hair with a loud gasp as his lips caress her most sensitive flesh.

" _So lovely, Mrs. Solo. So sweet and good and mine."_ His voice in her mind makes her tremble with want, and he attends to her needs with great care.

"Yes- yours! Only ever yours…" she sighs. His mouth- she thinks she won't ever be used to his mouth on her. It's so strange but in a wonderful way that makes her whole body feel like it's on fire, and her force signature hum more delectably than she really thought possible. The coil in her belly snaps all at once, and for a moment all she sees is purple and all she feels is pleasure, and all she knows is that he is Ben and he is hers.

"Yours." He agrees, pressing a kiss to her mostly flat stomach. "Undeniably, and completely yours."

"Get up here!" She demands with a giggle as she rugs on his shoulders to bring him in for a kiss. "And I think you're far overdressed."

"Sorry sweetheart, I'll see how I can remedy that." He grins at her, and it seems no time at all until she can finally feel the expanse of his bare skin pressed along her own. She allows herself a moment to just revel in being with him, in having him whole and healed and home and with her like this. She brushes some dark hair out of his eyes, and pulls him in for the tenderest kiss.

"I'll never tire of this." She sighs softly. "I love you."

"I know." He smirks down at her, and kisses her eyelids. "I love you too." She rocks her hips forwards, and he hisses as the motion drags him along her center.

"Make love to me, husband." She commands softly, and he happily obliges. Inside of her, he's still for a moment, breathing heavily, with trembling hands, and she digs her fingers into his biceps as she writhes beneath him. "Oh maker!" He hums in agreement as he starts to move, and she catches the sound in her throat as she kisses him deeply. After, lying sweaty and tangled together on top of the blankets, she kisses his chest and looks up at him.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I'm just lucky, to have you." She whispers, and he pulls her face up to meet his.

"I'm the lucky one." He corrects, kissing her cheek softly. He looks thoughtful for a moment, and rolls her to her side to grab his trousers from the floor.

"What are you doing? Come back to bed." She insists, and he sits down on the edge of it, and gestures for her to come closer. She sits beside him, and he takes her hand. "What is it?" He opens his palm, and reveals a ring, a dainty silver ring with a tiny green stone in the center of it. "Ben?"

"Marry me?" He asks softly.

"But- we're already married." She stammers, and when she looks at him, he's smiling.

"I know. But last time we didn't have a choice. Last time I didn't ask. Last time I didn't give you a ring." He slides off of the bed to kneel infront of her, and takes her left hand in his own. "Last time I wasn't in love with you yet, but I knew that I would be. You were going to be the death of me, only you weren't. You were the death of him." He kisses her fingers, his brown eyes shining. "Last time you married Kylo Ren. This time, I'm asking if you'll marry Ben Solo."

"Of course I will!" She laughs once, a sound that nearly comes out a sob, and he slides the ring into place on her finger. She catches his face and kisses him soundly. "Your mom will be so excited. She'd love to plan you a wedding."

"Dont remind me." He groaned. "I want you to plan the wedding. Anything you want."

"All I want is you and Clara and our family to be together, Ben. Anything beyond that is...just bonus, I suppose. I love you."

"I love you so much."


	34. Chapter 34

_**AN: A little wedding action for you my dears!**_

"I feel fat." Rey sighs as Leia pins a crown of dainty white flowers into her hair, which was already curled and woven into intricate half up braids. "We should have done this before I started showing."

"You're four months pregnant, not nine, Rey. you're hardly showing at all. You can barely see anything with that dress." Leia assures her. "And even if you could, you look beautiful."

She looks at herself in the mirror, a light blush spreading across her cheeks. Leia had helped her pick the dress, a beautiful white, gauzy dress that flowed loose from a sash just above the swell of her belly. It was sleeveless, revealing her tan shoulders, and the round neckline was ornamented with tiny embroidered flowers not unlike the ones Leia was skillfully weaving into her hair.

"I hope Ben likes it." She said softly, and Leia kissed her forehead.

"I know he will. He'd be a fool not to." There was a light knock at the door.

"Everyone decent?" Han's voice sounded.

"Yes, come in." Rey called over her shoulder, and upon opening the door revealed not only her father in law, but Chewbacca who was carrying a delighted baby girl in his arms.

"Someone cleans up good." Han said with a smirk, and Rey laughed while Leia rolled her eyes. She noticed that he was leaning quite heavily on his cane, something he did on the days when he felt the most pain. He'd told them multiple times he didn't think he was long for this life, but he'd already surpassed his own estimation of how long he'd live for. "And someone wanted to see their mother."

"Is that so?" Rey asked as she rose from the vanity to grab the baby who was leaning towards her already. "How's mama's little angel? Hm? Were you so, so good for Grandpa and Uncle Chewy? Hm?" She kissed her daughter's chubby cheek, and the little girl clapped her hands together sloppily and leaned in to nestle against her mother's chest. "I've missed you too sweet one." she swayed her back and forth and went to the mirror. "Someone looks very pretty in the dress from grandma, doesn't she?"

"She's got my genetics, she'd look cute in anything." Han scoffed, and Rey laughed again.

"Of course, how could I forget?" She kissed her daughter's mop of jet black curls and turned to face her in-laws. "Is everything ready?"

"Yep. We've got a groom, we've got Luke ready to perform the ceremony, we've got guests and theres a hell of a lot of food for after. All we're missing is the bride." Han said with a smile.

"Well then I guess we won't keep them waiting, will we?" Rey smiled. "You all go on. I'll be out in just a moment." They each embraced her in turn, and left her alone with her baby girl. She set to work straightening her daughter's ruffled gold and white dress, and righting the golden bow in her dark hair. "What do you think Clara? Should mama marry papa again?" She let out a burbling noise which Rey could only take as affirmation, and she kissed her forehead. "I think so too. Shall we?" She walked through the now familiar hallways of her home, until she reached the open door leading to the grand balcony where she knew Ben and their family and friends were waiting for her. BB-8 rolled up beside her, and gently bumped her leg while he tilted his head to one side as if to ask her if she was ready. "Alright BB. It's time." The droid chirped in delight, and rolled quickly over to R2 who powered on the Alderaanian music they'd chosen for the occasion, and she stepped around the last corner and into the dazzling Naboo sunlight. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but when they did she felt her smile grow by degrees, she felt Clara stir as her mother's force signature mixed with her father's again, and even the baby inside of her moved as it sensed it's mother's joy.

Ben looked absolutely stunning in his dark blue traditional alderaanian formal wear- his mother had suggested he wear it, and he'd consented happily. She could barely tear her eyes from him to notice Rose, Finn, and Poe sitting with a few other Resistance officials who had known Ben in his youth, and even a few of the First Order members who had defected to the resistance. She did spare a smile for Chinn, where he sat beaming with genuine joy for the young couple. She turned her eyes back to Ben, and laughed as Clara let out a cry that clearly meant she wanted her father. When she reached the end of the short aisle, she handed Ben their daughter, and he took her hand with his free hand.

" _I missed you all morning."_ The ceremony began, but they only half paid attention to it.

" _I know. I missed you- but your mother insisted we had to keep the dress a secret from you, which was silly I suppose."_

" _No- it...it was worth it. You look beautiful."_

" _I'm fat."_

" _You are not."_

" _You made me fat."_

" _...Kriff."_

" _Did that turn you on?"_

" _You referencing the fact that I impregnated you will never not turn me on."_ a glance aside at him showed him flushed pink and she bit her lip and tried to pass it off as a smile.

" _You're blushing, Mr. Solo."_

" _I dont know that it's proper to be discussing things that turn me on while we're in front of our entire family."_ He snapped without any real anger, and he reached over to put Clara in his mother's arms before he twined their fingers together. Rey hadn't realized they'd reached that part of the ceremony yet. She'd been too distracted in his head. She looked up into his eyes, and for a moment she recalls their first wedding in the cold, metallic base, gazed on by Snoke and his lackeys. Ben's eyes had been pleading, sad, frightened for her, she knew now. Afraid she'd refuse and die, or suffer a fate worse than death at the hands of his knights.

In stark contrast to that day, she feels the warmth of the sun on her shoulders, and her white dress is so utterly the opposite of the black dress she'd worn then. His eyes, the same adoring brown eyes she'd fallen in love with held no fear, no sorrow now. They were filled with joy, with love, with hope.

"Rey, I take you as my wife; as the beat of my heart, the air that i breathe, and the love of my life. I take you today and everyday, good or ill, wherever we may roam, let it be together, let us be one, bound by love, by this promise, and by the force." She'd read the vows many times before hand, but hearing him say them aloud in his deep voice made her heart clench and her eyes water. He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them softly as Luke looked to her expectantly.

"Ben, I take you as my husband; as the beat of my heart, the air that I breathe, and the love of my life. I take you today, and everyday, good or ill. Wherever we may roam, let it be together, let us be one, bound by love, by this promise, and by the force." She swore she saw a tear glistening in the corner of her husband's eye, and she wanted to kiss it away.

"What has been pledged in the force cannot be undone. What has been promised before family, let no man put asunder." Luke put his hands over their joined hands and squeezed them tightly. "Though already man and wife, Ben and Rey have now been bound in all ways, before family and friends." A quiet applause arose from their small gathering, and Luke smiled at them. "Ben, you may kiss your wife." He took her face in his hands as he'd done so many times before, and brushed his thumb gently over her lip before he kissed her. It was a soft kiss, a whisper that promised more to come.

"Mrs. Solo." He whispered as he pressed his lips to her ear, and she shivered with delight.


	35. Chapter 35

_**AN: Thanks for your patience once more! Honeymoon and force visions anyone?**_

"Are you sure you can handle her for-"

"Can I keep my grandbaby for a whole two days? Oh my, whatever shall I do with her, it's such an inconvenience." Leia rolled her eyes as she pressed her lips to Rey's cheek. "Han and I are glad to keep her for you for a few days. Now, you two get out of here. Enjoy your honeymoon."

"Thank you so much, for everything." Rey embraced the woman tightly and went over to where Han was sitting, holding a slumbering Clara in his arms. She leaned in and kissed the baby on the forehead, and then stood up and kissed Han's forehead. "If she's any trouble-"

"Oh, she'll be trouble all right. You've seen what genetics she's working with. She doesn't stand a chance." Han chuckled. "You two get out of here."

"Rey?" Ben extended his hand to her, and she twined their fingers together. "We'll be back in two days- again, if there's anything you need-"

"Would you just go enjoy your honeymoon?" Leia laughed, and they departed without much ceremony.

"Two days alone in a little cottage by the lake?" Rey sighed as they walked hand in hand under the stars. "It sounds like heaven."

"I wish that i could take you on a true honeymoon."

"This is a true honeymoon, My love." She ran her fingers over the back of his hand. "I just want to be with you Ben. that's all I want."

"I'll be with you, always." He pulled her close and kissed her temple before he draped his arm over her shoulders. "You're the most beautiful woman…"

"Oh Ben." She rolled her eyes.

"Truly. You look gorgeous in that dress…" He leaned even closer, so his lips were right at her ear. "And I can't wait to get you out of it."

"I'll tell you right now I'm not wearing anything pretty underneath it. I was too uncomfortable to wear the white lacy stuff I bought. I felt stifled. And itchy."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He asked, his voice cracking.

"That I"m not wearing anything under this dress? Oh, yes, that is what I mean." He let out a tiny growl, and scooped her up in his arms. "Ben!"

"I'm going to kiss every single inch of you tonight sweetheart."

"How far is the cottage?" She asked breathlessly.

"Not far at all." He increased his pace marginally and she started kissing the exposed skin of his neck. She barely noticed what it looked like- it didn't matter yet. All that mattered was getting more of Ben's skin pressed against her own. She was vaguely aware that he set her down on a bed, but she didn't care much to check her surroundings. Instead she nearly tore his tunic in her haste to remove it, and he began undoing the buttons on her back with unexpectedly nimble fingers. She kissed his chest just over his beating heart as he finally got enough of the buttons loose to get the dress off of her. She lowered it with her own hands, watching his eyes as new inches of her skin were exposed to his gaze. When the fabric pooled around her hips, he bunched it up and gently tugged it down her legs. "Goddess."

"Do you remember the first night?" She asked as his lips caressed her ankle. He seemed to be taking his vow to kiss every inch of her very seriously.

"I won't forget it as long as I live." he assures her, making his was to her shin.

"I was so scared."

"You put on a brave front." He huffed, his breath tickling her knee.

"Of course I did. Couldn't have you thinking you'd gotten to me." She rolled her eyes. "But one look in your eyes, and I knew you wouldn't hurt me- that you didn't want to hurt me. That you wanted me. _Me."_

"I wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you." Shes nearly trembling as his lips approach the apex of her thighs, only for him to disappear and begin again at her other ankle. "I'll never forget the look in your eye as you climbed on top of me and said that if you had to be mine, I had to be yours too. No one else would ever have dared- but you, little scavenger...You claimed me so completely." His words were a bit muffled as his lips pressed and moved up her leg, but she felt every one of them in her heart just as she felt his breath on her skin.

"You were just mine, I knew when I felt your skin on mine for the first time- it was as right then as it is now. Everything was alive with belonging." She gasps as his lips finally, mercifully hit the spot where ached for him. Her fingers tangled in his dark hair, and she found herself struggling not to collapse back onto the bed as sensation carried her away. "Oh Kriff- Ben!"

" _The first time you called out that name like that, the first time it passed your lips, I knew I was going to be Ben Solo again. If I had to die to redeem myself, I knew then that I would do it. Anything to be worthy of you."_

"Ben!"

" _My favorite sound in the galaxy."_

"Oh force- oh Ben! I love you- Ben!" He was an expert by now, in the ways of her body, and it seemed mere seconds before he had her creating and then lying boneless against the bed. He gazed up at her with a look of smug satisfaction and wonder on his face. she pushed herself up and reached for his waistband. "You know, Id said I was never going to get married...now I've been married twice…" She undid the buttons and pushed them down his hips. "I said I'd never have children…" when he was fully unclothed she rose to her knees and shoved him a bit roughly onto the bed. "And now I'm good and pregnant with my second..." She straddled him, and put a hand on either side of his head so she could lean closer to him. "I said I'd never fall in love…" She pressed her lips to his very softly, just the whisper of a kiss. "But now I know that I was made for you."

"Rey-" She shushed him with another kiss, long and lingering.

"Are you mine?"

"Utterly and completely." He assured her as his hands rose her hips.

"And I'm yours." She grinned and wiggled her hips in a slow circle. He groaned and she kissed him again. "Hm...we began this way on our first wedding night, didn't we? But I was too shy, too inexperienced to know how to proceed." She felt a ghost of a blush bloom across her cheeks. "But I'm not so shy now. And I know exactly how to drive you...mad."

"Rey. Sweetheart. Please." He almost begged, and she kissed the spot over his heart before she took him in hand to guide him home. They let out a simultaneous sigh of relief, and maker, she never wanted this moment to end. This moment where her fingers were threaded into wisps of his hair, and her chest brushed against his with her every movement. Where his hands couldn't touch enough of her skin and traveled everywhere they could reach, and his lush, beautiful mouth worked its magic against her lips. She came with a gasp and a moan, and he followed with a hoarse shout and muttered declarations of his undying devotion. "Happy?" He asked as they lay tangled, his head now resting on her breasts.

"Yes." She said simply, playing with his hair. "Moments like these, I feel like everything goes away except a few solid, sure facts."

"Oh?" He glanced up at her, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. "What are those?"

"The first is that that monster is dead and gone, never to haunt us again." She said, moving her fingers to trace patterns across his shoulders. "Then that I love you more than I ever thought a person was capable of loving another person." He pressed a kiss to the place where her heart rested beneath her skin. "And that you love me just as much."

"More." He murmured into her skin, and she grinned. "What else?"

"That I've got the most beautiful daughter in the entire galaxy, that I have a home and a family…" she tilted her head to look into his eyes. "That I would live and die for you, for Clara...for our son." His eyes opened a fraction more and he pushed himself up so he was hovering over her, one hand resting on her distended stomach.

"Our son?" He repeated.

"I think so." He kissed her soundly, and she laughed. "I had a vision two nights ago- I was waiting to tell you until today. I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I am surprised." He assured her.

"And happy?" She put her hand on top of his as the baby inside of her started to flutter.

"I'd have been happy if it was a girl or a boy, Rey. But a son...we're going to have a son." He grinned at her, and the sight of his slightly crooked teeth, and his dimples made her grin too. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"I'm glad to carry him for a while." She shrugged casually.

"You had a vision?" She nodded. "Can I...can I see him?"

"Of course you can." He helped her to sit, and took both of her hands in his before he rested his forehead against hers. The contact wasn't necessary to communicate through the bond any longer- they were far beyond that, but it was intimate to fit the moment. She took a deep breath, and opened the image to him.

 _Clara was sitting on his right knee, now a toddler, and positively beautiful. On his left knee was a little boy, a bit younger than Clara was, with unruly ink black curls and sparkling green eyes in a face that was otherwise entirely Ben's. He's reading to them from a tiny, real paper book, and they're giving it very rapt attention._

" _All three of my favorites in one spot." Her voice sounds, and the little trio looks to her._

" _Mama!" Clara reaches for her, curling and uncurling her chubby fingers._

" _Now Clara, remember, you need to be very gentle with Mama. You remember, don't you smart girl?" Ben asks, kissing the crown of her head. Clara nods very seriously. "And why do we have to be careful with mama?"_

"' _Cause baby gets so, so big!" Clara holds out her arms in front of her pudgy baby belly as far as they'll go._

" _Hold on, I'm not that big yet!" She protests and turns to the side, revealing a distended belly. "I'm carrying small compared to last time!"_

" _You're beautiful, sweetheart." Ben assures her, his voice full of love. "Isn't she kiddo?"_

" _Uh-huh. Ma ve'y pretty." The boy says, and Ben ruffles his hair affectionately._

" _It's time for bed." She says, and the kids both groan, and then yawn almost in sync._

" _Come on you two." Ben stands, cradling both kids in his arms, and presenting them to Rey for copious amounts of kisses._

" _Goodnight my dear ones. Mama loves you so, so much." She croons softly, and they respond with sweet baby gibberish._

" _I'll tuck them in, and I'll meet you in our room." He kisses her forehead, and she grins up at him._

" _I'll be waiting."_

The vision ends, and she pulls her head back enough to look into his eyes, which she finds glimmering with tears. She leans into his embrace, and he kisses along her shoulder.

"It's so- I never…" his voice trembles.

"Shh, I know." And she does. It was perfect; the most beautiful life she could have dreamed up, and it was real. It would come to pass. She'd never know why she was worthy of such beauty, and he couldn't fathom it for himself either.

"They were so beautiful. And you…" He lifts his head to kiss her again. "You didn't mention that you were-"

"Another surprise." She grinned.

"Another baby? You- you want another?" He asked, caressing her cheek.

"Two more, after this one." She said, rubbing her belly. "Another girl, and then a boy would be perfect, though I'd take any combination. They'll never be lonely."

"No; they won't." He vowed, taking her hands to kiss her knuckles. "Thank you."

"Thank you."

"Don't-"

"Oh don't start acting all unworthy now." She chastised softly. "You're the love of my life and the father of my children. I'll thank you all I want. You're the best of my heart."

"You're the beat of mine." He whispers, and she kisses him once again.


	36. Chapter 36

_AN: **Well...here it is. the last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed- you're very dear to me!**_

 _Five Years Later_

"Clara and Kit are both sleeping." Ben announced as he strolled into their bedroom, finding her sitting on the edge of the bed brushing out her hair. "Did Eseme go down alright?"

"She fussed about as much as you'd expect a child half way through her terrible twos to do." Rey smiled at him. She set the brush aside, and reached for him. "But she's sleeping soundly now."

Kit was exactly as Rey's vision had shown him to be; exactly his father's double apart from his mother's eyes. He was a calm natured child, curious, eager to learn, and a bit sensitive. Rey had a feeling that Kit was much like the child Ben had been before Snoke got so wrapped around his mind. He was a wonderful, happy boy, and she'd die before she let anyone harm him the way that Ben had been harmed.

Clara was thriving, and she was an absolutely beautiful little girl. She looked remarkably similar to her grandmother, though she had a number of her mother's features. She was adventurous, and daring, and came inside after playing with more scrapes and ripped clothes than her brother ever did, because she'd simply had to climb that tree to see a nest at the top, or she'd had to crawl beneath the tall grass to follow the small, furry creature she'd sensed in the force. She showed no sign of the darkness that had gripped her in her infancy. Her force signature was like that of her parents. Gray. Balanced.

Esme had come just when Rey had expected she would, thanks to that vision. It'd been a rainy day when Rey had been cleaning up a mess that Clara had made with paints that she had looked up to see Ben tucking her lovingly into her little bed, and she'd had an overwhelming feeling of want. Desire for another one to love the way that she loved Clara, the way that she loved Kit. To grow her family. To make the choice to do it. She'd caught Ben's eye, and in an instant he'd seen her thoughts and he nodded. SHe'd had her implant removed the next day, and two months later they'd felt the slight stirring in the force. Esme had been born the most like her mother of any of their children, with soft brown hair and green eyes; but she had her father's ears, ears that Rey loved dearly.

"You look beautiful." He said as he sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her. "I like the way you look in my clothes." He pinched the black tunic she'd stolen from his wardrobe to sleep in. "Some habits never die, do they?" He kissed the line of her neck and she sighed contentedly.

"It's a little pleasure." She cupped his cheek with her hand, and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. "Your mother called while you were with Clara and Kit down at the lake."

"Oh?"

"She and your father have decided to relocate. They wondered if they might be able to let that cottage on the other side of the lake." She ran her fingers through his hair, and he almost vibrated with simple pleasure.

"I don't see why they wouldn't be able to. The owner's been meaning to sell. I can give them the information to contact her tomorrow." Ben said. "They want to move here?"

"Yes. SOmething about needing to be closer to family, having full time access to their perfect grandchildren, lending me a hand in about eight months when I'm sure I'll be frightfully overwhelmed." She bit her lip and waited.

"It would be nice to have them around more. Clara was just asking when they'd be coming to visit again. And I know Kit would love to help dad with some tinkering with...the…" Suddenly he opened his eyes and looked at her curiously. "Lending you a hand in about eight months." He repeated, and she nodded. "Why are you going to be frightfully overwhelmed in eight months?"

"Well, One new baby would be a handful, but two new babies-"

"You're pregnant?" He asked, a bit bewildered. "BUt I haven't felt anything- I didnt-"

"Oh- right. I've been shielding their signatures with mine so I could surprise you." She grinned as she dropped her cloak, and he let out a kind of joyus sob as he sunk to the floor to get eye level with her belly.

"Their...force...signatures. Twins- you- you're pregnant with twins? With my twins?" He asked, still a bit disbelieving.

"Of course they're your twins; between mothering our children and making love to you every night, when would I find the time to have an affair?" She teased, but he didn't much react. "Ben?"

"What happened to your implant?" He finally managed, still staring at her flat stomach.

"The doctor told me that implants are ninety nine point eight nine percent effective. I suppose with the amount of time we spend in bed, or I suppose the shower- or even the floor, we can't beat those odds." SHe teased again, and then frowned. "Are you upset?"

"What?"

"You seem so...are you unhappy?" SHe asked anxiously, and in a moment he had her on her back, and he was kissing her fiercely.

"Upset? No- not at all!" He assured her between soft kisses. "But I don't think I've ever been more surprised. Your force cloaking has come a long way- i didn't feel a thing, and they're already active in the force."

"You're happy?"

"Thrilled." He grinned at her, and moved down her body to kiss her stomach. "This does ruin your plan though, doesn't it?"

"Hm?"

"You'd planned on four. Two boys, two girls." He slowly kissed his way back up to her mouth.

"Even the best laid plans can go awry." She smirked at him. "And I can hardly be upset about an extra blessing, can I? I already love them."

"I do too." He kissed her for what could have been the thousandth time that night, and still her heart fluttered with the thrill of his lips pressed against hers. "I want to say thank you, but I know you'll hit me." He teased, and she rolled her eyes. "But you really have given me everything, Rey. I'm so, so grateful."

"Yeah?" She reached up to stroke his hair again. "Well, as it turns out I'm rather grateful to you to. And incredibly fond. MOre than fond, really. You might even go so far as to say I'm madly in love with you."

"Still?" He asked, his voice hopeful and sure.

"Always." She promised, and this time, she kissed him.


End file.
